I Want To Be Your First – R19 - Chapter 86

He spoke with an amicable manner while holding her chin. However, from the last words that were fraught with a gloomy feeling, Ariel intuitively realised that his intention wasn’t pure.

 

At his urging words of ‘now’ and ‘quickly’, Ariel wondered what to do, before reluctantly giving him the answer he wanted.

 

“I like it.”

 

“It’s lacking a subject. One more time.”

 

“I—I like Berry… I really like you.”

 

At her words, Berthwald’s mouth, which was repeatedly kissing her cheek, curved upwards gently. At the same time, Ariel felt a flash of a burning sensation at her bottom. Glancing downwards, Ariel paled and pushed him away.

 

“T—This. I was just saying… Oh, no.”

 

“…Oh, dear. I didn’t do anything. This is the result of Ariel’s words.”

 

“No! Why is that because of me?”

 

“I was going to stop as you seemed quite tired…Haah, you should take responsibility, wife.”

 

Although he spoke in a reproachful tone, the corners of the lips on her forehead curved. As if he had no intention of hiding his pleasure, Berthwald laughed and whispered saucily while hugging Ariel, “What do you plan to do, hmm?”

 

A large hand slid down to rest on her slippery lower abdomen. Berthwald let out a sigh and slowly rubbed repeatedly.

 

Wronged, Ariel, who was waving her hands and claiming that she was innocent, couldn’t escape and could only be swayed by him once again. Berthwald, who was slowly moving his waist while Ariel was in his arms, didn’t seem to be satisfied, and laid her down again, their bodies overlapping.

 

With each of his movements, her ebony locks would slowly become messier on the sheets. Immersed in pleasure, her gray eyes became unfocused and shook wildly. Whenever the sensations reached its peak, moans would be released from her lips.

 

“It feels…strange…Ah…!”

 

Her squinted eyes widened, and Ariel bit on her lip hard. The sensations that she felt in her deep sleep opened widely.

 

The lower limbs that kept flinching stiffened, and continued to tremble. The hands that were wrapped around his back curled inwards and immediately dug into his firm flesh. Ariel clung to Berthwald’s upper body tightly, letting out light exhales.

 

It was a chilling sensation, as if she had fallen off a cliff. It felt like her entire body was falling into the abyss. However, what was left at the very end wasn’t the abyss, but pleasure that felt as if it would wreck her entire body.

 

‘How in the world could such a feeling exist?’

 

Ariel wondered if she was weird.

 

‘No, since Berry said that he was also like that…does that mean that Berry feels the same way as I do?’

 

‘Berry…’

 

‘Oh… Berry.’

 

‘…What kind of expression is he sporting right now, while he’s holding me?’

 

The face that Ariel had seen in her precognitive dream was already embedded in her mind, and whenever she saw his red silhouette, Ariel would feel excited. However, that alone wasn’t satisfactory.

 

Even though she couldn’t see, she could feel the changes on his face, of when he’s smiling, when he’s crying and when he’s upset, through her own movements. Also, those expressions varied from person to person. Ariel was well aware of this as she had felt her mother’s and Gwen’s faces for quite a long time.

 

‘What does Berry look like in this instance?’

 

Was he like her, with the space between her raised eyebrows narrowed, or was the tip of his eyebrows raised like he was angry? Perhaps he was smiling. Or perhaps his nose was wrinkled.

 

‘I wish that I could see it.’

 

‘If only I could see Berry…’

 

The words that were chanted softly in her head turned into a violent storm.

 

If only she could see.

 

If only that handsome face could also be reflected in her vision. If only she could read another’s feelings by looking at their face like everyone else, she wouldn’t have to be so hesitant and cautious. She could have acted a little more confidently with Berry.

 

She would know how Berthwald looked with a responding smile whenever the corners of her lips curled up into a broad smile. If there was something staining the corner of his lips, she could reach out to wipe it off, and if his hair was stuck to his cheek, she could gently scratch it with her index finger and tuck it behind his ear.

