I Can Hear Your Thoughts But It’s Not Like I’m Telling You Or Anything - Chapter 13
Date: July 2nd
Time: 8:17 PM
One might think that working as a convenience store clerk is an easy-peasy job. All you have to do is scan barcodes, handle the register expertly, and probably attach some price tags on products from time to time, right?
Well…
“A Super Chicken-Rice bento and two water bottles, correct? It’s past 8 PM now, so the bento is 50% off. That will all be 755 yen, sir.”
THAT’S WROOOOOOOOOOOONG!
Working the register is far from entertaining, and way more demanding than it sounds. You only do three things behind it: Type the prices, open it to give change and then close it again, and then hand over the change and the receipt.
*Ching*
That *ching* is probably the most annoying sound in the world, second to which is shutting the register close.
“Here’s your change. Shall I heat up the bento for you?”
Even if I rant about how bad it is working here, there are things I can only enjoy in this place. If you want to avoid the heat, staying inside is probably the wisest decision you could ever make.
Seriously, bless the person who invented the AC, I couldn’t have survived otherwise in here. TAKE THAT, SUMMER HEAT!
Kindly, the young man in a business suit refused, saying he was keeping it for lunch for tomorrow.
I’ve heard from my parents that it’s not rare to get this kind of short, semi-casual talk with customers every once in a while. Truth be told, it beats the monotony of repeating the same 3-4 lines every single time.
“We hope to see you again.”
Another customer served, another reward for myself: Some peace of mind. Nothing can beat that.
The downside to handling the register is that you have to stay in the same stance until a customer comes in… This all ends when your post is over though, so you have to stay hopeful!
But man, empty convenience stores are the best. I would say it’s completely silent, but I’ve actually grown so used to hearing the fridges work constantly that their sound has become like music to my ears. Talk about relaxing. Sitting behind the counter is anything but a bother if I’m able to enjoy this serenity.
Though, I feel like I haven’t had a bite in a day or so… I only put a couple chocolate bars in my mouth at about 6, and I’m sure I’ll die in here if I don’t eat something now…
It’s about 8:15 now, isn’t it? Guess I should take a short break before another customer comes. Maybe lie down on the bench in the break room or something for 5 minutes. I’ve been here helping out all day today, and it’s been a while since my last one…
“Mum, I’m taking 5, okay? I need to catch my breath.”
I would really have preferred heading out for an hour to get some fresh air while gazing at the sea, but it’s at times like this that we get extremely busy. 50% discounts after 8 PM are nothing to joke about, you know. It might just be certain products, but hey, if it sells, it sells.
“Permission granted! I’ll be there to cover up in a minute!”
My mother has been doing her own work in the back since lunch, which she ate rather late at 4:30; it’s not just behind the counter that all the work for a convenience store takes place, after all. She’s taking a small break now herself, but if I recall correctly, she was putting down yesterday’s sales and checking some stats from last month for comparison regarding certain products…or something…
…this business is too complicated… How does my father even keep up with all of that?! How isn’t it all Greek to him?!
No point in thinking about it, it’s stuff I just won’t understand right now. My energy is hitting critical lows, and all I’m doing is think how ‘Marginal Products’ make sense when I barely managed to pass our math exams during midterms, with a friend’s help…
Oh, I forgot to mention how I ended up here, didn’t I?
Now that our term-end exams are over, pretty much all the students at Sakudai are taking it easy. This, by the way, was advice directly from the Student Council, approved by the principal himself, and included teachers as well. There’s only less than a couple weeks until summer break, and it’s now that the heat is reaching its peaks, so it’s only natural that virtually no one would be willing to sit in class to learn something they’ll forget over summer break.
This school, I swear…like no other.
And here’s today’s report for this wonderful Sunday: I did all my studying yesterday just to have the day free and hang out with someone, but I guess everyone just left town simultaneously today.
…I trusted them, you know.
From what I’ve heard, Karasuma went to Shizuoka yesterday with her parents and still hasn’t come back, Fukuda went with her family to some hot springs in a nearby town west of here, the twins said they had some business to take care of tonight…
Now it’s just Ichijou-san that remains, but I don’t have her phone number… I can’t believe we hang out so much, yet we still don’t know how to contact each other… I’d call the twins to get it, but I’m way too self-conscious to do something like that…
I’m not forgetting anyone, am I?
