Haikyuu: The Monarch - Chapter 26

And so the days passes quickly, and the long awaited Golden Week Training Camp has finally arrived

“Samu! Hurry up ya fatfuck!” Atsumu screamed as he got ready to leave

“Shut up! I’m tryna take a shit!” Osamu yelled back

“Shit faster!!!”

“I’m trying!!!”

After a while Osamu finished taking a shit, quickly got ready and headed out along with Atsumu

“So…. explain to me why the fuċk didn’t ya sleep last night and was on our desk on four legs making some stupid ȧss monkey sound and mȯȧnėd like a chicken when an hour passes by?”

“Huu man it’s a training camp and all of the top players and gathered there, aren’t ya excited Samu?” Atsumu spoke with a smiled as he ignored the question

“….answer my question ya shithead”

“Ooh I heard those kids that performed the super quick against Oika-san’s team are also joining the camp, we’re so gonna crush those lil shits” Atsumu said with trace of excitement

“…”

“…”

“Ah right I forgot to ask, how was yer shit Samu” Atsumu asked nervously as he ran out of things to say

“ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION”

“I WAS EXCITED OKAY?!?”

“NO NOT THAT, WHY THE FUCK WERE YA MOANING LIKE A CHICKEN WHEN AN HOUR PASSES BY?!?”

“DON’T PEOPLE MOAN WHEN THEY GET EXCITED?!?”

“THAT’S BEING HORNY YA DIPSHIT”

“I’M NOT HORNY!”

“…”

“…”

“Fuck…”

“Yeah exactly…”

—-

“Wakatoshi-kun you seem awfully excited” Tendou suddenly said

“What makes you say that?” Ushijima asked

“Usually you listen to your music while leaning back on the seat and sleeping, but today you’re wide awake and leaning forward”

“That’s kind of scary, but yeah I am excited..” Ushijima admitted as a vicious smile crawled up his face, “I mean… it’s one whole week of just playing with the strongest players of Japan”

It was then that Tendou suddenly stood up and shouted, “Yosh! Everyone! Commence operation: win at least one set against Nekoma or Fukurodani, if we manage to do so I’ll treat you guys with a meal”

“Really?!? Tendou-san!?!” The first years all got excited as they shouted

“Yeah we’ll go as a team after the camp if we were able to do so~” Tendou said with a smile

“If we were able to do so you say…” Reon muttered with a smile as he watched the scene

—-

“Huuu” Kiryuu exhaled as he calm himself down

“Wakatsu-san! How are you feeling?” Usuri asked as he noticed that Kiryuu was a bit worried

“Yeah no I’m just a bit excited” Kiryuu said with smile to not worry his teammate

“We’ll be depending on you to face those monsters, so please tell me if there’s something wrong”

“So… do you have any target for this camp?”

“Hmm” it was at that moment a smile appeared on Kiryuu’s face as he spoke, “Defeating Shou or Kazuto right now is probably impossible, so I’ll at lea- no… I’ll defeat Ushijima Wakatoshi…”

—-

“Ugh the amount of bacteria there is going to be unbearable” Sakusa was talking to himself while curled up on the bed

“But everyone’s going to be there, and it’s a one in a million opportunity to play against the strongest players for one whole week..”

“The amount of bacteria in a tournament might be bearable, but a training camp consists of roatation matches??”

“How many sanitizer, soap, and mask should I bring??”

“What about the handshakes before and after the matches?”

“What if the players didn’t get their flu shots? what if I’m infected?”

It was then that the door to Sakusa’s bedroom creeked open

“Ki-chan it’s time to go..” a woman voice sounded out through the door creek

“MOM GIVE ME ALL OF THE SANITIZER AND MASK IN THE HOUSE!”

“Oi…Ki-chan don’t tell me you’re bringing all of them”

“I’m gonna sanitize them all, I’m gonna sanitize them all, I’m gonna sanitize the-” Sakusa muttered with a crazed expression as he took out another bag from his closet

“Okay… then I’ll leave for now” Sakusa’s mom nervously closed the door

—-

“IWA-CHAN WAKE UP YOU SHITHEAD!” Oikawa shouted as he spiked a volleyball right into the sleeping Iwaizumi

“FUCK THAT HURTS! ARE YOU STUPID?!? IT’S 2 IN THE DAMN MORNING!! AND HOW THE FUCK WERE YOU ABLE TO GET IN HERE”

“OUR BUS IS LEAVING AT 4 DIPSHIT!”

