I Loved You In Order To Survive - Chapter 15

***

Lily immediately recognized the sound of the boots and went out to meet him with the brightest smile she could muster.

“Giles!”

However, the atmosphere on that day was unusual.

Giles called her by her fake name.

“Lily.”

Giles looked particularly haggard. It seemed that he was angry or irritated by something. He glared at her, and she froze at his grim expression. It was to the point where she felt that her time had finally come.

It was clear something had happened. She thought that it might have something to do with her. He didn’t say anything, so Lily wasn’t sure if she was in danger.

Lily blindly hugged Giles to test him.

He would either leave her alone or attack her, one of the two.

Giles didn’t shake her off, but he didn’t say anything or even hug her back.

Lily was desperate to please him somehow.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m thankful you came again.”

It was a lie. Every time she heard the sound of his boots, there was never a time when her heart didn’t sink. It was nice that he gave her food, but… she had never met anyone like him.

“…Can I?”

He asked in a raspy voice.

“What?”

“Can I hug you?”

He was asking her for permission. Lily nodded once. She couldn’t say no.

He reached out, but in the end, he didn’t hold her.

“…I’ll bring you a new set of clothes next time.”

“You already gave me some.”

“Not that. Proper clothes.”

“I like it because it’s warm.”

Lily tightly pulled the coat he gave her around her shoulders.

She liked the coat, but she was afraid that he would come again using the clothes as an excuse.

Giles was in a bad mood that day. She had to cheer him up. But she couldn’t think of what to do. Uncomfortable as he cast a shadow over her body in silence, Lily made a suggestion.

“Giles, do you know how to play the piano?”

“I did a long time ago.”

“So you’ve played before? I knew it. People who are well-versed in music can see everything. Well, I have a request… Would you like to play the piano for me today?”

He looked puzzled, as if he hadn’t expected Lily to ask him to play. But what surprised Lily even more was her own request. Giles sat down at the piano without refusing.

He started playing a very simple exercise. He fumbled with the keys, as if it had been a long time since he had put his hands on a piano.

Lily sat next to him, fearing that he would resent her for making him do something stupid. And she helped him by playing the melody two octaves above.

They played together.

With her help, his performance slightly improved. Giles looked at Lily, and she smiled reflexively. It was only to look good for him.

Giles’ playing slowed slightly. He looked mesmerized and leaned toward Lily. His lips touched hers, and her mind turned white.

Giles kissed her.

Lily once went through a similar situation. Events from the past flashed through her mind.

She knew that one day it would be like this.

…In the end, this was what happened.

He immediately fell away from her, probably embarrassed when she didn’t respond.

It was unavoidable… But Lily had no other choice.

She hugged and kissed him back. If this was what he wanted, she had no choice but to give it to him. If she could live by doing so, she would do anything.

She didn’t want to die by his gun.

She didn’t even want to be taken to prison.

In her life, prisons had been in closets and under the floor.

She knew.

Giles Hessen was just a shy Johann Meyer.

He must have approached her with this intention in the first place.

There was no favor in the world without reason.

In the past, Lily had pushed Johann Meyer to the floor and held a broken mirror shard at him. But this time, things were different. It was impossible to dedicate herself to others, but wouldn’t the story be different for her survival?

Her family name was not more important than her body.

But her life took precedence over her body.

Giles wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her frantically. She could feel his breathing getting heavier. She prepared her heart.

‘Maybe he will lift my skirt and pull out his….’

No, it was very likely.

But Giles, kissing her like he was clinging to her, didn’t even pull up the hem of her skirt or unzip his pants. At some point, he stopped kissing her and just hugged her with his face buried in her shoulder.

And whispered incomprehensible words.

“You are by my side. Just stay by my side. That’s all I need.”

If she had been the female lead in a radio play, she would have been so moved by his confession that she would have poured out all sorts of praise. But while he couldn’t see her face, she was breaking out in a cold sweat.

Next time it wouldn’t end with just a kiss.

Today passed safely, but if he came back tomorrow… she didn’t know what was going to happen then. Of course, she was ready for anything…

Lily spent that night shaking. No matter how much it would save her life, she couldn’t help being scared. She had never had a physical relationship with a man, and above all, the fear that a big man would treat her like an object paralyzed her mind.

She stayed up all night because she thought he would definitely come back. There was no way she could fall asleep. She didn’t even want to. If she slept, tomorrow would come, and she had to meet Giles.

No matter how much she thought about it, she didn’t want to give her body to anyone.

But Giles didn’t covet her right away. Even making eye contact with him was not easy, as she had no way of knowing what he was thinking. Every day felt like walking on a knife’s edge.

Today passed safely, but there was no guarantee that tomorrow would be the same. When he sat next to her and looked at her, she was afraid he would start groping her thighs.

Lily walked a tightrope of tension and trembled in fear every night. She was even more afraid because he hadn’t done anything. She was anxious.

‘Why is he not doing anything? What is going through that man’s head? If he’s not going to do anything, why does he keep coming back to see me?’

Giles, who used to go back quickly, gradually began to stay longer. Still, she couldn’t complain. She had to act like a good girl so she could live.

So she greeted him with a smile. Always.

Then one day. Giles stopped coming abruptly. Lily was confused that he had suddenly stopped coming and going. At the same time, she was also afraid.

‘Are you preparing to lead an army to come and catch me?’

Lily didn’t know what to do, so she stayed still. However, Giles was unrepentant. The next day and the day after that. A week passed, and he still did not come.

It was clear.

This was an opportunity for her.

She couldn’t just sit back and wait for time to pass.

She decided to take advantage of Giles’ absence and run away.

When he came every other day, she did not dare to do so for fear that she would quickly be caught. But now she thought it would be different.

Unlike before, she gained a lot of weight in her body and had enough strength to walk.

Lily walked blindly toward the road she knew. She had driven this road before in a carriage. If she walked for about 10 minutes, she would come to a small village. There were people there, and there was also a train station.

Of course, all she had was her body, but she had no choice but to move forward. The only thing that could protect her was her.

So she had to be brave.

The farther she got from the mansion, the faster her steps got. This was the first time she had left the mansion on her own.

Finally, her fate was in her hands.

That fact made her feel good, so she laughed a little.

She had to leave Solzbourg before Giles found her.

Even as Lily walked, she kept looking back.

She was afraid that a black car would appear.

But he never showed up.

‘What will he do when he finds out I’m gone?’

‘He’s going to be a little upset.’

‘But he will soon forget me.’

‘I was just a clumsy girl playing the piano.’

‘If it’s an officer like Giles, there will be women swarming around him, so there was no reason for him to feel sorry for me.’

Lily had to believe that anyway.

***