How to Feed an Abyss! - Chapter 68

The story started 20 years ago, when 22-year-old Lin Yeli finished his master’s degree, and his main direction is data science. He graduated ahead of schedule, and skipped one level each in high school and university. At that time, the war situation was urgent, so he did not choose to study for a Ph. D., but directly joined the data center.

At the beginning, he was responsible for the big data analysis of infected wavelengths. After a year, he went to the audio and video analysis project team to do machine learning.

The data is all from the military, and sometimes they have to connect with military personnel.

That’s how Lin Yeran met Yan Xin.

Yan Xin, a 28-year-old lieutenant, got acquainted with their project team leader and came over occasionally to chat.

Lin Yeli was very dissatisfied with this behavior.

—He is always opposed to being late and leaving early, and he is also opposed to fishing at work. If it wasn’t for being unable to do so, he would have deducted all the salary of the team leader.

Even though the two chatted for more than ten minutes, Lin Yeli didn’t give them a good face. Besides, he didn’t like Yan Xin’s behavior, Yan Xin was too flamboyant, he looked like a soldier.

Yan Xin noticed this young researcher who gave him bad looks all day long.

Once the team leader was away, Yan Xin leaned on the roof to smoke.

As soon as Lin Yeran pushed open the roof door, she saw Yan Xin holding a cigarette and looking at him with raised eyebrows.

Lin Yeran “…”

He turned to leave, but Yan Xin called out from behind, “Researcher Lin, what a coincidence—you also come up to let the wind pass?”

After he said that, Lin Yeran wouldn’t turn his face away and leave. So Lin Yelian nodded, “Yes, I’ll just stay for a few minutes.”

“Then let’s chat. I heard Team Leader Liao say that you are a talented student with a natural brain.” Yan Xin took a puff of cigarette, “Are you smart since kindergarten?”

It was this way of chatting that Lin Yelian hated the most—as if the two of them knew each other very well.

Topics are also pointless.

Lin Yeran frowned, and replied indifferently, “It’s okay.”

Yan Xin: “I can’t do it. My head hurts just looking at those things. Your parents should always praise you, right?”

“Occasionally.”

“Then when do you divide your majors? High school or university?”

“University.” Lin Yelian replied, “I am a recommended student, and I started to learn data analysis in high school.”

“Awesome!” Yan Xin whistled, “I heard they said that recommended students have scholarships.”

“Not everyone has either.”

“And you?”

“The full amount.”

From the beginning to the end, Lin Yeli was very perfunctory, and an unknown fire burned in his heart. But Yan Xin was ignorant, smoking a cigarette and asking endless questions.

When Yan Xin was chattering about his parents, Lin Yeran lost his patience and said, “Lieutenant Yan, I still have things to do, so let’s go first.”

Yan Xin: “It’s only been 10 minutes. The battle has been going well recently. Team Leader Liao said that you are free, don’t you fish?”

“I’m serious about my work.” Lin Yeran replied stiffly.

“Let’s talk for a while, I’m still waiting for your team leader.”

“No.”

“I’ll give you a cigarette, a good one, top quality, you can’t get it outside.”

“No, be careful of lung cancer.”

Yan Xin looked at him and suddenly smiled, “Researcher Lin, do you have any opinion on me?”

“No.”

“Yes, why do I think your opinion is too big?”

Lin Yeran couldn’t bear it anymore, and turned around and said, “Aren’t you…cough cough! Cough!”

Yan Xin sprayed a puff of cigarette on his face, and laughed, “Is it a good cigarette? I didn’t lie to you!”

——Liang Zi ended up like this.

Afterwards, Yan Xin always came to hand over the work, and Lin Yeran couldn’t avoid it.

Yan Xin looks like a dog in the meeting, but it is different in private. Every time she smiles, “Hi! Researcher Lin, do you drink coffee or not!”

Or “Why are you still arguing with the team members with a stinky face? Let me tell you that it is true to be calm. If you get angry too much, you will age prematurely.”

Another example is “Hahaha, you seem to have a white hair, I’ll help you pull it out! Don’t hide, other black hairs won’t be scared to gray.”

And Lin Yelian changed from researcher Lin to team leader Lin.

