I Used To Be Alone Until I Meet You - Chapter 17
A road of love is not always a smooth one, but it’s not also the road which couldn’t be passed.
If you reach the time you think that is no way it can be passed, then you shouldn’t blame it on the fragility of “love”, but it might be because you haven’t tried your best to find a way out.
Action 1
Every parents love their children wholeheartedly. They treat you as a treasure. They oppose you and the people you love, just because in their eyes, you deserve better person to cherish, care , and love forever!
Based on this great love, when my mother and father heard that I was in love with a 20-year-old boy, and reached to the point of cohabitation. It had a serious consequence. The time I went home for holiday, I was scolded ruthlessly by my mother: “Since young you always a heartless one, now… you are even more heartless. He is man, he could play around. But you are a girl, could you play around?”
I said: “He is serious toward me.”
“Serious? Now he is serious, in the future would he?”
“…….”
Afterwards, I was finally criticized by my mother and I couldn’t really bear it anymore. I dropped a sentence and slammed the door. I just left: “I just like him anyway, I just want to be with him.”
Action 2
The next day, my older cousin heard that I was dating with twenty years old little boy, she came over and tried to urge me: “Xin Xin, you should be careful. Nowadays men, when they love you, they will make a solemn pledge of love. But when they abandon you, they will just turn their back and wouldn’t look at you. You are not twenty years old, you are already twenty three years old. Have you thought about it. If he doesn’t want you after a few years, it will be harder for you to look for a suitable one than going to heaven!”
I nodded, I thought about it. I thought about that everyday. I even thought about that when I was dreaming. So I was especially afraid that after several years he will be tired of me, he wouldn’t want me gain.
I said: “Sis, I don’t care what the future hold. Now I couldn’t leave him.”
Cousin: “…….”
Wu Hao, Xiao Yan, Xun Zi, Aunty, Little Uncle, who had more common thinking like me. They were came over and took turns to persuade me when they heard that I am in love with a 20 years old boy.
I know that they love me and are afraid that I will be hurt so they don’t want me to go the wrong way.
But I am stupid. I know clearly it is like a dangerous gambling round. If I lose I may lose my half life, but I am still willing to bet on it…..
Xiao Cheng called me, he noticed my mood was not really good. He asked me about what had happened. I told him: “Because except me, no one thinks that we would have a result.”
He laughed and said: “Not everyone, there’s still me!”
“……..”
He hung up the phone and sent me a song. It’s Liang Jing Ru’s song <<Courage>>. I knew that it was his way to say tome : “Love really needs a courage to face the gossip. As long as you are certain, our love will be meaningful. We need to be brave, believe that we will be together…”
On difficult day, every time I felt I was not strong enough, I found out this song and listened it for several times and I was instantly felt so brave!
Action 3
After a while, my future mother-in law and father-in law also heard that I was dating with their baby boy.
They called Xiao Cheng for an hour.
I couldn’t hear what were they talking about. I just heard their voice was deep and calm.
Finally he finished the call and I asked him: “How’s your Pa Ma? Are they opposing us for being together?”
He said: “no, they are just asking.”
Just asking, then why were you had a worried frown?
I didn’t believe him: “Did they say anything else?”
“My Pa said that having a girlfriend means that I need to spend a lot of money. Tomorrow they will send me some money.”
The romantic novel is really an art! In reality, the one who cut son’s allowance is not a biological father!
Action 4
Since I entered college, I have a habit of self-abuse. Every time I don’t want to study, the time I just want to live like the one in idol drama, I will just go shopping.
I would go to the elegant shopping mall where the environment is grand and their price of the goods exceeds my ability to buy.
Because every time I see the skirts, the jewelry, and cosmetics that I like, I will have a strong motivation to study. After I went home, I would be able to work hard for half a month.
My good habit of self-motivation after meeting Xiao Cheng….. huh! It’s too tragic! One day, I noticed that Xiao Cheng were too addicted of being calm, he didn’t have hard to study. I decided to take him to trigger himself and go together to that luxurious shopping mall. I looked at that especially beautiful dress on the model. I like it so much that I couldn’t control myself but wanted to try it on.
He noticed that I really like those: “It’s quite suit for you, if you like, just buy it.”
I looked at the price tag and pulled him to go away.
“It’s very expensive?”
“I want to go home and study well. Wait until I could earn some money, then I will buy it.”
After several days, during the silent winter night, I was staying inside the cold room and played the song <<Courage>>:
“Finally I make a decision, I will not care anyone’s word. As long you also determine, I am willing to go anywhere with you….”
The cold wind blew in through the window slits and it was freezing cold. I looked at the electric heater and thought about the electricity bill last month, and I just bear it!
I pulled my old blanket and smashed close the window but I couldn’t block the cold to enter the room.
I opened the closet and wanted to find more clothes to wear. I accidentally saw the dress that I like…….
Action 5
Xiao Cheng just came home from work, he noticed that I was wearing that new clothes and rubbing my fingers on the bed. He immediately turned on the heater and he took my hand and placed it on his chest.
