How To Raise Your Regressor - Chapter 155

“Eh?” Clementine’s eyes widened as I pointed the gun at her forehead.

Before anyone could say or do anything, I squeezed the trigger.

BANG!

The pull of my trigger was followed by a loud boom (I might need to create a silencer).

A fraction of a second letter, the bullet hit the ceiling with a loud bang and formed a large crater.

Chunks of rock fell down on us, some big enough to cause some pretty serious injuries but someone put up a shield using magic and protected us.

“As expected of the Shadowlord,” I smiled. “Also, my hand hurts.”

“Haah, haaah,” Clementine let go of my hand but continued panting while staring down for some moments. “You… you really pulled it,” she finally looked up at me with widened and trembling eyes.

“I trusted your abilities.”

I actually didn’t, but let’s not tell her that. After all, like all normal people, I don’t fancy getting my ass whooped by my so-called little sister.

Hmm, some might have a fetish for that. Not me, though.

“S-Samur!” Neia finally came out of her trance, gripped my shoulder and forcefully turned me around. “What the hell were you thinking?!”

“Oh come on, it was a harmless little prank. No need to make such a big deal out of it.”

Like bruh, is this the first time someone has literally shot at his little sister with the intention to kill her right in front of your eyes? Grow up mate.

Oh wait, isn’t that why I was kicked out of the Eckart Ducal house?

Wow.

“You could have killed her!”

“I obviously wouldn’t have. What do you take me for? A newbie prankster?”

“What?”

“If Clementine hadn’t pushed the gun away at the last moment, I would have,” I lied.

That’s because I wouldn’t have.

I mean, this was the perfect chance to get rid of this self-proclaimed little sister. Doing the long con might be interesting, but I am all for speedy solutions.

Was my method ethical? Absolutely not.

But was it efficient? Well, no, not really.

Killing her in front of so many witnesses without even trying to make it seem like an accident was far from a tactical masterpiece.

If Clementine had died, I would have immediately been caught and imprisoned. I probably wouldn’t have been able to convince them that it was an accident. As a result, I would have been punished.

Samur Eckart, professional assassin at your service.

That aside, her movements were impressive (for this world’s standards), and she displayed good decision-making skills.

The moment I pulled the trigger, she realised that her life was in danger. So, with the speed of lightning (literally), she grabbed my hand and pushed it upwards, thus making the bullet hit the ceiling.

Clementine still seemed to be shaken from the near-death experience though.

“But what if something went wrong, hmm?” Neia asked with a voice as cold as ice, as if the temperature of her lungs had dropped down to absolute zero.

That metaphor was a bit weird.

“Then we still have THAT,” I winked.

Aka the Elixir.

“…” Her eyes narrowed. “It’s still not a valid reason to do something like this.”

“Well, you can consider it a lesson for you then,” I smiled.

“A lesson?”

“Every time you hold a gun to someone’s face, you have to make a decision. The moment you pull the trigger is the moment you end someone’s life, and there will be no way to bring it back.”

Aside from resurrection magic, obviously, but let’s keep it aside for the time being.

“…” Her eyes widened.

“That’s why, before pulling the trigger you have to be absolutely sure that you want to take your enemy’s life, and that you won’t regret it. Those are the very basics of owning a gun.”

“…” Her hand slowly slipped off my shoulder.

Nicely done, if I do say so myself.

My lying skills are just exemplary. I should get an award for this or something.

No wait, if I do get an award for being the world’s best liar, wouldn’t that literally tell everyone that I’m a pathological liar? No one would believe me then because they would think I’m lying.

So I can’t get an award for lying.

Ultra sed.

“What happened to you?” Neia asked, perhaps noticing my dejected state.

“Pulling a trigger is not easy, you know?” I replied as I looked down at the gun in my hand.

Ez.

“Oh…” Neia pursed her lips. “Well, the next time you want to teach me something, consider doing so without a practical demonstration.”

“I’ll think about that,” I turned around to face Clementine and Lecia. “I’m truly sorry to make you go through that. You seem pretty shaken up, so go back and rest.”

In other words, get the fuck outta hea.

“That was…” My little sister eked out while looking down at the ground.

Did it really traumatise her that much? Nice. She might stay away from me for some time now.

“That was?”

“That was awesome!” She looked up at me with sparkling yet slightly trembling eyes.

…

In hindsight, why did I even expect a normal reaction from the girl who asked the killer of her family to be her new family?

This is just wow, Clementine, this is just wow.

“Hmm, it seems like this incident has affected you more severely than I thought. My apologies.”

“No, no, I enjoyed that!” She exclaimed.

“What?” Neia raised her eyebrows.

“What?” And so did Lecia.

“I wasn’t aware that my sister was an adrenaline junkie,” I couldn’t help but sigh.

This is just getting out of hand.

“Hey, hey, do it again.”

Wut?

“You’ve just gone through a horrible experience, Clementine. What you need right now is therapy, not going experiencing it again. My therapy sessions are currently on a 99% discount.”

“Huh?” Neia looked at me in stupefaction, her eyes asking if I really just tried to promote my therapy business.

Well, yes. Yes, I did, Neia. How else am I going to get customers to scam I mean patients whose lives I can change for the better?

“No, it’s not about that,” Clementine shook her head.

“It isn’t?”

“The moment you pointed that gun at my head and fired it, I felt fear… I knew that my life was in danger and it scared me. My body froze and I couldn’t move, you know,” while she was telling me this, she had clutched her sides.

“But you overcame that fear and pushed my hand away.”

“I did, but…”

“But?”

“I still feel that dread. I still can’t help but wonder what might have happened if I was even a second late.”

Well, let’s just say that the floor would have had a new paint job.

“That’s only natural. It’s impossible to get over your fear of death with just one near death experience.”

It’s in the nature of a living being to fear its end; that’s how they were designed. Overcoming that fear takes more courage than what most are capable of.

In other words, most living beings are not able to get over the fear of their life being ended.

And that’s perfectly fine. That’s what it means to live, after all.

“I know. That’s why I want to try it again. I don’t want to feel afraid of death, ever again.”

Hmm?

“I don’t think there’s any need for that.”

“Why not?”

“Fearing the end of one’s life is a necessary trait for any living being, because it is that fear which lets them evolve.”

“What?”

“Being scared of death fuels their desire to escape it because, you know, they are scared of it. The closer one’s death is, the more extreme the desire to live becomes. They become even more desperate and do things that no one with a sane mind would even imagine to do. And that leads to evolution.”

“…I never thought of it that way,” Clementine’s eyes widened.

“Losing the fear of your death means losing the evolutionary advantages that come with it. After all, the edge of life and death is where you grow the most.”

“B-but I want to be like you!” She exclaimed.

Wut?

“Want to be like me? In what way?”

Wait, don’t tell me that she wants to be an epic prankster like me.

Hot damn…

To think I would get a pupil so soon. Nice.

I’ll take her under my wing and teach her all there is to successfully pulling epic pranks on people close to her by mentally scarring them and cursing them to a lifetime of therapy in return for a cheap laugh or two.

Not to mention that with an accomplice, I could pull even more epic pranks.

Clementine as an assistant can help me in many ways. She can set the scene, create the mood, direct the conversation, manipulate the targets, and much more.

With her help, I could pull the most epic prank of my entire life.

“I want to be as fearless towards death as you.”

…

W H A T

T H E

A C T U A L

F U C K

God-fucking-damnit!

I was pranked by my own little sister.

Fuck.