I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin - CH 60

Chapter 60 What did you say?!

When they departed to return home, it started to rain again. Yi Yan’s purple smoke was quite potent. Wang Xiaomie didn’t wake up until after midnight.

When he awoke, he immediately tore off his clothing and examined his chest.

Wen Fengjin, who was resting near him, sat up quietly as well.

Except for a tiny red mole, the white and delicate skin was as spotless as tofu.

Although the feather pattern was normally invisible, Wang Xiaomie could sense that it had vanished.

To verify it, he decided to tell a lie and try it out.

But what should he say?

After a brief period of thought, Wang Xiaomie whispered to the air, “Bai Yu is exceedingly fair.”

Wang Xiaomie didn’t feel any pain after a minute. Click! His eyes instantly glowed like two light bulbs in the dark night!

“Xiao Wenzi, Xiao Wenzi! Look, that thing on me is gone!” He quickly turned on the small night lamp next to the coffin, drew his collar open, and leaned in front of Wen Fengjin.

“Look!”

“It’s vanished!”

Wen Fengjin’s face was tinged with indolence, and his gorgeous face was cast in a circle of shadows cast by the warm light, making his deep eyes appear even darker.

He leaned up close to Wang Xiaomie’s chest, opened his palm, and smoothed his tangled silver hair back.

“How is it? Is it gone?”

Wang Xiaomie was overjoyed that the unlucky thing had finally disappeared. Due to his excitement, his face was flushed, and he didn’t notice that the tip of Wen Fengjin’s nose was too close to him, puffing the mildly frosty breath from his nose on him.

And he was getting closer…

Closer and closer~ closer and closer~

A few seconds later, Wang Xiaomie suddenly quivered from head to toe, dully stared down at the silver-haired roguish head, and realized only then that Wen Fengjin had two hair whorls. The older generation folks often said that people with one hair whorl were good and those with two hair whorls were bad.

…The ancients did not deceive me.

Wang Xiaomie’s smile faded as he raised his palm and ruthlessly slammed it down. With a low chuckle, Wen Fengjin drew back in time, his already moist and full lips becoming even glossier!

“I’ll kill you, stinky rogue!”

Wang Xiaomie reddened and pounced on Wen Fengjin in the coffin to ‘beat’ him.

Simply put, Wen Fengjin was holding back the laughter that threatened to escape from his lips as he was pummeled arbitrarily. He encircled Wang Xiaomie with his arms and let him bite and hammer while hugging him.

Wang Xiaomie was so tired after beating him for a long time that he wanted to stick his tongue out, and his hands hurt a little, but Boss Wen looked like it was fun.

Wang Xiaomie: …

I’m pissed off, but I can’t do anything about him.

Wang Xiaomie huffed his way out of the coffin to get himself something to eat.

“What are you going to do, hmm?”

An arm tightened around Wang Xiaomie from behind as Wen Fengjin asked in a deep voice, “You’re angry?”

“No, let me go. I’m starving to death. I’m going to make myself something to eat!” Wang Xiaomie slapped him on the arm. Wen Fengjin’s arm strength was so enormous that he struggled for a long time without breaking free.

Wen Fengjin ultimately let him go when he finished speaking.

Wang Xiaomie flipped over the coffin and escaped. Taking advantage of the fact that Wen Fengjin, who was ready to stand up and follow him, hadn’t done so yet, Wang Xiaomie showed him his middle finger before swiftly opening the door and slipping away before Boss Wen could catch him and beat his a$$.

Behind him, Wen Feng laughed softly.

Wang Xiaomie’s back felt chilly when he heard that chuckle, and he nearly stepped on air and flew out, face planting on the stairs.

A faint sound floated in the air as he walked past the sofa into the kitchen.

“…Are you planning on cooking?”

“Fu*k! Ghost!” Wang Xiaomie leapt three feet in the air, shivering.

“Are you going to cook…” The feeble voice persisted.

Then, from their living room sofa, there was a rustling sound of fabric, and a white shirt hung in the air like in horror movies. Wang Xiaomie abruptly realized at that moment that his slow heartbeat could one day sprint so fast!

The lights flickered on.

Wen Fengjin had walked down swiftly after hearing Wang Xiaomie’s shriek and turned on the light with a frown.

Only then did Wang Xiaomie understand that the clothing was not floating in the air, but rather that Bai Yu was there in front of him dressed in white!

Wang Xiaomie covered his palpitating heart: “…Brother, didn’t I say that you should whiten your skin, ah? I’ll pay whatever it costs, but you need to buy some facial masks for your use.”