 

Those detailed actions were actions that couldn’t be performed if she couldn’t see. Although she wanted to do all of that for him, those were actions that Ariel couldn’t perform, no matter how hard she tried.

 

These eyes…Eyes that were different from others.

 

She had already given up and accepted the fact that she couldn’t see, and that had remained till now. By comforting herself that it was alright, and living while pretending as if it was nothing.

 

But at this very moment. The desire to see him caused the floor beneath her feet to crumble. As she burst into tears, something rose from her heart. It was a mysterious feeling that seemed to be resentment and also desire. As pleasure vacated, this strange feeling surfaced in its place, and began to dominate her entire body.

 

No…

 

Why was she being like this. It felt like she was about to cry.

 

She choked up while the corners of her eyes shook.

 

‘Oh, no. If I start crying in the middle of a pleasant activity, he’ll think that I’m a weird person.’

 

‘I can’t cry, don’t cry.’

 

Despite that, she couldn’t control her feelings. She couldn’t help but raise a trembling hand and hugged his neck close. Along with her emotions of longing, her entire body felt like it was sinking to a bottomless pit. The remaining longing, body, mind and reason was

 

The longing accompanied by emotion seemed to sink all over the water. All the longing remained, and her body, mind, and rationality seemed to have broken up and floated elsewhere.

 

She was short of breath. Ariel hugged him tightly and spoke haltingly.

 

“Berry. W—what should I do…”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I’m… l—like a fool. I suddenly had a strange thought…”

 

“…Haah, what’s the matter? What did you think of?”

 

When she was pressed for answers by a damp voice, Ariel shook her head. Small tears formed at the corner of her reddened eyes.

 

“What’s wrong? Hmm? Tell me about it.”

 

Even when he was lightly pressing his lips to her eyes, Ariel had only kept her mouth shut while her face reddened. Unable to figure out whether she wanted to talk about it or not, Berthwald calmly patted her. He pressed kisses on her tightly closed eyelids and with his lips on her cheek, he whispered, “It’s alright, so tell me about it,” waiting for her to open her mouth,

 

To placate her nervousness, Berthwald slowly drew circles on her waist. Soon after, Ariel spoke with a long sigh.

 

“Here…you know.”

 

A thin finger touched his cheek. It tickled his cheek for a moment, before brushing past his nose, and wandered along his eyelids. With each of her movements, the furrow between Ariel’s brows became more pronounced. Her jaw was stiff from holding back tears. It felt as if she would burst into tears if he spoke, so Berthwald entrusted his body to her hands silently.

 

Her flushed cheeks, frowning eyes, and the lips that kept twitching as if she had something she wanted to say. Berthwald engraved it all in his eyes. Ariel, too, used unseeing eyes to stare at him blankly.

 

Just like that, a moment went by.

 

“Eyes,” she whispered in a small voice. Ariel continued to speak, while looking at him with her unfocused eyes.

 

“Berry’s eyes… are special. They’re beautiful.”

 

“…How is it beautiful?”

 

“It’s very deep… It was blue that’s darker than the Northern sea and sapphires, but it was very… it was like a jewel.”

 

The fingers that were brushing against his eyelids slowly moved towards his eyebrows.

 

“Eyebrows…a very bright golden, just like your hair. No, its a colour brighter than white.”

 

“Is it to your liking?”

 

“Yes, it’s very much… like sunlight. Both your eyelashes and eyebrows… How beautiful it looked with your eyelashes lowered above those blue eyes. I was surprised.”

 

Her hoarse voice trembled slightly. The hand that was rubbing against his eyebrows lightly settled on his lips.

 

“And your lips too… with distinct lines and deeply coloured…It’s pretty. All the men that I saw in my dreams had darkly coloured lips. But Berry is different. Your lips are pretty…”

 

Her voice gradually took on a tearful tone. Berthwald hid his bewilderment and pulled Ariel’s fiddling hand from his face. As if that touch had been the fuse, Ariel’s eyes distorted as she swallowed back her tears.

 

“From a while ago… What’s wrong, Ariel? Don’t cry.”

 

“…Berry.”

