If I Can’t Be Your Wife - Chapter 63

Alexis crossed over to Kathleen, who opened the box and was looking at the clothes. Even though he already told her to leave it to the maid to clean up, she pretended not to hear. As if to make sure that the contents were really bought for her.

“It’s been a long time since I bought them all.”

“I know.”

I don’t know if she’s angry or not.

Alexis said, grabbing Luci, as she continued to rummage through the pile of clothes.

“They’re all things to throw away, so there’s no need to organize them.”

Then Kathleen, who closed the box, turned around.

“Why are you talking about throwing them away?”

“Because they’re old. They’re not new, so there’s no need to keep them.”

“They’re mine. Whatever I want to do with them is what matters, right?”

“……That’s true, but…”

There was no reason why he couldn’t give her what he had prepared for her anyway, but he didn’t want her to wear old clothes. He thought that it would be better to order a new one from the place where they had the robes fitted last time.

‘I also need to prepare things for the child.’

Alexis thought as he grabbed the fussing Luci and sat him on his lap. According to the oracle, there will be sporadic earthquakes after the emperor’s death. That was why he had to make arrangements for Kathleen, and now the child, to stay in a safe place.

“By the way, Duke. Why did you prepare clothes for each local estate?”

He was momentarily speechless at the unanticipated question, but he quickly made an excuse.

“Because you will need them when you tour the territory.”

“You were planning on taking me too?”

“… I thought that once you got used to managing this mansion in Meyer, the time would come when you would have to take care of managing the estates as well.”

Now that there was an absolute shortage of male descendants, if his life was in danger after the death of the emperor, there was a high possibility that an earthquake would occur even in Meyer, so he was preparing to evacuate to the local estates as much as he could.

If he were to be honest, Alexis wasn’t sure if Kathleen wouldn’t leave after hearing this.

She trusted Peter more than him. If he ever wants to invade the Imperial Palace and destroy the Emperor and Empress, he has to face Peter, but it was difficult to guarantee that she would remain beside him instead of Peter. So Alexis was going to confess everything when Kathleen trusted him a little more.

As per the Imperial Palace, the emperor would live for a few more years anyway, so there was still time.

“When the child is a little older, let’s go down to a local estate and spend the summer.”

He said it like a joke but Kathleen didn’t answer. She didn’t seem happy, but she also didn’t refuse. Alexis was satisfied with that alone. He beckoned Emily, giving her Luci and said.

“I should get going now. See you at dinner.”

He hurried out of the bedroom before he could hear Kathleen’s refusal.

Her attitude had changed a bit since the old misunderstanding that he had a mistress was cleared up, but he still didn’t feel at ease. Alexis didn’t want to see her push him away or be disappointed.

‘Have you heard from him yet?’

Fortunately, that priest didn’t appear to have contacted Kathleen just yet, but if she doesn’t accept his offer in the end, it means he’ll be greedy enough to try something else.

The corner of Alexis’ lips twisted strangely.

‘He’ll probably offer whatever price to have her safely delivered to him.’

His steps toward the office accelerated. He had been staying in Meyer for a while now, so there were many reports from the local estates. He had to work a little bit more to attend the Crown Prince’s coming-of-age ceremony tomorrow.

‘Can I not die?’

With that sudden thought, his hand, which had been busily signing back and forth as he reviewed the reports on the management of the estates, stopped.

He did not know that he would struggle just to sustain a decent life. Until now, it didn’t matter if he died or not, but that has changed.

‘If there’s no way, can I at least die a little later?’

The small amount of poison flowing through his veins was now in a quiet state, but he didn’t know when it would act up again. Ever since he returned from the battlefield, he had been eagerly waiting for his blood to harden and his heart to stop beating. Thus, nothing would have made him happier than if the emperor and the empress died miserable deaths just like his mother.

But he now had lingering attachments. He ridiculously longed for Kathleen, who was unaware of this abhorrent desire, to live safely and happily.

He cleared his thoughts and continued to sign.

He was going to wait a little longer. If she looks at him again like she did before, she won’t leave even if he confesses the truth about everything, and then they would be able to leave Meyer with the child and be safe.

It was already evening when he finished handling the urgent matters. It was still too early for the meal to be ready, but these days, the child was very active and often hungry, so he used to eat first. Kathleen might have come down early.

“Master, you’re here?”

