I’d Like to Change My Reincarnation Subscription, Please - Chapter 215

After waiting a few moments to let Lucas compose himself post exhausting phone call, Miss Calculated walks over, entering into comfortable conversational range with him.

“You have ‘an in with Calc,’ hmm?” she asks with a raised eyebrow and an alarmingly polite smile.

‘Ah shit, did I insinuate something again?’

[Hrmm, not quite. But it was fairly brazen of you. At least you openly said it in front of her, instead of trying to be covert, yet still overheard by one of them.]

‘Eh?’

“Ah, er, if you’re not cool with me sayin’ that, I won’t do it again. Sorry? I just figured that normally you wouldn’t bother lookin’ over random loans, ‘specially when it’s so…” Even Lucas manages to realize that casually calling thirty thousand dollars a small amount in front of her would probably seem pretty rude. Just not soon enough to stop his lead-up for it.

Miss Calculated’s smile softens into a more genuine one, a trace of amusement flickering across her face.

“Small? I already saw you drop far more than that on 23 without even flinching, even if it was at a significant discount. Also how you agreed to spend even more than that on monthly rent with Mind Flare. I understand you genuinely feel that way, and aren’t just trying to show off, so don’t worry. And I’m not mad, only… a little surprised.” Upon Miss Calculated trailing off, Miss Chievous stops sipping her liquid calories so she can shout from her location of lazily leaning against a part of the counter that is somehow still standing.

“She means that took some serious balls, you oaf.” Miss Chievous’s ‘translation’ makes Miss Masher snort, though she doesn’t bother to look up from her phone.

Miss Calculated chokes back a laugh, but her smile grows and she doesn’t make any attempts to deny it.

They’re at least noisy enough that Lucas couldn’t hear Jon’s stifled laugh, or his pseudo-grounded status probably would have grown. No, not probably, definitely.

“Tch, oaf my ass,” Lucas grumbles while crossing his arms in a bit of a huff, pointedly keeping his attention on Miss Calculated without giving Miss Chievous so much as a glance.

‘Uh, but why though?’

[…How many people do you think can casually say they could make Miss Calculated drop whatever she’s in the middle of working on just to go over their non-urgent paperwork? All without Miss Masher slapping the grin right off of their face, quite literally?]

‘Er…’

[Exactly. Even if that’s not how you intended it, that’s how someone could interpret it. Thankfully, they have interacted with you enough to know that wasn’t at all what you were insinuating.]

After a brief moment of composing herself post-joke, Miss Calculated elaborates further for a certain oaf’s sake.

“But, you are right, most people wouldn’t be willing to pay the fees it would take for me to stop what I’m doing and go over their loan. Particularly because the person borrowing the money would benefit the most, yet they aren’t in the position to pay for extra services if they’re desperate enough to borrow money from a loan shark in the first place. Just getting it stamped at the MCAC is already more validation than most people bother to do.” Miss Calculated sighs and shakes her head before continuing.

“And you’re also right that I’d be perfectly willing to go over it for you. I assume you want me to manage the accounting for it, as well? It’s going to be rather straightforward math, so it should be a relatively low effort to take care of. Assuming I heard you correctly, the free drinks and snacks we’ll be getting whenever we visit MFs should be more than worth it, considering how simple it will be to do.” While Miss Calculated’s word choice is agreeable, her expression isn’t particularly enthusiastic.

‘…She doesn’t look all that happy about it, though?’

[It’s hardly a proud moment to accept being at someone’s beck and call. You’ve already thrown more than enough money around in front of them to make it clear that being on your good side would be profitable for them. You’ve also helped establish some major social connections for them today, as well. She would probably feel too guilty to turn down any simple requests from you, short of you greatly overstepping yourself.]

‘OH! I figured that since bein’ nice is hardly the norm here, people would just tell each other to piss off if they asked for too much! Fuck, just how many things did I ask of her so far today!?’

[Quite a lot, and then there’s also Mind Flares’s business on top of it… Meanwhile, she probably wants nothing more than to just focus on 23 and Willy.]

‘Shit, I gotta clear that up.’

“Hey, Imma pay you for your time too, don’t sell yourself short, yeah? I figured you’d get like a 10% cut out of the profits for helpin’. But, yeah, If you could keep track of it all, I’d super appreciate it. An’ I know ya got a lot on your plate, so if I ever ask for too much, feel free to just tell me to go fuck myself. Like, seriously. Or when it’s just not a good time to ask right then or somethin’, too.” With Lucas’s clarification, Miss Calculated looks pleasantly surprised. So much so that she seems a bit taken aback by the level of generosity behind the financial offering.

When he openly gives her permission to tell him where he can stick it, she’s so caught off guard that she can’t stop a snerk from sneaking out.

Miss Chievous nearly does a latte spit take.

Miss Masher, however, is grinning at Lucas.

“Oh, should we make it that they need to borrow even more then?” Miss Masher’s tone and expression are rife with downright hazardous levels of trouble.

“Woah, woah, woah. I’d rather keep the goodwill, an’ maybe even build up a decent reputation for loanin’ out money. ‘Sides, the perks are better than the actual cash. How great’ll it be when a bot sees one of us comin’ and it just starts makin’ our favorite order in advance, and we don’t even need to get in line to get it? Fuck, if the bot network reaches out far enough, imagine havin’ ‘em report when fresh batches of cakes and shit are comin’ out of the oven?” At first, when Lucas put the kibosh on the profitable pounding of property, Miss Masher looked a bit disappointed.

