I and My Husband Sleep in a Coffin - CH 64

Chapter 64 The drought demon An Kai

When Wang Xiaomie opened his eyes, the vigorously blooming peach flowers blinded him. He couldn’t tell where he was at the time, and it took him a while to recollect that he and Wen Fengjin had returned to the underground palace.

Someone next to him stretched out his arm and placed it on his lower belly, causing his back to press into the man behind him’s chest and lower abdomen. There was also a ‘third person’ between them.

Wang Xiaomie’s mouth twitched, and the Iron Fist of Justice[1] was lifted up and slammed down. The man behind him moaned in agony, leaning his chin on Wang Xiaomie’s shoulder and saying hoarsely and stickily: “It hurts.”

“You broke it.”

Wang Xiaomie sneered: “Unlikely. Given our ability to heal, even if it is broken, it can grow back!”

Wen Fengjin’s breath was cool, and he laughed as he asked in a husky voice, “What if it grows crooked?”

Wang Xiaomie looked back and glared at him: “It wasn’t straight in the first place!” It was so bent that it had turned into a mosquito coil[2]!

“Let’s get up. Isn’t this the day your friend is coming to see you? Even if we’ve turned into zongzi, we must clean up. What would our guest think if he finds us lying in the coffin in disheveled clothes!”

Wang Xiaomie said this, but his hand crept inside Wen Fengjin’s loose robe collar, feeling the hard muscles inside. Wang Xiaomie was startled, coughed dryly, and groped several times before nonchalantly climbing out of the coffin.

Wen Fengjin narrowed his eyes and relished the sensation of skin to skin contact. When that frisky hand left, Wen Fengjin’s deep pupils dilated slightly, and he rubbed his tongue against the sharp end of his teeth in silence.

Wang Xiaomie sat on a round stool after changing into new fiery garments, and Wen Fengjin lovingly brushed his long and cumbersome hair with a cow horn comb before tying it up with a headband and donning a jade crown hairpin.

Wang Xiaomie brought Wen Fengjin to the bronze mirror to arrange his clothes, then closed his eyes and summoned Mu Yi and the others, just as Wen Fengjin did.

Mu Yi and the rest had arrived at the side palace hall by the time Wen Fengjin was ready.

“Hmm…how shall we entertain our guest?” Wang Xiaomie paused for a moment before beginning to assign tasks one by one, from Mu Yi to Mu Shi. “The tomb palace has many mechanisms. Mu San, go turn off everything that can be turned off.  It will be embarrassing if the guest walks to the door and falls to a corner. And those merman lights, light them all up and make them as bright as possible…”

“We have a lot of beautiful cups in the side palace hall… I don’t know where to entertain the other party when they arrive.” Wang Xiaomie turned his head and asked Wen Fengjin. “Where did you drink wine the last time?”

Wen Fengjin, who was listening to Wang Xiaomie’s arrangements with great interest, chuckled, “Right under the tree.”

“Okay…”

Wang Xiaomie thought for a moment before saying, “Xiao Wenzi, you take down the coffin and put it away in the side palace hall first. It’s not good to have a ‘bed’ while drinking. Then, Mu Wu, you put up the small table and futon cushions from the side palace hall, as well as those beautiful wine cups.”

“Right! Speaking of drinking, how come I didn’t know that there is wine in our tomb palace!” Wang Xiaomie glared at Wen Fengjin, “Are you still keeping wine hidden behind my back?”

“Some bottles were buried at the time of burial. I rarely drink it.” Wen Fengjin couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “You really have the air of Madam Wen,” he observed with a smile, looking at Wang Xiaomie, who was seriously ordering and racking his brains to organize the tomb palace.

Wang Xiaomie: “…Bah.”

Who is the Madam? You are the Madam! If you don’t believe me, I’ll take my pants off and show you!

