Forbidden Alpha - Chapter 188

Odis

After she pulls Paul to a sitting position by Leo, she serves him his food and drink. There isn’t a fruit in sight but I keep my lips sealed. I watch as Paul thanks the Goddess for her food and asks her to bless his Nan who made it. He thanks the Goddess for keeping his Odee safe and my heart warms.

Sighing, I stand to my feet and run my hand through my hair. There’s a fuck load of things I want to say and do but I can’t. There’s also a shit ton of bigger things I have to worry about other than chicken nuggets and fries.

Focusing back on Ethan, I find him sitting on the chair with Adea in his lap. He cradles her in his arms as if she were made of glass. My shoulders sag with the news we heard at the meeting.

Despite what the other alphas said, I would be prepping our soldiers for battle. Our guards need to be up and everyone needs to be alert. From what I remember of the new “Alpha”, he was weak and unhinged.

We don’t know him, we know nothing of him. Even after exhausting our resources to find him after we lost Liv, we couldn’t find him. He was a weasel and knew how to hide. Our scouts scoured the surrounding territories and even went outside of our area to find him. I was at a loss for words or what to do when they came back empty-handed.

We had no space and no room to worry about anything else. We may not know what his plans are or how many warriors he has but he’s already shown his hand. We know what he wants and I won’t let our people be taken by surprise. No, we would be prepared.

With the news of a new alpha at the table, I had a lot on my plate, I had a lot of things to do. I also needed to fill in our new Gamma. I don’t know if I can wait for Ethan to tell Adea first.

Even though I have a lot of things I need to do, I couldn’t stop thinking about the man who had just run out the front door. Every part of me wants to take off after him, find him, and explain. I know what he’s got to be thinking and my heart hurts with the pain I saw on his face. I hurt knowing the betrayal he must be feeling.

We haven’t made up and it’s all my fault. I know it is but when it comes to Gabe, I don’t know what I want to happen. What could happen between us? I’d already drawn a line between us.

Despite what I want, I won’t be the man who does things without thinking. I’ll never be him again. I need to think things through before I make a move. What I have in mind would be the complete opposite of that.

I can’t ignore the guilty voice that whispers in the back of my mind. It tells me I’ve already done what I wanted to do. I’ve already done those things and I’ve taken what I want.

It tells me that I’m full of shit and at this point, I’m pretending. There are consequences for my actions and this one will be losing him. It whispers that I’m the same person who threw away his chance at a family.

I’m repeating my mistakes. I bite back the growl that threatens to make its way from my chest and into my throat. I am not that man anymore and I’ll be damned if I lose Paul to anyone. He’s all I have left.

It reminds me of what I’ve lost and the life that I’ve lost. I’m nothing more than that. My wolf, Troy, tells me I know better than to listen to it. Haughtily, he reminds me I should be listening to him because he knows all.

You can’t be trusted either, you like him.

I’m an extension of you, of course, I like him.

You’ve only proved my point!

All I’m saying is, maybe your thoughts are wrong. MAYBE you should try sitting down and talking to him because all I see, is a scared man. You’re running away and telling yourself that you’re doing what’s right. When the right thing to do would be to take responsibility for what you’ve done. Face him like a wolf and tell him how you feel, what you’re thinking, and what you want.

And then what?

And then you hope it isn’t too late.

You’re telling me to rip myself open and present my most vulnerable sides to him?

Yes.

Even though he might not want me anymore?

Yes.

Even though I don’t know what he’ll say?

Yes.

Even though I don’t know what he’ll do or say?

It doesn’t matter how many times you change the question, my answer is yes.

There’s a fuck load of things I want to say and do but at this moment, I can’t. Paul comes first, he always does and I won’t have him be present during any of it. He is too young to understand why he doesn’t have a mom. He doesn’t know anything about Liv other than what he remembers, which isn’t much.

After what happened, Liv wouldn’t see him anymore. She refused to and I accepted that he was mine and mine alone. He’s too young to understand what Gabe is to me and I don’t even know what to do about him. I’ve been ignoring him and I know I’m a piece of shit for it but what else am I supposed to do?

Say I was to take Troy’s advice, how would that go? I’m a single father to a son that was his mate. What am I supposed to say? Oh hey, now that we’ve fucked, let’s co-parent and live happily ever after?

Yeah, the fuck right. After everything I’ve seen and been through, I know that’s not a possibility. I won’t lie to myself and I won’t lie to Paul so I can get what I want.. Even as I think these thoughts, I haven’t stopped looking at the door.