I Loved You In Order To Survive - Chapter 7

Celeste, meanwhile, didn’t seem to recognize Giles at all. Giles froze for a moment as he pressed Celeste, who resisted with a scream he had never heard before, with his body.

But even that was a luxury at this moment. His men were running towards them from afar. He had to make a decision. Giles put his pistol to his sister’s forehead.

The world around him slowed down. His men were no longer running to help him. They were watching Giles. This operation itself was a huge trap centered on Giles.

Now he could see why his men didn’t waste their time catching a single woman. It was because she was Celeste Hessen, a target Giles had to kill himself. The reason men he had never seen before joined him to Meinhebach.

Preventing fugitives from crossing the border was a secondary problem.

This mission was carefully crafted to gauge Giles’ worth.

Would he be able to kill the sister he loved?

Giles captured and executed many of his own people in order to ensure his own survival. It was not only for his survival, but also for the survival of his dear sister Celeste. It wasn’t a difficult choice up to that point. There was no doubt that he and his sister’s lives were far more precious than hundreds of others.

Now he had to make a new choice.

Would he survive, or would he sacrifice himself?

Giles glared at Celeste’s battered face with bloodshot eyes, shivering from the cold. He didn’t know if it was sweat or tears running down his face.

He had to pull the trigger.

‘No, I don’t.’

He didn’t have much time. His men, witnesses to prove Giles’ loyalty, were watching him. He regretted having pulled down her scarf.

What if he hadn’t?

Celeste did not wait for him either. She grabbed Giles’ hand and bit hard on it. As he screamed, Celeste pushed Giles away and tried to escape again.

Giles pressed down on her body before she pulled herself back up. A familiar voice echoed in his head.

-This mission could change your destiny. 

‘But… What was the use in all that now?’

“I can’t.”

Giles whispered in Celeste’s ear as she struggled beneath him.

“I can’t. Celeste, please…”

Half sobbing, at some point, he felt Celeste’s movement stop, and he raised his head. She didn’t move anymore. Giles hurriedly turned Celeste’s body over.

A small knife was stuck in her stomach. Giles looked down devastatingly at Celeste, who had chosen her own death.

It was the worst ending that no one expected.

***

She was a girl with a quiet disposition. She preferred daydreaming in her room rather than parties or social gatherings, and she responded more enthusiastically to a fine fountain pen than to dresses, shoes, or jewellery…  She was that kind of person.

Giles hoped that his sister would be free. He believed she could fly anywhere as long as she was guaranteed freedom.

He thought the same would be true for himself.

Didn’t he know that his sister would eventually come back to live another day?

Deputy Charlie approached him as he sat in a corner and smoked a string of cigarettes. Giles glared at him, but as always, Charlie didn’t care.

“You did well.”

He ended up pulling Giles together, who had been crushed to pieces. Giles blew cigarette smoke in silence.

“Since the decision was made by leadership, she was a woman who would die anyway. If you hadn’t put an end to it yourself, she might have died more miserably…”

“I want to be alone.”

“No way.”

“Charlie. I am tired.”

“But General Harrington told me to stick close to the Captain. I know you were thinking all sorts of things by yourself.”

Did he send Charlie because he was well aware of that? If he thought about the leadership’s decision and the operation for even a second, his head would explode. Giles closed his eyes and endured desperately to avoid losing his temper.

After returning from Meinhebach, he scrubbed his hands until his skin turned red. He felt as if his sister’s blood clung to him and did not come off, no matter how thoroughly he washed.

He muttered to himself in front of the bathroom sink.

‘I didn’t kill her.’

‘It wasn’t me.’

‘I didn’t.’

***

“By the way. This is also what General Harrington said… I think it would be best if the Captain knew too.”

Giles nervously put a cigarette in his mouth.

“The higher-ups are very suspicious that the Captain didn’t use a gun.”

“…”

“According to the report written by another subordinate, your gun was clearly pointed at the target, but when her body was checked after death, it was found that the cause of death was a stab wound. I don’t think it’s something to be surprised about. You just changed weapons because you were fighting.”

Giles, who had been staring into space, finally couldn’t stand it and got up from his seat. He left the adjutant’s side without saying anything.

“You killed her, didn’t you? I believe so!”

Charlie yelled at him from behind, but he ignored it.

Giles wished the leadership had ordered someone to shoot him in the head. It wasn’t that he had no lingering attachments to his life, but his head hurt.

His life was a series of errors and poor choices. Even the result of what he thought was the best choice he made ended like this. He felt like he shouldn’t make any judgments anymore.

However, if there was still one ‘right choice’ left.

There was only one person that came to his mind.

-I’m Lily Belmore. Please take care of me.

‘Lily.’ 

‘Lily Belmore.’ 

‘My haven and living paradise.’

Thoughts about her raged out of control and swallowed Giles. He was certain that he would arouse suspicion if he went in and out of the abandoned mansion, so he swore never to visit again. But at this moment, he felt like he would go crazy if he didn’t see Lily’s face right away.

He had to see Lily. He wanted to meet her, see her face, and check she was alive with his own eyes. Giles’ mind was paralyzed. Operation Meinhebach pushed him to the limit. He couldn’t stand it any longer.

Seeing Lily, he thought he could forget everything. Even what happened in Meinhebach could be dismissed as a brief nightmare. Lily was like that to Giles.

An existence that made it possible to forget what kind of person he was.

Giles climbed into his car and barely started it with trembling hands. The whole time he was driving, he didn’t think about anything. He only had one goal.

The mansion, as always, was still there. There were no people, and the abandoned mansion looked haunted.

He headed straight for the instrument room. The door was closed. He slammed the door with his fist. After some time, the large door opened slightly.

“Giles!”

Lily peeked through the crack in the door and approached with a smile. This time, the coat he had given her was draped loosely over her white chemise.

The moment he saw Lily smiling, who was much healthier than when he first met her, Giles felt his heart sink and his chest unbearably tighten.

“Lily.”

Unable to talk to or smile at her, Lily stared at him, stunned, then opened her arms and hugged him.

It was a short moment, but he could feel her warmth. It was a great comfort. When he didn’t react, Lily immediately fell away from him, embarrassed.

“I’m sorry. It’s just because I’m grateful you came again.”

“…Can I?”

“What?”

“Can I hug you?”

He inadvertently trembled at his own words. Lily, who examined his expression for a moment, nodded her head, surprised by his unusual appearance and impulsive words.

Hesitantly, Giles stretched out his arms cautiously. But he couldn’t bear to hug Lily. Unlike him, Lily was a good and unspoiled creature. If he held Lily in his arms, the filth that had been buried in his heart would burn her body.

“…I’ll bring you a new set of clothes next time.”

“You already gave me some.”

“Not that. Proper clothes.”

“I like it because it’s warm.”

Lily pulled the coat tightly around her shoulders, fearful Giles might take it back.

There was an uncomfortable silence. It was Lily who opened her mouth first.

“Giles, do you know how to play the piano?”

“I did a long time ago.”

“So you’ve played before? I knew it. People who are well-versed in music can see everything with their eyes. Well, I have a request… Would you like to play the piano for me today?”

***