I Want To Be Your First – R19 - Chapter 84

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“Ah, what should I do?”

Ariel hugged her curled up legs and turned around. She was so embarrassed that she wanted to hide in the ground.

Although she wanted to spread the news all over that the Count liked her, it was still like a dream that she couldn’t bear to speak about. If she spoke about it… it felt like her dream was about to be broken.

“I married you because I like you. Not because you are Princess Aegis, because you are Ariel.”

She couldn’t say things like, ‘is this a joke, stop teasing me,’ as his voice contained nothing but sincerity.

‘Was this the first time I have felt so nervous?’

It was the first time she knew that her heartbeat could be that fast. She raised a hand to rub her chest gently. The heart that she was previously unaware of was violently shaking like it was caught.

Ariel hugged her knees a little tighter and leaned her head on the top of them. She felt like she was flying, to the point where she wanted to jump for joy, but if her joy reached a point where she couldn’t handle…she would rather it become smaller.

As she chewed her lips, she turned her gaze towards the window. As if in response, a slight breeze flew in, brushing past the damp strands of her hair and delivering warmth to her.

This cozy feeling. She felt relieved at the fact that she had really returned home. Ariel closed her eyes lightly and listened to the sound of the waves. The melodious and constant rhythm stimulated her ears, and brought peace to her like a lullaby. As her consciousness grew dimmer, the sound of waves gradually increased in volume. Ariel fell asleep while enthralled by nature’s melody.

“I’ll be sure to fetch you in a timely manner. Please give me a moment.”

[E/N: this is from the flashback in chapter 63]

Someone’s whisper reached her while her consciousness was blurred. Perhaps… a man. Although his words were that of an adult’s, he gave a youthful feeling.

It feels as if she has heard that voice before. Didn’t she?

It feels like she has heard something similar. Although it was slightly different…it was a voice that was very similar to this…

“It seems like she doesn’t have a fever.”

That’s right. This voice.

Along with a low voice, there was a cool feeling on her forehead. The hand that gently brushed against her forehead remained against her cheek for quite a long while, before gently trailing downwards to wrap around her waist.

“You must have been tired…The area around your eyes is dark. Well, if you had slept without worries after running out of the house, I would have been mad.”

Her body was pulled backwards, and her back reached a warm body temperature. While the firm yet secure embrace was cozy, she could also detect a certain fragrance.

Was this how it feels when a baby bear is held in its mother’s arms? Ariel’s mouth curved into a smile unwittingly.

She slowly lifted her stiff eyelids. Within her clouded vision, red and gray intertwined and was intricately mixed together.

“Is this also a precognitive dream…? No… Or is this just a dream?”

Ariel spoke while she was half-awake, and a response immediately came from above her.

“What dream?”

“I’ll be sure… to fetch you in a timely manner.”

“Who?”

“…It’s probably the Count.”

“Berry will?”

“Yes, Berry will… give me… ”

Her drowsiness gradually receded as her vision became clearer. When Ariel recalled the previous conversation, she seemed to know the identity of the person hugging her from behind. Ariel grinned before continuing to speak while pretending that nothing had happened.

“It doesn’t seem to be B–Berry. It seems to be a mistake.”

“Didn’t I come to fetch you? It doesn’t seem to be a mistake…It seems to be Berry.”

At his composed answer, Ariel answered dazedly with, “Is…Is that so,” and used a hand to rub her cheeks. Soon after, a flat laugh appeared above her head.

“I’m proud of you. Whether it was through a dream or something else, you managed to remember those words, so it wasn’t a vain effort after all.”

With a barely perceptible whisper, Berthwald pulled Ariel into his embrace. From how the subject was unclear, he seemed to be talking to himself, so Ariel remained silent without answering.

She looked forward without blinking. Within her achromatic vision, a spacious bed appeared. Just as she was wondering why she was in bed, Berthwald spoke up.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything bad. I brought you to bed as you were nodding off by the window.”

“…Oh, ohh.”

The palms that were sluggishly wandering around her waist moved below her navel slowly and moved to become barely a touch. His low voice brushed against her ear with a light puff of air.

“Why were you sleeping beside the window? What if you fall down?”

“That’s… I was going to sit for a moment until the Count arrived. Perhaps it was because I felt so relaxed that I fell asleep without realising it.”

Ariel rubbed her eyes while yawning, and the back that was touching trembled slightly. She guessed that he was laughing.

“I feel sleepy after cuddling too. How long has it been since I’ve slept soundly?”

“Ah…because the Count is always busy with work…”

“What do you mean work? Who would’ve been kept awake by work?”

Ariel shrank at the reproachful tone.

‘No, don’t tell me…’

“Was it because of me that you couldn’t get a good rest?”

When I asked a question in a crawling voice, he immediately replied with, “Yes.”

