I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin - CH 55

Chapter 55 Truth bug

You must say some insincere words as a civilized person throughout your life, such as white lies, malicious deceit, and polite remarks when socializing.

‘I’m busy right now; let’s discuss later.’

‘You look fantastic in this as well.’

‘Long time no see, you’ve lost weight.’

‘Don’t be afraid; things will get better.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘We are best friends.’

‘I’m always there for you.’

We can all tell small lies casually, over the screen of our phones, to strangers, to people close to us, and even to ourselves.

In fact, this not only serves as a form of protection for ourselves, but it also allows others to relax.

However, Wang Xiaomie learned today that he had lost this ability…

To be more specific, it had been this way since the previous night.

Wang Xiaomie sat cross-legged on the sofa, his eyes closed, and folded his arms across his chest, recalling the events of the day before. Of course, he was not recalling that!!!

Rather, why did he start talking…strangely soon after the feather pattern on his shoulders started to grow?

Maybe…

Wang Xiaomie waved calmly to beckon Da Bai, who was seated at the other end of the sofa, holding a phone and laughing foolishly with the girl on the phone screen.

“Da Bai.”

“What’s up?” Bai Yu asked, his face blank.

Wang Xiaomie gave him a wooden look: “Ask me a random question. Hurry up!”

“Huh?” Bai Yu was stunned, “Do you want to play Truth or Dare?”

“Cut the crap and ask!”

“Oh…let me think about it. Then…” Bai Yu pointed to himself and asked a little shyly, “Am I, am I handsome?”

Handsome, say handsome! Wang Xiaomie mumbled in his heart a few times, took an anxious breath, and opened his mouth——

“You’re too dark for me to see clearly.”

Wang Xiaomie: “…” That’s not what I want to say!

Bai Yu: “…” I don’t believe your nonsense, ying ying ying[1], I’m not dark!

“…You ask another question.” Wang Xiaomie buried his face in his hands: “Please!”

Bai Yu muttered, ‘You must have done it on purpose’ and hesitantly said, “Then let me ask another question.”

“Ask it, ask it, ask it quickly.”

“You asked me to ask! Don’t laugh at me! Hehe… What do you think of me? I mean, my personality and so on. I recently chatted with a new girl, and we often play games together! Her voice is mind blowing[2], you know! She also said that I’m a good man, hehehe.” Bai Yu blushed and covered his face coyly, asking, “Do you think if I ask her to meet, she’ll agree?”

After speaking, Bai Yu stared at Wang Xiaomie in anticipation, his eyes like saucers.

“Your character—”

“Mm-hmm!”

“I think you are a good man as well. You can try to ask the other party; perhaps you will succeed.”

“Really?! Wow~~~~”

Wang Xiaomie’s smile was soft and friendly as always, giving people a sense of healing and gentleness. But the next second, just as Bai Yu was about to jump up and down with excitement, that gentle smiling face suddenly froze, and his lips twitched twice…

“Did you expect me to say that?” Wang Xiaomie’s expression changed as he said, “Idiot!”

Bai Yu: “…”

“——dumb, foolish, dunce, honest. Despite the fact that you’re a good man, I’ve been ordering ‘six walnuts[3]’ online every day since you arrived.”

“As for the Yujie voice in the game? Hehe, don’t be ridiculous. Will a genuine Yujie play games on working days? There is definitely an unemployed foot man[4] on the computer over there, using a sound card to con a little idiot like you hehehe-”

“And Benxian[5]? Don’t just float away because someone sent you a good person card. Believe it or not, he’ll say, “Okay, okay, little brother, I’ll come to you!” and then, within minutes, he’ll ask you to help pay the taxi fare. Once he gets the red envelope, he’ll block your username, and say ‘See you in Jianghu from now on[6]!’”

Wang Xiaomie, who was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, raised his right hand to prop up his chin, tilted his head, and narrowed his eyes at Bai Yu, adding with a sneer: “Are you stupid?”

Bai Yu: “…”

‘Pff!’ a knife stabbed firmly into his heart.

Wang Xiaomie: “Fool, fool, fool…”

Bai Yu: “…”

‘Pfff! Pfff! Pfff!’ He was stabbed three times since once wasn’t enough.

This was not Truth or Dare at all; it was obviously a black belly[7]!