“What’s wrong, tell me.”

 

Soon, despite her best efforts to keep the tears at bay, the tears in her gray eyes spilled over and trickled down her cheeks. At a loss of what to do, Berthwald brushed past her tear stained cheeks.

 

“Don’t cry. Did I do something wrong? Hm?”

 

“……”

 

“Ah, seriously… Have you forgotten about the promise we had just made? Didn’t we agree to tell each other everything? What’s wrong?”

 

“…Hic…”

 

“Was it because you didn’t like doing something obscene? That…no, that’s… why didn’t you say so if you didn’t like it?”

 

While clasping and unclasping his large hands, he comforted Ariel with a tone filled with anxiety, saying, “Oh, for goodness’ sake. Why don’t you just get angry instead of doing this, hm? Do you want me to apologise?”

 

His tone and actions were filled with puzzlement.

 

As Berthwald always gave off a cold and somewhat detached atmosphere, it was Ariel’s first time seeing such a side to him. At his unusual appearance, Ariel’s tear-stained face burst into a smile. Berthwald frowned as he couldn’t tell whether she was crying or making fun of him.

 

“Didn’t you say that I was pretty? Do you not like it because I’m pretty? Did you change your tastes within a few years?”

 

“……”

 

“Oh… please don’t cry. Hm?”

 

“…I’m…I’m fine…Hic…”

 

“It’s driving me crazy. Are you tormenting me on purpose?”

 

As he brushed away the stray hairs on her forehead, he soothed Ariel with a worried tone. His mind was filled with anxiety and dejection at the sight of her crying in earnest.

 

Emotions such as self-reproach, pity and sadness tormented Berthwald, along with odd emotions that were hard to define as anger or unease. He bit on his lower lips lightly and swallowed back his feelings. Ariel’s whisper penetrated his tormented mind.

 

“Berry didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that… such a pretty person.”

 

Her voice was almost extinguished. Ariel inhaled softly and continued with a hoarse voice.

 

“You’re such a wonderful person… Everyone else can see it. Why am I the only one? It’s disappointing that I can’t see you…”

 

“…Ariel.”

 

“It’s frustrating that I can’t see you, and I hate such a foolish side of me. Just what should I do?”

 

“……”

 

“I’ve never experienced something like this before. I keep… getting greedy.”

 

Ariel barely managed to stop her tears by sniffling, but she choked up again and started to sob softly. The way she tried her best to suppress these feelings looked even more pitiful, and a deep frown formed on Ariel’s face while she hiccuped with her eyes closed tightly. The tears at the corner of her eyes trickled down.

 

The way she cried with a narrowed forehead tugged on his heartstrings. Berthwald raised a hand to try and wipe away her tears, but it was slowly lowered.

 

He had wondered what she was going to say, but he didn’t expect the subject of her eyes to be brought up like this. Additionally, he didn;t expect that she would cry so badly all because she wanted to see him.

 

Although there were many words that he could use to soothe her, her feelings were volatile and unpredictable, so the words on the tip of his tongue couldn’t be said easily. Looking down at Ariel with a bitter expression, Berthwald reached out and hugged her quietly.

 

His hot body temperature delivered warmth to her cold cheeks. Ariel rubbed her face against his neck and spoke sighingly.

 

“I hope that my wish can come true.”

 

Pretending to be calm, Berthwald asked with a tone as calm as he could manage.

 

“What kind of wish?”

 

“Even if it’s just once…If I could see Berry with my own eyes….”

 

Raising her hand, Ariel fiddled with Berthwald’s face. A straight nose, a clear philtrum line, and thick lips. She could feel his thick eyelashes falling over his half-closed eyes.

 

‘…If I could see this appearance with my eyes, and not my hands.’

 

‘Not in a dream, but in reality. If my two eyes could capture his image.’

 

‘If I could face the one I love… and the one that loves me.’

 

“In that case…dying wouldn’t be that bad.”

 

A wish that Ariel had never longed for sprouted in her heart.

[T/N: Kofi shop will be extended till mid-May.]