Nah, that’s all of them. I think.
It’s not too rare to just hang out with Saki around town though, but as you might have imagined, she has her own plans too today…
So, given that my schedule was free as they get today, and that my father is out of town for business…I just couldn’t leave my mother run the store all on her own while I was slacking at home playing games or watching YouTube because I had nothing else to do.
But yeah, that’s my sad backstory. If my father was here in town, I would have probably stayed home looking for discounts for games on Steam.
Why do Summer Sales never include the games I’m looking forward to, dammit…
At least my mother knows me all too well and leaves a few good and truly reinvigorating treats in the fridge. And this pudding will do its job juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine.
Aah, the sweet sensation of opening a cold dessert, this coolness enveloping you as you bring it closer~
I feel like I can die in harmony now, even in this intense heat.
The wind chime at the entrance sounds. Seems there’s a new custo
DAMMIT, NOW’S NOT THE TIME TO GET A CUSTOMER!
I hurryingly place my pudding back in the fridge and exit the break room as fast as possible. It’s an unspoken rule of convenience stores to always have a clerk at the counter no matter what, but this had to happen right when I was taking a short break and my mother was still getting ready in the back…
“Welcome.”
In case you’re still wondering: Yes, even if do we have automatic doors at the entrance, we just can’t get rid of the wind chime. Gotta remind everyone that this is the country.
Let’s see what kind of customer we have this time, shall we?
Since I can’t see them clearly, it means they went deep in the first aisle to the right. The open fridge door there means they’re picking something from there.
I felt really uneasy about something for a moment… Maybe annoyed, or irritated even… Like there’s something in front of me I should have seen a lot earlier, which I should take care of immediately…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
THERE’S DIRT ON THE COUNTER! I WON’T STAND FOR THAT!
I don’t let my nervousness over this show, of course. Keeping a straight face has its perks sometimes.
Where do we keep the wipe clothes again? There’s a box in one of the cabinets under the register, right?
Heh, bingo.
I start to wipe that small dirt in front of the register, when I notice a face popping up from under the counter on the other side.
“Hi there!” A wide, toothful smile is beamed right at me.
The structure of the face suggests it’s a child, the voice and long hair that it’s most likely to a girl. About 150 tall, long brown hair, wears a white T-shirt with sapphire-colored sleeves.
…
…
….
Ah, I just remembered Satoru is in the hospital because of a heatstroke.
“DON’T IGNORE THE CUSTOMER!”
Speaks in a very familiar and rude tone as well.
Extrapolation: Can’t be anyone but Saki.
“What do you want?” My straight face insists on staying a little longer.
“Not even the fridges are this cold…” she says to herself.
“I get that a lot.”
“By who?”
“By you.”
Not amused by my reply, Saki’s original smile gets turned into a huge frown. “…um, can I just pay for my thing now?”
“Do you really have to?”
“I’ll say ‘please’ if I have to.”
“Sweet talk doesn’t work with me.”
“Are you sure you’re a cashier here?” her pitch is raised a bit.
“I’m just doing hard labor.”
“Whatever that is…” a curious tone escapes Saki’s mouth, and then walks around the counter to come to this side.
The moment I said that though, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It would be good to assume I got a message from somebody.
A wide smirk appears on Saki’s face, so she must have probably heard it from the distance. “Ohoho~, are you so popular now that you embraced the cold-but-cool attitude~?”
“Shut your trap, kid,” I reply as I take my phone out of the pocket.
“I’m your sister, you know. You can tell me anything, no need to hold back! I’ll let you even cry on my chest if you say so!” she proudly laughs while patting my back (with quite the force for a child).
…what chest?
I light up my phone’s screen. The notification from the messaging app reads [Message from Mum: “(o)o It’s not hard labor!! >~< <(^)>”]
Whoa, this hurts to read…
“DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE TIME TO EAVESDROP ON ME?!”
My voice came out so loud that Saki jumped back a bit, and even covered her right ear.
[‘Fufufu, someone’s reaaaaaaaaaaaaally pissed off~’] Saki thinks, her lips forming a smirk in the process, and her eyes being left half-opened to emphasize it.
