I Refuse To Be A Character In A Novel - Chapter 40

Perhaps it was because I slept after reading a sad story that I ended up having such a dream.

I was standing in a broad field with periwinkle flowers surrounding me.

When I turned my head, I saw a man.

I instantly knew who he was.

My son.

My adorable 6 years old son was right in front of me, as an adult.

My heart thumbed in excitement at his grown up figure.

As the silver hair fluttered brilliantly under the wind breeze, I carefully examined his appearance.

The once chubby cheeks had lost all their baby fat and his features had turned sharp and manly, making him look a lot like someone else I knew.

His small shoulders that fit in my embrace now seemed as broad as the ocean.

And the short legs that once couldn’t reach my knees were now taller than mine.

‘I’m glad you grew up well.’

Tracing down along his figure, my eyes fell on his hand.

He held a large bouquet of Ochres flowers.

My favorite flowers.

‘How did you know?’

A delighted smile spread on my face.

“Is that for me?”

The words escaped my mouth as I approached him.

However, his expression remained the same.

Perhaps he didn’t hear me.

“Jonas.”

I cheerfully called out to him.

There was no answer.

I stood right in front of him, but my son wasn’t looking at me.

I called him yet again.

This time however, my voice wavered.

The eyes that looked through me as though I was invisible dug a hole in my chest.

But what really pained my heart was the feeling it contained.

‘Why… Why do you look like that?’

On a second glance, the refined image of my grown up son seemed terribly lonely.

Even as his lips painted a beautiful smile, his eyes bore sadness.

My heart sank in sorrow.

I wanted to hug him with all my might, but my body froze in place.

The tightly-closed lips opened slightly and soon closed again.

Like a person rehearsing his words, he repeated the same act several times.

I stood still, patiently waiting for his words.

“Mother.”

My heart thumped.

The word clearly referred to me.

“…am”

“This time…”

“…dam.”

I reached out my hand in a hurry as Jonas seemed to disappear in a stream of light.

“…”

“Madam.”

✰✰✰✰✰

Lifting her eyelids to the bright sunlight, Erna pulled the blanket over her head.

“Madam, it’s already past 9.”

Mielle announced as she pulled the rest of the curtains.

“Eung!”

A dissatisfied groan came from under the blanket.

“Did you stay up late again?”

“It doesn’t feel like I’ve slept at all.”

With a slightly worried look, Mielle walked over to the duchess’ bedside.

“You shouldn’t have slept late knowing that you have a packed schedule today. You’re the one who asked to handle the duchess’ duties, yet you’re always slacking off.”

“You don’t have to be so honest.”

‘I only volunteered to do so in order to hasten our departure.’

Without waiting for her to fully wake up, Mielle then rang for the maids.

“Madam, we’ll be coming in.”

After a faint knock, two maids came in with a water bassin and towels.

“Did you sleep well, madam?”

One of them dropped a polite question as they greeted her.

‘Not really…’

As she was about to answer, Erna suddenly exclaimed.

“Oh!”

She peaked an eye under the blanket.

“Did you say it was past 9?”

“That’s right.”

Mielle confirmed, stripping her of her blanket.

“…  Jonas must have already had breakfast without me.”

As soon as she straightened herself on the bed, the maids hurriedly approached at Mielle’s signal.

“Of course. The young master is already in his second class.”

“Hmm…”

While she handed her a glass of water along her pills, Mielle looked slightly embarrassed at Erna’s docile appearance.

Her thin pink lips pouted with a drowsy look, and her eyes wandered through the room, lost in thought.

“You will be having lunch together, later.”

Erna nodded somewhat heartlessly at her thoughtful words.

‘But I wanted to see him right now.’

To wash away the unpleasantness brought along that weird dream, by looking at his lovely smile.

✰✰✰✰✰

Splash!

What was that dream?

I don’t remember reading a similar scene in the novel.

Erna thought as the water dripped down from her face.

Even with a broken heart, Jonas was never described to bear such a lonely expression.

As the captain of the kerdian knights, the holy squad of the kingdom, Jonas carried himself with dignity and rarely showed any personal feelings.

The only time he did was when it involved the female lead, but even then and as soon as he realized that he couldn’t beat her feelings for the crown prince, Jonas had given up on her without looking back.

Perhaps I’m putting too much meaning into a mere dream.

But something inside of me felt missing.

An unpleasantly familiar feeling.

I wonder what he was going to say.