Wang Xiaomie rolled his eyes at Wen Fengjin and told him to haul a$$. Mu Yi and the others cheerfully accepted their orders and sprang up to do their own thing. They seemed to think it was fun and saw it as a game.

Wang Xiaomie even ordered Wen Fengjin to labor, and he did it with such enthusiasm that it perplexed Wang Xiaomie.

He had no idea how serious and attentive he appeared to Wen Fengjin, as if he considered the tomb palace his home and felt a sense of belonging to it.

After Wang Xiaomie’s frenzied work was finished, the entire tomb palace appeared spanking new—no, not really, but the bright lights would give people the warmth of a home.

It also gave Wang Xiaomie a sense of accomplishment.

He was about to ask Wen Fengjin when that person would arrive when he heard him remark, “He’s here.”

Wang Xiaomie and Wen Fengjin were standing arm in arm in the pavilion on the cliff linking the high platform at the time. Wang Xiaomie stood up straight and looked outside when he heard this.

Rows of everlasting merman lights lit up the entire side palace hall, and a group of people soon arrived in their line of sight…

It was a young man dressed like a military general and holding something in his arms, with a beast head belt tied around his waist and soft armor on his body. He wore a long sword around his waist, and his copper-inlaid boots created a ‘tinkling’ sound when he moved. He didn’t wear a helmet; instead, he wore his hair up with a headband and a long feather crown. He moved with broad strides, unrestrained yet calm, and his entire physique appeared light without being burdensome, like a small general in a certain game. In terms of age, he appeared to be around nineteen years old.

Wang Xiaomie: …He could of course have been nineteen when he died. As for how many years he’s been nineteen… I heard Wen Fengjin say it has been a thousand years.

After nearing the side palace hall, the ‘people’ who were vaguely accompanying him did not leave.

Only that young general was still on the move. The other party’s appearance was not as horrifyingly ugly as a zombie in Wang Xiaomie’s imagination, but rather like a living human. When he came closer, Wang Xiaomie realized what he was holding in his hand was not something, but a person.

A person who was tightly bound and lacked legs…

The other party obviously noticed them as well. He smiled heartily at Wen Fengjin without losing his respect. He was astonished and flabbergasted when he looked at Wang Xiaomie, who was standing arm in arm with Wen Fengjin.

Soon after, he raised his brows.

Before Wang Xiaomie could say hello, he approached them and said, “Senior Wen, congratulations! Is this Madam Wen? I wasn’t expecting to see the day you awoke.” His gaze glanced over the two men’s linked arms, a hint of envy in his tone.

“Unlike my wife and me, you two are incredibly affectionate. He simply serves to irritate me.”

“Shixiong is really considerate to me,” Wen Fengjin said with a smile in his eyes, showing off without a trace.

Wang Xiaomie:… Who is considerate? Just this morning, didn’t my Iron Fist of Justice guarantee you won’t have children?

And Madam? Wang Xiaomie surreptitiously examined the tightly wrapped figure in the young military general’s arms and asked, “Uh, is this your wife? Why doesn’t she speak?”

“Speak?” The young general grinned, “You were raised by the demon lord’s blood sacrifice, which is why you have such a sound body and consciousness. My wife and I both gradually evolved from ordinary zombies. In the first two hundred years, I also lost my red hair and was done being a ‘drought demon[3],’ which restored my full consciousness as a human and the ability to move freely. As for my wife, her practice is very slow and she can’t speak yet.”

He loosened the plain white cloth that was enveloping the person in his arms, displaying needle-like purple hair and shriveled hands with black nails inside, almost making Wang Xiaomie leap up in terror.

Wen Fengjin seamlessly drew him in closer, causing Wang Xiaomie to gulp and settle himself.

The young military general in front of them didn’t think his ‘wife’ was odd in the least. Instead, he held the person in his arms tenderly with one hand while clasping the ghost hand with the other and kissing it.

Wang Xiaomie: …!

F*ck! Did you have to do that? Are your lips not pricked by the hair? I f*cking believe in true love again!

