I Choose The Heroine’s Route - Chapter 22

Hariz Euridice Point Of View

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“Hariz.” I blinked. Closing the book I’m reading, I looked at Prince Anakin who called me, “You are not close with your older sister, right?” He asked – but it sounds more like a statement to me.

“When did the Second Prince become so interested in my family?” I asked back as I stare at the empty teacup on the table in front of us.

We’re currently in Prince Anakin’s private study room and we’re sitting in front of each other with a table between us. I’m always helping the Second Prince do his duties, and I’m considered as his closest aide. The King, their father – King Haise Lansera decided that he would give both Crown Prince Deor and Second Prince Anakin their own respective duties and responsibilities which made everyone confused.

The Crown Prince is Prince Deor, there was no need to divide it. Thus, everyone thought that Prince Deor being the Crown Prince isn’t permanent yet – that there’s still a chance for Prince Anakin.

“Do you hate your sister?” Prince Anakin asked and I frowned. Do I… hate my sister? Do I hate Aksia?

I don’t hate her. But that doesn’t mean I like her. To me, she’s just a family. My older sister that I rarely interact with. There’s only a two-year difference in our age, but we’re so different from each other. I just… can’t understand her no matter how hard I try to. She’s always acting cold, not showing any weakness or emotion.

I kind of envy how she can show no weakness despite everything. To me… she’s the strongest person I know. Even though I wouldn’t admit or say it verbally to anyone, I… kind of admire her.

Compared to her, I’m just a coward. They say I’m the perfect child but that’s not true at all. I’m just putting on a show, a facade, pretending that I was strong when in reality, I was just someone worthless who desperately clings to the attention and help of others.

– When I was about nine years old, I asked mother about Aksia out of curiosity. Even though I’m still young at that time, I remember it clearly, because for the first time, my mother glared at me as if I said something I shouldn’t have. She… never glared or looked at me like that before, and as a child, I was shocked and terrified.

So when I saw her raised her right hand, I thought she was going to hit me. Instead, she patted me on the head.

She smiled, “Hariz, listen well. You shouldn’t speak about that cursed thing again. You’re different from her, you are going to become someone great in the future.” She smiled at me and yet, her eyes stared at me with so much intensity as if telling me that I should never go against her wishes.

That I did do just that, I will be… punished.

– At that time, I didn’t really understand why our family is like this… I was young and still ignorant of things. But I guess, even now, I am still ignorant, and it was by my choice. I clenched my fist.

I don’t really mind her having dark Magic. If anything, I think it’s wonderful. Although I’m good at using a sword, I’m not that good at Magic. I do have earth Magic which I inherited from father, it was said that it was the Magic the Head of the house usually holds but… I have no talent for it. All I can do are the basic attack and defense. Mother and father didn’t really talk about it, but I know they’re disappointed.

Our family… is far from ideal. We’re broken, and I don’t think it can even be fixed. While growing up, I realized that mother and father always ignore Aksia. I wasn’t exactly raised with ‘love’ from mother and father, but they always give me everything I want and needed. To mother and father, the most important thing to them is probably power.

I’m selfish, I knew that Aksia was suffering and yet, all I’m thinking about is myself. In the end, this was just me making excuses.

I forced myself to believe that it was alright to ignore my older sister too, that since father and mother are doing it as well, then it’s the right thing to do. I wanted to forget about Aksia and tried to think less about her.

As we interact less and less, I realized that… it was wrong. I shouldn’t be treating her like this, we’re siblings and yet I’m not doing anything to help her. I questioned myself. Why am I even scared of being hated by mother and father when I don’t even know if they actually cared about me?

That’s why… when I had the chance to talk to Aksia again, I asked her why she was so desperate. It was confusing to me, she was trying so hard to earn father’s and mother’s love. But I guess I’m kind of the same, I have their acknowledgment and I was scared that I would lose it. I guess I’m also desperate for love, I was beyond foolish.

I thought my older sister hated me because of the way I acted towards her. But I was shocked when she still smiled at me – I know it wasn’t a real smile… nonetheless, she still smiled. She was being polite despite my attitude towards her. It was actually the first time I saw her smile, although I’m not sure what has changed, I felt slightly happy.

After that… I tried to apologize to her. I was already expecting it, and I know I deserved it, but when he simply ignored my apology, I was dejected.

Scared that this time she will hate me, I run away like the coward I am. Since then, I wasn’t able to talk to her again. I needed to immediately return to the Castle with Prince Anakin. And right now, Aksia is probably in the Academy already.

“Hariz, are you still breathing?” I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the Prince’s voice. I looked at him and he smirked.

“I thought you died, you weren’t responding. What were you thinking?” He asked, narrowing his eyes as he looks at me with curiosity.

“Hariz, you actually like your sister, don’t you? But you made a terrible mistake.” He said as the corner of his lips curled up, “Right now, you’re feeling lost. Frustrated, scared, and angry.” He said before standing up, “You made a mistake, but that wasn’t entirely your fault. You were just… scared. If there’s someone I would blame, it was your parents. But of course, I’m not saying that it’s just your parent’s fault, it was yours as well.”

I looked down as I clenched my fist, “I’m a coward. I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

“Then you just have to do better.” He said and I looked up, frowning, “If you feel so bad about it, just do everything in your power to apologize. Suffer in return, cry if you must, do anything. Beg.” He added before smirking.

Then he frowned, “I was interested in you since we’re kind of the same but… I guess everyone changes. I don’t dislike you, don’t worry.” He said as he chuckled.

“I’ll leave you alone now, I have a date.” He said before walking towards the door. He gives me a final wave before leaving me behind. I wasn’t even able to scold him about going on ‘dates’ because I was thinking about something else.

Staring at the door, I decided. I’ll do everything I can to somehow fix my relationship with my sister. I want to at least truly became a family of Aksia, I want us to be real a brother and sister. I… I’m not expecting to be forgiven since I don’t even deserve it in the first place.

This is my own selfishness as well because I want to atone, for my guilt, and to make up for the sin I made. Mother and father surely won’t be happy, but this time, even if I’m scared… I can’t run away – I shouldn’t.. I must face it this time even if it means giving up everything I have.