I Loved You In Order To Survive - Chapter 9

There was a reason why Giles’ subordinates weren’t allowed to join him on his mission. The leadership did not leave room for personal feelings to intervene. They wanted to be briefed from a thoroughly third-party perspective.

In fact, the operation was for Giles, not the fugitives. A simulation to see if he was a man worth keeping alive.

“The reports seem to have been submitted without omission. I see that you’ve heard the news, too. The thing is, the agents who went to watch you…”

Harrington strained to avoid using the word ‘monitor’.

“…Rather than seeing you as a faithful officer of the Revolutionary Army, they see you as a Beldam landowner. The content of the report was objective, but it wasn’t very favorable to you. In addition, the fact that you didn’t use your gun is causing some doubt.”

In short, Giles was suspected. He could understand their suspicions because Giles didn’t actually kill Celeste himself. It was suicide. That was the truth, beyond a reasonable doubt.

There were many people in the Revolutionary Army who disapproved of Giles. Giles was a Beldam noble they couldn’t kill. That fact made the army uncomfortable. It was for that reason that this cruel operation was conceived. It was to reexamine whether they could remove their source of discomfort…

The outcome was entirely up to Giles.

“A hearing will be held soon, Giles.”

Harrington warned him. The revolution was coming to an end and Ipswin’s struggle was over, but it was still a long way off for Giles.

His lineage would stick with him until death. His whole life would be questioned, and he might have to prove his own innocence.

“Based on the contents of the report, they will ask you several questions. You must answer carefully. You have to convince them of the facts as they are, Giles. I believe you have enough skills to earn their trust. Again, I don’t want to lose you.”

“I will do my best.”

“Giles. The revolution is coming to an end. That means you can no longer prove your loyalty simply by capturing nobles. No matter how faithful a hunting dog is, that means nothing if its owner doesn’t go hunting.”

“Do you believe they will give me a chance?”

“As long as you prove your worth.”

Was it really that easy?

Anyway, Giles was destined to be put on the list of rebels to be executed.

Could he survive in a place infested with people who evaluated him so harshly?

Fatigue swarmed in.

Of course, Giles wanted to survive.

But…

Everything that piled up since Celeste’s death collapsed. Even his obsession with survival was affected.

How long would tomorrow last?

Harrington spoke as if he had read Giles’ mind.

“You must have a reason to live, too. Just like everyone else. Focus on one thing. Don’t think about anything else.”

Their meal came out. The server walked up to their table with a tray and put a plate down in front of Giles. Giles cut the meat without saying a word.

Blood oozed out onto the white plate.

He couldn’t help but close his eyes.

***

Harrington did not lie. Giles immediately recognized that a hearing was being prepared by leadership.

Several pairs of eyes were always watching him. Most likely, they were considering the possibility of him disappearing before the hearing.

It wasn’t wise to go in and out of the abandoned mansion where Lily was staying at a time like this. He was frequently tailed.  If he wasn’t careful, he could put Lily in danger.

So Giles paused his visits to Solzbourg. Although he was insecure, Lily was a woman who persisted and survived even before his aid. Giles decided to trust her.

Contrary to expectations that the hearing would be held within a few days, the leadership took a long time. Days turned into weeks.

Giles thought about Lily every night. When he couldn’t sleep, he put a piano record on the gramophone.

Then he thought.

‘How did I fall in love with Lily Belmore?’

At first, he only liked her music. He liked that he had saved such beautiful music, and furthermore, his choice not to kill Lily somehow pleased him.

However, his attention gradually shifted to Lily. It was reassuring to see the flesh on Lily’s body and the color of her complexion. When she smiled, he naturally smiled along. Giles wanted Lily to get well so that she would continue to survive.

It wasn’t until there was nothing left in Giles’ world that he started wanting more. The values he believed in were things he thought he could protect. The belief that he made the right decision. Hope for the future… Giles lost all that in an instant.

So… Lily was the only person left in his life, which was plundered and emptied like the mansion in Solzbourg. Lily, who occupied a place in Giles’ mind, began to grow in size. He soon couldn’t think of anything but her.

Giles was a murderer. A murderer who shot and killed countless people under the pretext of commands…

Having lived like that for so many years, his mind was stained with blood. Perhaps even if he survived, he would spend the rest of his life haunted by the voices of ghosts and living nightmares.

Lily made him forget all of that.

It was impossible not to love Lily.

Because she was all he had.

Then… What decision did he have to make?

‘I have to answer carefully.’

At the hearing that would be held soon, he would have to tell the truth while looking directly into the eyes of observers.

The truth was that he did not kill his sister, Celeste Hessen. Celeste committed suicide, and Giles failed in his mission. He couldn’t make up his mind. He prioritized himself and the things he held dear more than revolution. That was the truth.

Giles had to tell the truth. For once, he didn’t commit any crime. In fact, he had failed to prevent his sister’s death. He never properly checked on how his sister was doing, leaving only his word that he would protect her. Moreover, the desire for survival that had kept him going so far was not the same as before.

…Would it ever be the same as before?

On the day of the hearing, he stood before members of the revolutionary leadership to tell the truth. Many people were watching him. Despite wearing the same military uniform, Giles still looked like an outsider.

Countless eyes were urging him to tell the truth.

He could do no more wrong. Everything had to end here. He should have done this from the start…

The voice of the chairman echoed through the courtroom.

“Captain Giles Hessen, do you know that there are different opinions about the success or failure of Operation Meinhebach, which you led?”

“Yes.”

“State your case.”

General Harrington, seated to his right, was watching him.

-You must have a reason to live.

And that was, to tell the truth.

‘Will I die an easy death, or will I die after living a long and painful life… I must make my choice.’

Giles straightened his shoulders and looked straight at the chairman.

And he told the ‘truth’.

“I killed Celeste Hessen myself.”

The murmurs stopped.

“That is the truth.”

***

Fallen leaves were scattered all over the private lands of Solzbourg. The trees had fallen asleep, promising to awaken next year. The dreary season was approaching. The wind gradually drove the fallen leaves towards an unknown place. Sooner or later, even they would disappear.

It never occurred to him that Lily wouldn’t last long in the mansion. The windows were broken, allowing drafts to come in, and a chill would dominate the mansion. There was a limit to the protection of an instrument case.

He had to take her to the city. It would be good for her, too. He was able to settle the question of her identity. Ipswin citizens who had not been properly registered at birth were common all over the country. Lily looked like one of them from the outside.

If Giles could get her to agree, he could easily throw off the shaky identity she had previously held.

Giles got out of the car and looked up at the mansion. It was a large building, but there was only one place for Lily. She always insisted on staying with the musical instruments.

Giles climbed the stairs he had always climbed, turned the same corner as before, and crossed the hall. An abandoned piano was visible through a crack in the door.

“Lily?”

He didn’t hear an answer.

‘Is she sleeping?’

Giles slowly opened the door.

But there was no one there.

There was nothing left. As if no one had ever stayed there.

Giles cried, his mind going white.

“Lily!!”

But there was no answer.