I Will Disappear, Grand Duke - Chapter 105

“…”

 

“Will you allow me to stay by your side until the end?”

 

It was only then that Julia could clearly understand the meaning of Cedric’s words.

 

His feelings for her in his rust were so transparent that anyone could see at this moment.

 

Julia looked at him with a face that didn’t know what expression to make.  He said something so sudden to her.  But on the other hand, his eyes are so emotional that she didn’t know why she only realized it now.

 

Julia, unable to hide her embarrassment, opened her mouth after a long time.

 

“.…………I’m sorry.”

 

It was a word of refusal without a doubt.

 

She was afraid her answer would hurt him, but Julia knew that this was the only answer she could give him.

 

Cedric was a good person.  He was also a respectable person.

 

Always friendly and caring, Cedric was the first friend Julia accepted into her heart.

 

But she was well aware that the comfort she felt was never based on rational emotions.

 

Julia continued to face him without averting her gaze.  Then she spoke in a slightly clearer voice.

 

“I don’t want you to be by my side.”

 

“…  ”

 

“Don’t stagnate here.  I want you to move forward.”

 

Cedric’s eyes sank sadly at the warm yet firm answer.

 

Julia felt sorry for him, but she didn’t want to torture him with even the slightest bit of hope.

 

Because she knew well that it would cause him even more wounds in the future.

 

Cedric’s sunken eyes become empty, struggling to retain their original calm light.  As if he had not expected her answer at all, he struggled to lift his lips with a calm face.

 

“If you want to, I will.”

 

She knew the end of his voice was trembling, but Julia pretended not to know and shook her head.

 

At the same time, she felt bad at the thought that she had hurt him.

 

Suddenly, to Cedric in front of her, she saw herself from a long time ago and knew how painful the unrequited love was because she had experienced it too.

 

A man’s face appeared in her mind as if it were natural. Julia bowed her head, feeling restless.

 

***

 

She didn’t know how she was feeling about the week.

 

Time flew by quickly, feeling a little uncomfortable, and finally the day Cedric was leaving came. A particularly sunny morning in the spring. Julia, who came out to see Cedric off, was hesitant and approached him. Cedric, who found her, greeted her as affectionately as he had ever been.

 

“Julia, stay healthy and well. I’ll be back from time to time.”

 

At that moment, Julia felt relieved at Cedric’s attitude, which was not different from his usual one.  If she had let him go with uncomfortable feelings, she would always be bothered for a long time.

 

Julia answered, raising her lips.

 

“I will often send letters with the children.”

 

Cedric smiled faintly and nodded his head, turning his back before the end of his smile turned a bit bitter.

 

Cedric, who was about to get on the carriage, stopped for some reason.  Then he looked back again.

 

Looking at Julia with his subtle eyes, he opened his mouth with a gentle voice.

 

“Julia.”

 

As Julia tilted her head, Cedric, who could not hide his lonely smile, spoke.

 

“Now, I want you to be honest with your feelings.”

 

“…  Yes?”

 

Julia opened her eyes wide as she looked at him.  As he lowered his gaze slightly, Cedric spoke.

 

“In my eyes, I can see the longing you have.”

 

“…  ”

 

“So don’t be afraid.  Now you can be truly happy.”

 

“Why…..”

 

Before she could even ask why he said that, Cedric turned his back.  Without hesitation, he got into the carriage and the last words flowed from him.

 

“I heard that the founding festival will be held in the Empire soon.”

 

He smiled and looked back at Julia. Julia’s eyes gradually grew bigger.

 

Cedric didn’t say anything more.  Soon after the door closed, the carriage began to run quickly.

 

Julia held her hands tightly as she looked at the moving carriage.

 

‘You can feel the longing…..’

 

Julia couldn’t tell who Cedric was referring to.  But even after hearing those words, Julia could hardly understand her heart.

 

With a confused look on her face, she gently grabbed her hands and lowered her head.

 

She thought she was fine.  Because she didn’t mind thinking of Fernan.  She just wanted the man to be happy.

 

“Is that really all?”

 

Julia’s eyes fluttered faintly.  Until now, she has been whispering to myself that ‘it is okay and that it is really okay.’

 

Let’s bury the relationship with Fernan and live.  That was the answer.

 

“…

 

Julia’s eyes, which were looking down, became blank as if they were in deep agony.

 

Yulia, who had been standing still there, raised her head only after a while.

 

‘Founding festival.  If I go there, I can meet Fernan.’

 

‘If I see him from afar…  Can I understand this confused mind?’