“…Are you going to cook?” Bai Yu stared at Wang Xiaomie with empty eyes and said the same thing.

Bai Yu’s eyes welled up as soon as Wang Xiaomie nodded.

“Please, Big Brother, cook quickly! I’m starving! I’m dying of hunger. Everything in our refrigerator is raw, and don’t get me started about ordering takeout! The delivery rates that those delivery services charge to deliver food at this location are totally ridiculous!”

“Ying ying ying, I’ve almost finished all the fruits.”

Bai Yu hadn’t eaten lunch or dinner that night, and he was a big eater to begin with. His stomach hurt because of acidity when he was hungry. Unfortunately, his cooking skills could cause a kitchen explosion, thus the only thing he could safely make was boiled eggs.

However, Big Boss Wen did not eat after returning home, and Bai Yu did not dare to eat alone. Furthermore, Wen Fengjin had strictly warned him not to go to the second floor.

Bai Yu, who didn’t have enough intellectual capacity in the first place, sat on the sofa blankly, tearfully eating grapes because he was too hungry, and debating whether to go upstairs and call Wen Fengjin.

He sat like this till late at night…

After listening to Bai Yu whining and complaining tearfully, Wang Xiaomie’s mouth twitched as he patted Bai Yu on the shoulder, an old father’s fondness named ‘I have a dumb son’ surfaced in his heart.

“Clean up the peels on the table, I’ll cook.” Wang Xiaomie looked at Wen Fengjin, “Fengjin, do you want to eat?”

Wen Fengjin nodded slightly as he leaned against the wall, arms folded.

“Okay.” Wang Xiaomie sighed, “Just wait for me; we’ll eat delicious food right away!”

Bai Yu cheered and shouted, “Xiaomie, you’re like a second parent[1] to me!”

“No way!” Wang Xiaomie was terrified: “I can’t have a son like you!”

Bai Yu: …[heart congestion[2]].jpg

… …

When he got to the kitchen, Wang Xiaomie opened the refrigerator and took out a bunch of ingredients to celebrate—whatever he wanted to celebrate. In short, there will be a hundred ways for foodies to rejoice and eat delicious food.

Wang Xiaomie spread poison[3] in the middle of the night and prepared a variety of dishes.

As soon as Wang Xiaomie started stir-frying in the wok, Bai Yu sniffed the aroma and drooled as he gripped the kitchen door and peered inside. Wang Xiaomie was amused by the eager little eyes.

After over an hour, the food was finally brought to the table.

Wang Xiaomie preferred highly seasoned foods, whether spicy, sour, or salty. The more stimulating the taste, the better. This was in line with the preferences of most modern teenagers, and Bai Yu was no exception.

However, Wen Fengjin disliked seasonings such as onion, ginger, and garlic, which left an aftertaste in the mouth, as well as oily and salty cuisine. As a result, Wang Xiaomie went overboard and made two versions of everything.

One large and one small serving.

Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu ate from the large portion, while Wen Fengjin ate the small one.

Bai Yu, his eyes burning red with hunger, grabbed a small ceramic bowl with cherry blossoms painted on it and filled it with rice. He took up the chopsticks and started stuffing himself.

He made time to offer Wang Xiaomie a thumbs up while he was busy eating.

Bai Yu: Like[4]!

Nom nom nom. Bai Yu was overjoyed to eat, his dark face was filled with pleasure, and little flowers danced on the top of his head.

To be honest, watching him eat gave Wang Xiaomie a sense of contentment, and he could eat a bowl of rice more than usual. With such a feast, Wang Xiaomie picked up his chopsticks and shoved the delicious food into his mouth as well.

Only Wen Fengjin’s table manners were elegant among these three individuals. Even when he used chopsticks, he carried himself with a blend of dignity and recklessness.

It was almost as if a leader and two small pigs were eating at the same table.

Wang Xiaomie sat opposite Bai Yu on the sofa after finishing his meal and stroked his tummy comfortably. Wen Fengjin referred to it as “Ge You’s paralysis.”

Wen Fengjin and Wang Xiaomie didn’t require sleep, whereas Bai Yu frequently went to bed in the early morning hours after playing with his phone or fiddling with his research. Wang Xiaomie went to the refrigerator to grab three popsicles because none of them wanted to sleep right after eating.

Because Bai Yu had consumed all of the fruit, they could only eat popsicles for dessert.

As a result, the three of them opened the French windows, sat on the small platform beneath said windows, and began sucking popsicles while gazing at the moon.