You bet I am.
ALL I ASKED WAS TO FINISH MY PUDDING IN PEACE!
My throat hurts a little from shouting like that, great…
“So,” Saki opens her eyes widely and looks directly in my eyes, “can I pay for my juice now?” she asks again with an innocent smile, like nothing happened in the past minute.
She really can’t even last a day without her favorite cherry juice. Her words, by the way.
“I told you, you don’t need to. You’re basically returning money to its owner.”
“You don’t get, do you?” her expression turns kind of devious, “I’m feeling generous today.”
Having said that, Saki gently pulls my hand to her side and opens my palm face-up, only to leave something metallic on it before closing it again.
As soon as she does, I take a look at what she left there; a 200 yen coin, plus two 50 yen coins, making it 300 yen in total.
“200 yen is fine for the juice.”
I try to give back the two remaining coins, but she stops my hand before it can reach hers.
“Keep them. Keep the change as well.” Her tone has become very calm and soothing, which is something we don’t get to see from her every day in our house because of the cheerful and witty attitude she shows most of the time.
Pulling back her hand, she extends her index finger and places it in front of her mouth, albeit with long-drawn out movements.
“A little charity from me,” her soft voice speaks. Her head now tilts a bit to my right, and her left eye closes on me, as if she wants to tell me a very personal secret of hers. “I know you’re underpaid.”
“YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW THIS CONCEPT!”
Wait…
I don’t even get paid to work here, do I…? How did she know that…?
But even if I do know what she plans on doing sometimes, her shrewdness will overthrow everything I’ve calculated.
“It’s no harm growing up early, Tai-nii!” her childish enthusiasm returns.
“You’re already too mature for your age, give yourself a break.” I got the urge to start pinching her puffed cheek a bit. “Do I even need to remind you how much you’ve accomplished when you’re just 11? There’s always a time and place to learn anything you want to learn. Yearning for knowledge is what makes life interesting. You’re still a kid and there’s an entire road ahead of you, so don’t rush things now, Saki.”
Even if I know how smart she is, I think those words were necessary for her to hear. Although it’s good to know a lot of things, learning them just to grow more mature faster is not, if you ask me.
But…
…perhaps the same goes for the other way around.
All of a sudden, the silence that overtook the room for a few seconds was ceased by Saki’s sobbing. She struggles to wipe her tears off her face, which was amused beyond words just moments ago, and tries so hard to not let any more out.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry…”
Maybe I went a bit too far with this. Surely, this is what I believe, but if Saki has different ideals, then by no means can I force her to change them. If she thought of this as me lecturing her, of course she would cry; no child likes getting scolded, after all.
I can’t help but feel bad for her. Seeing your sibling cry is one of the most bitter sensations someone can feel, even more so if you are the cause for it.
“That’s not it, Tai-nii,” she tries to put on a even a weak smile, but nevertheless, her speaking is much impended by her tears, let alone that she’s even covering her eyes so that I don’t see her cry. “I just…I wasn’t expecting someone who hauls himself off to his room almost all summer vacation to say something so profound.”
“…!”
I did not need to hear that.
I absolutely did not want to hear that from a grade schooler!
“T-That’s not a reason to cry, though…” I try to get her to push her hands to her face’s sides to look her in the eyes…
…only to see that her hands and cheeks are colored red, just like her crying eyes.
“ARE YOU CRYING BLOOD OR SOMETHING?!”
“Ah, my make-up is coming off.”
Her tone has changed once again and becomes really innocent and nave.
I had a couple doubts about this from the very beginning, but…
“Y-You didn’t pretend to be a customer just to use this punchline, did you…?”
“I most definitely did!” In the blink of an eye, her tears had disappeared from the face of Earth.
How do I just fall for her acting every single time…? You’d think I would understand when she’s acting when I’ve been living with her for 11 years straight, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
“Did you enjoy it, Tai-nii!?”
Monotonously, I utter, “Yeah, that last part really hit home hard~”
“That’s a marvelous achievement! A performance has to resonate with you to be great!”
