I Want To Be Your First – R19 - Chapter 71

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Water spewed out of a large fountain with sculptures of five angels in the middle of the wide square.

 

Carriages drove in a large circle around the fountain and scattered towards the connecting roads one after another. Tables for tourists were lined up here and there, and passers-by stopped to peruse the stalls.

 

Opposite of the stalls, a gathering of people somersaulting and juggling with balls attracted the attention of those at the stalls. Near the fountain, children roamed, drinking in the water while being immersed with playing in the water. Parents and elderly people watched the scene with expressions of joy, and next to them, vendors selling snacks such as sorbet, chips, and candies solicited loudly.

 

The sweet scent of syrup wafted through the light breeze.

 

In the midst of the dim, the laughter of children lingered in the air particularly loudly. It was a peaceful and lively landscape.

 

… It was supposed to be a peaceful scene.

 

She used strength on her trembling fingers forcefully. With hands clenched into tight fists, she tried to relax her lips a little. Ariel inhaled deeply and closed her eyes slowly.

 

It was the same.

 

It was the same world as it usually was.

 

The sky that bordered white and grey. The shapes of buildings were indicated with different shades. People that moved before her in a brighter colour than buildings.

 

Within her achromatic field of vision, the only things that could be distinguished as colours were the varied emotions that resonated within people’s hearts.

 

Purple, blue, that person seems to be in a good mood.

 

It’s yellow. Oh, it’s red. That person seems to be in quite a bad mood.

 

It was a familiar world to her. It was a lively scenery that would make others quite happy.

 

However, at the sight of the great crowds, the fountain, and rows of buildings, Ariel had only one impression.

 

“There, there’s too… too many p–people…”

 

She raised her hand and covered her lips. Her chest was aching and she couldn’t breathe properly.

 

‘… I’m scared.’

 

‘How can there be so many people in one place? Everyone… Has everyone been waiting for me?’

 

‘Are you going to drag me to the second floor again? To catch me, me and Vieta…’

 

‘Ah, ah, no, no. That incident is over. Those that kidnapped us have been caught. It’s over. Didn’t I punish the princess directly?’

 

‘Look! There’s no one here…’

 

‘None…’

 

‘… Even if it was just one person… If they hold any malice towards me…’

 

‘That person’s holding… that’s not a knife, is it? Is it just bread? Is it a handkerchief? It isn’t the hypnotic handkerchief like before, is it?’

 

‘…Ah, ahhh. I do not know. I don’t know anything.’

 

‘My stomach feels… I’m nauseous.’

 

‘What do I do?’

 

“I feel… like throwing up…”

 

A long sigh escaped her lips that wouldn’t move slightly for her to speak. Every single silhouette that passed by felt terrifying.

 

‘Why am I feeling like this?’

 

‘Have I gone crazy?’

 

Ariel stared at the crowd before her without blinking. Her jaw trembled, her hard breathing caused a panting sound to leak out.

 

‘I–I have to do something, anything.’

 

“Wife?”

 

Noticing her odd complexion, Berthwald held Ariel and made eye contact.

 

“Why, all of a sudden… ? Wife? Wife!”

 

“I’m okay, ah, Count. N–no… I’m…I’m okay. I, I–I was just surprised.”

 

“What do you mean okay? Would a fine person tremble like this?”

 

Instead of the street , a red silhouette filled her vision. As she breathed again, Ariel lifted a trembling hand and covered her face.

 

“I don’t know why am I like this all of a sudden. It just suddenly… when I looked outside… too many people…”

 

Unable to continue speaking, she leaned against Berthwald with a deadly pale face.

 

Gasp, gasp.

 

‘The sound of my breathing is too loud.’

 

The slight tremors could be detected from his arms, and Berthwald patted Ariel’s back while confused.

 

“First of all, it’s better for us to head back home.”

 

Swallowing down his agitation, Berthwald instructed the coachman to return to the mansion. Soon after, the carriage door closed.

 

Until everything had vanished from her sight, Ariel’s mind eased as she relaxed in his arms.

 

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‘I must be crazy.’

 

‘It happened and I had an attack. Oh god. what should I do?’

 

‘The sense of shame is suffocating.’

 

Ariel buried her face in her lap again and started to sob.

 

She couldn’t even recall how many times she had cried.

 

That day she went near the fountain to have fun. Ariel remained silent throughout the entire journey back with an expressionless face, and as soon as she arrived back in the mansion, she ran into the dressing room and started to sob.

 

The maids, including Vieta, tried to comfort her, but Ariel started in the dressing room as if it was her home.

 

She didn’t know what she should do, and two days passed just like that. The chief physician that had been closely watching Ariel for the past two days, came to find the Count with a serious expression.

 

Berthwald then received news that was more troubling than he had expected.

 

“A psychological problem?”

 

“Yes. Right now, there seems to be no other problems with her, other than that.”

 

With narrowed brows, Berthwald pulled out the hand that was in his pocket and slowly stroked his chin.

 

“Right now? Something unpleasant had definitely happened, but there hasn’t been any problems after returning to the mansion. A week has already passed since then.”

