I Want To Be Your First – R19 - Chapter 75

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Leaving aside the sullen Vion, Berthwald crossed his arms and fell into pleasant

thoughts.

 

‘Ariel, who was working with knitting needles, her head bowed. What was she thinking while knitting the sweater?’

 

He wanted to raise her hand and intertwine with his. He wanted to bite her hand lightly and plant his lips on her wrist. After inhaling her body odour, he wanted to kiss her blushing face and swallow her hot breath as it was.

 

‘What… I’m not this needy usually. You’re doing all sorts of things to me, Ariel.’

 

An embarrassed smile appeared on his lips. Pressing down on his narrowed forehead, Berthwald let go of his imagination.

 

He met her for a few days back then, and every time she lay in his bed, he went mad at the thought of her warmth, her scent, and the touch of her skin. He thought he had a knack for patience, but he couldn’t suppress his instincts when he thought of Ariel.

 

It wasn’t just physical attraction.

 

‘Did she eat on time, did she sleep, or did she catch a cold during the changing seasons?’

 

The worry that comes to his mind from time to time, and that face…

 

Before they got married, the Duke used to take care of his daughter. So he thought he would be fine with it, but when she became his woman, he felt very worried. He couldn’t control his mind.

 

As she made this man such a fool, Ariel had to take responsibility for him until his death.

 

“D*mn.”

 

He smiled bitterly and pressed his fist against his lips. He was born so prosperous, but became captive to one woman.

 

Really…

 

He endured it because it felt beautiful.

 

She was so adorable! If she wasn’t like that, he would have thrown his foolishness away.

 

No matter how much he thought about her, he was at a loss for himself. As much as he had been proud of her, Ariel had to love herself more than he loved her. That way, it would be balanced.

 

Calculating in his head, Berthwald sat down comfortably on the chair.

 

The carriage stopped for a while at the Diamond Hills mansion, loaded up, and headed down South.

 

The sight of the sparkling sea of ​​Pahar spread out in front of him, welcoming the return of the Lord.

 

The scenery was beautiful enough to make his eyes ache, but for Berthwald, who was born and raised in the south, there was nothing as exciting as seeing the mountain behind his house. No, there was no way the sea could come into his eyes in the first place.

 

“Count!”

 

The moment he arrived at the mansion, his grey-eyed wife ran towards him with a bright face.

 

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The dawn behind the black curtains fell deeply.

 

Ariel had a dream. Her consciousness, which had been sunk in the hazy mist, slowly rose upward.

 

That dream.

 

Precognitive dream.

 

The feeling of her sight expanding even though she had neither open nor closed her eyes was now familiar.

 

The white darkness receded, and a scene was drawn in front of it.

 

‘…Uhh.’

 

Through the white window sill, the blue sea of ​​turquoise colour came into view. Heaps of old books were piled up here and there under the window sills carved with grapevines.

 

She looked out the window and slowly turned her head. With his back against the background of bookshelves, he was standing there.

 

Platinum hair that was gently swept down.

 

Eyelashes of the same colour gleamed in the late summer sun over the slowly blinking eyes. Admiration naturally leaked out of the sharp-looking features with the light falling off him.

 

It was him.

 

Berthwald.

 

Ariel unconsciously gulped, feeling her saliva accumulate.

 

She wasn’t surprised by his appearance.

 

This place, this atmosphere. The angle of the sunlight and the rhythm of the eyes blinking.

 

She got used to it. Ariel felt a sense of dread and stopped breathing.

 

‘What did I want to ask…?’

 

‘Right. I will ask about the sea.’

 

“How does the Southern Ocean look?”

 

…This lucid dream.

 

For sure… she had a dream after they got married.

 

This was a dream she had once seen before.

 

The moment she recognized it, the dream disappeared, and the world was shattered like shattered glass. His face, the bookshelves full of the smell of old books, and the white curtains fluttering by the window were all scattered in sharp pieces.

 

Eventually, the fragments that made up the scene began to melt away into the darkness and disappeared without a trace.

 

Ariel opened her eyes.

 

The morning sun shone through the thick darkness floating in the air, illuminating her vision.

 

“How…?”

 

‘Why this dream again?’

 

She let out a long sigh, patting her pounding chest. Still, it did not calm down easily.

 

Her precognitive dreams were special.

 

It only appeared when announcing something bad, and it was engraved in her memory, making it impossible to forget it even if she tried. Maybe that’s why she had never had the same dream twice.

 

Why?

 

It wasn’t even indicating anything bad.

 

No, there was one occurence.

 

She had faced Berthwald, seeing his real look, and not a red figure. Her heart beat so fast that she couldn’t come to her senses.

 

“I shouldn’t do this… .”

 

She kept expecting his reaction, pounding and trembling, and now she started to think of him even in her precognitive dreams.

 

Ariel grabbed her temple and moaned.