Not in this way though…
I have no idea where to even start with this… Should I admit that I don’t know what to expect from her anymore, even as her older brother, perhaps? I had the feeling my doubts had a logical root…but this whole act? I couldn’t ever begin to imagine that she would set up this entire thing just to say that one line, you know…
“Anyway, better go wash off your make-up before Mum dies of shock.”
“You’re right,” Saki becomes kind of skeptical, “I never asked her to let me borrow it.”
Then why do you sound so proud of that?!
“Never thought you would resort to stealing.”
“It’s not stealing, it’s fair exchange! I let her spoil me all she wants, I borrow her stuff; pretty reasonable deal, don’t you agree?”
“No. Not at all. And you’re the one who enjoys that spoiling the most and you know it.”
“Ehehe~, you think so~?” she fidgets.
She’s hopeless…
“In any case, wash it off ASAP. We both know Mum never gets angry, but better be safe than sorry.”
“Don’t worry about that!” she responds confidently. “She doesn’t need make-up when she’s the most beautiful person in the world!”
Aah, there it is, the idealization of parents. That there is no one as beautiful as our mother, that there is no one more capable than our father. We’ve all gone through that phase.
BUT IT’S STILL EMBARRASSING TO REMEMBER THAT I ONCE SAID THOSE THINGS TOO! THIS GUILT JUST WON’T GO AWAY!
“As much as I agree, you took her stuff without her permission. You don’t want her to feel like you’re doing things behind her back and make her sad, do you?”
This seemed to surprise Saki a bit, before putting on a rather troubled and antsy expression.
“I get it already…” she mutters under her breath as she passes me to head to the bathroom. [‘Geez, you know I don’t want to make her sad. You didn’t have to be so blunt about it, I feel awful now for not telling her. You baumkuchen,’] her thoughts continued on her behalf.
I’m left with a small grin. Firstly, because deep down, I wanted her to realize that feeling as soon as she could, so I couldn’t help myself when she did. Secondly, because of ‘baumkuchen’; it had been a while since I last heard it from her. The nostalgia probably compelled me to leave a smile behind.
A little tangent: ‘Baumkuchen’ is a wannabe insult word Saki uses against me from time to time. It was around the time she could form small sentences that she first said it. If memory doesn’t deceive me, I was running errands because our mother wasn’t feeling well that day, and she had told me to buy a muffin for Saki from the bakery nearby with the change to cheer her up (she couldn’t stop worrying about seeing her on bed). When I arrived at the bakery though, the owner said a group of tourists had bought all of them a little earlier, and that it would take a while to bake new ones.
I wasn’t too eager to go back with empty hands…until I saw it. I had laid my eyes on an astoundingly beautiful and shining ring-ish cake; ‘baumkuchen’ was its name. I still had in mind that I was asked to buy a muffin, but my change was just enough to buy that.
When I got home though, I didn’t tell my mother I bought that instead. When I explained the situation to Saki, she got a bit mad at me and complained for quite a while. I explained to her again and again that they had run out of muffins, yet she kept saying she wanted a muffin. Instead of losing my cool, I showed her this new and fantastic finding, but the moment I mentioned its name…
‘ You are baumkuchen!’
When Mum came down from her room to look into what was happening, she couldn’t stop laughing when I filled her in. As a result, Saki couldn’t stop smiling after seeing her laugh so genuinely. Now though, after knowing my mother for 16 years, I’m sure she had predicted that the outcome would have stayed the same, even if I had gotten a muffin instead.
The closer I can translate that “insult” to is something like Karasuma’s ‘eejit’, and Saki just can’t break out of the habit of murmuring it when she’s frustrated about something I tell her. Maybe it just comes out naturally for her, just like a normal word.
So yeah, my point is that Saki has a signature catchphrase like Karasuma, which closely resemble one another in meaning.
And there I thought that the similarities between them couldn’t get any vaster…
That aside for a moment, but I’m way too curious about something now: Were her tears real? Did she actually cry for the sake of the act, or did she use a bottle with fake tears like Mum did back at the restaurant on her anniversary with Dad?
…No, there’s no reason to hesitate over this. It’s pretty clear if you take a moment to think about it: It can’t be the latter. It’s impossible by all means. Her eyes weren’t even red when she came by my side, so she couldn’t have used the bottle in secret, if she had one on her.
