Falling For Amelia Manning - 23 All The Reasons You Suck

The locker slamming to her right woke Phoebe out of a daze she hadn’t realized she was under. She couldn’t get the feeling of heavy guilt in her chest to go away and she knew it wouldn’t until she made it up to Amelia, the only issue? She was nowhere to be found. Their first week back at school and she hadn’t seen her in the halls, on the field, or outside her bedroom window – not that she expected that.

“You’ve got it bad,” James’ voice broke through the haze in her head she couldn’t seem to shake.

“Hm?” It was the only thing she could push past her lips as an answer.

“Just go find her, she’s got to be around here somewhere,” James suggested while picking something off the hem of her skirt. The hall was scattered with various students eager to get out for winter break. All Phoebe could think about was finals and Amelia and even Amelia missing the finals and not graduating. It was pointless to worry over someone else not doing well in school, she knew this, but it didn’t stop her from doing it.

“How much do you talk to my mom?” She asked, turning toward her finally. She watched her think about it as if it took a few minutes to count the number of times.

“At least once a day,” James told her casually.

“Then you know what happened when she caught Amelia in my room?” Testing the waters, she peered to the crowd walking past them, she didn’t want anyone else hearing their conversation.

“Do you want me to know what she found?” James asked her.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to hear it, I don’t want you to think I kept anything from you. It sorts of just happened and my stomach is in knots about it.” Phoebe confessed.

“I will be as supportive as you need me to be, but I want to make one thing clear,” James started “I want you to find her and fix this – or I will – and you don’t want that.” She told her bluntly and Phoebe was confused as to what that meant, but she didn’t have time to ask once the bell rang.

“Fine, I will go find her, but I’m not making any promises,” Phoebe told her before walking off toward her last class of the day.

She didn’t pay attention enough in class to hear that their test would be at the first bell tomorrow, she had to hear it from Ms. Jenkins after when she walked up to grab any work she could for Amelia. Maybe if she found her, she would be able to help her catch up.

“I can’t give work out to students who are no longer enrolled,” the teacher told her and when she finally snapped back to reality when the words sunk in.

“What do you mean? She left school?” Shocked, she stood in front of Ms. Jenkins who was busy putting papers away to care the Phoebe was so shocked.

“That’s all I know, take it up with her if you have a grievance,” Ms. Jenkins waved her off just before taking her briefcase and heading out the door. Not knowing what to do, she gripped her books in her arms a little too tight, she barely even registered James calling her from the entrance of the classroom.

“Earth to Phoebe!” James shouted while standing directly in front of her now. She waved her hands in front of her face for good effort, but Phoebe’s mind was somewhere else.

“She’s gone, she just left, how’s that right?” Phoebe mumbled to herself and James barely picked up on it.

“She? She who? Oh, of course, you mean Amelia…What about her now?” James wouldn’t tell her, but she was getting a little annoyed at this back and forth. She also didn’t want to admit she was going to be late for practice, something she was still neglecting to tell her about. Time, that’s all she needed, she reminded herself.

“Ms. Jenkins said she dropped out, she’s not a student here anymore.” James had to admit to herself she didn’t see that coming but now she knew what would happen. Phoebe would get it in her head she would be Amelia’s savior, that she would force her back into school, that it was the right path for her.

James loves Phoebe, that will never change, but there were flaws that she couldn’t keep ignoring without making her work on them. Some flaws were fine, like not saying certain words correctly and things you can’t help, others, like not brushing your teeth or farting with company over, were much worse and needed to be improved upon, James believed.

“Phoebe,” James spoke up and placed a single, sturdy hand on her chest when she made a move toward the exit.

“I need you to listen to me for a minute, okay?”

“Okay, what’s this about?”

Stepping back, Phoebe looked at her weird – a look that was confused about the dynamic she’s forced between them.

“I need to talk to you about your lovely passion for a moment, okay?” James told her while forcing her over to a lab stool to take a seat.

“My passion?” Phoebe laughed dryly. “Since when is passion a bad thing?” She started to laugh again but when she saw James’ face, she stopped herself.

“I love you so much, Pheebs, but there are things you need to work on before you run off and try to fix this in the wrong way.” Phoebe started to open her mouth to talk, but James held a hand up for a moment. “Let me get through this, and then I’ll have time for questions,” James told her with a smirk and a wink before continuing.

“I want you to know that your flaws are some of the reasons why I love you, but they are also what makes you frustrating. The way you love without conditions or barriers, the way you love your mom and the people that are close to you, is something that I have always admired about you, but,” Phoebe’s slight smile started to fall when she added the last word.

