I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin - CH 61

Chapter 61 Zombies also pay a visit

“Return to the tomb palace?!”

“Why?! Don’t we live well!”

Why do you wish to live in the underground palace? There is no electricity, Internet, other people, or tasty food. Whatever you consider, being on the ground is better, right?

Wang Xiaomie clenched his fists and stared in disbelief at Wen Fengjin.

Wen Fengjin remained silent for a minute before asking, “Aren’t you willing to accompany me back to the tomb palace?”

I’m willing to accompany you to the ground, but you’re unwilling to accompany me back?

Wang Xiaomie appeared to see this sentence in Wen Fengjin’s eyes. He stiffened, and then, like a deflated balloon, the incredible eagerness in his heart to refute Wen Fengjin was entirely shattered.

He didn’t even dare to look Wen Fengjin in the eyes.

“I- I don’t- not want to go back. But can you tell me why?”

Wang Xiaomie squatted on the ground, his dismayed head about to fall to the floor.

When Wen Fengjin saw him like this, the smile on his face vanished at once.

The exquisite beauty under the moon transformed into an Asura[1] devil who wanted to eat people once his face grew gloomy.

With a single tug, he hauled the squatting Wang Xiaomie over. Wang Xiaomie cut a miserable figure as he tumbled into Wen Fengjin’s arms because Wen Fengjin’s strength was great and Wang Xiaomie didn’t react. For a long time, he waved his hands furiously before being restrained and having his wrists crushed against Wen Fengjin’s chest.

In the summer, the thin fabric couldn’t keep out the soft tactile sensation of the skin. Wang Xiaomie was in a complex mood since he had been startled, which was accompanied by emotions such as guilt, anxiety, unease, and so on—

In a nutshell, his hair had exploded[2].

“Did you hit me?!” He asked, his eyes wide with anger, and without waiting even a second for Wen Fengjin to respond, he swiftly convicted the man, “You hit me! You hit me!”

He promptly escalated the offense after condemning the man.

“You domestic violenced[3] me!”

Wen Fengjin: “…”

“I didn’t…”

“You did! You domestic violenced me!!” Wang Xiaomie’s face flushed red, his eyes filled with glistening teardrops, and he yelled, sounding both aggrieved and asking for a beating: “I want to domestic violence you too!”

Wen Fengjin: “…”

He awoo-ed and jumped at Wen Fengjin when he finished speaking, twisting back and forth when he couldn’t free his hands, and even wanted to give Wen Fengjin a headbutt with his forehead.

He had the appearance of a girlfriend who was far more brutal than a terrorist. A terrorist could at the very least communicate, but an angry little zongzi was entirely incapable of communicating.

Wang Xiaomie almost hit Wen Fengjin’s chin with his headbutt several times, forcing Wen Fengjin to tilt his head back. Then, when Wang Xiaomie used dishonest means to wriggle free, Wen Fengjin tilted backwards more and more, almost toppling.

Boss Wen, whom no one had ever tried to disobey, was likewise enraged in this way.

When Wang Xiaomie rushed over, he let go of Wang Xiaomie’s hand and pushed his head with a finger.

Wen Fengjin had slender limbs and was taller than Wang Xiaomie, so when he pressed one finger against Wang Xiaomie’s forehead, Wang Xiaomie howled and yelled, “I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you!” He brandished his clenched fists in front of Wen Fengjin, his arms swinging like a propeller, but he didn’t even touch Wen Fengjin. Instead, his “fried hair” appearance while howling was both clumsy and adorable.

When Boss. ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ million filter lenses preloaded. Wen saw this scene, the anger that had surged up in his chest dissipated a lot.

However, it was time to straighten out a certain someone.

Wang Xiaomie was lifted up by his armpits and turned upside down before he could react to what was going on. He turned into a figure whose stomach was resting on Wen Fengjin’s legs and his upper body on the floor.

“You—! Fu*k! Don’t pull my pants! What are you doing! Ah, ah, ah, domestic violence, ah! You’re a hooligan!”