He changed from “Lieutenant Yan, I still have things to do” at the beginning to “Yan Xin, do you have anything else to do?”, and finally developed into “Get lost”.

Later, he couldn’t help it, and asked Yan Xin, “Why do you always pester me?”

“It’s interesting to see your reaction,” Yan Xin said leaning against the wall, “It’s also interesting to scold people.”

Lin Yeran said coldly, “You have to be thankful that you are not under my command, otherwise you will pack up and leave on the first day, and you will be punished. You will never want to enter the system again in this life.”

“Team Leader Lin, how can you say that—” Yan Xin still laughed foolishly, “But you really can’t tell? I like you very much.”

“If you are sick, go to the doctor.”

“I’m serious, hey, hey, don’t go away—Leader Lin, let’s have a date!”

Lin Yelian slammed the door in front of him, almost hitting the tip of his nose.

Later, Yan Xin’s pursuit became more and more violent.

Sometimes it’s a bouquet of flowers, sometimes it’s a packaged supper, sometimes it’s a monster’s skull—Lin Yeli couldn’t figure out why she would give such a gift.

The members of the group gradually got used to it. Once Yan Xin was in the city, he would definitely come to see Lin Yeran. Lin Ye then got used to it later, and didn’t let him go anymore, even though he did, he wouldn’t leave.

Like a dog skin plaster.

But this plaster is handsome, has a good temper, and is very annoying.

Once Lin Yeli finished debugging the model, it was already late at night.

When he returned to the office, his colleague forgot to turn off the public address, and the female voice was broadcasting the battle situation on the radio.

Yesterday, a fierce battle broke out in Iron City.

Yan Xin went to Tiecheng, and must have participated in that battle.

Lin Yeran paused for a moment, and for some reason, she sat down with a coffee cup in her hand and finished listening to the broadcast. Only a few words mentioned Yan Xin, saying that he guarded the northern line of defense in Tiecheng and fought a very difficult battle.

It was three o’clock in the morning when the broadcast ended.

Lin Yeli put on his coat, walked out of the data center, and suddenly stopped.

Yan Xin stood by the car holding a bouquet of flowers.

He was only wearing an unlined shirt, shivering from the cold, and smiled when he saw Lin Yeran, “You’ve come down, I didn’t say, you’ll be bald sooner or later if you stay up late like this. Come here, I have hot water.”

Lin Yeran asked, “Why are you here? Why aren’t you staying in the car?”

“I came back from Tiecheng overnight, and I want to see you.” Yan Xin stuffed the flowers into Lin Yeran’s hands, and took the thermos from the car, “I see that it’s almost time for you to get off work, so I wanted to wait for you and let you You can see the flowers as soon as you step down. I only stood there for about 20 minutes. The **** weather is too cold…Come and drink some hot water, don’t freeze your precious body, You’re not like me with rough skin and thick flesh, smoking cigarettes will cure all diseases.”

Lin Yeran said, “You treat me as a sick child?”

“Look at what you said!” Yan Xin rubbed her hands, “The punch you gave me last time was so powerful, it could kill a cow.”

Lin Yeran smiled.

The bottle of hot water was shared between the two of them.

After that, we were together like this.

The first two years of dating were sweet and sweet. Yan Xin went back and forth between Fengyang City and Tiecheng, Lin Yeran tried to pick her up every time she came back. And after Lin Yeran came home from overtime work, as long as Yan Xin was at home, he would definitely be able to drink a cup of hot milk—Yan Xin always said that hot milk helps sleep, and it is most suitable for researchers like them who are thinking hard all day long.

They went out to dinner and dates, and kissed in the dark of night.

“Do you know?” Yan Xin whispered in his ear, “I have fallen in love with you since the first time I saw you.”

Lin Yeran “It was love at first sight?”

“Well.” Yan Xin said, “Actually, I found out later that you must like me too. It’s just that you are not honest enough.” He smiled, “You have always been like this, you can’t tell the truth, it’s fine Face, just like you were obviously very happy just now…”

“Shut up.” Lin Yeran said.

Yan Xin muffled a laugh.

However, life is not always as it should be.

