I Have An Unrequited Love For A Murderer - Chapter 9

The semester started, but my daily routine remained the same. When Ki Junghoo went to school, I would sit in my room and stare outside to pass the time.

After spending months by his side and becoming his perfect accomplice, I was given some freedom. I was given my cell phone and no handcuffs. But I wasn’t allowed to go outside.

Thanks to this, I developed a hobby at home. I ordered packages two or three times a week. Ki Junghoo, who brought the parcel boxes piled up at the front door, asked me.

“What kind of bullshit are you doing again today?”

“It’s almost winter, so I wanted to give you a scarf as a present…”

There was no point in saying that it was a gift since everything was purchased with his card. Ki Junghoo sitting next to me without saying anything was his way of allowing me, which I had learned through trial and error. So I worked even harder to knit the scarf.

Other than that, there was one thing that had changed between us a few days ago. I had become able to speak to Ki Junghoo more comfortably. I was two years older than him, and since he tended to push things to the limit during sex, I couldn’t hold back his disrespectful behavior. When he asked me how old I was, I just told him to speak comfortably. Of course, he didn’t treat me like an older brother. I was just grateful to be treated like a human being.

“I’ll be out for two days.”

The handcuffs in Ki Junghoo’s hand rattled as he shook them. He fiddled with the handcuffs and looked at me.

“Baek Yujin.”

“Hnng…”

“You’re not going to run away, right?”

“Huh? No!”

“Then I won’t bother cuffing you.”

Ki Junghoo dropped the handcuffs and ran a hand through my hair. His fingers pressed into the scar on the back of my head, as if to remind me of that day.

“Good boy.”

And with that, he exerted force on his hand and lowered me. I naturally scooted down the sofa to kneel between his legs.

“Just suck it. It’s troublesome to wash it.”

I nodded and grabbed the buckle of his pants with my mouth, trying to pull them down.

“…..”

I failed. I had been practicing by watching all kinds of porn since last time, but it didn’t work. I eventually used my hands to pull his pants and underwear off, then took his penis into my mouth. I swallowed his down my throat until the scraggly pubic hair rubbed against the tip of my nose.

Every once in a while, Ki Junghoo would give me an unflattering compliment, telling me “Are all guys like you who like men suck cocks so well?”, but I had nothing to say in response. I had never liked men before I met him, so this was a first for me. Of course, there were times when I masturbated to gay porn, imagining myself with him.

It’s a secret, but I actually thought that if I had sex with him, I would be the recipient. I have never heard anyone say that I am small due to my height of 187cm, but I could only imagine it that way because Ki Junghoo was so big. We were about the same height, but he was definitely bigger than me in terms of frame.

The good news is that even though it’s been quite a while since I sucked him off all the way, Ki Junghoo never tried to do that to me again. If there was one thing I realized as I sucked him off, it was that Ki Junghoo’s penis was closer to that of an animal than a human. If I put that in, it would probably be the day Ki Junghoo would kill me the way he wanted to.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

Ki Junghoo asked as he patted my cheeks after I finished swallowing his cum and stuck out my tongue for him to check, thinking of him killing me with his cock. I couldn’t say it, so I kept my mouth shut.

The first night after Ki Junghoo left, I received a video call from him. It was at the agreed-upon time, so I set my phone horizontally on the table and knitted.

– Are you still doing that?

As Ki Junghoo spoke, the loud noise of students could be heard in the background. It seemed that the reason for his two-day absence was an MT [1] . While thinking that he could have told me, I reminded myself that he had no reason to explain the reason for his absence to me and lightly tapped my cheek with my palm to not forget it.

“Yeah… Junghoo-ya, have you been drinking?”

– Junghoo-ya, what are you doing there! Come here!

The sound of someone calling him echoed through the speaker before the call abruptly ended. In the oppressively quiet room, I felt like I was being reminded once again that Ki Junghoo and I were two completely different people. And I wondered what kind of person I was to Ki Junghoo. Was I a living dildo to be used when he was bored? A human being that’s easy to manipulate? Or maybe just someone who could disappear without anyone noticing…

One of my bad habits is that once negative thoughts start, they grow like a flood. Eventually, I stayed up all night and couldn’t sleep until I finished making the scarf. However, I couldn’t answer the question of what kind of existence I am to Ki Junghoo. It wasn’t a question I could answer. I wanted to ask him right now, but I decided to wait until our video call at 10pm.