“SAME SHIT WAKE UP!!!” Oikawa shouted as he prepared another volleyball

“FUCK OFF YOU SHITHEAD!” Iwaizumi reacted quickly and took the previous volleyball and threw it at Oikawa’s head before he released the ball

“OUCH! daddy chill~”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…meow?…”

“…” After a minute of silent Iwaizumi walked over to his closet and took out a kendo sword with a disappointed look

“Oi… Iwa-chan that was a joke.. calm down, l-let’s talk about this..” Oikawa immediately said

“Huuu” Iwaizumi exhaled as he got into a stance

“Oh… SHIT!” Oikawa shouted as he quickly make his escape

“COME BACK HERE YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

“PUT THAT SHIT DOWN FIRST DAMN IT”

“YOU’RE SO FUCKED THIS TIME OIKA!!!”

“Haha ‘fucked’ I see what you did there you cheeky bastard”

“GRR!! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!”

—-

“Nyah!” a white cat suddenly did an approach and took off and flew into the sky

“Hmm not bad not bad, that’s an impressive vert Piko! This time I’ll defeat you and I’ll go and defeat sensei” Hoshiumi said with a smile

“Nyahh! (try me lil bitch!)”

Hoshiumi did his own approach kicked off the ground and soar high up

when he landed he immediately went and took the camera that was recording the whole thing

“Alright let’s see who’s the winner..”

“Nyah! (I definitely won)”

“No I did!”

After the clip ended Hoshiumi face got sour as he shouted, “That was luck you lil shit of a pussƴ (quite literally) ”

“Nyah nyah (yeah yeah say whatchu want salty ȧss bitch)”

“Ha? Whatchu say?”

“Nyah! (Saltly ȧss bitch!)”

“GRR TAKE THAT BACK!” Hoshiumi shouted

“Mom… that weird guy is talking to a cat!” A child not too far away shouted as he pointed at Hoshiumi

“Geh!” Hoshiumi unconsciously exclaimed as he looked at the child’s direction

“Honey, let’s go… don’t look at him..” the child’s mom said as she quickly grabbed the child’s hand and speed walked out of there

“…”

“…”

“God damn it…”

—-

“NOOOOO HARAMBE-SAMA!!! LEADER THIS IS TOO CRUEL NOOOOO!!” Yamamoto screamed in agony as the death of Harambe-sama looped in front of him

“That is your punishment for neglecting the great Harambe-sama, you foolish humans…” Kuroo said with a hint of disgust under his hood

“Haha ….first time?” Katsuki asked Yamamoto who was breaking down with smile as he endured his own tears

Yes Katsuki once again, disturbed the ritual of the great Harambe-sama (God damn it Katsuki)

“But I have to admit, this human have such strong willpower…. it’s amazing…” Kuroo spoke with a hint of respect

“Hey Leader!” Katsuki suddenly called out

“Speak… foolish human” Shou demanded under his hood

“While we’re at it can we also pay respect to my guy Rhydon?”

“And who may this ‘Rhydon’ be?”

“RHYDON DEEZ NUTS HAHAHAHAHhahaha….ha…. ah shit I’m fuċkėd this time aren’t I….?”

“Men…bring it out…” Shou muttered as his face shake in anger

“Yes…. Leader… ” Kuro answered with gritted teeth as he bring out another loop video and combined it with Harambe-sama tragic death

“Ooh what is this? A new punishm-…..wait…no….No…NOOOOOOOO DOGE-SAMA!!!!!! HARAMBE-SAMA!!!” Katsuki began to scream in agony and broke down immediately

And in another part of the bus there was Kaneki who was invited by the coach to help out with the training camp

And currently he was constantly being pestered by Inouka

“Kaneki-san please show me your Kagune… I swear I won’t tell anyone” Inouka bowed

“Look this 69th time I’m saying this, I’m an actor not a retard with chunnibyou”

“Please I know you are hiding them”