“Let’s see… It has been ten days since my wife has run away from home to divorce me… No, it hasn’t been ten days. I couldn’t sleep as I was worried during this period of time. Would you be breathless due to your anxiety disorder, would you fall ill, have you eaten properly, it’s chilly at dawn so you should sleep with the window closed.”

“…….”

“How frustrating it was! My wife seems to have slept well in my absence.”

“N—no! How could that be!”

“…That’s fortunate then. Wouldn’t it have been unfair if I was the only one that was worried? Although it seems like I was the only one that was worried.”

Ariel could sense a hint of self-depreciation in his blunt words. As she listened to him, it felt as if he had been confessing his feelings for her for a very long time, so she had no response to that. Every time his broad chest moved up and down, Ariel, who was in his embrace, moved in tandem with him. While she was quietly feeling his warmth, Ariel hesitated to speak.

“Was it always like this?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I first realised…that I liked the Count. I also felt the same way. It felt heart-rending, and my insides were very…pained.”

She liked that person so much, but she was afraid that that person wouldn’t feel the same way. Because she knew that there’s no way her feelings would be returned… It was as if she was shoved into the abyss. The feeling of the floor underneath her feet crumbling was extremely depressive, and she didn’t want to experience that again.

“I understand why it hurts.”

A blunt voice that made it difficult to discern the owner’s emotions hovered around her ears. Ariel fiddled around her chest and in a low voice.

“…I thought that it was just me that had feelings for the Count.”

A flat laugh rang out in her ear. It was an answer that she gave after mustering her courage, so she was slightly offended. His laughter had only become stronger when she asked shrilly, “Why are you laughing?” When Ariel tried to use a hand to push him away out of anger, his laughter died down.

“I’m sorry. I was just wondering what we were doing.”

Just as he finished speaking, Ariel’s body was turned around. Lying face to face, Berthwald looked downwards at Ariel, raised his hand to hold her wrist. He continued in a soothing tone while gently brushing against the protruding areas with his index finger.

“I thought so too. I was afraid that my wife would push me away… I was only eager to hide it, and never thought of conveying my feelings.”

“The Count too?”

“That’s right.”

His answering voice seemed a little more excited than usual.

“It would have been fine if I had just said that I liked you at the beginning, why did we have to go around in circles like this? It’s embarrassing that I’d occasionally act so foolishly.”

The hand that was touching her wrist gilded along her skin and gently interlocked their fingers. Berthwald brushed his thumb on the back of her hand and palm while their fingers were interlocked.

The slow movement of his fingers, the breaths he exhaled over the top of her head. Ariel could tell the amount of caution he was taking to choose his next words through the dim silence.

“Ariel. Please look at me.”

A low voice caught her attention. When the red silhouette appeared in the view of her heavy eyelids, it became clear instantly. Just as she was about to straighten her back out of anxiousness for no reason, Berthwald started to speak in a stronger tone.

“Let’s make a promise.”

“What kind of promise?”

Berthwald got out of bed and helped Ariel up, letting her sit in front of him. A heavy silence fell in the gap between them when they were facing each other. After keeping his silence for a long while, Berthwald spoke in a solemn tone.

“Be honest when you tell me about everything, be it pleasant, or upsetting and regrettable incidents. Don’t bring up divorce whenever you feel upset.”

“D—divorce…”

“The most representative word that shouldn’t be mentioned between couples is divorce. It’s okay to bear criticism, but shouldn’t we refrain from making remarks that could ruin our relationship?”

The dream-like atmosphere disappeared and the time for confessions had returned. Narrowing her shoulders tightly and biting her lips, Ariel murmured in a barely audible voice.

“I’m sorry.”

“If all misunderstandings can be ended with an apology, things like war wouldn’t have occurred.”

“I– I’m really sorry! I’ll never do something like that again.”

“……”

“It’s true… It–It’s because I heard that you were expelled from the position of chief consul because of me. It was because I felt that I wouldn’t be of any use staying here. I didn’t ask for a divorce because I didn’t like the Count! That’s it!”

“How many times have I told you that I wasn’t expelled from the position of chief consul? I resigned from that position as I have married my wife.”

‘A–Again, he joked casually again.’

Ariel looked upwards at him, and asked with a searching tone.

“You’re saying that again. When you say that, it’s as if… you have to become a consul to marry me.”

“Did this sound like a joke to you? For someone like me to match the Princess of Aegis, I have to be the chief consul to be considered at a suitable standing.”

“…Really?”

As Ariel blinked rapidly while looking at him, she replied in a dazed voice.

“Wow… I don’t know. I didn’t know that the Count liked me so much.”

“How could you have become a chief consul in order to marry someone like me?”

When a silly voice penetrated his mind, Berthwald stared at the woman in front of him with furrowed brows.

“While I like most of the things that constitute my wife, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to bear the way you speak your mind tactlessly, like now.”

“Uh, uh…a–are you offended?”

“It feels like I’ve become insignificant when my sincere feelings are being summed up with such insincere words. Yes. I feel offended.”

His cold tone reminded Ariel of a morose expression.