Gimai Seikatsu - Book 5: Chapter 12: 31st of October (Saturday) – Ayase Saki

I snuggled into my bed, pulled the blanket over my head, and pressed my cold hands against my burning hot cheeks. I ran my fingers over my lips. We… kissed.

During my shift at the bookstore, I happened to coincidentally spot the pumpkin candlelight made out of plastic. It looked exactly the same as the candle Mom had bought when I was in grade school. Its size, the color of the pumpkin, and even the expression it had. The only difference was that the one back then had been a genuine candle, and now it was lit by a newer LED. I hesitated at first, but I still decided to buy it before heading home.

After our shifts ended, Asamura-kun and I headed home. The moment we stepped outside, I was baffled. The streets were packed with people wearing costumes, the crowd so large that you’d keep bumping into people if you just walked normally. And I actually did. If Asamura-kun hadn’t supported me then, I probably would have ended up on the ground. I gratefully accepted the hand he offered me, and we held hands the entire way back. That alone made my heart race uncontrollably. When I saw the distant lights of our flat, I felt relieved, but also dejected that we’d have to stop holding hands.

Since today was Halloween, Mom naturally had to work a full shift during the bar’s busiest times. So she would be back late at night. That being said, Step-dad should be home. He didn’t have any work today, and he wouldn’t eat dinner before we got home. That’s why we went back without taking any detours. However, while we were fighting our way through the crowd of people in Shibuya while holding hands, he had gone off to meet Akiko-san. This meant that it was just Asamura-kun and I at home. We made dinner together, ate it together, and he even brewed me some coffee. I was reminded of the candle I had bought at work. It made me think about when I was a young child. The faint light of the LED lamp flickered on and off, much like a real flame. While gazing at this phenomenon, I thought about the reason why I had bought that lamp in the first place.

When I was growing up, a pumpkin candle was always a symbol of solitude and isolation for me, the token of what it meant to be alone, and I probably wanted to overwrite those painful memories. This would be my first Halloween night spent with my new family, after all. I thought that if I turned on that lantern and fell asleep to it, I might just be freed from the sad memories I’d been plagued with since I was a child.

While Asamura-kun and I sat around the table with the pumpkin lantern on it, he suddenly leaned forward. I was completely baffled. After that, everything felt hazy. I didn’t even understand what was happening. He suddenly stretched out his arm, reaching for my cheek. His fingertips gently caressed my hair. My cheek immediately burned up, all the blood inside of me beginning to boil, and I suddenly became worried that he might notice my heart racing just because of that. His face slowly but steadily grew closer, making me realize that I wasn’t imagining things. Eventually, I could see myself in his eyes. I had a shocked expression on my face, obvious enough for myself to see. It was like anticipation and anxiety kept jumping between each other like the flickering of the light. But in the end, I had known that something like this might happen—so I closed my eyes.

Happiness, bashfulness, hope, uncertainty about the future. Many many feelings exploded at the same time. I myself wasn’t sure what I was feeling anymore. I had feared that our relationship would forever be at a standstill. But even so, I chose to close my eyes. Our lips only touched for an instant, and yet it felt like the crying child inside of me had finally stopped. Even though the warm and passionate hug from my mom all those years ago couldn’t dispel my sadness, he had done it with just this. It must be the magic of Halloween and its light.

Maybe the devil was weaving all of this magic. I was the one who had said we should stay brother and sister, and yet it suddenly felt like I had broken this promise myself. But if I had looked away at that moment, I’m sure Asamura-kun would have stopped me. By looking at his eyes until the very end, I accepted him. Once we had reached the point of no return, I simply closed my eyes and waited. As expected, he pressed his lips onto mine. Compared to when we held hands, I could feel his presence tenfold. And despite the fact that my eyelids were closed, it felt like I could sense the orange light of the pumpkin.

Will-o’-the-wisps. Sometimes they deceive travelers, other times they provide guiding light. They are souls bound to wander through the world, unable to go to either heaven or hell. I just hope they provide light for the path of the step-sister who fell in love with her brother.

A fresh thought came to mind. We talked about volunteer work at school, namely cleaning up the trash after Halloween. “Why would I have to clean up after the people who caused the mess in the first place?” I had thought and completely forgotten about it, but…

“I could get up early and help out…”

I don’t know if God and everybody else watching in the heavens above would be willing to forgive me if I did that, I just had this urge to do anything that would make me look like a good girl. Maybe I should invite Asamura-kun. Just giving in to the devil’s sweet whispers was fine and all, but if I managed to build up more time and improve our relationship with my own strength, I feel like I’d be able to accept it more easily.

I indulged in these thoughts while snuggling up under my blanket and finally drifted into a pleasant slumber.