Kaneki sighed and walked up to Kuroo as he whispered “Oi Kuroo…. What kind of dog shit did you feed your first years god damn it, the kid bȧrėly have half a brain cell”

“C’mon don’t ruin the kid’s dreams like that Kaneki-san, please do something” Kuroo whispered back as he looked at the excited Inouka behind Kaneki

“Fuck…” Kaneki cursed as he went back to sit with Inouka

Then he proceed to pull out an Akatsuki robe out of no fuċkɨnġ where and put it on while singing Unravel

“WAHHH KANEKI-SAN KAGUNE IS SO COOL”

In the far corner Yaku was teaching the first years how to levitate by summoning demon right next to the sleeping Kai

“Iljwmn nh zllbi ie veed” (‘Senpai it feels so good’ *translated by some random ȧss demon language translator*)

“YAKU-SAN IS LEVITATING!!! HE’S LEVITATING!!!” Shibayama shouted which also woke up Kai

Kai jolt awake due to screaming looked over and witness the levitating Yaku

“Ah… this truly takes me back… but now… my experience is telling me to go back to sleep” Kai said as he close his eyes peacefully

And the next second…

“COACH!! CAPTAIN!!! YAKU-SAN IS POSSESSED BY A SPERM DEMON!!!! CAPTAIN!!! HE’S SWIMMING AWAY!!!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!!!” Kuroo shouted

In another corner Kenma was practically being molested by Hisoka who was also invited by the coach to tag along

“Hey boy~ so you’re the main setter of Nekoma huh?..”

“U-Uh yes…” Kenma answered nervously

“No need to be nervous I’m just asking you some question here setter boy~”

” O-okay….ask away…”

“You agree that Hisoka from [Hunter x Hunter] isn’t a gay pedophile right?!?”

“Huh…?”

“His character is a masterpiece right?!? There’s nothing wrong with him being turned on when Gon charged at him right ?!?! And there’re nothing wrong in checking out Killua’s and Gon’s imaginary cakes right?!?!?” Hisoka asked with a crazed expression

“Um…uh Kuro!”

“Not right now Kenma hold on!” Kuroo shouted back

“Shhh let me hear your thoughts setter boy~”

“Uhhh ….KURO!!!!”

“YOU CAN SCREAM BUT YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE BOY~”

“KUROOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“GIMME THEM CHEE- I MEAN GIMME THEM THOUGHTS AND OPINION SETTER BOY!!!”

*CONFUSED MOLESTED SCREAMING*

“I’ve seen some shit before but what is going on…?” Kyouka muttered as she looked at the scene

“You know, Kurihara-san there is a saying, ‘If you can’t beat them, join them’” Coach Nekomata spoke in serious tone

“Ah yes…. wait… what…?” When Kyouko turn around, Coach Nekomata had already worn his Anti-Konoha Head protecter

“Kaneki-sama!!! Please teach me how to perform the sėxy no jutsu to beat that damn old geezer!!!!” Nekomata shouted as he leap on to the seat and swiftly and majestically move to Kaneki

“…”

“If you can’t beat them, join them huh….?” Kyouko muttered to herself as she covered her face with a hood and walked to the back of the bus

And after a few moments

“NO…. No…NOOOOOOO YAMETE!!!!! WALTER-SAMA!!!!!!” Another scream of agony escaped from Katsuki

—-

The Nekoma team soon arrived at Fukurodani Academy and got off the bus

“Alright guys let’s go and help Fukurodani set up the camp!” Kuroo instructed as he exited the bus while ȧssisting Coach Nekomata

“That was nice sleep” Kai stretched his arms as he go off the bus

“Damn …what an experience… it feels like I’ve been reborn hahaha” Yaku said with a smile, “Oh? What’s wrong Shibayama?”

“Ah um… uh… n-no it’s nothing… I’m just a bit tired from the ride” Shibayama said nervously

“Alright then anyways let’s go!”