Bai Yu smiled bleakly, squatting alone in the corner, tears in his eyes, licking his wounded pure and young heart.

Wang Xiaomie, who had regained his control, held his head in his hands and sank into the sofa cushion after delivering those words. He wanted to cry but didn’t have any tears.[8]

He was clearly holding back just now! But then there was a sharp pain in his neck, and Wang Xiaomie began saying things he didn’t want to say, as if he had transformed into a different person.

I’m done for…

F*ck! Won’t I be beaten to death if I go out like this?!!!

This must be some kind of curse… “Da Bai, don’t cry…” Wang Xiaomie rubbed his neck and turned his head, his eyes lost their usual spirit.

“Ying, ying, ying…”

“Don’t cry, you little idiot! Go ask Wen Fengjin to come down. I have something to tell you guys. Something major has happened…”

Two minutes later.

Wen Fengjin sat next to Wang Xiaomie, his legs crossed, the V-neck of his casual sportswear displaying a small part of his collarbone, while Bai Yu sat on the opposite side of the sofa, holding a blue throw pillow in his arms.

Their gazes were fixed on Wang Xiaomie, who was hiding his face in his hands and doubting his life.

“According to what you stated, you can’t speak as tactfully as usual, simply the truth?” Wen Fengjin frowned, “What if you don’t say it?”

“If I don’t say it, the feather pattern on my neck hurts like hell,” Wang Xiaomie replied.

“That’s not the truth at all, but rather a poisonous tongue! A poisonous tongue!” Da Bai complained as he clutched his little heart, which had been stabbed into a hornet’s nest.

“Da Bai is right…” Wang Xiaomie struggled up from the sofa, feeling hopeless, “I’ll undoubtedly piss off people if I open my mouth now, and what I want to say in my heart is obviously not so, but in the end, what I say always becomes something else.”

Wen Fengjin: “So it’s ‘heart and mouth at odds[9]’.”

“No, that’s not it.” Wang Xiaomie scratched his head: “Except for the harsh words, what I say is actually what I genuinely think.”

“Wah~” Bai Yu sobbed, hugged the pillow, and retreated to the corner to lick his wounds when he heard this.

“Alas…” Wang Xiaomie sighed and covered his neck. “And I suspect that the cause of all this is the feather pattern on my neck.”

Bai Yu poked his head out and asked curiously, “What feather pattern?”

“That’s it…” Wang Xiaomie told him about the strange stuff that had appeared on his body the other day. After hearing it, Bai Yu was perplexed. “This does not appear to be an infectious disease. Maybe it’s a gu insect[10], just like the ones described in novels, the kind that can manipulate people and such.”

Wang Xiaomie frowned, “In fact, I also doubted it, but I haven’t been in contact with outsiders…”

“That’s true…”

Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu fell silent. At this point, Wen Fengjin abruptly dropped his crossed legs and asked Wang Xiaomie, “Aside from this, is there anything else?”

“Anything else?” Wang Xiaomie asked, bewildered.

“It’s just…” Wen Fengjin grasped Wang Xiaomie’s chin and forced him to look at himself in the eyes, his narrow and clear eyes abruptly pulling away.

“You’ve been avoiding me since this morning. Why?”

“I’m not… I think you’re too close…” The face that was so close at hand, made Wang Xiaomie evade his gaze, his big eyes whirring around in confusion.

He gazed up and down, but he wouldn’t look at Wen Fengjin.

What was he supposed to say? That this lousy feather pattern also came with a ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ buff? When he looked at Wen Fengjin now, it was like adding a million beauty filters or the flashing ‘take care’ hearts[11] on Bilibili?

Wang Xiaomie’s deliberate evasion made Wen Feng’s face sink, his glabella pucker, and the surrounding air pressure drop. Bai Yu didn’t dare to talk nonsense. He hugged the cushion and peered around the corner with puppy eyes, secretly peeking like a kitty.

“What are you hiding from me?”

“I haven’t, I have!”

Wen Fengjin said, “Is it because last night I…”

“You’re not allowed to bring up last night!” Wang Xiaomie blushed and shoved him away. He’d rather tell lies and bear the pain than tell the truth.

After all, Da Bai is still eavesdropping from there! So can you please stop talking!

Wen Fengjin squeezed his palm against his chest to indicate his reluctance as his face grew ashen, but then he burst out laughing.