Wen Fengjin was someone who kept his calm in the face of the unexpected. He pulled the stiff Wang Xiaomie and led the young man to the small low table set up beneath the acacia tree to take a seat.

The hot wine was already simmering on the small table. Under the heat, the wine that had been hidden for many years released its own wine aroma even more strongly. As soon as he sat down, the young military general smelled wine and said, “Good wine!” multiple times.

Despite the fact that there were only three futons and the young general was greedy for the wine, he did not put down the ‘wife’ in his arms. Wang Xiaomie did not summon Mu Yi or the others as a result.

“Xiaomie.” Wen Fengjin suddenly called him.

“What’s up?” said Wang Xiaomie, hurriedly sitting up straight.

“I haven’t officially introduced you yet,” Wen Fengjin remarked with a smile. “This is the friend I mentioned to you. Two hundred years after you and I died, he was the general of the state of Great An. His name is An Kai, and he is accompanied by his wife, An Chengjing.”

Wang Xiaomie nodded immediately to An Kai.

“As for my shixiong, you already know him, so I won’t introduce him too much,” Wen Fengjin remarked to An Kai.

“Madam, I saw you the last time I came here, even if you weren’t awake.” An Kai sat the person he was guarding between his crossed legs and said, “I’m a military attache. I once told Senior that you and Senior are famous people in history. I’ve always yearned for feelings like the ones you two share. I didn’t expect to see folks I couldn’t see when I was living after I died. I’m grateful to Senior Wen for getting to know the two of you.”

“…Hehe, you’re flattering us.”

Famous figures in history?

Are you sure it’s not infamous figures in history? Wang Xiaomie’s mouth twitched, recalling the things Wen Fengjin did before and after his death. It seemed odd that Wen Fengjin didn’t blow up the emperor’s palace.

Wang Xiaomie thought blankly: As for our feelings, what kind of relationship did Wen Fengjin and I have back then?

Oh, it’s the kind of melodramatic romance where we abused each other and then I died and Wen Fengjin sacrificed himself for love?

Ha ha.

F*ck you! What exactly was there to yearn for?

No matter how much Wang Xiaomie mocked An Kai in his heart, when confronted with Wen Fengjin’s friend, Wang Xiaomie couldn’t show the same lack of respect he showed to Wen Fengjin. It was their first meeting, and Wang Xiaomie wanted to behave better in front of Wen Fengjin’s friend.

As a result, Wang Xiaomie attempted to sit dignified and smile elegantly.

In truth, gatherings of friends in ancient times were easier than eating and drinking with close friends today.

Even though An Kai was a general, he would never brag about it. Instead, he utilized beautiful rhetoric and poems to discuss business with Boss Wen, and he would occasionally drink wine and discuss popular ditties from back then. Wang Xiaomie was bewildered by their exquisite phrasings.

After a brief conversation about the past, he realized that An Kai was the grandson of Duke Qing. Even if he eventually became a military leader, he was born into an aristocratic family and had naturally received a good education.

Even though he was a zongzi, he was Mr. Perfect among zongzi.

However, wealth and rank were more significant than feelings in ancient times. The parents arranged 90% of the weddings based on the standing of the two families. Wang Xiaomie peered over the ‘madam’ in An Kai’s arms. He didn’t expect to find a good man who was so faithful to his wife even after he became a zongzi in such a background environment.

Hadn’t Wen Fengjin also stated that An Kai was similar to him?

Where was the resemblance?

That they were both men?

Wang Xiaomie secretly gave the wild man in his family the middle finger.

Footnotes:

[1] From Kung Fu Panda to anime and manga, there are far too many references for this… I’m not sure which one the author is talking about.

[2] “Bent” is a slang term for “gay/homosexual.” WXM claims that WFJ (his c0ck) is so gay that it has already bent into a coil.

[3] He says that for the first two hundred years, he was a drought demon, with red hair all over his body.