“Ah right… yes …l-let’s g-go”

“KANEKI-SAN KANEKI-SAN CAN YOU DO THAT SEXY NO JUTSU AGAIN PLEASE!” Inouka shouted with stars in his eyes

“Ugh god make it stop…” Kaneki muttered with a crazed expression as he tried his best to get away from Inouka who was chasing him

“Let’s go Kyo-chan” Shou said as pat Kyouko’s head

“Alright let’s go!” Kyouko excitedly grabbed Shou’s hand and increased the speed

“They’re going to be alright right…?” Kyouko asked as she pointed at the two who was on Shou’s shoulder

“Yeah they’re going to be alright don’t worry about it” Shou reassured her as he dropped the two body

“Harambe…sama…please… don’t…noo” Yamamoto reached his hand out as despair engulfed him

“D-Doge….sama….n-no…” Katsuki muttered with tears in his eyes, “wait… no…Walter…sama… please… don’t leave…”

“So, what is going to be setter boy~” Hisoka said as he licked his lip creepily as he walked down the bus with Kenma

*SCARED MOLESTED KENMA SCREAM*

Kenma as soon as he stepped on the ground he immediately ran while screaming

“YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN NOT HIDE SETTER BOY~~” Hisoka shouted as he dropped down and started chasing Kenma on all fours

And just like that the whole team exited the bus and walked to the gym where the training camp will take place

“Ah… truly it never changes” the bus driver muttered with a peaceful smile as he took a sip of his tea

When Nekoma finally arrived at the gym they open the door and walked in

However when they took a peak inside , the gym was dark and in the middle of it was a bright candle with shadow figures hopping around it

“P-Please…. run… SAVE YOURSELVES!!” Akaashi crawl to the entrance with struggles and shouted as he reached his hand out towards the Nekoma team

It was at that moment the shadowy figures all stop hopping and all turn their body towards the Nekoma team

“…”

“…”

After a moment of silent the ‘creatures’ started bouncing at the Nekoma team at high speed while hissing

*HISS* *HISS*

“AHHHHH RUNN!!!!!”

“KUROOOO!!!!!!”

“SHUT UP AND RUNNNNN!!!!”

“NOOOO KUROOO!!! SOMETHING IS TOUCHING ME IN MY NONO SQUAREEEE!!!!!” Kenma screamed

“HEHEHE KEKEKEK~ FORGETTING SOMETHING? BOY~~”

“AHHHHHHH IT’S THE SPERM DEMONNN!!!”

*MORE CONFUSED SCREAMING *

—-

After the chaos have calmed down the team helped each other to set up the camp

And after 30 minutes or so, they finished and both of the team sat down and rested

“Huuu… so Kazu when does this camp start?” Kuroo asked as he did his stretches

“I mean depends actually, we’re waiting until there is about 4-5 team is here then we’ll start our rotation matches” Kazuto answered

“Hmm if I’m correct they should be here in around 45 minutes or so” Kyouko said as she looked at the time

“Hmm 45 minutes huh…?” Shou muttered as he stood up, put his arms around Kyouko and said, “Let’s go get some drinks from the vending machine”, which caused Kyouko to nod with a smile

“You guys want anything?”

“I’ll have some energy drink” Kazuto answered

“Give me some orange juice” Kuroo said

“Alright sure” Shou said as he walked to the vending machine with Kyouko

After they left Yukie walked over to Kazuto and asked, “Are~ when did Shou pulled a girl like her”

“Since long ago” Kazuto said with smile

“Heh? So that’s why he turned down Kaori..” Yukie said with a sleepy smile

“Stop rubbing salt into my wound Yukie!!” Kaori shouted as she overheard their conversation

“hehehe, anyways Kazu help me with the equipment~” Yukie demanded as he pulled Kazuto by his sleeve

“Alright alright let’s go” Kazuto said as he pat Yukie head and went to help her

“grr fuċkɨnġ traitors… they knew Atso-chan ain’t here that’s why they’re this shits” Kuroo muttered as he start chewing his shirt in annoyance

After a while he stood up and shouted across the gym to where Bokuto and Akaashi was doing some spiking, “OI, OWL SHITHEAD LET ME BLOCK YOU TO LET OFF SOME STEAM!”

“AH KUROO!! BLOCK ME!!!” Bokuto shouted excitedly

And like Kyouko said after 45 minutes the door to the gymnasium suddenly opened up

—-

[A/n: Ayo author here whassup, Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, I really have no idea what the fuċk is going on in the chapter, my humor is actually broken but yeah this camp will probably be a long arc but anyways

Goodnight♥️]