He asked me: “Are you still cold?”
“No.” I pointed to the clothes on my body: “When did you buy it?”
He just answered carelessly: “I bought it in the afternoon. The time I went home, you were not home so I just hung it up first on the cupboard.”
“But… it’s very expensive.”
He smiled and said: “I said it already. We could earn money anytime we want, but the chance of making you happy is a rare one.”
He said it?
A person like him really has a great memory!
Action 6
I wore my favorite clothes and leant on my man.
Then it was my coldest experience of winter, but also the warmest memory.
He hugged me and mentioned: “Let’s take Master degree!”
“Master degree?” The experience of the college entrance examination had left me with a lot of troubled feeling, it created a psychological dilemma for me, I didn’t want to take anymore test.
“Em, if we enter the master degree together, our parents perhaps will change their mind.”
My father indeed expressed his view to me: “Work is no better than studying. The society is very complex. The more we are in contact with people, there will be a change. If you can stay at school, perhaps your relationship will be more stable.” I was somewhat hesitant: “But with my stupid brain, even I am too tired it would be impossible to enter Master!”
“Don’t worry, you have me, I could teach you.”
“But….”
He smiled and kissed my face: “Don’t you want to be classmate again with me?”
“I want.”
“Then later on I will resign and accompany you wholeheartedly for you to enter Master!”
“Okay.”
After two months, he resigned and seriously coached me. Since then I entered the road of Master life without any way to return.
Action 7
Battling to enter Master degree, it’s the most tragic moment in my memory, but it was also the warmest memory.
Everyday regardless of the wind or rain, we would go to the library for self-study time. It was until late at night, we would come home. I leaned on my two head of Crayon Sinchan. I was so tired that I didn’t want to move. He took a warm water and let me soak my feet.
Looking at his warm expression, I will say: “Being tired for you is worthy!”
Even I said that words, there were a lot of times when I faced with a lot of material, I couldn’t really endure it and vented my anger: “I don’t want to! It’s impossible for me…. Why should I wast my time for an impossible matter?”
That time, Xiao Cheng would always say to me: “For some things, you need to be persistent. It may not be successful. But if you don’t persist, you will definitely fail…. even you are destined to fail, but you will hope that you fail you able to say “I’ve tried my best, I have no regret!” And not “If that time I put more effort maybe I will not have this result…”
I bit my lips and took my books to study again.
I didn’t do it because I really wanted to pass the exam, I just want that one day I could say frankly to myself —— I’ve tried my best, I’ve no regret!
Action 8
For me who have no passed the English level 4 for N times, I was miserable with my reading.
And he was miserable because he was tortured by my stupid brain. But he always controlled his temper and taught me to understand it and to remember a boring English word.
Before going to bed at midnight, he would open his political book and told me about Deng Xiao Ping’s advance theory, and discussed materialism and idealism with me.
When I woke up in the morning, he always tested me a few English words. In order to not be despised by him, I tried hard to remember those words.
Whenever I couldn’t bear the pressure and want to give up, he would accompany me on the campus and created a fine imagination for me: “We will go to school together and be classmates. We will go to class together, to the cafeteria. You can go to the field and watch me, you can cheer for me…”
For that, I continued to learn.
Whenever I was exhausted, he would take me out to eat my favorite barbecue and let me eat meat. He promised me: “In the future when we admit to graduate school, I will take you out for barbecue everyday…”
I smiled and held his hand: “Don’t forget of what you promised me.”
“You should have confidence in my memory.”
At that time, he was my biggest motivation and my most hopeful future….
Action 9
The exam ended and I was so nervous in waiting for my result.
We all passed.
I didn’t remember my mark. I just remembered that he passed wonderfully, he was ranked the first and could continue to the doctorate degree.
Regarding this news, mother and father became throughly calm down.
Father also discussed with me about it. He suggested me: “You should also take a Doctorate degree, your relationship will be steadier then.”
Considering that my Father has more experience than me, I called Xiao Cheng that night: “You will take Doctorate degree, I will also take it.”
He was very hesitant: “It will take at least four years.”
“It’s not a long time. Anyway you are young and you have time.”
“Are you sure you can graduate with Doctorate degree?”
“For our future, I will fight hard to read!” I patted my chest.
“Okay, then we will be wrong together.”
Just like that we are wrong together and throughly!
…….
I believe that the road to happiness would never be right or wrong. Even if you choose the wrong way, as long you stick to it and keep on sticking to it. In the end you will reach happiness.
I’m just afraid that you will be keep going around on different roads, and don’t know what is the happiness you want.
——<<Love Cheats>>—— The Tenth Lesson
If you throughly believe that you like him, then please don’t let him know directly. It’s not for guarding your integrity as a woman, but it seems for the thing that you get easily, you will never treasure it too much.
Try to get close to him and let him understand you deeper. Wait until you are throughly understand him. If he still doesn’t express any feeling, then you can directly confess to him!
Because he most probably will be like someone, just a person who perceives reflex arc!