“You involve yourself so deeply that it can scare people. The look I saw on your face when you told me about Amelia dropping out, I knew you were going to go to the ends of the Earth to find her and drag her back here.”

“She belongs in school; she needs to graduate!” Phoebe interrupted with a wave of her hands. Holding up a hand again, James paused her.

“Why does she need to graduate? Did you ever think she had a plan? That maybe she got a job and started her life quicker than you plan to? Maybe she doesn’t want to go to college and do the same thing you want to do? Did you consider that?” James asked her with concern laced on her face.

“She needs to go to college. If she goes like we’re all going, then she’ll get a good job and be successful, that’s what they tell us to do, that’s literally what you’re supposed to do!” Phoebe shouted.

“That’s not everyone’s path!” James shouted back, earning a few looks from passing people leaving for the day.

“I didn’t want to tell you like this, but I’m thinking about not going to a university after high school. I want to stay close to my dad so I might go to the community college down the road. I’m still going to study the same things, but it won’t be as stressful on us financially.”

Phoebe’s head spun. Her best friend wasn’t going away to college with her. She was staying home when they made a pact to go to university together. She couldn’t see reason when her vision was spotted with red and black.

“How -How could you say something like that? We made a pact.” Phoebe whispered, too unsure of herself to shout her anger.

“I know what we made back in middle school, but things change. My mom left and dad can’t support me through a university as your mom can. I don’t want to work full-time while trying to study. I can keep roughly the same hours I have now while going to college down the road. Maybe add a few here and there for more money, but it’s what’s best for me. You not being able to see the other side of things is what I’m talking about! It’s your only fatal flaw, that, and you can’t sit through an entire International Delights coffee creamer commercial without making gagging noises.”

“That commercial is creepy and unrealistic of creamer standards!” Phoebe shouted at her, something James saw coming, she was upset about the wrong thing, but it was how she processed everything. Turning her eyes down to the lab table, she thought about everything she just said.

Phoebe’s leg bounced on the step of the stool while she thought about the bomb her ‘best friend’ just threw at her. Everything seemed to crumble around her, the world she built for herself behind the walls of chaos around her.

“I never thought you would be on this side of things, that you would be against me,” Phoebe started but James quickly jumped in.

“I am NOT against you. Do not ever think I am your enemy, Phoebe Michelle.” The use of her middle name got her attention quickly.

“What do you just call everything you said? Saying you can’t keep your word because of financial issues, my mom’s not rich either!” She shouted at James.

“Yes, I know that, but you have a full ride to whatever college you want. I don’t have that, I’m an average student and I’m fine with that. I don’t care if I make waves or graduate with people never knowing my name. I just want an education that isn’t going to put me in financial ruin. As my best friend, you should respect that.” She put more emphasis on her words, leaving very little room for Phoebe to argue.

“So, this is it then? You’re just going to yell out all the things that suck about me, leave and think that everything is going to be okay?” Phoebe asked with an edge to her voice.

“See the bigger issue, Phoebe! You’re putting words in my mouth because you’re scared! You’re scared that if things don’t go your way, that if you can’t conquer this one thing, everything around you will fall apart. You can’t stand to think that Amelia is taking a different path than you, that you would willingly force her to do something she might not want to do! You forced your life to bend around that stupid sport because you are convinced you have to be good at everything, when you suck hard at it!” James’ voice carried around the room. There weren’t any students left in the building to look in on them.

Tears sprung to Phoebe’s eyes, but she wouldn’t let them fall. She was seeing James in a new light and she didn’t like it. The words coming out of her mouth were so foreign that it was as if she spoke a different language altogether.

James saw her tears and immediately wanted to comfort her, but she knew nothing would get done if she babied her. It was a harsh truth, but she was tired of seeing her best friend act as if the world is hers to mold.

Phoebe’s chest tightened as words tried to make their way out of her mouth. She couldn’t force them out for the life of her. Choking back a sob, she covered her mouth and turned away. She’s never been embarrassed to cry in front of James, but right now, James didn’t feel like her best friend. She couldn’t see the other side of the situation, just as James was trying to get her to understand.

Without saying another word, she darted out of the room. James quickly ran after her, but she wasn’t as fast as her shorter friend and wearing wedges didn’t help anything. Phoebe had already run down the main halls and out of the school before James got to the front doors. She saw her run toward the field and decided she needed time on her own. Whipping her phone out, she sent a quick text to Phoebe’s mom, telling her that she might need a ride home and about the chaos that just erupted between them.

Even if she was mad at her, James didn’t want Phoebe out in the quickly darkening day. Knowing her mom had a heads up helped her get into her car and head home. She needed to erase this whole day from her head, even if it was impossible, but she was late for practice and couldn’t waste any more time.