I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin - CH 23

Wang Xiao Mie collapsed in the coffin, staring at the intricate carvings on the inside the coffin wall. His limbs were spread apart and his eyes unfocused. His clothes were taken off, revealing the little naked dumpling inside.

Strawberry marks sprinkled across his body from head to toe like tattoos.

Wang Xiao Mie: ….. I was almost turned into a crippled dumpling!

And the culprit was sitting on the edge of the coffin wearing only the bottom half of his flaming red robe. His bare muscular back and long ink-like hair were facing Wang Xiao Mie. He hummed an old tune as he tapped on the coffin with his fingers.

To put it simply, he was in a wonderfully good mood!!!

Wang Xiao Mie looked at his hollowed out and disheveled self, then stared back at the elated dog whose waist was not in pain and shoulders were not aching!

A tiny flame called envy ignited in him…

He gritted his teeth and called out: “Xiao Wenzi…..”

“Hm?” Wen Feng Jin turned back and Wang Xiao Mie was almost blinded by his brilliant smile.

Wang Xiao Mie: “…..” Boss, are you that happy? Your character design is collapsing!!

Wen Feng Jin got up from his sitting position. He knelt down beside the coffin and reached in to gently touch Wang Xiao Mie’s cheek with the utmost affection. He almost had an urge to press him against his chest.

“Xiao Mie, yesterday….” At the mention of yesterday, Wen Feng Jin strained his face and tried to stay in character but still could not hold in his ecstatic smile. His eyes sparkled as he held Wang Xiao Mie’s hand tightly: “I was very happy yesterday. I will take care of you for eternity. I will definitely take responsibility for you. I will never let down your trust and feelings!”

“…..”

“Oh, that’s right. We have long been married. Hah ha ha.”

“…..”

The beautiful demon did not suppress his somewhat foolish laughter.

Boss, please don’t do that, you’re scaring me. Wang Xiao Mie swallowed his saliva and heard Wen Feng Jin said: “On the wedding night, after the women from our homeland… do it for the first time, it was customary to have a bowl of red bean rice. Although there are no red beans in the tomb, I’ve found an alternative from what the grave robbers left behind. Come, I’ll help you get dressed and then I’ll cook some for you.”

He supported Wang Xiao Mie out of the coffin and dressed him attentively. After being clothed, Wang Xiao Mie was lifted into a princess carry. His long black hair cascaded down onto the red wedding dress like a soft brocade.

Steady arms wrapped around his shoulders and thighs as Wang Xiao Mie laid compliantly in his embrace, feeling deeply touched.

My husband is super hot and super caring!

When they got to the riverside where they used to wash clothes, Wen Feng Jin put him down carefully, “Wait for me here.”

“Ok.” Wang Xiao Mie blinked twice and nodded. He observed Wen Feng Jin with anticipation as he went ahead and cleaned the pots and utensils before lighting up the alcohol block to cook the rice.

But when Wen Feng Jin started cooking, he became secretive and tried to block Wang Xiao Mie’s view. When he was allowed to look, the beans and rice were already boiling in the pot with a tight lid on top.

Wang Xiao Mie’s heart was smitten. He grinned and pretended not to care: “Che~ there’s no need to be secretive, I’m not curious.”

Wen Feng Jin did not respond. He only smiled after hearing his words.

After that night, they could not help but see pink blossoms popping up as they looked at each other. Wang Xiao Mie blushed and turned away.

Wen Feng Jin chuckled and his eyes were filled with affection.

Cooking rice took a long time and as the atmosphere grew stagnant, Wang Xiao Mie got impatient and stole a glance at Wen Feng Jin. As it turned out, heh heh, Wen Feng Jin was also staring at him heartily!

Ai yo~ the look that stole my first time!

Wang Xiao Mie sprang up: “I… I… I’m going over there to play with the mud!”

Wen Feng Jin nodded with a smile.

Wang Xiao Mie marched towards the river bank and squatted down to play with the mud. As he molded the clay into different shapes, he replayed the scenes from last night in his head. His face was blushing red from embarrassment but he still couldn’t help giggling.

Slurp~ Wen Feng Jin’s waist is so strong ~

Slurp~ last night ~ Miee heh heh~

When he snapped back and looked down, the clay in his hand had turned into Wen Feng Jin’s ‘big brother’.

“…..”

Ah ah ah!

Wang Xiao Mie pounded the item into the ground with his palm. Smoke was rising from the top of his head and he wanted to drill a hole to hide in. His face was heated and he had to use the back of his hands to hide his red cheeks.

Oh my, the uncontrollable mind of a man who had *beep* for the first time!

Unknown to him, the not-so-far-apart Wen Feng Jin was looking at his ashamed expression and biting his lower lip…

Um, how very cute.

Um, how I want to *beep*.

The mind of the millennial undead virgin who had tasted *beep* for the first time was even more uncontrollable.

As the air was filled with the pungent smell of love, the porridge was also done, adding a delicate fragrance to the mix. Wen Feng Jin opened the lid and stirred with a satisfied look.

“Xiao Mie, come and have lunch.”

“Ok! I’m coming!” Wang Xiao Mie rubbed the mud off his hands. He washed his hands using the cold water from the river and happily went to Wen Feng Jin.

Hmm, red bean rice. Other than his grandma, this was the first time someone cared and cooked for him!

Wen Feng Jin served him a portion of hot, well-cooked rice. He blew and said softly: “This is my first time making this. At least give it a try. And don’t scald yourself.”