As he entered the dining room, Emily, who was with Luci sitting in the baby chair, greeted him. He looked around, but Kathleen was nowhere to be seen. Emily noticed who his gaze was looking for, and she added quickly.

“Madame will be late as she is preparing the formal attire to wear in a few days, so I came down with the young master first. I will tell them to prepare your dinner right away.”

He heard that Luci was done eating baby food and was now at the stage of eating solids, but there was still only a plate of soup on the table. They seemed to be waiting for the steaming soup to cool down enough for the child to eat.

Unsatisfied with that, Luci waved the spoon in his hand. Alexis walked over to the boy and said.

“No. I’ll wait. Bring the child’s meal too.”

“Yes, Master.”

Emily turned around and the child who was playing with the spoon reached out and touched the bowl on the table. As soon as the bowl of steaming hot soup slanted and poured, Alexis thought no further and grabbed it with his bare hands.

“Master!”

Emily exclaimed in surprise. Alexis frowned, put the bowl back on the table, and pushed the baby chair away from the table.

“Is the child hurt?”

It was hot because the soup spilled on his palms, but it was bearable. Emily took her handkerchief out and wiped it off, but she was horribly surprised.

“The y-young master is fine, but the master’s hand… I’ll bring Dr. Cabel!”

After Emily ran out, she looked and saw that his right hand was red and blistering.

It was difficult to say that he was injured like this, but he had to wear a bandage because he had to go to the Imperial Palace tomorrow. He was upset, thinking that the Empress would be delighted by this, but he was relieved that the child was not hurt. He was used to a wound like this, but not that child.

Luci did not understand what was happening and began to whimper as if he was hungry. As Alexis held the child in one arm, the door swung open. He turned around just as Kathleen walked but then stopped on the spot. Her gaze turned to Alexis’ hand and the messy table.

“The child is not hurt.”

He said it because he already expected her to be worried, but her face hardened. She hurried closer to him and pulled the flowers out of the vase on the table and held it out.

She asked when Alexis only stared at her blankly.

“Why did you do that?”

Her voice trembled slightly. Unlike before, Alexis knew for sure now. She was angry.

He looked closely to see if he had unintentionally touched the child with his soup-soaked hand, but the child’s clothes were clean. He was going to ask why, but Kathleen roughly pulled his hand out and poured the water from the vase. As the cold water came into contact with his skin, the burning sensation faded a little.

The child wasn’t hurt, and he couldn’t figure out why, but he liked the hand that held him so he didn’t say anything.

Moments later, Dr. Cabel arrived and completed a simple treatment. He wasn’t seriously injured as expected.

“Emily, take Luci upstairs and feed him.”

Emily immediately grabbed Luci and took him with her. She was stunned for a bit because Kathleen would have normally taken care of the child’s meal herself.

Kathleen looked at him without a word. To be precise, her gaze was directed at his hand wrapped in bandages.

Alexis said, switching the tableware over to his left hand.

“Eat. You are hungry.”

“How could you do that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Pretending to be okay even though you’re hurt.”

There was confusion at the end of her words.

His heart felt heavy. He stayed calm because he was so accustomed to the pain he felt whenever the poison rushed through his veins. Did he have to pretend to feel hurt like everyone else? What if she becomes disgusted because he was an abnormal person who couldn’t even feel pain?

“Because the child didn’t get hurt.”

So he changed the subject.

“So I am fine.”

Kathleen would suffer if the child got hurt. That’s why Alexis didn’t hesitate whilst knowing that the hot soup would pour onto his hands.

Her eyes quivered as if in conflict. Throughout the meal, he tried to ask something, but he stopped. Alexis waited patiently.

Kathleen, who had been silent until they had finished eating and was headed to her bedroom, did not open her mouth until she reached the end of the stairs.

“When they see the Duke’s hand at tomorrow’s banquet, there will be a lot of people talking about it. Do you still have no regrets?”

“I do not.”

He answered briefly. He grabbed her hesitant white hand at once, pressed his lips on it, and added.

“So don’t worry. I do not care.”

She trembled but didn’t pull her hand away or get angry. Alexis was engulfed with a strange excitement.

Kathleen may have been angry because she was worried about me.

He started to feel like a madman at that thought. As long as she cared about him, he was fine getting burned over and over again.

He kissed the back of her hand slowly once more.

As long as she stayed by his side like this every day, there was nothing else he could wish for.