I’d Give Up The World For You - Chapter 233

Rukelion was determined not to let Daisy down a second time. If she thought he had any goodness in him at all, he was going to see it through to the end.

So as much as he hated therapy he went there more determined than ever to pull himself together a few days after he remarried his wife. Amy, shrewd as she was, knew something was up immediately.

“You seem different today. What’s going on?”

Unable to fully explain himself in that precise moment, he held up his left hand. She caught on immediately.

“Your ring moved. Did you get married again or did Daisy remember you?”

“Both,” Rukelion said happily. “She forgave me, Amy! She still loves me and doesn’t resent me for everything that happened. It was her idea. As soon as she got her memories back we went out and got married a few hours later.”

Amy’s eyes widened fractionally. “Wow. That’s really something, Rukelion! Good for you! How is she handling getting her memories back?”

“Well…”

Daisy had handled things almost too well at first. But in the past few days she had been sad and withdrawn a lot of the time and he knew she was thinking about things best left alone. Ira. The baby. All the responsibilities that had been left behind when her soul returned to her original body.

Things Rukelion hadn’t wanted her to worry about. Part of him had hoped she never got her memories back out of both fear that she wouldn’t forgive him and that she wouldn’t take it well.

Don’t get him wrong, he was very happy she remembered him and all the memories they had shared. The problem was that not all of them were good ones. He didn’t want her to suffer, especially remembering how terrible the last few months in his world had been.

He continued with a sigh. “…she acts like she’s fine but I think she’s worried about Ira and grieving the baby we lost. Ira’s very important to her. She raised him for five years and even after she moved to be closer to me they kept exchanging letters and visiting. He was there when she died so I’m willing to bet she’s concerned.

“I didn’t want to bring up the time difference between the two places but at this point it’s highly likely that Ira’s entire life has passed him by. Worrying about him is futile but I can’t say that to her.”

“You’re right. That would be insensitive,” Amy agreed. “This is a lot for her to take in. Give it time. If it seems like she’s struggling that much, she should go to therapy too. Her situation is nearly as unbelievable as yours but she could probably twist the truth more easily to seem realistic. I’d offer to help myself but I don’t see couples separately. It’s a conflict of interest.”

Rukelion frowned. That would be problematic. Daisy wouldn’t be able to get the help she needed if she couldn’t be honest either. Provided she even needed the help. She seemed rather familiar with therapy when she told him to go.

“I don’t want her to worry about these things. I want her to be happy.”

“I know. But we can’t always get what we want when it comes to other people. You should know that better than anyone,” Amy pointed out.

That was painfully true. Other people’s feelings couldn’t be controlled. He knew that all too well. Daisy had loved Ira as her own child. Losing him and the child she never got to meet at the same time was a devastating blow.

“I do,” he admitted begrudgingly.

“Who do you worry about that you left behind?” she asked, somewhat changing the subject. “You’ve mentioned before that you had friends and feel guilty leaving them the way you did.”

Rukelion looked down at his hands in shame. He did but the guilt was a drop in the bucket compared to the guilt he felt toward Daisy. He hardly thought about them even though he had left them in a real mess.

“I feel a certain degree of guilt toward Ira as well,” he confessed. “I never liked the kid. I felt like he was replacing me. He got to be with Daisy while I was gone and sometimes I worried about him taking her away from me before I realized how old she was and that she thought of him as her child.

“I grew to tolerate the idea of him over time, especially once she fell in love with me. I didn’t think it was likely he would be able to win her over then because she was mine. I always thought I’d meet him someday but not the way it happened.

“That was such a horrible day. I didn’t know what to think when Daisy recognized the intruders and told me not to hurt them. My instinct was to attack. And if I had…at least not the ones that immediately were horrified realizing who we were…none of this would have happened.

“We would all be alive and safe back in my world. It was my stupidity that caused all of this to happen. I should have gone with my gut and killed Juliet and her remaining coconspirators on sight for daring to commit treason.

“Ira and his friends did their best to protect Daisy and when she had her allergic reaction he tried valiantly to save her life even if it wasn’t enough. He wanted to be a doctor. I imagine seeing that happen only made him more determined. That was the sort of person he was…according to her at least.

“He wasn’t much older than I was when I lost my family and he watched his surrogate mother die. He had already lost his parents. But he would never turn to revenge the way I did. He was written to be the hero.

“I…as much as I hate to admit it, there are certain things Juliet was right about. Basic values and morality that making our own choices wouldn’t drastically change. He was created to be good so I don’t worry about him too much. Whatever happened to him, I want to believe he lived a good life. Even if he did miss Daisy.”

“What do you mean by basic values and morality not drastically changing despite making your own choices?” Amy asked.

Rukelion shrugged helplessly. “I may not have done all the things I was ‘supposed to’ do but that was only because of Daisy. As she pointed out to me a few days ago, I’m still too calculating for my own good. That says ‘villain’ to me.

“Ira’s instinct after losing people is to heal. Mine is to destroy. We both operate within the general framework we were created to even though the story supposedly got thrown off track because of Daisy’s arrival in that world. How did that happen, anyway? She earned the love of both the villain and the hero. I suppose it’s because she’s irresistible.”

“Don’t put yourself into a box like that, Rukelion,” Amy chided. “You don’t have to be what you were created to be. You’ve already proven that you’re capable of change by being here and making an effort to let go of your hatred.”

It was difficult not to. He knew he had done a lot of horrible things. Things that hurt the one person he loved.

“I know what I am. I’m selfish and I’ll do anything to get what I want even if it means mowing down anyone in my way. I told myself I didn’t care if I had to become a monster to get my revenge and that was exactly what happened.

“I killed people and enjoyed it. I left my wife alone, putting her on the back burner without realizing that was the cruelest thing I could have done to her given her history. I left my best friend to deal with cleaning up after me alone.

“Daisy thinks there is goodness in me but she doesn’t seem to realize she’s the only one I’m like that around. Clearly, I don’t care about anyone else or I wouldn’t have done the things I did. I’m terrible.”

“Your best friend…Conrad, right?” Amy prompted.

Rukelion sighed. He preferred not to think of Conrad. Whenever he did it made his insides twist with guilt.

The best friend who shouldn’t have been his best friend. The pawn who had grown on him like a weed. The partner who ended up shouldering too much responsibility in the end because of his weakness.

“He may have been my best friend but I was never his,” he said heavily. “At least…not the kind I should have been. You know I only approached him to be my lieutenant because I had saved his life and knew he would follow me anywhere. I needed someone like that.

“He helped me with all of my plans…recruitment…intelligence…everything. If I needed something done, he did it. He actually cared about me. That’s the worst part.. Because knowing him I doubt he blames me for leaving him behind to deal with everything.”