I Slept with the Villain Holding My Hand (Web Novel) - Chapter 84

Reukis hardened as he stared at Merria.

 

When Reukis did not answer for such a long time, Merria glanced down.

 

Merria whispered softly without any change in expression.

 

“Now I know. Why were you so desperate then to be by my side? It was all because of that power that you’re determined to find me trying to look good.”

 

When he saw Merria like that for the first time, Reukis’ pupils shook violently.

 

“Merria, I…”

 

Reukis tried to speak desperately.

 

Merria knew she was weak at his pitiful appearance.

 

She mercilessly cut off Reukis’s reply, which was about to start.

 

“You said you needed that power, right?”

 

“…”

 

“Please answer me. Was that why you came to see me?”

 

“…Yes.”

 

“Was that the reason why you asked me to take responsibility and also pour a mountain of gifts?”

 

“…That’s right.”

 

Reukis thought it would be better for him to have a knife pierced through his neck than admit it.

 

Of course, the beginning was like that.

 

He wanted to rest, and Merria was the one who could make it happen.

 

Like a butterfly twisting a flower, Reukis went back and forth by Merria’s side in a fixed order.

 

Reukis criticized his own cowardice.

 

He laughed at himself for pleading with Merria, saying that he didn’t want to hide any secrets from her.

 

‘While I was afraid that Merria would leave, I was disgusted at the way I was thinking about how to free myself.’ ᴿᵉᵘᵏᶦˢ

 

Merria finally brought up what she had prepared even before opening the door.

 

“What would you do if my power disappeared and someone appeared to replace it?”

 

Reukis lifted his head and glanced at Merria, who was standing there with dry eyes.

 

He wanted to make eye contact with her, but Merria, expressionless, was fixating her gaze on the window where the rain was tapping.

 

From the moment Merria brought up the words, she was struggling to reassure her pounding heart.

 

She didn’t even turn her head to the side where Reukis was standing, lest she could hide her trembling pupil.

 

Waiting quietly for his answer for a moment.

 

In response to an answer that could not be heard even after several minutes passed, Merria continued.

 

“I guess so. It’s unfair to be tied to someone just because of this.”

 

Merria frowned, trying to hold her lips from twisting.

 

“I understand. I’ve seen with my own eyes how painful you’ve lived, so how could I hold you back?”how can you hold on to me?”

 

She bit her lip and spoke continuously.

 

“But I couldn’t help but hate you for it.”

 

That was the worst word.

 

It was because she wanted to blame Reukis entirely for their breakup.

 

Merria turned her gaze to look into his eyes one last time.

 

What about Reukis’ eyes, who always expressed joy?

 

…Would you be upset?

 

…Or do you regret it?

 

I’d like him to be shocked if possible.

 

It was funny to think that he’s weak.

 

The first thing I saw when I entered the room was his face. It was literally white.

 

The more Reukis’ agitation was revealed, the more Merria had to hold her lips as she was about to unravel.

 

The rising anticipation swelled in her mind.

 

When Merria looked into his eyes, Reukis approached and said,

 

“I don’t need it.”

 

It was a threateningly dark deep-voice.

 

She asked back sharply, which she made up exaggeratedly.

 

“What?”

 

“What I want is that power but…”

 

His low voice darkened without end.

 

Reukis took a moment to catch his breath, unable to finish his words.

 

“You said you wouldn’t leave me.” Reukis said as if weeping.

 

“Of course, whenever you use your power, I feel at ease, but I’ve been fine without it.”

 

When the reaction I wanted came back,

 

Merria’s expression relaxed.

 

“Right now, being by your side is much more important to me.”

 

Reukis, not even noticing such a change in Merria, grabbed her hand in desperation.

 

“I know you must have been offended by my rude intentions. But that’s not the case anymore. Since a long time ago… I just wanted to be by your side. I want your touch, I want to see your smile, to hold you and share warmth with you. Now, if I don’t have Merria…”

 

“…”

 

“Merria, if you disappear, I’ll die right away. You don’t have to hold my hand anymore. Just, just don’t push me away.”

 

Reukis rested his forehead on Merria’s hand and spoke like a believer in confession.

 

It was when Merria, who was looking down at his trembling hand, was choosing her words, not knowing what to say.

