I Married Because I Wanted To Live A Normal Life - Chapter 19

“Don’t be sorry, why apologize if you haven’t done anything wrong. I’ll be mad if you recklessly apologize to anyone in the future.”

Compared to Hisch, even though my eyes were wet with tears, he made a fuss and coaxed me, saying he was sorry and not to cry.

I really thought we were both stupid, but I liked Hisch’s warmth and his voice that I haven’t heard in a long time, so I just quietly hugged him.

It was then that I realized that I was very sad and lonely that I had not been able to see him the whole time. So I gently gave strength to the hand that grabbed his collar.

We were a little embarrassed and decided to enter the room after making such a fuss in the corridor that some people would say it was unusual.

The room where Hisch lived was much narrower than other places, perhaps because it was in a remote corridor.

It was well maintained, but I was upset to think of Hisch, who would have settled down alone in a place like this with only a bed and basic furnishings.

On the other side of the small sofa, the two of us sat close to each other. I rested my head on Hisch’s shoulder, and Hisch placed his head on it and wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

Even though it was only that much contact, I felt like I was firmly intertwined with him. I closed my eyes quietly for a while as his body temperature seemed to warm up something about me that had cooled down.

Hisch sniffed with red eyes. He was the first to open his mouth in a hoarse voice.

“…… I’m sorry, Liddell. I keep avoiding you without saying a word…… I knew Liddell would be worried, but I needed some time to think about it.”

“No, Hisch has nothing to apologize for. I’m really sorry, I think I was being too reckless. Even though I say we have to distinguish between public and private matters, I didn’t think of how you would feel if I invited the person who was your wife’s ex fiancé to our home.”

“…….”

“On top of that, we only talked about…… love or other strange things……”

Talking about it made me feel like a really bad person. I would have nothing to say even if he asks for a divorce.

Hisch quickly noticed that my tear ducts were starting to fill up again, and whispered not to cry.

He softly spoke.

“……I’ve thought a lot about it. Really a lot…… But, no matter how hard I thought about it, I couldn’t come up with an answer. I’m more childish than Liddell thinks. But I wanted to hide that from you.”

“…….”

“But…… Yes. To be honest, I hated the knight coming to you, and the man coming here for work. And when I heard Liddell that day…… I was so sad.”

Hisch bowed his head. His black hair tickled near my ears.

“I like you much more than Liddell thinks. Really, I don’t know how to express this feeling. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have loved anyone, let alone married.”

He spoke once again what he had said to me. I didn’t think it would be the case then and now, but I decided to listen to him quietly.

“…… It could only be Liddell or no one. But Liddell chose me. There were so many options, and you could have gone the other way, but…… You just picked me out of them. I was so sad to think that way.”

He brought his lips to my hair.

“So I thought a lot, really a lot…… But, just. I couldn’t help it, I thought. Because I don’t want to choose the option of breaking up with you.”

“Hisch……”

“I can love you more. The size may be different, but you give me back my love. So it’s okay.”

Rather than cutting him off or denying them hastily, I waited for him to finish his words. After pouring out his words softly, Hisch had not spoken since then, as if it were really all in his heart.

I thought a lot while listening to Hisch’s low but soft voice.

But as my thoughts split and merged, the remaining impressions were nothing more than mere thoughts.

Realizing that this man sitting next to me is a terribly lonely man.

And rather than being somehow burdened, I just feel heartbroken for the solitude he’s embracing. I want to soothe that loneliness he feels.

Such were the things.

“……Hisch. I felt like I saw the whole of my life when I married Hisch.”

Suddenly, I glanced at the hand the man had placed on my lap. The unknown hand, the hand that turned that great threat to ashes.

To be honest, I was reluctant. Why did he have such power, why did he not tell me about it.

No, I was just scared, regardless of all the reasons. It was more of an instinctive fear. His power, which seems to erase existence itself, is indescribable.