This leaves just the other explanation. One less likely for her age, but of high likelihood for someone like her.
ONION NINJ
Nah, these exist just in forums and threads.
What I’m trying to say is that Saki basically found a way to make herself cry at will. Until I ask her directly about it, I can’t know for sure what that is.
***
The break room contains two doors other than its own; as you enter, the one to the left is the staff bathroom, while the one to the right is the storage, but everyone refers to it as ‘the back’.
The reason I’m mentioning this is because, seconds after Saki left for the bathroom to wash off the make-up, Mum came out of the break room’s door, which is the only way to go to the staff bathroom as well. There’s only a tiny chance that they didn’t run into each other.
“Tai-chan, Mum’s here~!”
Seeing Mum on her own though means that this tiny chance prevailed. She’s wearing the store’s jacket, and looks as bright as ever, despite the extremely hard work she was doing for hours
“Done with your work back there?” I ask her.
“Mm-hm,” she nods positively. Her defining, motherly smile is present as always. “Sorry I left you on your own for so long, your dad left quite the hard work behind.” A small sigh follows as she sits on the stool beside me. “I wish he had told me earlier that he was going to Tokyo today…”
“He couldn’t know something so urgent would come up, you know. It’s not like he wanted to leave town on such short notice either. If he could put it off, then he would have without even thinking about it.”
Saying that, I head a bit to the right of the counter to pick up my mug of coffee. The counter from our side is actually hollow on the underside, so we put all kinds of things there, such as mugs, notebooks, pictures, keys…
“Perhaps,” Mum forces a smile, but I instantly understand that she’s just trying to hide that she’s feeling down.
Not to mention she’s started pouting really hard…
“It’s just for a day. He said he’ll be back with the first train tomorrow morning, so let’s be a little patient and your wait will pay off, okay?”
“You can say that all you want, but I’ll have no one to tease tonight…” she mumbles in a somewhat frustrated tone.
Let me ask this, then: ARE YOU SURE YOU SHOULD BE TELLING THINGS LIKE THAT TO YOUR CHILD?!
“Cheer up, you dork. I know you miss Dad because you love him, but if Saki sees you depressed like this, she won’t put her mind at ease until she knows she lifted your spirits,” I say, trying to shoo away this gloomy atmosphere a little, then bring my mug in front of her. “Coffee?”
“Just a sip.” As soon as she’s done with it, she thanks me and leaves the mug on the counter for me to put back. “You’re right though, Tai-chan. He definitely needs a break from all this when he’s always busy with the store. Who knows how much effort and time he puts into his work here,” her expression brightens up a lot after this, and so does her voice.
A sip of coffee was all it took to cheer her up? Man, sometimes I don’t even get her.
Slowly but ladylike, Mum gets up from the chair. “Today was a tough day, wasn’t it, Tai-chan?” she says while stretching her hands a bit. It’s natural that she’d get the urge to want to stretch a bit after sitting in a chair for so long (I play on my PC almost every day, and I can guarantee this).
“What are you talking about, you silly? Our 50% sales have just begun.” As if she was waiting for me to trigger it, her usual, easing smile comes back.
I felt something warm on my cheek as she uttered these words. Compared to the cool temperature in here, it was warm enough to feel like my cheek was going to melt.
It was my mother’s own hand. A warm, soft, and tender feeling, much like it has always been.
“It won’t be tough if we’re helping out each other, right?”
The tone this sentence was carried with was almost soundless. I barely even heard the question, but I understood every word of it, for one reason or another.
Her extended thumb starts moving across my cheek. Its movement seems so slow that it feels like time has slowed down. Kind of fragile too, even if it’s obvious that there is much delicacy and tact behind this gesture.
Just being able to express herself through this caress makes her smile even more affectionate and motherly than before.
“Time’s up,” I kindly move her palm to the side. “I told you to stop doing that years ago. I’m not in grade school anymore.”
“That’s not enough to stop me~”
“And that’s exactly why I’ll keep telling you to stop,” I say with a hopeless sigh before I walk past her.
“Good luck with that~”
“Before you do that,” I stop and turn around at her call, “do you have anything else to say to me?”
My mother can be pretty incredible when she wants to. Whatever I do, she can understand what I mean by it. Whatever I say to her, she gets the entire picture around it.