At this moment, Bai Yu, who had most likely been awakened by the noise, opened the door sleepily, “What’s the matter Xiaomie… what time is it… what a fu*king thrill!”

When he spotted Wen Fengjin had yanked Wang Xiaomie’s pants, he gave a nasty smile and said, “Hehe, I know everything, everything~ Sorry to bother you; please continue.”

Bang! He slammed the door shut after speaking.

Wang Xiaomie: …You don’t know shit! Help me!

The sweatpants down to the knee were ripped off. Wen Fengjin held Wang Xiaomie’s waist firmly with one hand, raised his head to avoid Wang Xiaomie’s wildly kicking legs, and then raised his palm high—

“Pa!”

“Ow!”

“My a$$—!”

This smack was merciless. Wang Xiaomie screamed, feeling that his tailbone had been broken.

“Speak, are you willing to accompany me back to the tomb palace or not? Huh?” Wen Fengjin frowned and asked him in a low voice.

Wang Xiaomie struggled, tears in his eyes, but he kept his mouth shut.

“Pa!”

“Ouch! Wen Fengjin, your uncle! Wait for me to go upstairs and burn you to death with Kai Ming!”

“Answer me! Are you ready or not!”

Wang Xiaomie lay straining on the ground, like a small turtle unable to turn over. While fighting back tears, he managed to send a greeting to Wen Fengjin’s relatives. Wen Fengjin frowned, but he didn’t have the heart to slap Wang Xiaomie hard, so he spanked him lightly.

He struck him a few times, but Wang Xiaomie refused to submit. The two snowy mounds were completely red. Wen Fengjin’s raised hand was lowered again, and after a few moments of silence, he released him.

He said, “You don’t have a conscience.”

Wang Xiaomie was enraged by this sentence, and he simply stopped getting up. He rubbed his swollen a$$, turned to face Wen Fengjin, and shouted, “I have no conscience?! I have safeguarded you so much in my past life, carried a knife for you, and worried about you because I don’t have a conscience? I have no conscience, so the first thing I do when I regain my memories is forgive you?”

“If other people had encountered a two-faced big pervert like you, they would have run away!”

After Wang Xiaomie finished yelling, he sniffled and his voice weakened, “Besides, even if I don’t want to go back, hate to give up a modern and comfortable life, and can’t bear to part with a mobile phone, computer, WiFi, air conditioner, takeaway fried chicken and coke BBQ, Marvel animation and games, and…”

“…” Wen Fengjin’s forehead vein was cross-popping, his face getting darker and darker. He was going to say something when he heard Wang Xiaomie say—

“As much as I hate to give those up, if you want to go back, I will absolutely follow you.” He reached back with his hand to cover his hurting a$$. Although his voice was low and his mouth was full of reluctance, he still said: “…I’ll naturally go wherever you go, and about you claiming I have no conscience— I’m going to call the police to arrest you!”

When Wen Fengjin heard this, the low air pressure around him gradually dissipated, and his brows smoothed out.

“Ouch! It’s killing me…” Wang Xiaomie’s a$$ was burning with pain, and he glowered angrily at Wen Fengjin.

Wen Fengjin, on the other hand, showed a smile, “So you are not unwilling to return with me?”

“Of course I don’t want to return!” Wang Xiaomie mumbled, “But there’s no way…if you go, I’ll go too…”

Although he preferred a modern and convenient lifestyle, he did not want to be apart from Wen Fengjin. Wang Xiaomie was very clear about this point.

Wen Fengjin chuckled.

He then drew Wang Xiaomie’s pants up and massaged his buttocks for him. In a flash of rage, Wang Xiaomie pushed his hand away and remained still on the ground like a salted fish, refusing to turn over.

“…When are we leaving?”

Wang Xiaomie raised his head and inquired after some time.

“We’ll be gone for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.” Wen Fengjin, who was waiting for the inquiry, remarked at the time, “But it’s not like we’re not coming back.”