Hisch followed my gaze, but didn’t say anything to me, who was staring at his hand.

As if it was a matter of course. As if it was a treatment he deserved, as if my fears were natural.

For some reason, his attitude seemed to show a side of loneliness that Hisch had not told me about, so I placed my hand on his large hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

“At that moment, I could clearly see Hisch and I getting older. I don’t know why, but I just did. We will grow old naturally like that, and even if we become a grandfather and a grandmother, the two of us will live well together.”

I continued, gently stroking the back of his hand with my thumb.

“So maybe it wasn’t a choice, it was inevitable. I think so.”

“…….”

“Why cry again.”

I smiled and sighed as I watched the tears dripping down my clothes. I fiddled with the hand I was holding to soothe him.

But nevertheless.

I thought as I felt Hisch’s hand, which was much bigger than mine. There were still a variety of problems ahead of us.

But it won’t necessarily have to be solved all at once. We’ll be together longer than we’ve ever been.

I thought so, but as if Hisch knew my worries, he held my wriggling hand and opened his mouth with a muffled voice.

“As for…… what happened that day.”

I knew that what he was talking about was ‘that day’. The day that really became the reason why he locked himself up in this room. It was a time when something unusual happened and is still a little uncomfortable to think about.

“I’m still afraid to say it. I really…… hate it. I was hoping you would never know this for the rest of your life. If you find out, you will inevitably hate me.”

“Hisch……”

“Is that not right? Tell me the truth, Liddell. Were you really…… not afraid of me that day?”

Well, of course I wasn’t scared.

It would be easy to lie like that.

But.

For instance, even at this moment when I’m holding his hand, Hisch can make me disappear just like that if he decides to.

Of course I know he won’t do that, and I trust Hisch. I still needed time not to recall the sight and such imagination.

When I looked up at Hisch, the man was looking at me with his still, but low, sunken eyes.

In an instant, despite my worries, I realized that he didn’t believe me either. Apart from his love for me, he must have had countless experiences in the past.

“Fear comes from the unknown.”

I said quietly looking into his eyes.

“So when I learn more about this power of Hisch, I won’t be scared anymore.”

I said with a smile, wanting to reassure him who is looking at me with bated breath as if he was walking on eggshells.

I wanted to tell him that all this is just one of the things we have to go through to live together, and it wasn’t anything great and tragic.

“For instance…… You know Hisch, I have strange powers, too. If this had happened overnight, I would have been disconcerted and scared, but……”

Giving strength to the hand I held, I spoke softly.

“This is manifested by the blood that came down from my ancestors,  and some people are similar to me…… I’m not afraid at all when I think of it this way. It’s the same thing.”

Hisch blinked.

“I never thought about it that way……”

On the other hand, I was not happy to give such consolation.

If you think so, how lonely Hisch must have been to think that he was the only one in the world who was different from others.

Hisch kept his mouth shut, as if he were pondering my words for a moment, lowered his gaze, and then soon opened his mouth. I decided to just pretend I didn’t know my husband was trying to change the subject.

“Right, so you’re going up to the capital this time……. to use that ability that Liddell has? Enough to lie down for two days……?”

“Well…… I’ll have to go and see, but I think I probably will.”

“Then can I come with you?”

Hisch said in a strong tone for some reason.

“I’ve heard other people’s stories. There are rumors that the capital has become a mess because something similar happened there. I can’t let Liddell go alone at a time like this.”

“Well…….”

“…… If necessary, I can somehow solve it. So let’s go together.”

The man speaking in a strong tone seemed unbelievably reliable, but his hands holding me were teeming with sweat.

I was grateful for the man who declared that he would use the ability he wanted to hide and that he didn’t even want to tell me about. I smiled slightly and shook my head.

“It’s all right, Hisch. Let’s go…… to the capital later.”

With a little more information gathered, I found out more about Hisch. It would be better to take him only after deciding how to protect him in the future.

To put him before the royal family without any suspicion.