I’d Give Up The World For You - Chapter 243

Daisy had been thrilled to finally accomplish her dream after so many years of waiting. She had land to call her own and wasn’t working herself to the bone the way she had been on the farm. She was able to pick and choose what she wanted to grow too.

She thought the change of pace was positive for everyone in her family after keeping a close eye on them. Rukelion seemed to be doing better for a while but he was still overly anxious about everyone’s safety.

She wondered if that would ever let up until he started preparing to teach Roselia fire magic. That seemed to distract him sufficiently.

All this time she had hoped he would be able to get himself a hobby but it seemed that this had been what he needed to calm down a little. A goal-oriented man like him would never be satisfied living a slow and boring life even if he seemed fine on the surface.

Rukelion seemed happy being with them in Florida but he remained restless. Daisy knew his only joy came from his family but she worried about him after accomplishing his goal of helping her get the land she dreamed of.

His happiness was incomplete because of his restless nature. As much as he claimed he wanted to live peacefully she knew that wouldn’t be possible as long as he was always tensing himself for battle. Even if that battle was something as simple as stopping Landon from tripping over his sister’s scooter in the split second before it happened.

He didn’t seem so restless now that he had a new goal: teaching the kids how to be fire mages. That was all well and good but what about when that was done?

It would take him quite a while. Roselia was the only one old enough for that right now and the twins were only a year old. But what about later? What would he have to drive him forward then?

Daisy had kept a sharp eye on him all these years. The kids would never realize how anxious he truly was because he never showed it in front of them. She was the lucky one who had to deal with that behind closed doors.

She couldn’t even keep track of the number of times she had to fight for her kids’ rights to be kids and risk injury doing things as simple as climbing rocks when they went hiking. And whenever they did he was never far behind, watching them like a hawk waiting to swoop in.

It was hard seeing Rukelion like this. She loved him. Her greatest wish was that he would finally be able to relax and enjoy life.

Adapting to his world hadn’t taken nearly this much of a toll on her. In a way things had relaxed. Become simpler, if more inconvenient. But for someone like him whose intensity burned with the force of a thousand suns, going from simpler to more complex made him more hypervigilant than ever.

Daisy knew he was happy but didn’t think he would ever be at peace and that broke her heart. After everything her poor husband had endured he deserved that much.

He would never admit he was struggling. That was the kind of person he was. But she knew him after so many years together and could tell when he was more anxious than he let on. There weren’t any real secrets between them anymore but he still didn’t like talking about his negative emotions. He never had and she doubted that would change.

“Rukelion, do you ever regret coming here?” she asked one night as they lay on a blanket on the grass in the front yard looking up at the stars after the kids were asleep.

He sat up and looked down at her with an indignant expression. “Not for a single second! Why would you ask something like that?”

“You seem happy but you don’t seem at peace. I wonder sometimes if you would be more at peace if we had stayed in your world. There are less imminent threats there for children. You wouldn’t have to worry so much.”

Rukelion scoffed. “Please. That doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

“Then it’s solely because you’re afraid of losing anyone else,” she surmised. “Still? After so many years of all of us being safe?”

“Yes…I don’t think that’s ever going to go away. If I lost a single one of you, I wouldn’t be able to survive it. So I can’t let that happen. I’ve done a pretty good job so far, I think.”

Daisy couldn’t deny that. She managed to stop the worst of his helicopter tendencies so the kids wouldn’t resent him later and they were still able to have full childhoods where they didn’t miss out on anything but whatever he could control he did.

“Yeah but you do realize you won’t be able to control every variable forever. They’re going to have their own lives someday and I won’t let you stop them from leaving the nest when the time comes.”

Rukelion sighed heavily. “I don’t even want to think about that. My siblings never got that far. Every day our children are alive longer than they were will be a victory.”

She hadn’t realized he felt that way. All of their kids were still under eight, the age his little sister had been when she was killed. Would he truly mellow out with time as he gained more victories against the clock? She sincerely hoped so.

His oldest brother had been nearly eighteen though. That would probably make the age that children traditionally set off into the world extra difficult for him. She wasn’t looking forward to having to talk him down when the time came.

If their kids wanted to go far away for college she wasn’t about to stop them. That would be their choice to make.

Daisy laid a hand on top of his. “I understand. But I don’t want you to live your whole life on edge waiting for something terrible to happen. I want you to be able to relax and enjoy yourself.”

“I do enjoy myself!” Rukelion protested.

“Maybe but you don’t relax. Remember how you didn’t get any sleep when the kids were babies because you checked on them constantly throughout the night?”

“…yes.”

“Don’t think I don’t know you still check on them whenever your nightmares wake you up. I’ve seen you do it, waking up myself because you weren’t holding me anymore. If nothing else, you deserve to get a good night’s sleep. You work so hard for us but what do you do for you?”

He scowled. “We’ve been over this, Daisy. I don’t need anything ‘for me.’ The five of you are all I need.”

There was nothing inherently wrong with being a homebody but the only thing he did for himself was teaching magic. Once that was gone…or worse…once the kids left the house…he would have nothing stopping him from giving into the anxiety.

Daisy really, really dreaded that. She could barely handle his freaking out now. What was she supposed to do later when it was so much worse? They could hardly go on dates without him texting the babysitter every five minutes.

“You know what I need?” she asked crossly. “Your undivided attention on the rare occasions we’re actually able to go do something fun by ourselves. You’re too busy worrying about the kids to enjoy yourself—don’t deny it! You’re only satisfied when you know exactly where they are and what they’re doing, preferably within your line of sight.”

Rukelion looked thoroughly abashed. “I’m sorry, Daisy. I didn’t realize you weren’t getting enough attention.”

It wasn’t about her not getting enough attention! Though that was admittedly annoying too. He gave her plenty of love when they were at home but being in public was another matter entirely.

Back when it was just the two of them he didn’t mind going out so much. He could protect one person from walking too close to the middle of the parking lot and other such things perfectly fine. But he spent most of their family outings scanning for potential threats and taking matters into his own hands rather than having fun.

And when they went on dates he was constantly on his phone wanting updates from the babysitter. The kids were fine! Didn’t he ever want a break from them like every other parent on earth?!

“I’m more worried about you than I am about me,” she said coolly. “The kids can’t tell you’re more focused on preventing danger than having fun with us but I can. I hate seeing you like this, Rukelion. You need to get a hold of yourself. Go back to therapy for your separation anxiety. I’m serious.”

His shoulders curled forward. “…do I have to?”

“Yes!”

Daisy didn’t want to threaten him with anything because that would make the situation so much worse but she was getting pretty fed up.. She understood where he was coming from but after so many years of therapy he really should be better at controlling himself than this.