I’d Give Up The World For You - Chapter 249

Rukelion knew the kids loved him. What he didn’t understand why was Roselia seemed to be every bit accepting of his sins as her mother.

“She said a lot of the same things you do,” he mumbled in confusion. “Why would she do that?”

“Like what?” Daisy asked.

“Saying I was good because I made good choices and turned my life around. The sort of thing you tell me all the time. She also specifically said I wasn’t a villain. It’s hard to believe when it’s only coming from one person but when it’s coming from two…”

“It’s harder to ignore, isn’t it? Rosie and I aren’t the only ones who think so either. Anyone who knows you would agree. Can you finally understand what I’ve been telling you all this time?”

Rukelion might be starting to. He had turned his life around. He chose love instead of hatred and was raising four beautiful, happy, healthy children. He was able to honor his homeland and his family without hurting anyone now too.

It didn’t change what he had lost or what he had done. But these days he had a lot to be grateful for.

People were capable of change. He hadn’t wanted to believe that could apply to him since he still felt like the same person he had always been aside from being a lot less angry. He knew he would do anything for the sake of the ones he loved even if it was “bad.” Because of that he hadn’t stopped to think about the good things he had done much.

He had done a lot of terrible things to get where he was today. But he had done a lot of wonderful things too. That was why his daughter was willing to accept him even after reading about his past.

In her mind the good overshadowed the bad. Daisy thought the same.

Rukelion had always believed things were the other way around. That no matter how much good he did it couldn’t make up for everything else.

It had been twenty-eight years since the tragedy that took everything from him and sent him down a road he now regretted. Eight of them had been spent selfishly and hatefully. Many more had been spent trying to heal and atone for what he did so he would be what his wife and children needed.

But what about after? He knew he wasn’t perfect—far from it—but he hadn’t stopped to think about how many years he had been a decent person because of all the overlap with the ones he spent trying to improve himself.

How long had it been? How long had he been more good than bad? He honestly didn’t know since it had happened so gradually he hadn’t noticed it.

“I think I do,” Rukelion said quietly, overcome with emotion.

Daisy smiled and kissed him in the darkness before caressing his face. “You’re a good man, Rukelion Blaze. Everyone else can see it but you. I’m really proud of you, you know. You’ve come a very long way.”

He truly had. Reflecting back on it, he wasn’t the person he had been at fifteen, nineteen, twenty-one, twenty-six, or so on. Learning and growing was an ongoing process.

Rukelion wasn’t consumed by hatred or guilt or anxiety the way he had been before. He would always have bad days but didn’t everyone? He should really stop being so hard on himself.

He had people who believed in him. He had people who loved him. Perhaps the time had come to forget the rest and accept that he was truly part of this world now rather than a villain from a novel. Anywhere Daisy was felt like home because SHE was his home and had been since he was twelve years old but that wasn’t the same.

Getting used to this world because it was where she and their children were wasn’t the same as actually living in it. He only left the house when he absolutely had to for the sake of his family. His anxiety had prevented him from wanting to do anything for himself.

All this time he had been trying to be less selfish but he was aware enough to know that being a little selfish wasn’t considered bad here. It was called self-care.

What would that even look like for him? Rukelion hadn’t spent nearly enough time trying to figure out what he liked to do personally after trying and failing to find a hobby so many years ago.

The volunteer fire department hadn’t been a hobby. It had been penance. Finding another one here wouldn’t help him. But perhaps he could finally accept some of the invitations men he knew through his children occasionally gave out to do something as a group to see if that was something he might enjoy.

Daisy had friends. The woman who owned the nearby nursery. Moms of other kids on the twins’ sports teams. Coworkers. She hung out with them occasionally though she too preferred being with their family over others.

She had wanted the same for him but after realizing how terrible a friend he had been before he hadn’t bothered to try again. Conrad had been a fluke anyway. They were only friends because he pushed for it and their relationship had never been even.

Conrad had annoyed him frequently but sometimes Rukelion missed him. That missing was tied up in guilt so he had tried not to think about it much.

There would never be another Conrad but he could probably find people he didn’t mind doing things with if nothing else. He had been here long enough that he knew how this world worked and could pretend he was from here like everyone else. His cover story was that he was from Cincinnati and he lived there for several years so talking about it wouldn’t be a problem.

Maybe the time had finally come to move on. Conrad wouldn’t mind. He had frequently mentioned he wanted Rukelion to be happy. He was an unselfish friend. A good friend. And Rukelion should have never taken him for granted.

If he ever found someone else who cared about him like that outside of his family, he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice. It wasn’t too late. He still had an awful lot of life left to live.

Daisy had tried warning him to have a life outside the kids several times over the years because they wouldn’t always be here. Roselia would be starting high school next year. He was running out of time.

Rukelion needed to establish himself in this world outside of his family before they all left or he truly would lose his mind when they did. He finally understood what his wife had been trying to tell him. He needed to try harder.

Relating to other people wasn’t as difficult as it had been before since he had been a parent for so long. He could talk about his kids to other parents.

He had already done it in small doses over the years. He could do it more. It wouldn’t be the end of the world even if socializing wasn’t his favorite thing. It was a necessary evil when you had kids so all he needed to do was crank it up a notch.

So the next time someone asked him to do something he said yes. Daisy was so proud of him he thought she might burst but it really wasn’t that big of a deal. He didn’t like being away from his family and dealing with others but his separation anxiety wasn’t anything like it once was. That was a hurdle he had largely surpassed.

Rukelion focused on accepting invitations out whenever he got them and eventually he found someone he didn’t mind spending time with. A former Marine who invited him to hang out with some of his buddies who had been on his squad.

Though the military here was different, some things were universal. He felt more at ease with them than he had with other men in a long time.

Since he was older now people would believe he had served his time as an officer and gotten out so he was able to be a bit more truthful with them. Sometimes he even felt like he was back with the Silver Wolves.

Daisy was proud of him. And he had a feeling that if Conrad could see him now he would be too.

Rukelion was establishing roots here. Ones he could hold onto when his children were grown. His children, who all learned the truth about him over time and loved him anyway just like Daisy and Roselia did. Who all thought he was a good person despite it.

Gaining everyone’s acceptance was the final puzzle piece it took to forgive himself. The past may have helped shape who he was but it didn’t control him anymore. He was Rukelion Blaze: statistician, husband, and father of four. Being a prince of Katalya, an officer in the Royal Army, and the king of Katalya and Mirea seemed so far away now.

He wasn’t the best person in the world but he was far from the worst. He may have originally been a fictional character with a grim destiny but he had burned that to the ground and become his own person. He gave up that world and got so much more in return.

After so many years of struggle and heartache Rukelion was finally at peace. He didn’t think his family or the citizens of Katalya would resent him for it anymore. If anything, wherever they were, they would be happy for him too.

His living on allowed their memories to stay alive. He had done his best for them and didn’t owe them anything more than that. He had a duty to himself too and was able to figure that out so many years later.

Revenge never satisfied him the way letting things go did. Moving on was a long and painful process but looking back didn’t hurt him anymore. He was alive. He was happy.

And looking at his wife and children laughing together as they tried (and failed) to build a giant sandcastle next to him, his heart was full.. He had the thought that he was the luckiest man in the world and in that moment he wasn’t wrong.