 

This time Reukis’ thoughts began to flow in a strange place when no answer came from her.

 

If there was God in this world, it was clear that his existence was being abandoned.

 

After all, I’m a person who couldn’t be loved by anyone.

 

If he had been a normal person, he wouldn’t have been hated by Merria so much.

 

‘I would be able to be by Merria’s side all the time, giving her love and being loved normally.’ ᴿᵉᵘᵏᶦˢ

 

If he was like that, it seems that things wouldn’t have come to this.

 

As his resentment against himself soared, a faint darkness began to flare up in his body.

 

If I’m abandoned without being forgiven by Merria like this, would I be able to endure it if she leaves coldly?

 

The answer was ‘No‘.

 

After knowing this warmth, if I was left in the dark emptiness again, it would have been better for me to kill myself.

 

Merria, who was satisfied with his answer, was horrified to see the darkness coming over him and tried to pull out her hand.

 

“Reukis?”

 

His hold was so strong that even when she tried to remove his finger, he didn’t budge like a stone.

 

“Let go of my hand.”

 

Reukis didn’t let go of her and gave a mournful gaze like an abandoned child.

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

“No. I won’t tell you to break up, so calm down.”

 

“Merria.”

 

In the end, Merria had to pull her whole body in acting as Reukis became more and more enraged.

 

“It, it hurts…”

 

As she wriggled her bandaged left hand, Reukis immediately removed his hand.

 

A clear sense of guilt flashed in his eyes.

 

Merria stroked his cheek with a slightly worried expression.

 

Unlike his previous fierce gaze, he looked the same as usual.

 

Rather, Reukis’ eyelashes trembled at her affectionate touch than usual.

 

 

“Reukis. Calm down and listen to me.”

 

Reukis, who was trying to figure out the situation at her abruptly changed actions, nodded quietly.

 

Merria bit her lip and sighed, as she spoke.

 

“Actually, I don’t have the right to criticize you, because I didn’t intend to be your lover because I liked you, either.”

 

Reukis answered with a gentle nod that he already knew.

 

Merria frowned lightly and spoke to his indifferent reaction, not being offended.

 

“If I had known that you approached me because of that power, things might not have turned out this way.”

 

Merria thought that at that time she might have confided in him about the ring.

 

She must have used him as she felt she had gotten a good source.

 

‘However, if it had been only that much, the two of us would not have gotten this close.’

 

“On the contrary, we would never have been lovers.”

 

“Was that so?”

 

Reukis, unaware of this fact, was listening to her unfamiliar words calmly.

 

Merria looked at him affectionately as she swept over his serious face.

 

“But now I felt a little hurt after hearing the story. So I said it grumpily.”

 

“…I’m sorry.”

 

Reukis bowed and shrugged sullenly, looking down at Merria’s words that she was hurt.

 

Perhaps it was because he thought that Merria had no intention of breaking his heart.

 

“I meant to push you away, but I had my own circumstances. I needed certainty, too.”

 

Merria actually felt better long ago.

 

“So what I’m saying is…”

 

Merria rolled her eyes, looking for a place where her gaze could reach.

 

‘I couldn’t bear to look him in the eye out of shame.’

 

In the end, her gaze fell down, unable to find a proper place to look.

 

“I’ve come to like you so much, enough that I depend on every word Reukis says.”

 

The sight of Merria blushing and talking softly made Reukis want to marry her right away.

 

Just hearing that she felt the same way as him made him unable to control his tight heart.

 

Reukis simply hugged Merria unable to untangle the swirl of emotions in his heart.

 

“Merria.”

 

Confusion, relief, joy, and excitement.

 

His voice filled with complicated emotions rang in her ears.

 

Merria hugged him tightly and complained happily.

 

“Sigh… Do you know how nervous I was because I was afraid you’d throw me away?”

 

“I can’t do that, can I?”

 

Merria smiled slightly at the resolute response of Reukis.

 

“As long as you’re by my side, I won’t dare to let go of your hand.”

 

Reukis spoke in a voice that showed his firm will.

 

Merria couldn’t hide her pounding heart.

 

She enjoyed his heartbeat felt by their entwined bodies.

 

“Thank you.”

 

‘…For choosing me.’

 

Merria whispered softly in his ear.