I’d Like to Change My Reincarnation Subscription, Please - Chapter 184

Meanwhile, as the mannequin madness is mounting, Mark and Miss Calculated amble out of 23’s way when it reaches the clear space around the elevators.

23 brings the decommissioned bot over near the boomerang pile, gingerly setting it down so it is sitting upright next to another inactive bot, which is missing an arm. Behind the two inactive bots is a modestly measured mound of a motley mix of miscellaneous machine materials in myriad magnitudes of mottled marring.

At least, they’re ruined by wealthy people’s standards. Miss Calculated began eyeing the collection hungrily once she noticed it, as her eyes were previously fixed on the robot in 23’s arms without paying any attention to anything else.

Once 23 is satisfied with the inert bot’s placement, it stands fully upright while rotating its head to face Miss Calculated.

“Correct, Mary. It appears to be a WE6127 comprised entirely of authentic proprietary components. Judging by its condition, I believe its core is most likely still intact. Presumably, it outlasted its parts availability, rather than it becoming inoperable.” While 23 gives its evaluation, Miss Calculated has her hands clasped together in front of her chest. With widened eyes and an off-kilter smile, her entire body is trembling slightly from barely repressed excitement.

Mark looks at the rusty robot and makes a thoughtful hum.

“Oh, that thing? Goodness, that was one of the first bots I purchased in full, instead of just renting. If I remember right, that model’s line was discontinued something like 2 or 3 years before its warranty ended. Only a few months after the warranty was up the repairman said ordering the parts was more expensive than it’s worth, so I should just invest in a new one.” Mark has a soft expression as he recollects and passes on this info.

Miss Calculated similarly had a soft expression, up until he mentioned investing in a new one.

“It looks like it’s in such good shape though? There are plenty of third-party alternatives for any of the parts that suffer from daily wear-and-tear… Some of which were even better than the first party ones, anyway. Oh no. No, no, no. Don’t tell me your usual maintenance staff also sell complete units..?” Once Miss Calculated realizes the unimaginable, she turns to look at Mark with her face twisted in horror.

“Huh? Of course. They always have maintenance packages when buying a unit. Even after the warranty runs out, it’s easier to just keep bringing them in for repairs to the same place, since they already have all the previous records on file and such anyway. They even give me discounts for being a longtime customer, and they often throw in extra bonuses on bulk orders..?” Mark has an uncertain tone as he trails off at the end, and seems mildly confused by her questions.

“…And they always use first-party proprietary parts for everything? Every single fuse, battery, servo… Everything down to the very bolts?” Miss Calculated’s expression is a fusion of disbelief mixed with pleading for it to not be true.

“…Yes? You know it’s going to be reliable that way, and that the bot won’t have any problems during operation..?” Mark’s look of confusion grows while answering, as he genuinely doesn’t see where the problem lies.

Miss Calculated grabs her head with both hands as she leans forward for a moment. She takes a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. But, it is futile; she cracks, beginning to loudly rant at a high speed.

“THAT’S SO MANY RED FLAGS THAT IT’S A DAMN BANNER! THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE CALLED CONS R US AND YET YOU JUMPED IN WITH BOTH FEET!? YOU PROBABLY SINGLE-HANDEDLY FUND THEIR ENTIRE OPERATION!” As Miss Calculated starts winding up, Mark’s eyes narrow.

“HOW ARE YOU STILL IN BUSINESS AFTER FALLING FOR SUCH OBVIOUS SCAMS!? DISCOUNTS!? DISCOUNTS!? MY ASS! 10% OFF SOMETHING WITH TRIPLE MARKUP HARDLY COUNTS AS A DISCOUNT! YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW SALES PROMOTIONS WORK, HOW CAN YOU FALL FOR IT!?” Miss Calculated lets go of her head briefly to wave her hands around for emphasis.

Lucas, Jonathan, Willy, and 23 are all looking at Miss Calculated as she vehemently scolds Mark, but Miss Chievous and Miss Masher are staring at Mark to gauge his reaction.

Mark’s diva mode is online and fully operational. There is no mistaking his offended expression of ‘how DARE you speak to me like that,’ even with the mask covering part of it. He at least seems to be warring with himself a bit; if someone less… useful was behaving in this manner, they’d probably already be dead.

Miss Masher is not okay with Mark’s body language, rolling her shoulder as she starts walking over with a deadly serious expression.

Miss Chievous’s eyes narrow and she brings her right hand around to her lower back, starting to reach up her shirt while circling around towards Mark from a different angle.

Jonathan spies with his little eye a horizontal Viblade sheath.

[Oh dear. You and Jonathan may need to pick a side, and fast.]

‘Wait, what? Oh, fuuuck.’