 

At the sound of his cold voice, the chief physician took off his gloves and checked his mood.

 

“This is just my conjecture, but the place that you’d gone to just so happened to be… Didn’t you mention that it was the same place where she was kidnapped?”

 

“Does that mean that the stress from that incident’s stimulation burst open now?”

 

The chief physician nodded his head and spoke.

 

“She had mentioned that she’s afraid of strangers. Her breath grows short and she starts trembling like a leaf…  It appears to be an anxiety disorder. Luckily, she didn’t have an anxiety attack, but it would be best for her to refrain from going out for the time being.”

 

“…Will she get better?”

 

“You have to observe her attentively to know. Normally it would get better after they’re stabilised, but the Countess was originally… Since she was originally inconvenienced… I’m worried that she may feel depressed.”

 

“…”

 

“For now, it’s more important to not worsen her condition. If she has an anxiety attack, hyperventilation can be dangerous. I will prepare a sedative before leaving, so please take good care of her. I will pay her a visit again when the medicine runs out.”

 

That was all the chief physician had to say. As the door closed with the chief physician’s departure, Berthwald who was left in the room touched the frown on his forehead and sighed.

 

“Really… It’s all over the place.”

 

He had thought that she would be better now, but it’s an anxiety disorder this time. There should be a limit to how absurd this is.

 

With a troubled expression on his face, he chewed on his cheek before raising his head suddenly. Blue eyes met an even bluer ceiling, and his already narrowed brows narrowed even further.

 

He couldn’t figure out what went wrong.

 

With his hands in his pockets, he paced around the room, before kicking at the stool, at the end of his patience. The innocent stool that was kicked by his long legs, drew a pitiful curve and fell to a corner of the room.

 

Even that didn’t relieve his anger, so he brushed against his head with a jittery hand. His platinum blond hair became dishevelled and tickled his forehead.

 

To wander around in moderation, feed her some delicious food, and let her buy what she wants.

 

His original plan was to buy a fancy gift and spend the night harmoniously. That was it, and although he tried to go out on a date like commoners do, he didn’t know why something so ridiculous happened.

 

It felt like the world was blocking his journey to love.

 

The plans that he had made were interrupted in this and that direction.

 

‘Well, I have been twisted ever since I was born.’

 

If only that silly girl was born as a girl from a suitable family. She just had to be born as the daughter of a Duke, making his journey to get her extremely difficult.

 

‘This is why I don’t go to church. Very little goes according to what I want.’

 

“Up till now, the castle was erected with me doing the shovelling.”

 

He stared intently at the stool lying in the corner of the room, before striding over giving it a hard kick. The sound of something breaking suddenly made him let out a sigh, wondering what he was doing.

 

What difference would it make for him to vent his anger here?

 

It would have been better if he had a cigar, but he didn’t dare to imagine what would happen if Ariel coughed when he smoked.

 

He flopped on the sofa and stretched out his body.

 

He lifted his back, leaned relaxedly, and slowly closed his eyes.

 

“Yes. No matter what happens, you’re already by my side now, so let’s walk it through till the end.”

 

In any case, he knows the cause, all he had to do was to fix it.

 

Whether it was a disability or something else, taking her medicine and resting properly would get her back on her feet soon enough.

 

‘I hope that you won’t have to endure the peak of depression by yourself.’

 

After he regained control over his emotions, he headed towards Ariel’s room.

 

There were three maids standing at a loss in front of the door with trays in hands. A look of awkwardness appeared on the faces of the maids who bowed in greeting silently. Berthwald asked bluntly, grabbing the doorknob.

 

“Is Madam like before?”

 

“That’s… Yes. She’s still not coming out of the dressing room.”

 

He glanced down at the tray the maids were holding. Beside the cold soup was a glass of orange juice with condensation around the outer edge of the glass. In the midst, bread was drenched in melted butter, which looked rather unappetizing.

 

Starving when she was so thin, even if she was depressed, she should have her meals on time. He didn’t get what was she doing.

 

At this point, he was starting to get annoyed.

 

Ordering for a fresh meal to be brought, Berthwald pulled open the door. Vieta, who stood before the dressing room, was shocked at the sudden opening of the door, and bowed.

 

When he put his index finger to his lips and told her to be silent, she covered her mouth and stepped backwards. Berthwald walked over to the tightly locked dressing room and slowly knelt down on a knee.

 

“Wife. It’s me.”

 

The sound of breathing coming from within stopped. Berthwald moved a little closer and spoke.

 

“Are you going to keep hiding like this?”

 

“…”

 

“It doesn’t matter if you want to use your dressing room as your haven, but you have to eat properly. It will hurt your body if this continues.”

 

“…”

 

Huu, the sound of sobbing passed by his ears faintly.

 

It was the sound of her biting back her sobs. Berthwald let out a long sigh and continued.

 

“Open the door.”

 

“I–I don’t…”

 

“Show me your face, Ariel.”

 

“…”

 

“Hurry. If you don’t open the door within 10 seconds, I will break the door and open it forcibly.”

 

The sound of a cracking voice leaked out. After a brief silence, the door of the dressing room opened with a small squeak.

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