I’d Give Up The World For You - Chapter 223

“Did you know about the prequel?” Rukelion demanded when he next arrived in Amy’s office.

The therapist looked up at him calmly. “I did. I take it you’re upset.”

“Of course I’m upset! Why wouldn’t I be when that horrible woman is making more lies up about me to make money? I hate everything about this but there’s nothing I can do that won’t get me arrested.”

“I understand why you’re frustrated—” Amy began but he rode right over her.

“Do you, Amy? Do you really? Because you have no idea how absolutely violating it is to have the person I hate most know anything about me. Let alone the whole world. They see what she wrote and cast their judgments like she did and she was wrong.

“She was completely wrong about me and her prejudice resulted in getting my wife and child killed. Nothing will ever bring that baby back and Daisy is mad at me for keeping secrets but I CAN’T tell her everything that happened because she’ll think I lost my mind and break up with me.

“I don’t want to hide things from her anymore but what am I supposed to do? I’m in this world now and can’t think of a feasible reason for me to hate Juliet that works within the parameters of what makes sense here.

“Daisy knows I hate her because I almost set myself on fire every time I’m reminded of her or the stupid book but she thought that I used to be in love with her! The very thought makes me sick!”

Rukelion had burst into flames by the end of his little speech and was pacing wildly. Amy was used to this by now and regarded him without the slightest change of expression. He had to hand it to her; she was a very brave woman.

“What does Daisy know?”

“She read the book,” he growled. “She knows that Juliet knows things about me in order to use them for the fictional character that’s supposedly based on me but doesn’t understand how she would know those things if we hadn’t been close once.

“From her perspective it’s the most logical solution but she’s 100% wrong and when I tried to correct her on that she wanted to know what it actually was but I couldn’t tell her. How could I say that Juliet knows things about me because she wrote me into existence?

“That miserable wretch needed someone to suffer in order to be the bad guy so she made me. She knows my pain better than anyone because she created it and I don’t have words to express how sick that makes me feel.

“I hate her so much I want to disintegrate her but I can’t do that because I’ll get in trouble for it here. I can’t tell Daisy that either. It would be so easy to fly to Pittsburgh, destroy her, then leave but I’m trying to put that part of my life behind me and be better.

“So how am I supposed to do that being reminded of everything she did all the time? No matter where I go or what I do I’m reminded of it and all that she put me through. I didn’t ask for any of this! I would have been so much better off if I never found out I was a fictional character!”

Amy accepted his second rant as calmly as the first. “Rukelion, I’m glad you know you can’t kill people. And I’m not saying what Juliet did in your world was alright by any stretch of the imagination but she didn’t know she was causing a real person pain when she wrote a story.

“That much was done unintentionally. You need to accept that, difficult as it may be. Your existence didn’t happen maliciously. I can’t imagine how you must feel knowing you were predestined for something but you were able to make your own choices.

“Your choices now are what matter. You can choose not to be angry. To process your feelings then let them go. You don’t have to spend your whole life consumed by hatred for this woman who didn’t know what she was doing for the most part.

“Hating her won’t bring your family back, won’t undo your suffering, and won’t even hurt her. All it will do is hurt you and the people you care about. You have another chance here, Rukelion! Aren’t you willing to take it?”

Rukelion looked at her scornfully. “That’s why I’m here. But it isn’t so easy.”

“I never said it was. Letting go of anger can be one of the hardest things people ever do. But it is necessary if you want to live happily,” Amy said in a firm tone.

Of course he wanted to live happily! He wanted that more than anything! But he didn’t think that was possible as long as Juliet Gallagher existed and could continue to capitalize on his pain. That shouldn’t be allowed. It wasn’t fair!

“I knew I should have sued her,” Rukelion mumbled.

He had known she was working on something when he was staying with her based on a few phone conversations he heard half of between her and her editor but he never realized what it had been until he saw the poster advertising ‘the untold story of Rukelion Blaze’ in that store window.

It was highly tempting to call her and demand to know what she thought she was doing but he was afraid it would make him even more upset. He didn’t want to talk to her but she needed to know how abysmally stupid and selfish she had been by doing this after knowing how she ruined his life. How dare she? Where did she get the nerve?

“That won’t help anything, Rukelion,” Amy told him gently. “Taking action will only fuel further hatred. You’ve been so focused on revenge for so long that it’s your first instinct whenever someone crosses you but that isn’t how life works.

“People may hurt us but hurting them back never ends well. Think of what happened after you took your revenge on the king of Mirea. You weren’t satisfied, remember? You won’t be satisfied if you do anything to Juliet either.”

Rukelion couldn’t deny that he hadn’t been satisfied but that was primarily because he was retraumatized by seeing that abominable plant magic again and then seeing the king cry so pitifully. He hadn’t deserved to cry after what he did. Death was too good an end for him after that.

He hadn’t been satisfied being king either because it was so tied into guilt that he ended up king in the first place when that role was supposed to go to Georgios. Plus he was so busy he could hardly breathe and that made Daisy miserable.

Was there anything that could satisfy him? Or, like Amy often accused, would he spend the rest of his life chasing one goal after another without any end to it?

That sounded horrible to him. He had already wasted far too much time on that. But he couldn’t deny that there was some truth in her words. Most of his life had been spent chasing some goal or another without truly stopping to live.

Becoming powerful. Joining the Mirean Royal Army and moving up the ranks. Getting Daisy to fall in love with him. Accomplishing his revenge. Finding Daisy again. Making her fall in love with him a second time.

Having reached his most recent goal he was now working toward establishing himself in this world so he could help Daisy afford the land she wanted. And getting her to marry him again so they could have a proper family this time.

Would Rukelion truly be satisfied if he was able to do that or would there be something else unsettling him until it was done? There was the unfulfilled desire of wanting people to remember his homeland and family but he didn’t think that was even possible here. People didn’t think Katalya existed.

“Will I ever be satisfied?” he mumbled hopelessly. “Or are you right that I’ll be doomed to spend the rest of my life chasing after things that aren’t possible?”

Amy frowned. “What isn’t possible? At this point I would believe in anything.”

“I want people to remember my home. My family. When I became king I planned to initiate Katalyan customs…I was going to teach my children too. I never got the chance to do that and now I never will.

“I know it was selfish for me to chase after Daisy and leave all of my other obligations behind. That will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. I went so far to avenge them then didn’t even manage to do it properly.

“All I did was kill people involved in their deaths. I didn’t make their lives mean anything. I told Daisy all about it but she doesn’t remember that now.. There isn’t anyone who knows or cares about what I once loved but me.”