Everything Was a Mistake - chapter 41

It was none other than Aaron who came to the terrace.

While I was sweeping down my chest with relief, he brought up a little surprising news.

“The ball has been stopped because of the rapid deterioration in the Emperor’s condition.”

No wonder the Imperial family were too late. Because I was crying, Alice was so busy trying to soothe me that she had no idea what was going on outside.

So, there’s less room to worry.

Only then I was able to care for Aaron who was agonizing over my face.

I’d rather ask straight away.

“It’s embarrassing, but I was crying. But why are you looking so miserable? My face, is that so inspiring?”

“I just didn’t expect it …. may I ask what happened with Duke Edgar?”

“We didn’t use violence, threats, or hurl insults. I’m just overwhelmed with my feelings … can we just stop talking about this?”

“Excuse me.”

I heard Alice’s laugh and glared at her with my side eyes, but laughter on her face didn’t go away at all.

When did she become so strong?

“How did you know I was on the terrace?”

“I’ve seen it since the beginning of the commotion. I’m sorry I couldn’t come right away.”

“Thank you for not coming. If Aaron was in that situation, the second drawing room incident would have happened. It’s embarrassing to shed tears because the ball has been stopped, but I can recover from the damage. However, if you bleed, there’s no way.”

“Roa, please….”

“Don’t worry, I’m just saying it to relieve you of your remorse.”

Aaron sighed, but he wasn’t too embarrassed because he was quite used to it. He soon changed his expression and became conscious of Alice. It seems that he has something to say.

Soon after.

“I have something to tell you, Roa, about the matter that I’m supposed to end today.”

“The breakup story. Alice knows it, so you don’t have to pay attention to her. I’m sorry I told her without discussing it with you.”

“I’m sorry, Sir Claymore. I think something happened to you, I asked Roa first.”

“…that’s all right, but I hope you’ll tell me in order next time. I don’t think my heart will survive.”

“It’s also training your heart as a prosecutor. So what do you want to tell me?”

The puzzled light was erased from Aaron’s face. He spoke seriously.

“It would be better to postpone the breakup a little, Roa.”

It was an unexpected and sudden remark.

Like when he asked me to break up with him.

I couldn’t answer the questions in advance, so I came back to what happened a few days ago.

***

About two weeks after the drawing room incident, Aaron came to see me.

Then, it was a great pain.

“Break up? So, just a moment … breaking up?”

I repeated what I heard like a parrot.

Let’s break up, all of a sudden?

Did I do something wrong? Did I ever hurt his feelings? I’ve been teasing him a lot, but….

When I fumbled in my head, I remembered the memory of teasing Aaron not long ago.

“She may become Nocton’s bride.”

Soon after, the news spread that Edgar and Limorand’s engagement had been broken.

Afterwards, the expression when I met Aaron was still vivid.

Hiding in a cabin at best and holding his breath, he looked like a rabbit when he found out that the landlord and the hunter were in the same team.

I laughed for a long time, but now that I think about it … even now, this is not the time.

“Is it because I didn’t tell me that Alice and Nocton’s engagement was broken? Are you angry?”

“It’s shocking that I looked so narrow-minded.”

“No, then why are you asking for break up all of a sudden….”

I protested reflexively and belatedly realized that my situation had changed.

Oh, now I’m letting him go.

I was able to distance myself from Nocton somehow, I felt guilty with my plan to stop Nocton with Aaron, and even though I had no reason to be proud of myself, now I have decided to help Alice and Aaron.

It’s not surprising to hear of a breakup. I shrugged my shoulders, welcoming the freedom to return.

“Well, there’s no reason I can’t.”

“It’s certainly not because of that. As I said before, the young lady of Limorand has nothing to do with the Alice from my story.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Please pretend to believe me sincerely.”

“This is my limit. I can’t act except when I’m bluffing.”

Aaron sighed long. The more I see this man, the more he sighs.

“Looking back, I can feel how sloppy my words were. I didn’t even know the marriage talk was going that far, at the time, I thought I meant it, but it was an excuse.”

“It was a hectic situation back then. You saw the tombstone—”

“No, I had to be firm.”

He cut me off with a firm voice, and he sighed deeply.

“Even though I said that I will not marry, I will be confronted with fierce opposition, and it is logically reasonable to say that I should take the responsibility of the future descendants. I’ve already expressed my intention, so they’ll accept it as time goes by, and I’m just being childish and evasive.”

I didn’t know Aaron would say this. To his unexpected self-introspection, I listened to him instead of adding words like this.

“I want to be honest now. I don’t need the tricks to cover the elders’ eyes. I had to carry out my opinion from the beginning, but I want to make it right now.”

“But if they still don’t accept it….”

“If necessary, I will step down from my position as Claymore’s successor.”