The battle was tense later, Lin Yeran was busy with projects, while Yan Xin was promoted to captain and became Colonel Lu Zhun’s right-hand man, spending most of his time in Tiecheng.

The two get together less and leave more, and finally get together, but it is no longer the sweetness of the past.

At the beginning, it was a quarrel about daily necessities, and then there were mutual accusations and criticisms. The two have different personalities, and have different ideas about big and small things. After a long time, when the initial filter is removed, the problem is exposed.

Every quarrel will end with Yan Xin’s submissiveness.

Yan Xin lit a cigarette and said, “Lin Yeran, why can’t you be more honest?”

“Frankly what?” Lin Yelian was looking at the data model on the computer, and made a mistake again, he frowned.

“Admit your mistakes frankly, be happy and angry frankly, and say I love you frankly.” Yan Xin said, “There should be no secrets between us. Is there anything we can’t talk about? I know we are at odds all day long, and we keep everything in our hearts. .”

Lin Yeran didn’t speak.

Yan Xin sighed, “I am also a human being, and I will be tired too. I really want to hear that you can look at me frankly and say again, I love you.”

Later, they quarreled again.

After many years, Lin Yeli no longer remembered the reason for the quarrel.

It may be that he forgot the date with Yan Xin again, it may be that his attitude of speaking is too indifferent, it may be that he has been awkward and unable to express his emotions, and he will never be able to express his concern and love when Yan Xin is down and needs him. love.

In short, Lin Yelian knew it was his fault, but he couldn’t admit it.

Yan Xin said, “I’m going to Tiecheng. The situation there is urgent. I don’t know how long it will take to come back.”

“It’s okay.” Lin Yeran said, “My project is also busy.”

Yan Xin said again, “I should go to the communication tower this time. The sunset there is beautiful and the signal is the best. I can send you a photo of the sunset on the top of the tower.”

Lin Yelian “Concentrate on directing, don’t think about these things.”

Yan Xin packed her luggage and looked at him before leaving, “Sometimes, I don’t know what you’re thinking, or whether you like me or not.”

“What nerves?”

“How about this, you tell me frankly what you think, and then I’ll show you the sunset on the communication tower, and then, tell you a little secret of mine.” Yan Xin winked, “I’ll hide that secret.” It’s been several years. How is it, is this a good deal?”

Lin Yeran opened his mouth.

He wanted to say something, but in the end he didn’t say it, he just said, “Come on, people in their thirties are so naive, and they are still captains.”

“I’m in front of you, but I never hide anything.” Yan Xin was a little disappointed, and quickly covered her expression, opened the door, “I’m leaving. Goodbye, I love you.”

Then Tiecheng fell, and Yan Xin died on the top of the tower.

He never heard Lin Yelian say I love you until he died.

Twenty years later, in the middle of the night in Fengyang City, Lin Yeran talked to Shi Yuan intermittently about the past.

He said, “After Yan Xin left, I kept thinking about it and felt that I did something wrong. I owe him a lot of apologies.”

He said, “I’m always not sincere enough. When he pursued me, I didn’t hate him long ago, and I insisted on putting on a bad face, but I couldn’t save it. I always said he was naive, but actually The most childish one is myself.”

He said, “I still have a lot to say to him. I have been harsh, awkward, and mean, but he just likes me like this.”

Shi Yuan listened silently.

From the beginning to the end, Lin Yeli’s voice was very calm, as if he was telling someone else’s story.

Lin Yeran also said, “After the fall of Iron City, all the surviving combat records were sent to the data center. I was the supervisor at that time, and I worked in several project teams, including the audio and video analysis team I was in at the beginning. I got every The soldiers’ recorder images, including… the group of people in the communication tower.”

He continued, “Most of the data collection is done by AI, and some parts also need to be checked manually, mainly the records of those officers, including Lu Zhun and Yan Xin.”

“I offered to help and saw Yan Xin’s combat records. I saw him retreat from the street defense point, came under the communication tower, and then climbed up layer by layer. I saw his comrades were killed, the floor collapsed, and the remaining After the break, Lu Zhun also died, and only he reached the top of the tower. At the last moment, he transmitted data to Fengyang City, and I saw the sunset of Tiecheng through his eyes, so he didn’t break his promise.”