Those strange pupils grew chilly, and the corners of his mouth lifted in a sharp arc. Although Wen Fengjin possessed a flawless face, such beauty came with its own poisonous thorns. Wang Xiaomie was terrified and got a horrible feeling when he laughed.

Wang Xiaomie spun around and rushed down the back of the sofa to escape as his crisis alert went off, but he was caught by the waist.

His world spun as the silver hair hit Wang Xiaomie’s face coolly, and by the time he recovered, Wen Fengjin had already overpowered him.

Wen Fengjin narrowed his eyes, carried Wang Xiaomie on his shoulder, and said to Bai Yu with the smiling face of a mad pervert in a thriller: “Get out of my sight. Now.”

With a whoosh, Bai Yu scooped up the cushion and dashed into his room. The only thing Wang Xiaomie saw was him running as if his a$$ was on fire and the securely closed door.

Wang Xiaomie: …From now on, I don’t have a brother like you. Our friendship is over.

Wen Fengjin lowered his long and narrow eyes and walked slowly to the bathroom after withdrawing his smile. Wang Xiaomie, who was on his shoulders, fought valiantly. He was like a milk dog who couldn’t scratch people and could just bare his teeth. When he realized he was in danger, he became terrified and began kicking his legs and beating Wen Fengjin on the back.

He bit Wen Fengjin’s back through his clothes out of desperation.

With one hand, Wen Fengjin squeezed the person on his shoulder, while the other grasped the doorknob.

The pain in his back made him laugh, “You can keep biting, I’ll let you bite enough in a moment.”

“……”

In an attempt to eliminate criminal evidence, Wang Xiaomie silently loosened his teeth and stretched out his claws to smooth the wrinkled clothing.

“Heh.”

The opened door shut again.

The bottles and jars on the washbasin’s marble countertop were pushed away, and the buttocks wearing the branded black sweatpants landed heavily on it, the not-yet-dried water spots dampening the pants.

A few strands of long black hair fell into the circular sink.

The delicate white palm frantically searched for support points, knocking down the nearby hand sanitizer.

The long legs fell to the floor, and his toes barely brushed the floor because the slippers he’d been wearing had vanished somewhere while he was kicking confusedly. A man stood in front of the sink, preventing his legs from closing.

Wang Xiaomie glanced at Wen Fengjin, who was smiling but not smiling, and then bowed his head to examine his slim feet, thinking of a meme.

Feet shoeless, it’s hopeless[12].

[The author has something to say: Catch bugs later, today is a double update.]

Footnotes:

[1] onomatopoeia for crying.

[2] The author used the term “yujie,” which means “royal elder sister.” In Internet language, it refers to mature and strong, beautiful and seductive women who create the impression of an elder sister.

[3] 六 个 核桃: Six Walnuts is a walnut vegetable protein drink. Walnuts are said to be the best nut for brain health…

[4] Not a footman, who is a liveried servant. On the Internet, a “foot man” is a male who poses as a woman.

[5] An online buzzword. It refers to the transition from online virtual love to offline real love.

[6] This expression indicates, “From now on, we’ll meet if fate permits.” Essentially, Xiaomie is declaring Bai Yu will never hear from the other party again, a definitive farewell.

[7] A two-faced individual; literally, a poison tongued two-face.

[8] I’m sure you’re familiar with this. He wanted to cry but was unable to shed a tear. A metaphor for deep melancholy or helplessness.

[9] Idiom: expressing one thing but implying another.

[10] If you read fictional historical novels, you’ve probably come across this word. A gu is a fabled venomous insect used to poison, bewitch, and drive people insane, among other things.

[11] Basically, it’s a cute gif with flashing heart symbols that says “take care.”

[12] It implies an automobile accident. If a person gets hit by an automobile and his or her shoes come off, it is assumed that the person is dead. When someone witnesses an automobile accident, if the person’s shoes come off, it signifies it is a hopeless situation since the impact is too great.

Translator:

I think WFJ knows exactly what is going on with WXM.

12 footnotes! Some of them are known to CN readers and you may find them needless, but I constantly wonder what if this is a reader’s first CN. Someone new to C-novels may become perplexed. However, if you find all these footnotes to be irritating and you’d like me to paraphrase for smoother flow, please let me know in the comments.