I Choose The Heroine’s Route - Chapter 37

Today, we have Mana control at 8 AM and currently, I’m… at the Royal Academy’s garden again, walking around aimlessly while looking at the flowers. I woke up around 5:40 AM, and now it’s still just 6:56 AM.

If you’ve been wondering how I was able to wake up that early despite saying how I’m not that fond of waking up early, it’s because I got used to it.

Back in the Euridice Mansion, Amy and the other maids would always wake me up around the same time, helping me prepare myself despite not really having anywhere to go other than doing or keeping up with my… usual noble lady routine. Having to wake up like that for years now, my body just always kind of automatically activates around the same time.

Although it can be an irritating hobbit especially when there’s really no need to wake up early, it is also useful.

As for why did I decide to go into RA’s garden while waiting for the time… I guess this is just. the first place that comes to mind. But perhaps I should have told my mind in advance that I shouldn’t go wandering around when there’s no need to – maybe then, I would have been able to avoid bumping into Anakin.

I froze on the spot where I stood, looking blankly at Anakin who’s leaning under a tree, his eyes closed, seemingly asleep. If he’s really sleeping right now, I should take this chance to escape – “Aksia.” he suddenly opened his eyes, and I immediately made a move to turn around.

However, before I could make a move, he spoke again, making me stop, “Do you really dislike me that much?” he chuckled. I felt like I heard that line a few times already.

“… I don’t dislike you, Your Highness. I simply dislike trouble.” It’s basically the same though, I’m just making it sound more polite. This situation… reminds me of some fictional works I’ve read. As if Anakin is the male protagonist with the usual ‘you’re interesting’ tagline, and I’m the ‘interesting’ female lead. Unfortunately, this is not that type of story.

Base on our interaction so far, I guess the possibility of Anakin liking me is not that far-fetched. It might seem narcissistic of me to say or think of this, but It’s better than ignoring the possibility of it happening. After all, that is what often happens in those fictional stories.

And I don’t need or want anyone to fall in love with me here, especially Anakin or the other capture targets.

“I’ll be leaving now then.” I said as I turned around.

“Wait!” I stopped. I almost had the urge to click my tongue. I turned my head to look back at him, giving him a cold, questioning look. I’m… blatantly showing Anakin that I do not want to be here with him anymore.

Although I did say before that it should also be good to at least be an acquaintance or neutral terms with the capture targets, the fact that I shouldn’t get too close to them – for the reason I mentioned just earlier, still stands. I have to draw a clear line and distance so that they wouldn’t ȧssume something unnecessary. Besides, this is not a conversation where I would gain something.

“You… You rejected the engagement with Deor, didn’t you?” Anakin asked and I blinked. This time, I turned my whole body to completely face him again, looking at him with cold eyes.

“That is correct.” I answered, frowning. Since he has the ability to feel other people’s emotions, then shouldn’t he be able to know already what I’m feeling right now? I couldn’t help but stare at him with a blank expression, thinking. If he can’t tell what my emotions are right now, then…

“Why?” He asked again.

“Should there be another reason for turning down an engagement with a person you don’t want to get engaged with?” – I simply do not wish to have such connection with the Crown Prince, and of course, I absolutely have no wish or intention to marry him.

I stared at Anakin, observing his expression as he frowned, seemingly both uncertain and nervous which is rare for a capture target that is supposedly mischievous and full of mischief. Well… I guess as I said, this is no longer a game, and the Anakin in front of me right now is a real human who doesn’t only have one side to them, not a fictional character.

Even the strongest person can be weak at times, and even the seemingly most easy-going or playful person can hesitate or be sad. It’s just… like that.

Even if I also want to be a strong person who will never feel emotions such as sadness, emotions are not something I can control. Even if I can hold it in, a time will come where all that emotions will burst – like a fire spreading so quickly that you can’t easily stop it.

I suddenly remembered our encounter in the Euridice garden on my debut. With a cold voice, I spoke, “Are you expecting me to accept the proposal, thinking that no one should or would dare to reject an engagement with the Crown Prince?”

Anakin’s expression froze, and I continued, “It seems to me that Prince Anakin really thinks highly of his brother.”

“What do you know…?” I blinked.

“You also asked me that before, Your Highness. I don’t know much about you… but I’ll tell you this, stop comparing yourself to others.” Because the moment you continue to do that so, you’ll just end up overthinking more. You’ll become blind, and you’ll be unable to recognize your own worth and achievements.

I guess I can understand him a little, since aside from my life right now as Aksia Euridice, even from my life before… it’s not that unusual to find yourself being compared to others – by other people, and yourself as well.

“I have no intention of getting engaged with your brother, even in the future.” I firmly stated before frowning slightly.

“Don’t you have the ability to know people’s emotions? Then you should already be feeling that I’m saying the truth.” I inquired about the matter I’ve been curious about since earlier. I… already have a guess, but I have to make sure. With his ability, Anakin should have been able to tell from the very beginning that I feel no such thing as romantic feelings or liking towards Deor, he should have also known that right now, I dėsɨrė for this conversation to end.

And seeing that he can’t decide, I spoke for him, “Your ability… it activates at random.” It’s not a question, but a statement. Seeing Anakin not speaking or disagreeing, my guess has been confirmed.

Anakin might have shown no signs of his ability to read people’s emotions being activated at random times, but when my conversation with him started, and I noticed how he seems to be unable to read my emotions, the screws in my brain quickly started turning.

I thought of the possibility that Anakin is just pretending that he doesn’t know what my emotions are currently, but as I observed him, the emotions he showed – his nervousness and hesitance, all of it is definitely real.

“Does knowing this make you think less of me now?” Suddenly hearing this question from him, I was slightly stunned.

I know about his inferiority complex towards Deor, but I certainly didn’t it to be this much. I understand how it’s like to feel like you have no value and that you’re worse than everyone, but this… to think that Anakain will even show this side of him to me must mean that it’s really that bad. Looking at him like this, my eyes narrowed.

“Hey human, I thought you don’t like this insect? Continue to say some nice things, and he might like you at this rate.” Gaos who has been silent suddenly spoke.

“Of course not.” since I won’t let that happen.

Understanding or being able to sympathize with him doesn’t mean I agree with the way he is right now. It also doesn’t mean that we’ll completely get along.

“As I said, you should stop that. And think less of you? I’ve never thought that much of you ever since before.” I coldly said, “If you insist on being like this, you’ll never improve.”

Looking at Anakin who’s staring at me with all astonishment, shame, and other emotions I couldn’t read, I spoke again in a very casual manner, “It’s kind of pathetic, don’t you think?” his expression solidified. At this point, I’m just brushing Anakin’s favor while also keeping a check on his hate meter.

Will he still think that I’m interesting, I wonder? Or will he see me as an enigma or something similar to a plague that should be avoided?

“… I’ll go now, Your Highness..” Having said all of that, I turned around, and this time, no one stopped me from leaving.