Forbidden Alpha - Chapter 158

Odis

As soon as my pants were off, I shifted. If I’d stayed any longer, I wouldn’t have been able to leave. There was no other choice but to tell him it was a mistake. My heart throbbed in my chest but I only ran faster. As if I could run fast enough to leave the pain behind.

I’d left without looking at him. I couldn’t bring myself to look at his face. I didn’t trust what I would do. I didn’t know what I’d do if I saw the pain I knew I’d put there. I was a coward and I knew it.

I didn’t have the courage to be selfish. If I’d looked him in the eye, I would have crumbled. I would have caved. I wasn’t capable of turning my back on her. I didn’t have it in me. I just couldn’t. One moment of weakness and I’d done something unforgivable. Being with Gabriel? I couldn’t mentally let myself go back there, if I did, I’d turn around.

Being with Gabriel?

We haven’t been that happy since Liv.

Can we not be happy?

I didn’t see anything wrong with being with him.

Are we not allowed to hold onto him?

It’s not too late to turn back.

My wolf doesn’t see it as a betrayal to her or her memory. Love is love; that’s what he said. He was right though, for a moment, I was happy with Gabriel. So happy and I hadn’t been that happy since Liv.

No, we can’t be happy. We don’t deserve it after what we’ve done. It doesn’t matter if it’s been years since it happened. We did it, we dug our grave and we’ve been lying in it. We don’t get to jump out of the grave just because we think we’ve spent enough time in it.

Our mistake was a life sentence. Forever. We had everything once and because of one night, we lost everything. We don’t get to reach out and grab onto him. It is too late, tonight shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

The piercing wind howled and whipped against my cheek. I search the sky for answers, instead, instead, the moon taunts me. Tall trees rise up and block my view and the hooting of an owl announces the arrival to the woods. My ears pick up the crunch of leaves and the snapping of twigs reach my ears as my wolf’s powerful paws carried me deeper.

The same woods she was taken from.

My wolf shook his powerful head and he begged me not to think of that night or of any night after. I tried to shake her from our thoughts. She was replaced with images of Gabe beneath me. If it isn’t her, it’s him. My stomach was in my throat.

I took what I wanted from him and left him shattered in an empty bed. He didn’t deserve the way I’d treated him. My throat constricted and my chest tightened with guilt. There had only ever been her. When had he wriggled his way in? When did it start?

Is the guilt because of her or him?

Blonde hair long enough to make my fingers twitch with the need to run through them. A scar that hurt me in a way I wasn’t ready to admit. His terrible voice as it managed to not hit a single note when he sang. The cute way he tried to run from me when he thought I was a murderer.

I like him, I like him a lot.

I retreat into the deepest parts of my mind in hopes of a break. Instead, I’m dragged from the darkness and thrown into the light. The smile on my face feels wrong as a teenage Olivia stares up at me. Her jaw is clenched and the look in her eye is off. I’m worried about what she’s going to say. Deep down, teenage me knows it isn’t going to be good.

“I’m pregnant.”

I stare at her as my brain connects meaning to the words. I blink once, twice. She’s pregnant. The fear of what I thought she was going to say is extinguished and happiness bloomed in my chest. I felt the excitement I felt that day. I was ecstatic. The thought of marking her and starting a family together was something I hadn’t even dared hoped to dream of.

“I don’t understand, Liv. Why the long face? This is good news. Did you think I’d be mad?” I laugh. “This makes me happier than you could ever know. I won’t leave you, I promised remember?” I take a step close to her, fully intending to pull her into my arms.

She takes a step back from me and I falter. Her shoulders shake as she continues to stare at me with that same look in her eye. My hands drop to my side and I wait for her to come to me. I won’t touch her if she doesn’t want me to. I’m not him.

“It isn’t yours, O.”

The words are a sledgehammer to the chest. I can’t breathe, the pain lights a fire in my chest and it threatens to consume me. I wasn’t expecting that at all and thoughts of what he’d done to her were at the forefront of my mind. I want to hide my thoughts from her but she knows me better than I know myself. I can’t hide anything from her.

The only girl I’ve ever loved stares up at me. Her tears fill to the brim and curse me for not protecting her as mascara-stained cheeks lead to the slight quiver in her chin. I want to shake the truth from her.

I want to tell her this doesn’t change anything. I want to kill him all over again for taking this from me. The absolute truth is reflected in her eyes and I’m at a loss for words because this is the truth.