“So that’s the reason for the breakup.”

I glanced at Aaron. His eyes were clear and his expression was serious, but he looked nervous.

How beautiful a man’s will is, his red eyes were shining like never before.

To the guy who looked at me, I had a big smile on my face.

“I support you, Aaron.”

The nervous light melted down on the man’s face, and soon he smiled.

“Thank you, but Roa, I still say I will protect you until you are safe.”

“Oh … you mean you’re going to pray for my safety?”

“Even a friend, not a fiance, can protect the person he’s close to.”

It was physically possible, but….

“I’d like to make a suggestion about this. Even after we broke up, please make me your partner until we are sure that you are safe from Duke Edgar.”

“That’s kind of hard. If I still go around with Aaron after the breakup, there will be a lot of talk. There’s still a lingering feeling left, and if that’s the case, why did we break up….”

“Why do you care so much about other people’s eyes?”

“What?”

“I don’t want to criticize you. However, I thought you care more about the gossip than you need for a long time. It sometimes seems exhausting.”

“Me? Well, there’s a lot of gossip….”

I inadvertently spoke, but I blurted the end of the sentence.

Yeah, that wasn’t wrong, if I think about it.

The eyes, the talks, and the gossip of others. I kept being conscious of those things.

If they talk to me face-to-face, whatever they do, whether sarcastic or mocking, I will end up angry.

However, I was sometimes suffocated by what they said behind my back.

This may apply to everyone, but I think it was more unusual for me. I didn’t like to be noisy even in my childhood, but as I grew up, I was afraid beyond my preference. While constantly conscious of other people’s eyes and feeling tired, my fear reached the point where I am afraid of being talked about, so I straighten my shoulders and raise my back.

The moment when I became aware of the fear that I did not realize before, it was not difficult to determine the cause.

“You’re not wrong. Why do I care so much? There’s only one reason to think about it. Even indirect experience can make people feel intimidated.”

“That means….”

“Nocton Edgar.”

A bitter smile came up, and I lowered my eyes for a moment.

“I’ve talked a lot since I was a child. I didn’t care when I was still a little girl, but when I got close to Nocton, I became concerned with the gossip that people say about him.”

Beyond worrying if Nocton would be hurt, I felt as if I had been attacked when I was asked why I was hanging out with him.

“I don’t know what he really feels, it wasn’t obvious, but I’m getting more and more concerned about what people say….”

Even though I was worried about Nocton, one day I thought all the blades would pour out to me for no reason.

Maybe it’s because I stayed right next to him for too long.

There was no logic in the words of gossip about him. Even though they didn’t see it in person, they talked a lot about Nocton on the premise of the Duchess’s affair.

Even though he was an Edgar, no matter how much he was talked about, the vulgar story poured out casually.

It was upsetting, but it scared me.

They didn’t have a reason to hate Nocton, so I could be like that at any time.

Even so, after Nocton took his place, and the gossip was reduced, when I heard the gossip about me hanging on him, it didn’t hurt my heart that much.

I didn’t care about it because it was gone now, but the traces of that time seem to have remained. Despite the fact that I finally realized that the feelings I felt at the time were fear.

“At first, it was empathy, but I went overboard and it turned out that way too much.”

“You’ve been a dear friend.”

“It wasn’t to that extent. It’s the first time I’ve ever told you about Nocton properly, but he wasn’t a good guy even before we started falling apart.”

Treating as if I was a friend, he would continue to test, question, do things I didn’t like on purpose and ruin things I liked.

“Even if I tried to be a little affectionate, my emotions quickly became thinner and farther away.”

Nevertheless, I couldn’t get things straight, so we just stayed together without being friends or others.

Taking Alice’s precognitive dream as the starting point, I finally got ready to become a stranger, but it was never the way I wished it to be.

I breathed a long sigh, repelling my complicated mind.

“Even if nothing had happened recently, he and I might not have even been friends. Deep down, I thought Nocton didn’t consider me a friend.”

“Roa, you are.”

Aaron, who was listening quietly, spoke to me.

“Did you consider His Grace a friend?”

“Is that important?”

“If you didn’t consider him a friend, if he really wasn’t precious to you, I’d help you to become a stranger.”

“What does my feelings mean when the other person doesn’t cherish me.”

“It doesn’t matter what the other person’s feelings are. The important thing is your feelings. What matters to me is not His Grace, but a friend’s heart.”

“Oh, I almost felt a little fluttering right now. With a brotherly feeling.. It feels like my sister.”

“Sister….?”

“Never mind, it’s a compliment. What I felt was … I don’t know that either. I don’t know how to define it because I have so many mixed feelings.”

I pressed my mouth shut.

Strangely, Nocton’s face, which came to mind, looked blurred.

“I don’t know, Aaron. I don’t know what did I think of Nocton.”