Hessian Does A Thing - Volume 1 Chapter 64 Anniversary
Hessian POV
“Well this is disapointing, I don’t get it.” I admit with a tilted head as I tried to examine the carvings in front of me.
“Haha, it’s obvious that you’re too much of an idiot to understand something as basic as this.” Alice gloated from the side.
“Well if it’s so basic, then what does it mean?” I raised a brow at that. I don’t really care much for being insulted, information is more important to me.
“….” Alice didn’t respond as she looked away, ignoring the question entirely. “Enough, why did we even come here. This entire building reeks of idiocy.” she changed the subject.
We made our way to San Ilia after I heard that it famous for it’s worship of the goddess Ilias. I heard that there were some profound carvings at the palace, but no matter how I examine them. I don’t feel anything special from them. Either they were complete nonsense or someone lied to us.
“Either way, I’m feeling a little annoyed that we came all this way for nothing.” I sigh as I’m already tired of the sights. A bit too gaudy for my taste.
“Then let’s get out of here already, this place makes me sick.” She blanched as she really didn’t like anything related to the goddess.
“Hold up.” I stop her from immediately leaving.
“What?” she was annoyed
“We can’t come here for nothing.” I state it as a simple fact.
“There’s nothing of value here. My castle is 10x better than this place.” she rolled her eyes with disdain.
“Nonsense, there’s always something of value. We can just make a valuable memory.” I smile at her confusion. Then I made a sledgehammer and she seemed to light up with an evil smirk.
“You know, I can’t help but think it’s a shame that you’re human.” she says as she took the hammer.
“I’ll take that as a compliment. Now then, let’s do a thing.” I raised my own hammer and swung it directly at the carvings.
“CALL MORE REINFORCEMENTS! WE CAN’T STOP THEM!” Guard H cried out to the Guard Captain.
“DON’T GIVE UP, THERE’S ONLY TWO OF THEM AGAINST ALL OF US!” the Guard Captain charged heroically towards the two vandals, only to get sent flying back.
“CAPTAIN NOOOOO!” the rest of the guards cried out in tears
“Sup.” Hessian appeared before them with a mischievous grin and tapped his foot. The tap created a shockwave that sent the rest of the guards flying.
“Oi Alice! Hurry up, I hear more of them coming!” Hessian called out to his companion
“Then deal with it! I’m venting here!” she retorted as the feeling of demolishing the palace dedicated to Ilias was cathartic for her.
“THEY’RE OVER HERE!” Hessian turned to the next group of guards. Before he could do anything, the wall caved in as a familiar monster stepped in.
“IT’S GRANBERIA!” A guard yelled out in terror
Granberia turned to Hessian and raised her blade. “I have come for a rematch.” she declared with resolve burning in her eyes. Without waiting for Hessian to reply, she broke the sound barrier with a dash towards him. Hessian was startled before raising his sledgehammer to smack her directly into the mob of guards.
“LOOK OUT!” A guard shouted before the flaming swordswoman made direct impact.
“Huh, violence and vandalism all in one package. I can dig it.” Hessian commented as he prepared his sledgehammer for Granberia’s next rush.
30 minutes later
Hessian and Alice could be seen riding out from the palace with explosions in the background. All in all, it was a pretty good day.
Hessian POV
“I will be the first to admit, this is pretty creepy.” I admit as I survey the area. It’s a straight up haunted house, with a graveyard, crows and apparitions. Oh shit is that a little girl in the window?
“Hah, idiot. T-There’s absolutely nothing to be afraid of here.” I noticed her voice shaking.
“Alice, why are you standing so close to me?”
“Y-You’re the one who’s too close!”
“Alice, it’s fine if you’re afraid of ghosts.” I say as ghosts can be pretty damn terrifying depending on the type of ghost.
“Idiot! Why on earth would I be afraid of something so unscientific as ghosts!” her expression was a pretty good poker face.
“Then why is your tail coiled around me.” I deadpanned as I could literally feel her body shivering. She didn’t respond and didn’t let go.
“Besides, there’s a kind of science to ghosts too.”
“What could possibly be scientific about ghosts!?”
“Well, there are many types of ghosts and apparitions. It usually depends on the world laws to decide which ones are prevalent.” I lecture, although I never studied ghosts and spirits thoroughly. I did have some knowledge on the subject.
“There are the basic kinds, which are literally just spirits of the deceased. They are generally harmless as even they are unsure of why they didn’t get sent off into the afterlife.” It happens sometimes, Shinigami generally send them off.
“Then there are sentiments of the will left behind from the deceased. Usually a negative emotion which transformed into a degraded copy of the original.” I’ve seen fewer cases of this.
“There are even cases where an object can develop a lingering sentiment and become it’s own kind of spirit. I don’t have much data on those types.” I’ve only heard of them, never personally seen them.
“Alice?” I glanced at the snake girl whose eyes were completely rolled to the back of her head. Wow, she must really be afraid of ghosts.
“Aaauuuggghh” I hear a m.o.a.ning sound as Alice snapped out of it and gripped my body even tighter with her tail.
