I Thought I Was The Main Character - Chapter 21

Translated by Lara
Edited by Lara

 

I thought it would be like this when I got closer.

 

It was a planned future.

 

Loneliness.

 

I made a mistake, even though I knew the hardship better than anyone else.

 

Because of me.

 

Because I felt a little happiness.

 

I dragged that sunshine child into the mire.

 

The deliberately harsh actions seemed useless to Aesvin.

 

Despite being ignored by everyone, Aesvin laughed alone without knowing the situation.

 

I was blown away by that innocence.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

Without realizing it, a sharp voice came out.

 

Aesvin stiffened with her eyes wide open as if surprised.

 

The always smiling face hardened as soon as she found me.

 

“Oh, hello. How have you been?”

 

It was obviously the same greeting as usual.

 

But somehow, I felt a sense of distance.

 

That was what I hoped for.

 

We have to keep doing this from now on.

 

I kept feeling nauseous.

 

As I sat down at the same table, Aesvin flinched.

 

I knew Aesvin was looking at me, but I couldn’t move the seat assignment because Empress Isabel was here.

 

If I behaved abnormally, Empress Isabelle would react promptly.

 

During the tea party, I only looked at the flowers on the table.

 

In order not to look at Aesvin for no reason, I put strength in my eyes.

 

If I showed my concern, Empress Isabelle would bother Aesvin even more.

 

“I hear there was a disturbance in Prince Luciano’s palace the other day. Did something happen between you two?”

 

Even though I deliberately ignored Aesvin, Empress Isabelle dragged her into the mud.

 

Aesvin has nothing to do with me.

 

Don’t touch her.

 

I had to hold back what I wanted to shout.

 

“For example, someone harassing Aesvin or doing something like that.”

 

Later, I noticed that Empress Isabelle was offering a deal to Aesvin.

 

My heart pounded.

 

If what Empress Isabelle wanted was a ‘lie’.

 

Aesvin, who has a straight and upright heart, would have struck her deal without hesitation.

 

But it was the ‘facts’ that bothered Aesvin.

 

I didn’t force her to stop eating, so she collapsed.

 

It was plain bullying because I forced my opponent.

 

Therefore, even if Aesvin said what Empress Isabelle wanted, it was not a lie.

 

Reason and emotion fought fiercely inside.

 

Take the chance.

 

‘Catch it and get yourself out of this pit.’

 

For Aesvin.

 

‘I wish you didn’t.’

 

Suddenly, I had a selfish thought.

 

‘No, close your eyes and give what Empress Isabelle wants.’

 

That was the way she could stay as peaceful as she was now.

 

Even though I knew I had to let her go.

 

‘Please, don’t fall for Empress Isabelle’s temptation.’

 

I wanted to hold on.

 

The conflicting minds went back and forth nonstop.

 

When I thought of Aesvin, I thought she should follow Empress Isabelle, but I didn’t want her to.

 

In the midst of this, I hated myself for being selfish.

 

I wasn’t worried that my reputation would fall to the bottom like Empress Isabelle intended.

 

I wasn’t afraid of being rumored to have a bad personality.

 

It was fine until Aesvin abandoned me.

 

I’ve been rude, so I didn’t mind her leaving me.

 

But I wish she hadn’t been with Empress Isabelle.

 

I didn’t want her to be my enemy.

 

Aesvin, who had been staring at me for a while, calmly spoke.

 

“Yes, I’m being bullied.”

 

“!”

 

It felt like my heart was about to stop.

 

‘That’s your choice….’

 

I thought she had made a good choice, but I felt like my stomach was getting sick.

 

All I could do was hold back the desire to run away immediately.

 

I’m sorry I haven’t said a kind word for over a year.

 

I’m sorry I couldn’t be more friendly to you.

 

I’m sorry for giving you bad memories.

 

It was all my fault.

 

I swallowed the sorry I couldn’t spit out and finally caught Aesvin’s eyes.

 

“Betty’s been bothering me.”

 

But Aesvin pointed out someone else, not me.

 

She pointed Her finger at the child who had ignored her earlier and gave a scowling look at Empress Isabelle.

 

Naturally, Empress Isabelle was perplexed.

 

It was so unexpected.

 

And Aesvin was amazing.

 

I almost burst into laughter.

 

It was a quirk beyond everyone’s expectations.

 

Last year as well, Aesvin was particularly strong against Empress Isabelle.

 

‘Now, what are you going to do? I don’t think Aesvin will give you the answer you want.’

 

As if aware of my innermost feelings, Empress Isabelle did not give up and exhorted Aesvin.

 

She induced the answer he wanted, but Aesvin managed to avoid the conversation well.

 

“Think Carefully, Aesvin. I’ll help you, so don’t be afraid. How did you faint?”

 

Eventually, Empress Isabelle mentioned the day Aesvin collapsed and was carried away.

 

I tensed and looked at Aesvin.

 

“I think the Empress must have misunderstood. It wasn’t because someone was harassing me. It was because I was greedy for food.”

 

Aesvin said it was all her fault.

 

‘You deserve to blame me….’

 

There was not a hint of that.

 

I was so grateful and sorry for that.

 

 

When Empress Isabelle realized that she couldn’t get what she wanted from Aesvin, she turned and ignored Aesvin.

 

For the rest of the time, Aesvin was treated like a nobody and she sat on her own.

 

Was she still not aware of what happened to her?

