I Chose to Fake My Death - Chapter 48

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“Are you done staring? You have seen enough, go review!” (Hitomi)

She said, while sitting up against the head of the bed, wrapped in a quilt, with only her small, cute ankle exposed. Of course, the person she was talking to was none other than Lan Hau Yu, the owner of the apartment. Her expression seemed to be asking if he was mentally retarded.

Are you sure you don’t want me to spend more time with you?” (Yu)

“No need. This pillow is just as good as my master.” (Hitomi)

Hitomi immediately replied, but after saying so, she began to regret her impulsiveness.

Lonely, timid people, who desperately long for the love and attention they lack, often reject others’ kindness. In the face of their pride, they can’t speak of their true desires, thereby creating a self-fulfilling prophecy wherein they become ever more sensitive and lonely. This is a vicious circle with no solution. Since she couldn’t tell him she regret what she said, he opened the door and walked out of the room.

Which left her thinking, ‘He really just left me. No, there’s need for me to be disappointed that he did.’

When losing things became normal, it was no longer very easy to feel sad. This, in and of itself, was a very sad fact.

‘It seems to be a little cold’ she thought, as she moved to wrap the quilt a little more tightly around herself.

‘Alone again….By myself on the bed, leaning on the headboard. I don’t remember when I started to go through life in a stupor, but it has become routine for me, I hardly ever notice anymore. I had once tried to convince myself that if I became a cute loli, I would be happy and no longer lonely, when in fact my life has been so complete disrupted that I have had no path to follow.’

System… Why do you look as if you’re unhappy?

A gentle voice floated up within my mind. Oh, this has to be System. I never knew when he was going to make comments anymore.

‘Are you smarter than you were originally?’ she asked casually, trying to avoid talking about the matter. No matter what she said, she was unwilling to let others easily touch her heart.

System… Uh ~ Fortunately, I’m on standby these days while you practice neglecting me. It seems you are now an important person to your country!

System seemed to be very happy, but he didn’t seem to know I was on the run.

‘Umm… No, I ran away from that damn place. Their boss didn’t restrain himself from killing. If their boss is like that, then I don’t expect the other members to be any more honorable. I don’t know if there are any unspoken rules or anything, but if I stayed with those bastards, I’d end up being killed!’

She complained unhappily while pouting and playing with the quilt.

System… I don’t seem to remember you being bullied by other boys’, right?

Systems gentle voice teasingly asked me.

‘Yes. Well, I’ve not been excluding the possibility of other boys developing some kind super-friendly relationship, but just where is this super-large population of boys? What I want to be is a cute little loli and not be treated as if I was a public RBQ.’

(TN: I believe I mentioned this before, but RBQ means onahole, or meat toilet.)

She sighed while look at the ceiling. After a few seconds, she seemed to think of something and suddenly sat up straighter.

‘I need to give you a preset, by that I mean where to live and live safely! That old guy used a trick that almost killed me, with just my ability there is no way to defend myself. This place is so dangerous, so it would be far better to find an interesting city with a gentle brother and let him spoil me.’

I said while sitting up in bed, which allowed the sunlight to shine upon my snow-white skin and delicate, slightly raised breasts. After all, I still hadn’t been able to break the habit of sleeping naked. Distracted by the lovely sight, my angry expression slowly melted away.

Fake sentiments. Everyone had their most important thing, possibly a few words, an idea either small or large, a dream you had held on since childhood, or maybe even a very important person. It was safe to say, that these came from the heart. Without a heart, they were just fake sentiments.

System… Why don’t you go for a walk or do something interesting? You have always hidden in a corner where no one is looking and no one will see you if you don’t show yourself, just as you are doing now. Although you have achieved your dream of becoming a cute girl, you are still living in the same boring manner.

Although I knew it was meant kindly, it felt as if he was being harsh and I felt disgusting.

‘Yes. Well, I already knew that.’

I told system apathetically; as my right hand felt around the large shirt I had been wearing.

This shirt was one of my owner’s (Yu) shirts. I took it secretly from him when he changed his clothes. Discounting the peculiar smell of him on the shirt, the delightful, fluffy sensation of it against my skin made me feel a lot more comfortable. Maybe he was right, maybe I was a fool.

As long as I didn’t bring trouble to others, it was easier for me to allow myself to rely on them. What? Was that so wrong? Maybe that kind of pure attachment was what I should pursue? I still had a long way to go, down this road, but I had a hard time taking that steps necessary. Nothing to do with courage, it was merely about love.

Proud, timid, and cowardly? I’m a really troublesome girl! Although, no matter how it turns out, I don’t plan to change, because this is the real me.

(TN: I think she should have added Tsundere to that list.)