However, when he points out the prospective snack express services, she lights right back up again and nods along.

“Okay, yeah, fair. Bein’ on the owner’s good side means he might even keep it goin’ once the loan is paid back, too. Assumin’ he doesn’t get comfy and just borrow even more. You guys’ve been gettin’ enough attention that word should spread pretty quick about ya doin’ reasonable loans that are even Calc certified to boot. Eventually, it’ll be way better than just tryin’ to milk one guy as much as possible.” As Miss Masher says this, it’s Lucas’s turn to nod along.

“Yeah, exactly. Oh yeah, speakin’ of cakes, did ya wanna bring anything with you to Floralanche? As much as I wanna be a fatass and say it’s all mine, me and Jon do NOT need that much sugar.” Once Lucas is done saying this, Jonathan’s disappointed groan is cut short when 23 hands him his mocha.

At the same time, 23 also gives Willy a small cup full of whipped cream, promptly earning a happy bark and a wagging tail in thanks.

Lucas, however, frowns slightly when he sees the drink in Jon’s hands.

“Hey, what’s in that!? Don’t think I haven’t noticed you constantly trying to get your hands on ungodly amounts of caffeine!” Lucas even manages a convincingly stern tone while shouting this.

Rather than answering, Jonathan starts drinking it while hunched forward a bit, still crouched low to the ground next to Willy.

23 turns towards Lucas to answer on his behalf, though.

“It only has a single shot of espresso. But, yes, he tried asking for a quad.”

“JONATHAN! What the hell!? You weigh like three pounds soaking wet, are you trying to make your heart beat at superspeed when you don’t even have your powers active!? Tch, I guess you can have it, since it’s just one.” Upon Lucas yelling Jonathan’s name at him, Jonathan visibly trembles and stops drinking, hunching forward further.

“N-no… I-I… um, j-just…” Jonathan is barely audible, and even his mumbling trails off as he starts fidgetting with the cup.

Miss Chievous had made a taunting “Ooooh” at first when he was getting yelled at, enjoying the schadenfreude. However, once she realizes just how strong his stress response is, she and her sisters all choke back what amusement they were expressing.

Miss Calculated’s expression softens quite a bit, as she had previously turned to face him when he started speaking…ish. Making sounds that could vaguely be considered verbal communication.

“Hmm, let me guess. Considering how visibly malnourished you are, I’d say that the only times you felt like you had any real energy is when you were fueled by caffeine? That would certainly be an understandable reason to subconsciously value it highly.” When Miss Calculated makes this suggestion, Jonathan blinks a few times, scrunching his eyebrows together.

“Y-yeah… That’s… probably right?” While Jonathan’s tone is hardly confident, his notably diminished physical fretting is at least an improvement.

Lucas sighs and hangs his head, slumping forward a bit.

“Haah, our grocery bills are going to be insane. We really can’t keep goin’ out to eat all the time, sheesh. But, yeah, seriously kiddo, we gotta fatten you up. I know ya need some time to adjust to yer knew lifestyle, but, we gotta get you off caffeine. Eh, you’d have miserable headaches for days if you quit cold turkey, so we’ll need to wean you off of it, all slow like. Try an’ leave it as an in case of emergency thing in the future though, yeah?” Lucas straightened back up again while saying this, directly looking at Jonathan from across the room the whole time he was talking.

Jonathan’s expression brightens significantly and he makes a cheerful “Kay!” before resuming his beverage consumption.

—–

Lucas’s total kills:

Lucas’s total deaths: 12

Lucas’s total assists: 1

Lucas’s current GDV: 20.34 [+.01 +.01 +.01 +.1 +.1 +.1 +.01 +.01 +.01 +.01 +.01 +.01 +.1 = +.49 net change]

Lucas’s fame level: 7.0* [The VoDs of the stream are starting to circulate, just not enough to move the needle, yet.]

Lucas’s hero suspicion level: 1.0*

Jonathan’s total kills: 8

Jonathan’s total deaths: 4

Jonathan’s current GDV: 8.11 [+.01 net change]

Jonathan’s fame level: 5.5*

Jonathan’s hero suspicion level: 1.5*

Willy’s fame level: 5.5*

Mr. Quacks’s fame level: 6.0*

Supervillain social circle size: 16

—–

Little character theater:

Jonathan is absolutely demolishing that poor mocha.

Willy is holding his cup pinned in place between his front paws, his long scrawny snoot covered in almost as much whipped cream as he’s actually managed to eat so far: BARK!

Lucas, belatedly realizing that having more meals at home involves actually cooking them, regularly and often: Ah, damnit.

427, distracted by the updated GDV total: [‘We haven’t even had a chance to talk about what he earned from that last task yet, and he’s already earned another enhancement point? This is going to be a long conversation on the way to Pie Palace, isn’t it?’]

Author, frowning at the GDV math: I legit didn’t plan on him breaking 20 yet, oops. Good thing his next few powers are already planned out! Don’t give me that look, it’s not gonna be railroaded, sheesh! I already accounted for some of them being interchangeable depending on when the GDV ticks over! It all depends on him! Him I say!

Mr. Quacks and Quackette are helping ‘dispose’ of some of the glass-enhanced baked goods that didn’t pass the bot’s stringent anti-glass examination: Quack!