Wang Xiao Mie gazed at his gentle face and giggled: “Don’t worry! I’ll finish it!”

“Ok, but be careful of the heat.” Wen Feng Jin blissfully passed the rice to him.

Wang Xiao Mie accepted the bowl with sparks in his eyes. When he lowered his head to eat…

Wang Xiao Mie: “…..”

Wen Feng Jin had already taken a bite when he saw Wang Xiao Mie sitting still as a piece of wood. He frowned and asked: “What’s wrong Xiao Mie? Is it not to your taste?”

“…..no, you said before that you couldn’t find red beans so you used an alternative, right?”

“That’s right.”

“…..” Wang Xiao Mie scooped up a spoonful of green peas from his bowl with a wooden expression, “So you used green peas instead?”

Wen Feng Jin tilted his head: “Green peas are also good for your health, is there something wrong?”

“…..”

Wang Xiao Mie quietly picked up from the ground the packaging used for the peas.

The label read: Specialized green peas for graverobbers! Soaked in professional holy water for 7,7, 49 days. Can be used as food as well as exorcising zombies. A discount of two yuan on your next purchase for writing a good review smooch~

(TN: This is actually a reference to the game Plants vs Zombies. Anyone who had played it would know that the first plant you get is a peashooter that shoots green peas to kill zombies)

“…..”

Specialized green peas?!

Soaked in holy water for 49 days?! It’s just regular water right, you swine! And soaked for 49 days, have you asked about the peas’ feelings. The poor thing couldn’t even sprout! Negative review! negative review!

He looked at the green pea that seemed to cry: “I’m very green! You’ll turn green too if you eat me!”

Wang Xiao Mie covered his face and shed two rows of tears.

The day after our first *beep*, my husband made me, a zombie, a bowl of holy green pea rice. Can I burn him, will I be arrested after burning him? Waiting online, it’s urgent! (TN: While red bean represents love, green refers to someone cheating in a relationship.)

“Xiao Mie, why aren’t you eating?” Wen Feng Jin urged.

“Xiao Wenzi…”

“Hm?”

“Do you know what ‘wearing a green hat’ or ‘you’re greened’ mean?”

The ancient tyrant Wen Feng Jin frowned and shook his head.

Wang Xiao Mie smiled graciously and picked out all the green peas and gave them to him: “You’re the one who had to work hard yesterday, you should have more. I’ll just have rice.”

Thinking of yesterday, Wen Feng Jin once again beamed with delight, he scooped the peas and put it back in Wang Xiao Mie’s bowl: “You have to eat more too, after all….”

“…..”

Wang Xiao Mie did not reject him anymore and ate the peas. After chewing down a few, the beans’ heat diffusing effects soothed his heart….

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It was unclear whether zombies weren’t allowed to eat green peas or that the peas were really soaked in exorcising water but that night, the familiar feeling once again erupted in Wang Xiao Mie’s stomach.

He sat up and with a black face and stared at Wen Feng Jin who was absolutely fine!

Injustice! Why is it that we eat and drink the same thing but I’m the only one getting fatter, ah no, I mean I’m the only one getting diarrhea!

“What’s wrong?” Seeing his discomfort, Wen Feng Jin asked in concern, “Xiao Mie, say something, don’t scare me.”

“It’s nothing…” Wang Xiao Mie bit his teeth and covered his stomach: “I need to use the toilet.”

Wen Feng Jin was briefly stunned. He remembered the event from last time and immediately went to get the toilet paper they had found. He then quickly carried Wang Xiao Mie to the latrine from before.

“I’ll wait for you at the door.”

Wang Xiao Mie grabbed the toilet paper and rushed in. He groaned in pain and squatted down with a bitter face.

Sooner or later, I’ll be poisoned to death by Wen Feng Jin!

But this time, there shouldn’t be a person falling from above, right?

Wang Xiao Mie looked up at the stone slab and thought of how he had met Zhen Bei the last time he was here.

Haha, how can this be? Not only had he found the fish pearls but how could a person fall in the same trap twice?

Wait! This feels like the dialogue to activate a really strange flag. He couldn’t possibly fall down right now and prove me wrong, right!?

Wang Xiao Mie looked up with fear but even after his business was done and he had wiped his butt, nothing strange came falling down…..

Hah! Like I said, how can there be so many coincidences in this world~

With that, he re-attired himself properly but just as he got to the door, Wen Feng Jin was suddenly right in front of him. He pulled him behind and raised his head to stare angrily at something overhead!

At the same time, the stone slab on the ceiling gave out a familiar sound and abruptly opened!

“Uwahhhh!”

A familiar person gave out a pitiful scream and with a plop, dropped on the ground.

After saying “Oww, my waist”, he got up quickly and shook his head. His movement was a little fuzzy like he had a concussion.

He ‘pei pei pei’ to spit out the dirt in his mouth as his hands patted his body to remove the dust on his clothes. It took him a while to finally settle down and observe his surroundings.

As their eyes locked, the three of them were rooted in place. Zhen Bei was dumbfounded at first, then a big smile spread across his face!

He even dared to flash his sunny smile and wave his hands like a big husky!

“Hey! Xiao Mie! I’m back again! Did you miss me?!”

“…..”

“…..”

Wang Xiao Mie gawked at Zhen Bei. There was a long silence. He raised his hand slowly to his mouth and gave it a light slap: you just have to jinx it! And… what is this place?! A summoning ground?!