Golden Years - C118

Zhenzhen probably thought that my question was too straightforward, or perhaps she didn’t want to explain it in such a precise manner.

I was still holding her, and I could feel her breath.

After about 10 seconds of silence, Zhenzhen spoke up.

She said, Zhang Hao, let’s separate … This is my first time accompanying you. He has been chasing me for a long time and I have already agreed to be his girlfriend … In a few days, I will return to my current house and live with him, so …

Well, I don’t have to do anything about it, because the reason is concrete enough.

I suddenly realized that the incident that had happened to many Northwest female singers had also happened to her; the incident that had happened to many boys had also happened to me. Originally, I thought that the value and happiness Zhenzhen and I received from each other would surpass friendship and transcend vulgarity. But now, it seems that our results were just like the platitudes in all of the scripts that were written beforehand.

The former me, was a towering tree in the eyes of Zhenzhen, a member of the Northern Floating Clan. She relied on me, trusted me, gave me to me, even liked me, and secretly loved me;

But now, with singing and music as her wings, she could fly higher and see farther. She needed a higher tree and a thicker shoulder. Only by doing this could her once humble and unattainable dream of achieving self-worth in this city be realized bit by bit.

That’s right. In order to realize his dream, he had to be realistic.

Zhenzhen used to be an unsociable person, and she gave me the most precious thing she had ever given her for a little hope.

However, people would grow, learn, and understand, although this process would be painful. But the fast tempo of the big city, Beijing, makes change always quick, and the pain will soon be replaced by more of what is called mothering.

She, with her innate strength, had reanalyzed the ratio of input to output with experience, and then chosen a new life, a new hope, which was to be expected.

So what else can I say at this moment?

I pretended to be calm and tried to get up to find a cigarette. But now, my body isn’t listening to my commands at all. I still hugged Zhenzhen even more tightly than before.

Since this is our last night, and also the last time I can hold her?

People always say: only when lost, know to cherish; also always talk about “why the most urgent is the most beautiful time.” I think it’s bullshit. It’s no use knowing to cherish because we can’t stand up to reality; those times were good not because we were in a hurry, but because we forgot to precipitate and think while we were in them, and then the heart of thought and nostalgia would have a strong whitewash of memories.

My words are still f * cking b * stard, if I say f * * k, then Zhenzhen, you did it all of a sudden! I can’t bear to part with you. Can’t you just be good to me?

I wanted to say these words in a cool, humorous, and elegant manner, but after thinking about it, this was the rhythm of the weak begging for help.

Zhenzhen shook her head with a sad expression and then kissed me again. She pretended to be cheerful and said, “If we go on like this, there won’t be any results. Besides, I know that you have many girls by your side who are younger and prettier than me …”

I stubbornly shook my head and said, “I like you. I want you. What else can I do?”

Zhenzhen didn’t refute me, but said especially gently: “Don’t you still have a wife …? When you get married in the future, if we are still like this, I will at most be a mistress …

Fuck, I mentioned Ah Qin. I can’t really afford to joke with him.

I swallowed a mouthful of saliva. I felt that my IQ was too low at this moment. What I said made me too passive. I, perhaps, should have been open-minded.

But I really couldn’t be open-minded, and I didn’t know what to say or do at this time, or what to do, or what to make the atmosphere lighthearted, even if that was impossible.

However, Zhenzhen suddenly laughed mischievously: “I was just joking, it’s mainly because I don’t have that kind of luck …” Tonight, I’m still yours, you can do whatever you want …

Then, with her not very plump but very straight chest, she squeezed towards me, and her legs wrapped around me from behind the quilt.

She was real and I was embarrassed.

I knew that I could still enjoy gentleness, but I also knew that with the passing of time, with the exhaustion of my physical strength and energy, we would be like beautiful candles, burnt to ashes and no longer exist.

It was a difficult choice, and I finally put my arm around her waist and kissed her affectionately.

Best that this kiss never wither.

After that, my memories were a mess.

At that time, the Zhenzhen under my body, was her, not her. Or rather, she represented the many people and things that I missed and missed in my heart.

After it’s over, I have nothing left to think about, so I just said something that was kind of posturing. Zhenzhen, if the relationship between you and that person doesn’t work, I’ll be waiting here for you anytime …

Zhenzhen acknowledged her with a slightly casual tone and then ‘touched’ my face.