The moon: …

The cool breeze after the rain was really refreshing at night. Naturally, it was impossible for Wen Fengjin to lick a popsicle. Even if he wanted to, he’d find a deserted spot and face Wang Fengjin to…ahem!

In short, Wen Fengjin only took a few frowning nibbles, and the rest of the popsicle went into Wang Xioamie’s stomach, who leaned on Wen Fengjin’s shoulder and slowly licked it, dribbling on Boss Wen’s arm. Fortunately, he was not beaten.

The two whispered sweet nothings. Wang Xiaomie would giggle whenever he said something, whilst Wen Fengjin remained expressionless, but the atmosphere around them could drown anyone.

Bai Yu sucked on his popsicle while getting stuffed on dog food, almost singing to the moon: ‘This hatred will never end[5].’

After he finished sucking the popsicle, Bai Yu exclaimed with the popsicle stick in his hand: “Sigh, thank you again for your patronage.”

“When you look in the mirror, you should be able to see how dark your face is.” Wang Xiaomie earnestly advised him, “If you want to get out of Africa and into Europe, you still need to buy a lot of facial masks.”

“…What you said is somewhat reasonable,” Bai Yu nodded silently. “Then the question is, who will pay for the facial masks?”

“Of course, the organization will provide it!” Wang Xiaomie patted him on the shoulder, “Don’t worry! I’ll order two boxes of the best facial masks today!”

Bai Yu was moved to tears: “Big brother~”

Wang Xiaomie held his hand: “Second brother!”

Wen Fengjin, who was sitting nearby and watching their antics[6]: “…”

“Ahem!”

Boss Wen’s face sank, “Hand!”

Wang Xiaomie and Bai Yu’s expressions changed, and they let go swiftly. Wen Fengjin frightened them both.

Wang Xiaomie promptly returned his hand to Wen Fengjin’s, while Bai Yu grasped the popsicle stick timidly, not daring to be mischievous.

At this point, Wen Fengjin stated to Bai Yu, “I’ll give you a box tomorrow. Bring it to Yi Yan and tell him it’s his payment.”

He never expected to be able to run errands for Boss Wen, and Bai Yu was stunned for a second before nodding and agreeing, feeling elated.

He’d only said a few words to Boss Wen since arriving, and Bai Yu was awestruck by the presumably all-powerful Wen Fengjin.

Furthermore, even if it was a minor affair, being able to assist others gave Bai Yu a small sense of happiness.

I’m such a good guy, right…

Bai Yu acted as a profound thinker, sighing deeply at the moon. I am so exceptional and perfect.

How is it possible that someone as good as me exists in the world?

Hehe…

Bai Yu was sleepy after another half-hour of sitting. He went to his room after saying goodnight to Wang Xiaomie and Wen Fengjin.

“Let’s go to sleep too.” Wang Xiaomie inquired of Wen Fengjin.

Wen Fengjin uttered a ‘mn’ but did not rise. He instead raised his head to face Wang Xiaomie. His deep eyes were studded with light spots by the moonlight, and his wonderfully flowing silver hair looked stunning in the cool light.

The handsome man who looked down on the world smiled, and he stunned the moonlight as well as Wang Xiaomie.

In a trance, Wang Xiaomie stared blankly at his face.

“Xiaomie,” Wen Fengjin called out, his smile deepening.

“Uh?”

“Let’s return to the tomb palace.”

“Uh-huh.”

Uh-huh……Huh?!!!

Wang Xiaomie’s eyes widened: “What did you say?!”

Footnotes:

[1] Like a second parent is an idiom which means “my great benefactor.”

[2] The word used here is xinse. It’s an Internet word used to express distress, and translates to “my heart feels stuffy”.

[3] It refers to late-night uploading of mouth-watering food photos on Moments, which can easily result in stomach cramps, excessive drooling, and poor sleep quality among friends, family, and foes. It is particularly lethal in the middle of the night, when its killing power is at its peak. In Moments, this and PDA are referred to as the 2 key cancers.

What a funny explanation! I found it on Baidu.

[4] as in a Facebook post, for example.

[5] A line from “Song of Everlasting Sorrow.” It was composed by the poet Bai Juyi and describes Emperor Xuanzong’s love for Yang Guifei (one of the Four Beauties of Ancient China) and his perpetual grief over her death.

[6] chōu fēng: spasm; convulsion. It is used in netspeak when a person behaves abnormally, making it difficult to understand them. Frequently used to insult/roast others.