“HESSIAN KILL IT!” Alice cried out as she thought it was a ghost. I glanced at the source of the m.o.a.ns to see… zombie girls?
“It’s not a ghost, it’s a zombie.” I deadpan. She seemed to find Zombies more tolerable than ghosts. Odd.
“Damnit, scaring me like that.” She became annoyed, but before she could destroy the mob of zombie girls. I stopped her with a gesture.
“Hold up, I am honestly curious here.”
“Don’t tell me you’re gonna f.u.c.k them too?”
“This is less about thinking about my d.i.c.k and more of curiousity from being a researcher.” I had never done it with a zombie and honestly am curious about collecting data. Like how would it feel to be sucked off by a living corpse? Assuming that they want d.i.c.k, cuz this is an ero-world.
“S-Seemenn” Oh good they want s.e.m.e.n. But why? Does it give them life force to allow them to live longer? Or perhaps they grow stronger from it. Many questions, I really should dissect one.
“Well then, if you’ll excuse me. I’m gonna go see if I can do it with a zombie girl. Then I’m gonna cut them open to see what makes them tick” Truly the data I could get on this would be amazing!
“Idiot, just don’t take too long. I don’t want to have to stay here any longer than I have to.”
I grin at her as I grabbed my haori. But before I could throw it off, a loud ringing came from my belt.
[Master Hessian, the anniversary is here.] Onyx informed as I stopped disrobing.
“Oh. Well s.e.x and research can wait then. Alice, I gotta go.”
“What!? You’re just leaving me here!?” she became panicked at the thought of being left alone at such a creepy location.
“Yah, I’m even putting off pleasure and data. This is actually pretty important to me.” I tell her. “But don’t worry, here take this.” I created a sword out of thin air and threw it to her.
“That sword is literally made to purify ghosts. If you come across a ghost, just swing at it. If it doesn’t do anything, then it’s not a ghost. I’ll be back later then!” I say goodbye as I jump through a portal. Leaving her with the anti ghost sword.
The reason that Hessian was willing to put off both carnal pleasure and dissections was due to the fact, that it was the anniversary of when he and Ereshkigal got together. He thought of what he should get her as a present, but then he realized. There is no material possession that a god would really want.
“Shit, Onyx. Ideas?” Hessian asked as he was at a loss
[I believe Lady Ereshkigal would love anything you gave her.] it was true, that she would be fine as long as they spent time together.
“Yah, but it’d be weird just to get her a stuffed toy or something. Maybe I could make something for her by hand… a mystic code maybe?” he began to think of cool gadgets
[Perhaps you could personally cook for her?] Onyx suggested
“Onyx…. I don’t know how to cook.” Everything he ate, was either created through magic or cooked by others. “You know what, I’ll learn how to cook the best meal she’s ever had!” he declared
On a certain cooking show, Hessian stood with 3 other contestants as they were about to be judged by the famous Chef of that world. Hessian figured that if he wanted to make Ereshkigal something good, then it better be good enough to win the competition.
“Hessian, step forward.” The head chef spoke as the young magician brought up his dish
“Yes Chef, this is a Tagliatelle with wild mushrooms.” Hessian had spent a stupid amount of time trying to learn how to cook in this world. He wouldn’t miss the anniversary, since he could just come back at the correct time.
The head chef wordlessly stepped up to the plate for a taste test. Hessian waited with bated breath for the results of his work.
“Unbelievable.” The head chef spoke the moment he finished his bite. “Hessian, I have a huge problem with this dish.” Hessian began to grow nervous on the inside.
*DRAMATIC THUD*
“It’s that you haven’t made it for me sooner.”
*UPBEAT MUSIC*
“Thank you Chef!” Hessian smiled with joy
“Because if you had, then I would know how good you are at cooking food….. that’s bad.”
*DRAMATIC THUD*
Hessian’s smile immediately died. “Sorry Chef.” he spoke a bit downcast
“And when I say bad, I mean Michael Jackson bad.”
*UPBEAT MUSIC*
Hessian tilted his head a moment before half smiling “Thank you Chef” he said a bit unsure this time.
“You know how he looked really, really bad at the end of his life?”
*DRAMATIC THUD*
This time Hessian just didn’t know how to react so he just asked.
“Chef, I’m sorry but I don’t know if you like the dish or not.” he was honestly confused this time.
“You don’t know if I like the dish or not? Well let’s put it this way, pack your shit. You’re off the show.” he pointed towards the exit while Hessian sighed as he made to leave
However before he left, a portal opened up underneath the Head Chef and dragged him into the abyss. Hessian’s eyes widened as he turned to footsteps aproaching his dish. The newcomer picked up a fork for a sample.
“I think it’s perfect.” Ereshkigal smiled warmly as Hessian’s jaw dropped.
[I informed her of your plans, as I felt you were doing too much] Onyx said from Ereshkigal’s waist
“I’m promoting you to best wing-man.” Hessian declared as he made to embrace his lover on their anniversary.