 

She shouldn’t give up.

 

‘…I shouldn’t expect him to feel the same.’

 

Although married, they shared their bodies, but he was still a cold person. He was the person who teased her, giving her room to understand, but as soon as Ariel was sick, he kicked her out to Pahar without mercy.

 

As she recalled his beautiful face again, she felt a throbbing sensation in one side of her chest.

 

Somehow… she felt uneasy.

 

She gently placed her hand on her chest. Bitter air wafted heavily around the bed.

 

Many misunderstandings were entangled like a thread, and Ariel’s chest felt tight. She wouldn’t have misunderstood him in such a manner if Berthwald had explained in detail to her why she was being sent down to Pahar or that he was going to resign as the Consul, but the timing wasn’t right.

 

Berthwald was flooded by work and didn’t send news or any letters. In addition to that, Ariel misunderstood that he had pushed her away because of the servants spreading bad rumours.

 

Still, she thought of Berthwald, knitted a sweater, and sent a letter to Vieta.

 

“Do you want him to send you a reply? Maybe you are just too worried about him.”

 

“It’s already been 5 days. No reply.”

 

A sigh escaped spontaneously.

 

‘Why were you so sweet to me?’

 

She couldn’t believe he turned away after all that.

 

Somehow, the red colour always confused her.

 

He was a bad guy in the end.

 

Ariel licked her lips and she made up her mind for him.

 

Stop liking him.

 

Act calmly.

 

Calmly. 

 

Even if he acts coldly, it doesn’t matter. 

 

Calmly… as if nothing happened.

 

“It’s been a while, wife.”

 

It’s nothing.

 

The moment the soft voice entered her ear, all the resolve to push him away disappeared.

 

Perhaps the early morning dream was a sign of his return. Looking at the red silhouette in front of her, Ariel hesitated whether or not to approach him.

 

Their gazes crossed. Ariel, who had hesitated, opened her mouth first.

 

“Is everything okay? That letter… You didn’t reply. I thought you weren’t coming…”

 

It had been a while since they had seen each other, so the feeling of shame came first.

 

Ariel couldn’t keep up and licked her lips, a blush rising to her face.

 

She had been sitting in the garden and rushed to her feet, so her hair and clothes were all messed up. Belatedly, she cleaned up her outfit and looked up at him again.

 

A blood-red silhouette familiar to her eyes was looking down at her, showing small waves.

 

‘How to react?’

 

‘Should I give him a hug?’

 

‘It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, so can I please hug you?’

 

‘Can we kiss?’

 

“You seem to have gotten a little thin. Are you eating on time?”

 

Ariel raised her head in amazement at his blunt voice. Berthwald looked at her, lowering his eyes.

 

She just stood still, expressing no intention.

 

He was colder than expected, so she couldn’t figure out how to respond. Ariel fumbled and replied a beat late.

 

“Uhh… Yes, Count.”

 

“Let’s go in for now. Leo, Eva.”

 

The butler and maid, standing behind him nodded their heads and stepped forward.

 

Ariel, who was naturally pushed back, watched the three, faltered and stepped back and returned to the mansion.

 

For some reason…

 

For some reason, it was a little…

 

She touched her chest with a sullen face.

 

“It hurts.”

 

The two small words lingered in her mouth and disappeared.

 

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“Madam, are you tired?”

 

With a gentle mature voice, someone held Ariel’s hand tightly.

 

Ariel, who was dozing off on a bench overlooking the sea, was surprised and raised her head. There was a gray shadow in front of her, a subtle pink in the middle.

 

“…Oh. Uh, Eva?”

 

Eva, the maid of the Grand Pahar mansion, grabbed Ariel’s hand and pulled her with a warm smile.

 

“It’s been a week since you stopped taking the medicine, haven’t you? Your complexion looks good now. How are you feeling?”

 

Ariel smiled broadly at her worried words.

 

After descending to the south, Ariel’s condition improved noticeably. Nothing that made her heart pound for no reason, and even her appetite had revived. Her medication also gradually decreased, so there was no more trouble sleeping.

 

It was strange.

 

After her marriage, she came down and stayed there for only about a month, but she felt at home, like she had been living there for a long time.

 

The mansion in the capital was also neat and perfect, but it was more like a place made for guests than a house. However, Grand Pahar’s mansion had a warm feeling like a hometown.

 

She felt that way not only in the friendly appearance of the servants but also in the details. Small furniture that seemed to fit her perfectly, and silverware dedicated to her, who had small hands.

 

And above all… It was nice to see Berthwald’s touch everywhere.

 

“I’m fine. I must have dozed off because the sunlight felt good. I had a strange dream at dawn, so I couldn’t sleep well.”

 

“Oh, what did you dream about?”

 

Ariel, contemplating whether or not to talk about the dream, shook her head, mumbling, “It’s nothing,” and changed the subject.

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