Hollywood: The Greatest Showman - Chapter 242: Firm Belief

Chapter 242: Firm Belief

With a cigarette dangling from his lips, Renly instinctively took a drag, only to realize the cigarette was unlit. He felt a sudden impulse to light it.

That brief encounter, barely three to five minutes long, felt so familiar, as if Renly had never left. Eighteen months vanished in an instant, and he was back in those repressed, confused, and struggling years.

“You’re not a genius, never have been.” “You’re not stupid, at least you should know when to give up.” “Dreams? They’re illusions only believed by failures and the poor.”…

Those cold, biting words echoed incessantly in his ears. From childhood to adulthood, they were always cruel, always indifferent, always merciless, as if they had never disappeared, like seaweed tangled around his ankles, like a nightmare that followed him everywhere, like a sword hanging overhead, never to be shaken off.

Searching through his pants pockets and clothes pockets, he couldn’t find a lighter. After the peak of panic, a calm settled over him. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and then another.

Maybe he wasn’t an acting genius; maybe his dreams would never come true; maybe persistence was just foolish and pointless resistance; maybe Hollywood’s fame and fortune would devour him in an instant; maybe the brilliant performances in “The Pacific” and “Buried” were just fleeting fireworks; maybe people ultimately had to learn to compromise with life; maybe the beautiful idea of transforming society only existed in utopias, and in reality, society changed people; maybe, no matter how many edges he had, they would eventually be smoothed out; maybe giving up quickly was a kindness to himself; maybe, maybe… maybe these were all facts, ironclad facts.

But he had no regrets.

Looking back at his stumbling path, he felt unprecedented happiness and satisfaction. He had spent ten years regretting, a lifetime hesitating, and a lifetime exploring. This time, he wouldn’t hesitate again.

Even if the end was an abyss, he wouldn’t give up.

He was no longer Chu Jashu. Reopening his eyes, he removed the cigarette from his mouth, and the turbulent thoughts in his mind gradually settled, becoming clear once more. The long-lost peace and sensation returned.

Looking at the streets of London before him, a strange yet familiar sight, he gradually began to appreciate this city.

Reflecting on the scene just now, Renly realized that his thinking had deviated, or rather, his focus had shifted. It wasn’t about the fatigue accumulated from applying for visas, nor about speculating on the relationships between Jacob and Sam, Anna and Simon, but about a wavering faith.

Jacob and Anna clearly knew there was a problem between them, but they didn’t know what the problem was, and therefore didn’t know how to solve it. Inner agitation took over, leading them to incessantly blame each other—blaming the visa issues, infidelity, the fatigue of life, the lack of understanding from the other, even, like Anna, blaming Jacob’s loud voice…

Were these the root problems? Maybe they were, maybe they weren’t.

This confusion and bewilderment caused their faith to waver.

Once, they believed so firmly that love could conquer all, that distance couldn’t separate them, that life’s obstacles would be overcome. Even if they had to cross mountains and rivers, face endless difficulties, they believed they would end up together. But now, they began to question their initial belief: Could they still make it to the end?

It was like a placebo effect in medicine. The doctor tells the patient it’s a special drug with a high chance of curing the illness, and the patient’s condition genuinely improves—even cancer has been cured this way, though the chances are minuscule, it has happened. This is called the power of belief.

But when this “faith” collapses, the world they built crumbles and disappears.

Jacob and Anna still deeply loved each other, but their belief that they could overcome anything was gone. They tried to identify the problem, hoping to stay together till the end, but it turned into mutual blame. Their agitation and anger, their depression and confusion, magnified every emotional detail to the extreme, becoming ugly.

They both tried hard but felt defeated; they were both angry but felt helpless.

This reminded Renly of his feelings when watching “Like Crazy”: They loved each other deeply, but had to choose to break up.

Looking up again, the street’s end was devoid of Elf and Matthew’s figures. If his faith wavered, where would his life go?

He turned back and went upstairs, opened the door, and everyone was still crowded in the not-so-spacious hall, holding their positions without relaxing. Renly nodded to everyone, apologizing, “Sorry for the delay. I’m ready now, we can shoot.”

But Drake pulled Renly back, shaking his head. Renly was puzzled and gave Drake a questioning look. Drake pointed to his hoarse throat—after daring to speak earlier, he could barely talk now. He pointed to the kitchen and shook his head, eyes wide, trying to explain something to Renly.

But Renly was clueless.

The assistant director, Bryan Stannis, had to step forward and whisper, “Felicity’s not in a good state, really bad. She’s been sitting there, not moving since you left. Drake tried to talk to her, but she threw her wine glass on the floor.”

Renly could imagine everyone’s shock, as Felicity was usually kind and gentle. Her sudden outburst must have scared everyone.

But Renly also understood Felicity’s feelings, like being trapped in a transparent cocoon, seeing everything outside clearly but unable to break free. When the brain is in a mess, forcing a performance only leads to more confusion, completely losing rhythm and touch. It’s a terrible feeling.

Even though Renly wanted to help Felicity, he was powerless.

Acting is very personal. Others can teach methods and tricks, but ultimately, it relies on the actor’s understanding and digestion, then re-interpretation. The same role, even the same emotion, can be presented differently by different actors at different times—that’s the charm of stage drama. People still enjoy watching “Hamlet” after half a century because of this.

Moreover, Renly was still exploring acting himself, far from guiding others.

Felicity needed to find her own way out.

Renly thought for a moment. Maybe he couldn’t guide directly, but he could offer some direction, conveying his understanding of the scene to Felicity. But the problem was, Felicity was too agitated and confused to calm down and think. Dialogue wouldn’t help. They were back to square one.

Drake pointed to the kitchen again, giving Renly a look. This time, Renly understood—Drake wanted him to do something to solve the problem.

Renly shrugged, indicating he was helpless.

Drake rolled his eyes, pointed at his watch, and then at the camera, looking like a circus acrobat, which made Renly chuckle. Seeing Renly’s smile, Drake was both annoyed and amused, wanting to get angry but realizing it was too funny, so he laughed too.

The problem was, Drake couldn’t even laugh. He coughed after a single laugh, his throat feeling like it was on fire, sharply painful. He had to gulp water from a nearby cup. The sight was truly comical.

The atmosphere on set lightened instantly.

The crew was under immense pressure, not just because the scene was crucial, but also because the house was borrowed from Drake’s friend. Tomorrow was the last day they could use it, and they had two more scenes with Anna and Simon to shoot. Time was running out, and they were stuck here.

But at that moment, everyone still laughed, momentarily setting aside their worries and pressure. Renly glanced around at everyone’s happy expressions, and a thought came to him.

Maybe music could be the bridge between Felicity and Anna. Felicity’s mind was a mess, making thinking impossible, blocking verbal communication. But what about music? The language of music and its metaphors could break barriers and build connections between reason and emotion.

It might not work, but it was worth a try.

“Can you find a keyboard in your friend’s house?” Renly asked Drake, who looked puzzled. Renly chuckled, “If you want to start shooting soon, find a keyboard.”