 

Was she really fine?

 

I wanted to talk to her, but I couldn’t say anything because I was afraid there would be a problem.

 

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I was worried and didn’t realize how time had passed.

 

At one point, Empress Isabelle announced the end of the tea party and left.

 

Aesvin got up with a happy face.

 

And before she left, she hesitated to say goodbye.

 

“I’ll go in first. It was nice to see you again. I wish the best of luck for the prince in the future.”

 

As if it was for the last time. She greeted me as if to show her willingness to keep her distance.

 

But I didn’t want today to be the last.

 

I would make it happen.

 

* * *

 

I had not heard anything from Aesvin after the tea party.

 

I expected it, but seeing her turn around quickly, she seemed more determined than I thought.

 

I sent a letter first while thinking that I should be careful in the future.

 

Perhaps was it because I sent it as bluntly as I usually treated Aesvin without realizing it?

 

[Prince Luciano.

 

Thank you very much for inviting me.

 

I am unable to visit tomorrow due to circumstances.

 

If it is an urgent matter, please send me a letter, and I will answer it.

 

From Aesvin Samuel]

 

A polite refusal from Aesvin arrived.

 

It was more shocking than I thought.

 

I must have subconsciously thought Aesvin wouldn’t say no.

 

It was difficult to explain, but I felt a mixture of injustice, misery, and even a sense of betrayal.

 

But soon, I realized that Aesvin must have felt this way every time.

 

Recognizing my lack of consideration had hurt her little by little, I reflected and sent her a second invitation.

 

A few more rejections were expected, but Aesvin accepted only at the second invitation.

 

Instead, she appeared with a slightly blunt face unlike before.

 

I had prepared what I had in my mind when I sat with Aesvin.

 

Aesvin put on a blank expression on her face.

 

“Don’t just look at it like that. Drink it.”

 

As if it was surprising that I gave her tea, she was mesmerized even when I told her to drink.

 

It was a big decision for me as well.

 

It has been a long time since I ate and drank something with others.

 

My heart was pounding even though I pretended to be calm.

 

Still, I thought I should give Aesvin something to eat.

 

I had to take a step forward, considering her hard work and hardship.

 

When I urged once more, Aesvin finally drank her tea.

 

“!”

 

She looked strangely surprised, and then she stared at me.

.

So I waited for her to say something, but she didn’t open her mouth first.

 

I realized she had changed in this meeting.

 

She didn’t talk to me first like she used to, and she didn’t smile at me.

 

I have to apologize, but her apathetic attitude made me strangely speechless.

 

I couldn’t speak for fear that it was really the end.

 

Aesvin drank tea in silence and said she would return as soon as finished.

 

I desperately caught on to the sight of her trying to leave without any regret.

 

“When will you come back again?”

 

“Why?”

 

I couldn’t answer because I didn’t know Aesvin would turn out like this.

 

“The prince doesn’t want to see me again, don’t you?”

 

I couldn’t say it wasn’t because I knew my mistake was too big.

 

“Then why do you ask me when we’ll see each other again? If you have any business, just tell me now.”

 

Aesvin’s behavior of drawing a line that they were no longer in a relationship was heartless.

 

I want to ask about how people change so quickly.

 

In the end, it was my fault.

 

I hurt her first.

 

I was the one who acted indifferently first.

 

I drew a line not to come if she had nothing to do first.

 

I had to make up a reason to meet Aesvin again.

 

“Because … it’s my … responsibility.”

 

It wasn’t just a sense of responsibility.

 

I just wanted a reason and made it.

 

Of course, I was also felt really sorry for making her a loner.

 

“It’s because I really don’t know. What happened to me?”

 

But Aesvin really didn’t seem to care.

 

She looked as if nothing had happened.

 

I was worried that she would be lonely to the point I lost all my energy.

 

“I don’t know what you’re worried about, but I’m fine. There is no need for the prince to feel responsible for me.”

 

She even tried to comfort me.

 

I’m telling you, she was stupidly nice.

 

But the touching moment was short.

 

Now that it was over, I was suddenly choked up when I saw her happily telling me to let her go home.

 

Not long ago, you were eager to meet me.

 

The act of turning her back was sharp like a sword.

 

When I asked the reason, she said she wanted to get to know me back then.

 

“I guess that’s not the case now.”

 

“Yes, I’ve been working very hard for a year. I get tired of being one-sided.”

 

Aesvin had been obsessed with me for a year and now she said no more.

 

The past year seemed to be worth nothing.

 

It was a warm, breathtaking time for me.

 

It was everything.

 

To end that peaceful time in just one year?

 

“You’re wrong.”

 

I couldn’t do that.

 

If that was the case, Aesvin shouldn’t have approached me.

 

She shouldn’t have spoken kindly or smiled sweetly at me.

 

She should have let me think it was okay to be alone.

 

Do you want to be a stranger now?

 

I started to hate being alone, and I learned that spending time together was fun.

 

Such warmth was for a lifetime, it was not enough to have it just for a year.

 

Yeah, it couldn’t have ended like this.

 

And we shouldn’t end like this.

 

There were many things I couldn’t do for Aesvin.

 

Not even a decent apology.

 

And compensation for what she lost because of me.

 

I did nothing.

 

I needed time to make up for it.

 

As much as I had received.

 

“A year is not enough. Try harder. I’ll see you the day after tomorrow at 2 o’clock.”

 

Now it was my turn to do it.