 

Julia clasped her hand meaninglessly and stared into the air.

 

She had unconsciously thought that she should not meet him, so Julia’s troubles never ended.

 

If she saw him, she wasn’t sure if the chaos would fall asleep or be intensified.

 

Julia, who had been standing still for such a long time, suddenly remembered that the time until the founding festival was quite short.

 

The festival was only one week away.The road from here to the Empire took just the same amount of time.

 

It was only when she thought so far that Julia got her mind together.

 

She wanted to go.  Even if it was an impulsive decision, she wanted to respond to her heart at this moment.

 

Julia turned around and hurriedly entered the house. It didn’t take long for her to prepare to leave for the capital.

 

While her hesitation was long, Julia’s steps were swift.

 

****

 

As expected, it took a week and one more day to reach the Empire.

 

Time from dawn to morning.  Fortunately, Julia was able to arrive on time for the parade.

 

So as soon as she got down from the carriage and put her feet on the floor, she staggered as she lost the strength from her legs.  It was because she had been on the carriage for too long.

 

Julia, who barely had her focus, lifted her head and looked around her. The capital had changed more than in her last memory.

 

Flags hung all over the streets of the square were engraved with a splendid emblem embroidered with gold thread.

 

It was a new imperial seal, different from the one she knew.

 

After a moment’s attention was taken from it, people began to gather one by one.  Standing in the square that was filled in an instant, Julia looked over the street, caught in the crowd of people. As if the parade was about to begin, the procession of knights marching from afar began to look very small.

 

She thought that she would be able to see the parade up close, but due to the crowds, it was not possible.  She tried to go in the direction where she could see the procession as much as possible, but people from all directions blocked her view at once.

 

“… Ah”

 

Contact with people around her was also frequent, and Julia, who was hit on the shoulder several times, crouched down.  Even standing still in the street was not easy for her.

 

While Julia couldn’t do anything with a troubled expression on her face, time flew by helplessly.

 

Soon the sound of colorful and majestic music began to fade in the distance.

 

“His Majesty the Emperor!”

 

“Wow!”

 

People cheered and screamed.

 

With a disciplined gait, a long line of knights strode across the square.  The new emperor and empress were riding in a chariot, halfway between the knights lined up.  Behind them were several royal families and nobles.

 

Julia looked over the crowd standing on her tiptoes, but it was hard to see.

 

At that moment, she lost her balance as someone who had suddenly bumped her on the shoulder.

 

Yulia, who had just been pushed out of the crowd, couldn’t get back in.

 

Meanwhile, the parade procession completely disappeared from her sight.

 

“… ”

 

Julia, who stood still for a moment, sighed heavily.

 

While she was coming all the way, she had thought that maybe she would never be able to see Fernan. Even so, she came without hesitation.

 

Julia looked aimlessly beyond the crowd. Then, she looked back on how she acted so impulsively.

 

She wanted to see Fernan from afar.  It was because she thought that only then would her mind be cleared up.

 

However, that was not the case.

 

She brainwashed herself that she had forgotten all about him, that she had no feelings left, she pretended to be calm, but……  She knew well that all of that was just a lie she whispered to herself.

 

The time with Fernan, which she thought she had forgotten, and her feelings for him were still clearly engraved inside her.

 

Cedric was right. She herself had missed Fernan for the past half year.

 

So she looked at the Imperial daily newspaper every day.  She wanted to feel a trace of him, because she missed him. She wanted to meet him, so she left impulsively to this distant place.

 

The kindness contained in the indifferent voice and the warm smile and touch that only showed her came to her mind every day.

 

In her last moment with him, the man’s voice who told her to be happy never disappeared from her ears for a second.

 

His heart ached and her head throbbed with pain whenever she remembered his back with his sword drawn and steadfastly left.

 

‘I’ll be with you, I’ll give you anything’… She missed the heart of the man who said that.

 

Julia’s hands trembled slightly. While raising her hand and covering her eyes as she was, Julia stood there for a long time.

 

The light that leaked through her darkened vision felt cold.  At this moment, Julia was buried in the darkness and just wanted to cry endlessly.

 

Then, she felt a long shadow over her head.  At the same time, a surprised voice descended.

 

“…Grand Duchess?”

 

After holding her breath for a moment, Julia slowly removed her hand that covered her eyes.

 

As she raised her head, a man stood in front of her.

 

“L… Lloyd?”

 

Julia’s eyes widened.  Standing in front of her was Lloyd, Fernan’s subordinate.