‘Her most noticeable and exceptional feature, however, must be her altruistic and insightful personality. For as long as I can remember, when something was on my mind, the first person who got a grasp of that situation would always be her.’
These two sentences always run through my mind when I’m with her. There hasn’t been a single moment that I have forgotten these words. Was I the one who came up with them? Or was it someone else who knew her as well as I do that said them to me?
I can’t remember, but it’s not like it makes a difference anyway.
“You know, I wanted to come spend a day here again. I did all my studying yesterday to have a free Sunday, so the least I could do to avoid shutting myself in was come here to help you out. Procrastination makes you feel guilty when you could be doing actually productive things instead.”
I wouldn’t be lying if I said that she sees through everything. That’s one of her charms as a person, and as a mother.
“Guess you’re not you without that bothersome tenacity you always carry around,” I push down the knob to the break room. “I’m taking my break.”
“Thank you, Tai-chan. You’re such a sweetheart!” Although muffled, her voice is audible behind the closed door.
And stop calling me things like that… Even when no one else is around, this is embarrassing…
All that talk made me so hungry… I just want my pudding…
Right before I open the fridge, a voice resounds in the room: “What’cha doing here?”
It might feel like it’s been more than a quarter or two since Saki went to wash off the make-up, but looking at the time on my phone, it’s been less than 5 minutes, actually.
“Taking my break, as you can see.”
Much to my surprise, there’s no trace of her ever wearing make-up on her face.
“But if you’re in here…who’s working the count?” Cold sweat starts to drip from Saki. “We…We haven’t closed already, right?”
Hearing Saki speak so skeptically actually gave me a huge urge to laugh out loud. Needless to say, trying to hold it off showed in my voice. “How long do you think you were in there!?”
“Don’t laugh!” she comes closer to give me a flick on my forehead. Her puffed cheeks even seem ready to explode with a single touch. “I haven’t checked the time at all since I came!”
“So you were out with your friends until you actually got here? I mean, that’s the only time you forget to do that, but how long were you hanging out with them to lose track of the time?”
“Since…10, I think.”
“10 hours? You sure are a kid, alright…” I mutter to myself. “Besides your friends though, you know who is beyond that door?”
Delight starts to surround her child face as her imagination starts to fill in the gaps I intentionally created.
“Beyond this door, lies the person that’s most special to you,” I open the door for her and give her a light push on the back. “Go to her, Saki.”
Her sparkling eyes, her beaming smile…all these are signs that she can’t contain the excitement to meet this person.
“Come here, Saki-chan!”
“Mum!” Saki says with the widest smile in history on her face as she runs towards her beloved mother.
Hearing that, I know what will follow, so I close the door behind me to leave these two to enjoy their time together without anyone interrupting them.
Now on my own, I head back to the fridge for my awaited pudding.
NO ONE CAN STOP ME FROM EATING IT THIS TIME!
“Mum missed you so much, Saki-chan! You were gone all day and Tai-chan was calling me a dork again like he always does~”
With no ill intention whatsoever! Why are you making me the bad guy here?!
“Deprive him of dinner!” suggests Saki with her loud and way-too-excited voice.
YOU TYRANT!
If only I knew the walls here were so thin…!
But I have to confess, I’m glad Mum’s feeling better now. Seeing her depressed like that made me feel sad as well on the inside. I’m fully aware that she hates Dad being away, and this emptiness she feels gets easily transmitted to us too.
Opening the fridge, a little bit of cold air is shoved onto me, making me shiver.
Without even realizing it, I feel my own hand on the same cheek she placed her palm before.
This warmth that her hand is emitting didn’t feel so suffocating, after all…
Looking around the small fridge, I could swear I put my pudding in there. Maybe I left it in my locker in my hurry?
“There was a pudding in the fridge, was it yours?” I hear Saki ask Mum.
Oh God…
“No, I already ate mine. You told me that you would eat yours when you got back home, right? Did I bring it along?”
It’s not in my locker…
“Maybe it was Tai-chan’s?”
Please tell me they’re bluffing…
“Oh well, finders keepers.”
HOW HEARTLESS CAN YOU BE WHEN YOU WANT?!