“I know.” Shi Yuan said, “I know this story.”

Lin Yeran smiled, “Then you definitely don’t know. Between the time he passed the data and the time he swallowed the gun and committed suicide, there was a minute to spare, and he sent a private message through the terminal.”

“…” Shi Yuan opened his eyes slightly, “Is it for you?”

“The recorder’s clarity is limited, plus it’s damaged, so it’s hard to see the recipient and content.” Lin Yeran said, “But it was sent to me, otherwise who else would be? He loves me so much.”

Shi Yuan asked, “What did he say?”

“I don’t know.” Lin Yeran said, “The signal is unstable, Yan Xin’s news has disappeared forever in the airwaves. I watched the replay over and over again to see how he died slowly. I don’t know how many times I watched it. I didn’t find that message either. After the analysis work was over, I resigned.”

Shi Yuan “Why did you resign?”

“I have watched his combat records too many times. I remember every word, every inch of light, and every detail clearly. When I sit in front of the screen, I think of him. Even today, I still remember him climbing to the top. The stairs took 27 steps, and the data transmission took 18 minutes and 27 seconds. He committed suicide with the third bullet in the pistol.” Lin Yeran said lightly, “So I thought, I might have to take a break and resign. When I arrived at the psychological counseling center, I didn’t expect it to be 16 years.”

His voice was low and hoarse. “After so long, I always thought this matter was over. Until a few months ago, I was drunk and woke up to find his dog tag hanging around my neck.”

Shi Yuan “…”

That was what he brought back from Tiecheng and returned to Lin Yelian.

Lin Yeran: “I think either I’m crazy, or Yan Xin is back. So I went to the data center again, watched how he died, and broke the illusion.”

Shi Yuan gripped the phone handle tightly.

His original intention was to return the property to its original owner, so that Lin Yelian could get some comfort.

“The dead can’t be resurrected. Fortunately, a part of him has returned to me.” On the other end of the phone, Lin Yelian squeezed the dog tag tightly, his fingertips turning white, “I don’t know how this dog tag came back. , but…it’s a miracle.”

“This kind of thing has happened, what else is impossible? I want another miracle, I’m going back to the data center, in those turbulent data flows, maybe one day, Yan Xin’s news will come back to me around.”

Before I knew it, it was already three thirty in the morning.

Lin Yeran said, “My story is over. You…you should go to rest earlier.” He paused, and sincerely thanked, “I just wanted to talk to myself on the phone, thank you for answering my call, Thank you for listening to me. Strange, isn’t it? The last customer on the advice line was the owner. Please don’t tell the story, it’s embarrassing.”

“No.” Shi Yuan said, “This is an anonymous call. I’m just an operator. How could I know who you are?”

Lin Yeran was taken aback for a moment, then laughed dumbly.

Before hanging up the phone, he said, “If I had a chance to do it again, I would definitely tell Yan Xin that I still love him. This has never changed. Now I can understand him. , The difference is really that little bit of honesty.”

The phone hung up, and the office fell silent.

Shi Yuan took the evening tram home.

Lu Tinghan went to the main city and didn’t know when he would come back.

As the tram moved forward, Shi Yuan sat by the window, and a few street lights passed by. He thought of the apology and confession that Lin Yelian failed to say, and also thought of many others, such as Su Enqi and Su Liang, the harsh and stubborn old man who waited until the last moment to give in and admit that he loved Su deeply Well, for example, Lu Tinghan and Lu Zhun, if Lu Zhun sincerely apologized earlier, would the relationship between father and son be different? Will Lu Tinghan accept that heroic, dedicated and ordinary father?

Many contradictions, all kinds of regrets.

It’s just that I don’t want to say it, it’s just that it’s too late.

There is such a truth that people know and admit, although whether it is realized or not is another matter.

But Shi Yuan is a little monster.

A weird little monster with nothing to worry about.

In the middle of the night, in the quiet and silent tram, with dim lights on his shoulders and a long black street outside the window, he has witnessed so many stories, and he finally understood one thing very belatedly and suddenly—

Love requires honesty.

…

Cai Deyuan took out the key, opened an old lock, stretched out his hand and pushed it, and the old door creaked open.

