I Want to Smile Beside you in the Spring That I Haven’t Seen Yet - CH 1.6
The subway ride took about twenty minutes. Arriving at the station nearest my house, I stepped out of the ticket gate and turned my steps toward a secret place to calm my turbulent heart.
I turn left on the road to my house.
I went down a narrow road that only the residents of this area use, barely enough for one car.
At the end of the road, there was a park that was no longer used by anyone.
When I was a child, it was a place where everyone gathered, but about ten years ago, the playground equipment was banned because it was old and dangerous, and children stopped playing there.
No one visits there anymore.
That is why I come here. It is my own secret place where no one can see my face or hear my voice.
A single cherry tree is in the middle of the park.
It is an old, large tree with a trunk so thick that you can’t reach it with both hands.
In spring, the tree fills the sky with pale pink flowers, and in summer, its branches are covered with bright green leaves, but now all the leaves have fallen off and it looks cold.
I sat down at the base of the tree, leaned my back against the thick trunk, and closed my eyes.
Various scenes float behind my eyelids.
Kanata-kun’s bright voice and gentle smile. His apologetic look when he refused my confession.
Tohko’s pained profile. Their backs as they walk side by side.
A sigh escapes from my lips.
I am in pain.
I don’t know what is causing me so much pain.
But I am in pain.
I don’t know if I’m sad that Kanata-kun dumped me, if I’m jealous that Tohko became Kanata-kun’s girlfriend, or if I’m jealous that the two of them are getting along so well.
It could be all of them, or it could be none of them.
I don’t know how I feel.
I don’t know what I want to do or how I can be saved.
I just know that I am in pain, and it’s hard, and the unbearable sobs and the unstoppable tears well up one after another.
I cried aloud.
No matter how hard it was, if I could cry out loud, I would feel a little better when the tears dried up.
That way, I can do my best to go to school tomorrow.
That is why, only in this secret place, I allow myself to cry without holding back even a little.
I look up at the sky and cry earnestly as if I were throwing my voice to the sky.
–It was then.
In between my sobs and cries, I heard a faint sound.
My breath caught in surprise, for I had assumed that no one was there, and then I heard the sound clearly.
It was singing.
It is not a strong, emotionally charged voice. It is a gentle, gentle song that fills the space softly, quietly, and modestly.
As I listened to the voice, I was enveloped by a strange sensation.
Like a drizzle gently and softly wetting my skin. Like the sunlight gently filtering through the trees in spring.
Like the cherry blossoms above my head in full bloom, countless petals dancing in the wind, enveloped in a blizzard of cherry blossoms.
A faint whispering voice that makes you feel such an illusion.
My tears had dried up completely at the strange sensation I had never experienced before.
I blinked slowly and looked up in the direction where I heard the voice.
I squinted at the soft, pale light of early winter falling from behind the cherry trees.
At the same time, I heard the snapping sound of branches, and a boy fell in front of me.
My first impression was that he looked like an angel.
Pure white transparent skin like snow.
His light pigmented candy-colored hair was soft and wavy. (T/N: His hair is brown coloured)
Pale amber eyes that sparkled in the sunlight.
And then, a single teardrop fell from her eyes.
The boy who landed in front of me with the falling light.
How beautiful he was.
I stared at him in a daze.
He was probably about the same age as me.
He was thin, wearing an ill-fitting, oversized shirt and a light coat.
I sat at the base of the tree, staring at him, unable to move.
And he was standing in the light, crying silently, staring at me.
This space where time seems to have stopped seemed terribly strange and awkward, yet strangely comfortable.
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After a while, I quietly opened my mouth.
“Hello….”
He did not answer.
He didn’t move an inch, as if he didn’t hear anything.
He just stared at me with his beautiful eyes.
The words that flowed from my lips lost their destination and drifted in the empty space between us.
I was so lonely that I opened my mouth again as if to continue with my solitary words.
“Why are you crying?”
I whispered softly so as not to disturb his silence, and he blinked slowly.
Then he tilted his head softly and smiled with tears in his eyes.
His smile was like cotton candy melting in a spring rain.
As I gaped at him, he slowly raised his hand and pointed at me with his index finger.
The white tip of his finger was apparently pointing at my face.
I touched my cheek with the fingertips of my right hand to see if there was something on it, and it was cool and wet.
“I see. I’m crying too.”
I laugh a little, feeling funny.
“I can’t say the same for others, can I?”
When I said it with a laugh, he, too, let out a puff of air.
He squinted his eyes, and another tear spilled out.
I was about to ask him, “Did something sad happen to you?” but decided not to.
It is not only when I am sad that I shed tears.
Sometimes we cry because we are happy.
I hope the reason for his tears is happiness.
I decided to say something else to the boy who was standing absentmindedly in front of me.
“My name is Haruka Hirose. Nice to meet you.”
My parents had told me since I was a child that I should first introduce myself when I meet someone new, so I did what I always do and told him my name.