I Refuse To Be A Character In A Novel - Chapter 9

Amidst the peaceful calmness of the night, the three of them looked like a happy family as they lay on the same bed.

Jonas, who said he would wait for his mother to sleep, was now deep in his dreams as he lay on his father’s arm and in his mother’s embrace.

Erna, however, was decidedly awake under the pressure from her husband’s intense gaze.

“Can’t you see how distant he acts towards me, I’m just trying to get closer to my son.”

He would’ve believed her to be a doting mother, had he not seen their relationship after his return from the war.

The mother and son were more of strangers than the husband and wife who had been apart for 4 years.

The duke could not even argue with his wife as she followed the same method of raising children as most nobles in Rasmodia.

In fact, Erna, who spent an hour a day with their son on a regular basis, was more commendable than his own mother, but she was still far from being a loving one.

She was indeed spending more time with Jonas these last few months, but not to the point where she would tell him a bed story.

“You could have done that tomorrow.”

“I worked hard on this one, I might not have got another opportunity  again”

Zachary gave up trying to argue with his wife and sighed with a tired expression.

‘What’s with that look? I feel like I have become that annoying wife portrayed in soap operas.’

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Dark black hair glistened brilliantly under the dim ray of moonlight coming through the crack between the curtains.

Her pink lips let out a silent breath, and her long eyelashes cast a deep shadow over her pale white skin.

The duke traced over his wife’s features with calm still eyes.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Zachary, who had his son laying on one arm, stretched his other one out and swept away the few hair strands that fell on his wife’s face.

He couldn’t understand his wife’s behavior.

He enjoyed teasing her lately, but he was not someone who would force her into anything she didn’t like.

The few words of ‘I feel tired’ were enough to send him back to his chambers, yet his wife was making a serious effort to avoid him.

“I’m not…why would I be?”

Erna, with her eyes still closed, answered in a faint voice.

“… That’s what I’m saying. Why would you?”

He didn’t know that she was still awake when the question escaped his lips, but now that he knew, he wanted an answer.

“ … ”

Why?

Would it have been different if I hadn’t known the original plot?

Erna unconsciously held the hand that caressed her cheek and lifted her heavy eyelids to look at Zachary.

I don’t dislike Zachary.

Although he’s indifferent, he complies with all my demands and is faithful to his role.

Erna knew from the novel that her husband never had a lover or harmed her honor during their marriage.

Very few people from the aristocratic class marry out of love, but most of them take in lovers.

I could understand Charlotte to some extent, Zachary was truly her best choice, but that was not the case for me.

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When I found it in my memories how Charlotte was treated, I felt an unprecedented sense of inferiority.

Hidden behind visible courtesy and gentleness, the duke didn’t care for his wife even one bit.

Aside from being busy, he wasn’t interested in her in the first place.

They were a couple who only met at the dinner table occasionally and during the same day of every month.

I never hoped for a loving husband. I knew feelings were bound to fade, but a marriage should have some sort of affection.

Even a light conversation over tea would be a win on my plate.

Thinking back, I felt more contempt for Charlotte who acted in contrast to my personality in my own body.

She would always behave like an obedient wife who loved her husband. When in reality, all she did was follow whatever she was told.

Even the servants had lost all respect for the duchess who spoke as if she was asking for their permission instead of giving orders.

They only kept up appearances since they knew the duke wouldn’t tolerate any disrespectful behaviour.

Knowing the harsh environment that Charlotte grew up in didn’t relieve my anger towards her.

Charlotte’s mother, who had her at a young age out of wedlock, died in childbirth.

After that, she was raised by her grandparents who repeatedly reminded her of her shameful birth and blamed her for their daughter’s death.

Having grown up depraved of the slightest affection, Charlotte tended to avoid people.

She spent most of her time writing or living behind a screen in a virtual reality.

Even I felt suffocated when I found myself surrounded by people who only found my presence to be a nuisance, but hiding didn’t feed the lack of emotions, and ‘The world is not interested in a man’s misfortune.’

Wary of her new surroundings, Erna recited the marquis’ words like a spell giving her the strength to mix in with the crowd.

For someone who was born and raised in Berlin, in a world much more advanced than Rasmodia, she had hoped Charlotte would be more confident in herself, but loneliness was a dreadful feeling that shattered a person’s mind from within, no matter which world they came from.

However, what was done couldn’t be changed.

I couldn’t bring up divorce recklessly either since there were too many things to consider.

But on the other hand, I couldn’t ignore my situation.

I first need to find a job to ensure that I have a backup plan to rely on  if it all went wrong.

There is Jonas to think about too.

I don’t want to live in uncertainty but I can’t leave my son either.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

As her head filled with unanswered questions, heavy sleep weighed on her eyelids.

Erna both liked and hated the gentle touch that kept brushing her cheek with care.