“Admiral Lu, this is the place,” he said. “It hasn’t been cleaned all these years, and it’s all dusty.”

“It’s okay.” Lu Tinghan said, “I just stopped by to get something.”

Cai Deyuan used to be a logistics soldier.

Lu Zhun and Yu Qingmei didn’t care about family affairs, Cai Deyuan regularly sent rice, oil and supplies to Lu’s family, and occasionally cleaned and took care of flowers and plants. Lu Tinghan had seen him many times since he was a child, and called him “Uncle Cai”.

And this is the old house where Lu Tinghan lived in the main city.

For a while, Yu Qingmei wanted to stay in the research center in the main city, they moved here for a year and a half, and then went back to Fengyang City.

The old house is full of dust.

Cai Deyuan coughed from choking, and opened the window to let in the air. Lu Tinghan went straight to his room and dragged out a few cardboard boxes from under the bed.

The box was also his childhood items, which he turned over bit by bit.

“By the way!” Cai Deyuan said in the living room, “There is also a plate of antipyretics here, it’s in the drawer, I remember it clearly.”

“It’s been a long time since it expired.” Lu Tinghan took out a bundle of popular science magazines.

“That’s not true, it all happened when you were 8 years old.” Cai Deyuan said, “But I remember it very clearly. After all, you have only been seriously ill once or twice.”

Lu Tinghan paused, “I have a cold and a fever?”

Cai Deyuan wondered, “Don’t you remember this? Or I have been looking after you.”

“No impression.”

“Professor Yu and Colonel Lu didn’t mention it either?”

Lu Tinghan recalled, “Maybe I mentioned a few words. They don’t care too much about this kind of thing.”

“No, no, that’s weird.” Cai Deyuan patted the ashes on the sofa and sat down, “On your way to the main city, there was a thunderstorm in the main city, so it’s not convenient for the aircraft to land. You are at the outpost We changed vehicles over there. As a result, during the break, you ran away alone!”

Lu Tinghan “… ran away?”

“Yes, I ran to the wasteland alone.” Cai Deyuan said convincingly, “But Captain Huang, who led the team, was scared to death, and the whole team was looking for you. You disappeared for a long time, and you came back by yourself without any injuries. You were not infected, but you had a high fever. They all said that you had a fever from fright.”

He shook his head, “Tsk tsk, I still remember that the fever reached more than 40 degrees, and it lasted for more than a week. Fortunately, you are still so smart after the burn, otherwise you will suffer a lot hehehe.”

“Uncle Cai, are you sure about this?”

“Of course, how can I remember it wrong.” Cai Deyuan thought of something, and then added with a wrinkled face, “Captain Huang probably didn’t make it clear in the report, and I’m afraid of being blamed—that old fox of him, I’d better learn from other people in the team. I heard about it. Your parents may not know that you have been away for so long, so they thought it was a common illness, so they didn’t mention it to you. Hahaha, they are too busy, too busy, don’t take it to heart. “

Lu Tinghan “…”

He frowned slightly.

There were a lot of things in the cardboard box, and he sorted them out one by one.

He found a few marbles and put them away in a box, thinking that Shi Yuan might like them.

In addition, there are popular science books, a few beautiful postcards, a few violin scores… He put them away and prepared to take them back to Shi Yuan.

He also found a sketchbook.

He came to the main city when he was 8 years old, and his drawing skills are quite naive, but the lines are drawn very straight.

He painted streets, crowds, researchers, and tall city walls, gushing gorgeous sunrises and blooming snow.

After turning over a dozen pages later, the brush strokes gradually matured, and the picture became more formal. The child records the world in this way, drawing what he sees.

Lu Tinghan turned over a dozen more pages, and was about to close the sketchbook when he suddenly stopped.

He froze all over.

A piece of drawing paper sandwiched in the middle fluttered down. The flowers are in full bloom and the light is like the tide.

——The exquisite little devil sat cross-legged, holding his own tail, his eyes were bright, and the ends of his hair were blown by the wind.

As time goes by, the past quietly floats up.

After 23 years of distant time and howling wind, Shi Yuan looked at him with flowers and light, and rolled his eyes with a smile.