“I BET THEY INSIST EVERY SINGLE UNIT NEEDS REGULAR MAINTENANCE ON A MONTHLY SCHEDULE, AND TO REPLACE EVERY PART AS SOON AS THERE IS VISIBLE WEAR, TOO! AND THEY PROBABLY KEPT THE OLD PARTS TO ‘REFURBISH’ THEM EVERY THEY DID! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU THAT THEY REFURBISHED SOME OF YOUR OLD BOTS, WHICH THEY CONVINCED YOU TO TRADE-IN FOR A SUPPOSED UPGRADE, AT SOME SUPPOSED DISCOUNT, AND SOLD IT BACK TO YOU AT FULL PRICE AS THE NEXT TRADE-IN!” Miss Calculated manages a gasp for air between bursts of her disgruntled high-volume lecture.

Mark’s face stiffens a bit, seeming to now be taken aback in a different way. At least he’s actually listening to what she’s saying, and processing what exactly it means.

Miss Masher and Miss Chievous are still approaching him, but not projecting quite as hostile of body language, now that his glare no longer resembles what he looks like when winding up to use his power.

“I COULD BUILD A BOT ENTIRELY OUT OF YOUR OLD REPLACED PARTS AND IT WOULD BE JUST AS GOOD AS ANYTHING CURRENTLY NEW ON THE MARKET! YOU’VE PROBABLY WASTED SO MUCH MONEY ON UNNECESSARY SERVICE FEES ALONE THAT YOU COULD HAVE BOUGHT TWICE AS MANY BOTS AS YOU CURRENTLY OWN!” By the time Miss Calculated finishes her breakdown, she is completely out of breath. Gripping her head with both hands in a clawed vice, her unfocused eyes are turned downward as she pants heavily.

While Mark is certainly still mad, at least it’s no longer heatedly directed at Miss Calculated. At least, not like earlier.

“Don’t you dare EVER take that tone with me again. It can’t possibly be THAT bad… There’s no way they’d be able to keep it up this long. And, it’s not like I’m their only customer, either…” Mark’s brows are furrowed and he crosses his arms in a huff as he denies reality.

Miss Calculated holds her forehead with one hand, closing her eyes tightly as she takes a few deep breaths. Once she opens her eyes again, she lowers her hand and looks up at his face directly.

“But of course they could keep it up this long, with you throwing so much money at them! They probably manage to con even more people by advertising the fact that you depend on them! If they have you swapping bots frequently enough, they might not have even really been doing regular maintenance at all! They could get away with only doing it when something specific needed it, or when doing the full refurbishing on the ones you traded in! They probably just give them a spitshine every time you drop them off, and pick a random part to say they had to replace! One or two small parts each for every bot you operate, every month? That’s not just nickel and diming, I’m talking millions of dollars per year of skimmed funds, and all they have to do is print a receipt!” Miss Calculated has a pleading tone while Mark stares at her with narrowed eyes.

Miss Masher and Miss Chievous are now standing next to Miss Calculated’s sides, each of them putting a hand on her nearest shoulder. Miss Chievous is looking at Miss Calculated, while Miss Masher is still closely observing Mark.

Miss Chievous shakes Miss Calculated slightly, giving her a warning look when she glances at her.

“Sorry about Mary, she bottles up too much, and technology is her biggest trigger, doubly so when money is involved. But… She’s rarely wrong. You… might want to look into it.” While Miss Chievous is being uncharacteristically diplomatic, Miss Calculated swallows and slowly pales with horror as she starts to process what she just did in her fit of impoverished nerd rage.

—–

Lucas’s total kills: 7

Lucas’s total deaths: 11

Lucas’s total assists: 1

Lucas’s current GDV: 17.38

Lucas’s fame level: 6.0* (Local fame is completely maxed, he’s creeping up on minor celebrity status even on a global scale. Thanks, internet.)

Lucas’s hero suspicion level: 2.0*

Jonathan’s total kills: 7

Jonathan’s total deaths: 2

Jonathan’s current GDV: 6.07

Jonathan’s fame level: 4.0* (Local fame is near-max, but everyone thinks of him via his affiliation with Lucas, and not often just for him, alone.)

Jonathan’s hero suspicion level: 2.5*

Willy’s fame level: 4.5* (With how popular he’s become, it’s only a matter of time before people start realizing just how smart he is.)

Mr. Quacks’s fame level: 5.0* (His local and global fame are nearly even, he’s a full-blown internet sensation.)

Supervillain social circle size: 15

—–

Little character theater:

Jonathan, staying completely silent as he watched all of this transpire: ‘Oh shit. I don’t even want to know what the aftermath would be like after stabbing Mark, even with knowing that a rollback would probably help…’

Willy is quietly making himself as small as physically possible off to the side with his tail between his legs as he looks back and forth between Miss Calculated and Mark.

Lucas, arms crossed while also closely watching Mark in case he looks like he’s about to take things too far: ‘You know, didn’t you say MARK was the one to watch out for, in case he blows up?’

427, staying quiet for a few moments, then artificially replicating the sound of clearing his theoretical throat: [Well, you’ve already seen her rage before, and as Miss Chievous said, she has very specific triggers… But yes, that could have gotten ugly.]

Author, looking at the abandoned poor, unfortunate, George: Whelp, guess the fun was taken out of that joke. Sorry, buddy.

Mr.. Quacks, balanced on top of Miss Chievous’s hand that is on Miss Calculated’s shoulder, helping them calm down with his mere presence: Quack.