“Yawn.”

Yawning, I opened the fridge, took out the lunch box that I enjoyed the most, heated it up in the microwave, and took out the trash.

I checked the time and realized that I still had a few hours before Ki Junghoo would call. I opened the parcel box he had brought the other day. Inside was a 5,000-piece puzzle, a Pipo painting [2] , and a diamond painting [3] . I lay down and did cross-stitch while watching TV, ate, and finished the puzzle. Then, tired of everything, I went to the basement where there were the most traces of Ki Junghoo.

Clack.

It was the first time I’d ever set foot in a place of my own volition. I lay on the sofa where the scent of blood that had not yet faded away was strongest, and where there were the most traces of Ki Junghoo. I brought the scarf to show him during our video call. Lying on the sofa, I neatly folded the scarf and closed my eyes.

Ring ring

I must have fallen asleep. I opened my eyes and checked my phone.

[10:15 alarm]

It wasn’t a call from Ki Junghoo, but a recurring alarm. When the call that was supposed to come at 10:00 didn’t come, I felt worse again. What am I doing down in the basement…. I stopped my shaking and came back upstairs. I sat down on the sofa and picked up my unfinished Pipo painting brush.

“Annoying.”

Putting the brush back down, I jumped out of my seat and grabbed some clothes from the closet. I picked them out without thinking, but the sleeves rolled down to cover my hands. It seemed to be one of Ki Junghoo’s cardigans. The scent of his cologne lingered faintly.

I couldn’t tell where my confidence came from. I just thought I had to make him come find me because Ki Junghoo didn’t call me. This thought dominated my mind. I put the internet payment card he had given me in my wallet. Before I walked out the door, I remembered what he had said to me.

〈Look carefully.〉

Ki Junghoo opened the front door wide. I saw the green gate that the man with the severed ankle had run through the first day I came to this house. He walked me to the gate.

〈I’ll leave the gate open. If you want to leave anytime, go ahead.〉

〈….〉

〈If I catch you, I’ll kill you, so you have to take an airplane, not a bus. Got it?〉

I swallowed my saliva. Ki Junghoo’s voice, which had said he would kill me, spun wildly in my head and ears, but I took a step forward. And I opened the front door.

“Haa…”

Autumn air… I descended the stairs. The green gate was open, just as Ki Junghoo had left it, and I didn’t hesitate long. I closed my eyes tightly and crossed the gate, clutching my cell phone in my hand just in case, and walked outside. Out of rebellion, I came out, but I didn’t know where to go or what to do, so I just walked aimlessly.

I ended up at school. I took a stroll around campus, enjoying the familiar scenery I hadn’t seen in a while. As I passed by the department building, one of the two men in the distance saw me and pretended to know me.

“Huh? Aren’t you Baek Yujin? Hey! Long time no see!”

“…?”

I wasn’t sure if I knew him or not, but I awkwardly smiled and waved.

“We were worried about you when we heard you took a leave of absence… Are you doing well?”

His eyes swept over me, or more precisely, the designer cardigan I was wearing. He suddenly put his arms around me and dragged me along.

“Did you invest in some bitcoins?”

“Huh? Uh…”

“Then you should treat us! Hey! Yujin’s treating us!”

Stupid Baek Yujin. I didn’t come out to meet these guys…! I have to go back soon…. but I followed them anyway. I wanted to let Ki Junghoo, who was hanging out with his friends, know that I had friends too. On that day, I was already in a bad mood and my glass was overflowing with alcohol. So I got drunk in just 30 minutes.

***

1. The outside activities of playing with colleagues in university.
2. Pipo painting is a type of DIY painting where you color in the numbers with the designated colors.
3. Diamond painting is a combination of cross-stitch and paint-by-numbers.