“What?! We’re coming back?!” Wang Xiaomie was stunned.

“Yes.” Wen Fengjin nodded and added, “I mentioned that I wanted to return since in a few days it will be 40 years since my old friend and I agreed to reunite for drinks. A person’s word must be kept. I’m not going to betray my promise.”

“So we’ll come back later?”

Wen Fengjin nodded again.

Wang Xiaomie: “…”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier!!!” Wang Xiaomie cried out loud. Why the hell did I get this beating?! Ah, my a$$!

Wait a minute!

Wang Xiaomie stood up from the floor, looking suspiciously at Wen Fengjin.

“When did you have a close friend?”

Wen Fengjin having a close friend was almost as miraculous as a rooster laying eggs!

Others were unaware, but how could Wang Xiaomie be unaware? Boss Wen had never had any close friends since he took up duty as a ‘Demon Lord’ in his previous life. In regards to his ‘taking your dog life’ cruel off the charts index, practically everyone would turn around and flee when they heard his name.

Could it be a modern-day friendship?

That was even more impossible! They were both ‘newly unearthed’ cultural relics. He had seen everyone Wen Fengjin had met. How could he have a friend who promised to drink with Wen Fengjin in 40 years?

Is it possible that… Wang Xiaomie struggled to put it into words, “That friend of yours isn’t a zombie as well, is he?”

Wen Fengjin: “He is.”

Wang Xiaomie: “…” Great. Nowadays, zombies couldn’t slumber peacefully in their own graves; they had to stroll to other people’s graves and knock on their door.

“His way of dealing with things is very similar to mine.” Speaking of this friend, Boss Wen actually showed some admiration in his eyes. “Although the age difference between him and us is 200 years, his strength is greater than yours.”

“What does this have…” Wang Xiaomie pouted, “Even Yi Yan’s ‘Sailor Moon’ is more powerful than me.”

“But the way of doing things is similar to yours…” Wang Xiaomie tutted and sighed, “It looks like another scum.”

Wen Fengjin: “…”

“All right, let’s go back.” Wang Xiaomie rose to his feet, groaning and moaning while clutching his buttocks. The more it hurt, the more he felt that it wasn’t worth being inexplicably beaten. It was all because Wen Fengjin didn’t explain things clearly to him. Humph!

“…I’m curious how Sister Lei’s temple repair is coming along. When I return, I’ll take a look.”

As Wang Xiaomie wondered about the temple repair, Wen Fengjin went up behind Wang Xiaomie and reached out to embrace his shoulders, but was rebuffed by Wang Xiaomie’s glaring eyes.

“Don’t touch me! Look at the spanking you gave me!” Wang Xiaomie yelled, like an angry soft and cute puppy. “There is no good end to a domestic abuser! I want to get divorced from a man like you! We’re breaking up!”

“Drink? Bah!”

“…” Wen Fengjin cocked his brows and was about to say something.

Wang Xiaomie realized that it was not good and turned around to flee after that “bah!” His supple movements as he escaped made Wen Fengjin see there weren’t any injuries on his buttocks at all.

All of that miserable shouting just now appeared to be a ruse.

Wen Fengjin followed him to the second story, smiling and shaking his head.

The next morning, Wen Fengjin handed a box to Bai Yu, and said with some deep meaning: “If he proposes something, remember to promise him.”

Bai Yu was startled and confused.

But because Wen Fengjin didn’t intend to explain, Bai Yu was forced to carry the small box and return to Yi Yan’s shop by the route they took yesterday.

And he soon understood what Wen Fengjin meant…

[1] Malevolent spirits in Indian mythology.

[2] “Fried hair” is a word used to describe “hair standing on end” to signify shock, anger, etc. I think this includes hair on one’s head.

[3] Sorry for using incorrect grammar. I wanted it to sound a little amusing. “You abused me” sounds far too serious. WXM is obviously messing around, and in most C-novels, “domestic abuse” has a humorous connotation.