It was like a beautiful lie to appease a child. It makes me feel good about my reputation.

Under Zhenzhen’s consoling, the emotion that pervaded from his heart at that time, seemed to be unable to be called pain, nor could it be called loss, much less unwillingness. However, that feeling brought me a deep helplessness. I had waited until this moment, and when the story finally revealed the answer, I felt like I had let go of something that I thought was insignificant but actually held a large weight in my heart.

Put it down, or let it go, because it was really going to end, and I couldn’t stay, whether I wanted to or not.

Yes, even though I thought too much, even though I didn’t want to think too much, she and I had only one last night left, and that was the status quo.

The entire night, dreamless, they slept in each other’s arms.

The next day, I finally woke up not later than Zhenzhen, and helped her pack up a little, because she was about to leave.

Our situation had changed from that of the previous two days. Our relationship was not that of a lover, but that of an old friend.

While she was packing up, she chatted happily with me.

She said that her current boyfriend, in addition to being a musician, also worked as a acting agent, and would often save up for some commercial performances, giving her a lot more money than he would for alcohol.

She also said that if I needed it, I could get her boyfriend to help me find a show like this, often giving me 500-1000 yuan at a time.

I understand now, that Zhenzhen had already made it to such a good point. The big tree she is looking for is not only taller, it is thicker and harder. If she was going to be a acting agent, would she be short of money?

This time, I covered my inferiority complex with calmness, laughing and saying no, I am a hobby when I sing.

At that time, he had felt that he was a man without bones. Hmm, in fact, he was only a b * stard at 24K! “Leave the opportunity and connections at the tip of your tongue to not fight for them …

After rejecting Zhenzhen’s good intentions, I decided to start from the moment she stepped out of this door. I promised that I would never ever contact her again, unless she came to find me!

And then …

She said that she would leave by herself, and there was no need to send him off.

A soft farewell, the calm smile on the corner of his mouth returned for the last time.

From that moment on, from that one goodbye, we became familiar strangers.

It may not have been so sad, or so heartbreaking, but it was my fate and hers.

We had known each other, we had been close. But if we meet again in some corner of the city, we’ll recognize each other’s faces, we’ll think of the past, but will we smile at each other? Would he take the initiative to say “Long time no see”?

Closing the door, I sat on the sofa and started smoking. My mind was already starting to wander.

In fact, after this relationship was over, I did often recall that every time she was in the shop, ready to sing on stage, she would glance at the space beside her and let out a sigh that only I could hear.

I remember her, it was her first time singing dark humor.

I remember her, pushing aside my room for the first time to let my hair down.

I remember her, curled up in bed, refusing to sleep, just waiting for me to come.

I remember her, in the bathroom, and my passion.

I remember her, more and more beautiful, more and more feminine, more and more moving like her singing.

I still remember her walking aimlessly in the mall holding hands like a lover during our last days together. She bought a white t-shirt for us.

All of the images were fixated on the scene when Zhenzhen and I were standing side by side and testing our clothes in the mirror.

But her face, I was beginning to forget.

The only thing that went deep into her bones was her previous confusion and cowardice, which had now turned into a look of confidence and charm.

There are two things to add here.

That night, I had a performance and drove to the shop. When Shuai Shuai saw me, it was as if he was meeting his family. Then, very urgently, he asked a question: “Brother, where did Zhenzhen go?”

What the f * ck! Why the hell couldn’t he bring it up? I scolded her in annoyance. How would I know where she was going …

Shuai Shuai’s expression changed, saying, Bro, why don’t you know? Zhenzhen has already left our shop, and said that she will not come back for our performance in the future. I thought you knew…

Alright, I finally remembered what I forgot. If Zhenzhen was still the same as before, she wouldn’t have been able to be with me for a few days straight because she had a performance mission.

If she were to leave here, would she have to say goodbye to the past?

As for me and her, we have completely lost contact.

The Wine Singer’s circle is actually not big in Beijing, Zhenzhen and I also met each other some time. She was not alone. There was indeed someone accompanying her.

But I noticed that every time I saw her, she never wore those dark old boots again.