If I Can’t Be Your Wife - Chapter 75

Kathleen said to Emily.

 

“We have to pack our luggage now, Emily.”

“What? Luggage?”

“It’s time to leave.”

 

Emily looked shocked as she became aware of the nanny by her side. Kathleen simply added.

 

“Now that Luci is well, we can’t postpone the visit to the local estates. His Highness the Grand Duke must have already had a plan ahead of time but couldn’t schedule it because of us.”

“Oh, that’s what you meant?”

“Yes. We just need to bring simple things. His Highness said that he has already prepared everything in the Grand Duke’s castle.”

“I see. Then I will start preparing today, Madam.”

 

After quietly nodding her head, she approached Luci, who was running around in the garden.

 

“Mom! That.”

 

Luci pointed to a cage as he smiled brightly at his mother. He wanted to see the bird up close, so he meant for Kathleen to bring the cage closer. Kathleen lowered the cage just as the child desired.

 

The sparrow, which Alexis had recently caught from the forest and presented to her, cried in a high-pitched voice anxiously. Luci looked through the cage as if bewitched by the small, round little bird of pale olive color, and then turned his head towards her.

 

“Bird, take out, please.”

 

He didn’t say it properly, but what the child wanted was clear. From the moment she received the bird, he seemed to like it so much that she had expected he would want to touch it. Kathleen carefully opened the door to the cage and grabbed the sparrow out.

 

“You have to be careful because it might fly away.”

“Ungh. Let it fly.”

“Then, Luci won’t be able to see it anymore.”

“Birds are in the sky.”

 

Unlike usual, Luci was being stubborn. Kathleen asked again, confused.

 

“Didn’t you like this bird? You said it was pretty.”

“Because it’s pretty, you have to let it fly.”

 

It was not meant to be locked up just because he wanted it, but to be free so that it could live as was its nature.

 

At that clear truth, Kathleen let go of what was in her hand. The sparrow hesitated, but soon flew away.

 

“Mom, bird flies!”

 

Luci didn’t seem to regret it at all. She could only find overwhelming joy in his voice.

 

‘You’re a different child from your dad.’

 

Engulfed with emotions, Kathleen hugged Luci tightly.

 

“That’s right. Let the bird go and we can play with another toy. Okay?”

“Yes!”

 

After playing with her child, she returned to the bedroom and found Alexis waiting. Luci was glad to see him for the first time in a few days after waking up, so Luci ran straight away and hugged him.

 

“Dad!”

“Did you have fun?”

 

He held the child a little awkwardly but in an affectionate manner, then told Kathleen.

 

“I have obtained permission from His Majesty to inspect the estates. I’d like to go to Mullen first, what do you think?”

 

If it was Mullen, that was the location of the most recently renovated castle. It was not too far from Meyer, so it wouldn’t be too difficult to leave for the north.

 

“We will start the tour from there, then going down, we will stay at the other estates once, and then go back up to Meyer.”

“Yes, it doesn’t matter. Luci is fine now.”

 

It will become increasingly difficult if she fails to escape from Mullen. All the other territories were below Meyer. The farther they were from the north, the greater the chance of being caught during the escape.

 

‘I’ll need to aim for the last day in Mullen.’

 

By then, the sense of relief of having successfully completed their first visit to an estate will weaken his vigilance.

 

“But Luci, why didn’t you bring the bird to the room?”

 

Alexis asked as he lowered the child on the sofa.

 

“I thought you liked it.”

“The bird wanted to fly, so I sent it.”

 

Then Luci said clearly.

 

“Beautiful, wings.”

 

Wings that could never be spread when locked in a cage. The cute little wings of mixed yellow and olive color seemed to have left a deep impression on the child.

 

“…I see.”

 

Alexis was speechless, as if he had realized something. Kathleen hurriedly told Emily to take the child and change his clothes.

 

“Will you be fine, Your Highness? You haven’t had rest since the coronation so I’m worried about leaving immediately to inspect the estates.”

 

She couldn’t let him think deeper. Until now, she deliberately refrained from going out so as not to raise suspicion and stayed only in the mansion to reassure him. But if he suddenly changes his mind and says that he would not leave for the estates, it would be a setback.

 

“Leaving with you is rest.”

 

Fortunately, Alexis didn’t seem to have any intention of changing his mind.

 

“I’m not going to have to attend court meetings for a while, so I can rest and come back.”

 

Somehow, she felt exhausted by those words. He extended his hand to Kathleen. When she held his outstretched hand, Alexis pulled her towards him and hugged her.

 

Unlike before, the eyes, that were full of warmth, looked directly at her. Kathleen lowered her gaze.

 

“Actually, I have a question for you.”

 

The end of his words seemed unsure, it was unlike him.

 

“What is it?”

 

After fiddling with her flowing silver hair for a while, Alexis asked.

 

“Will you wear mourning clothes when I die?”

“What are you saying all of a sudden?”

“I’ve been curious about it for a long time.”

 

All of a sudden, she remembered the time when she thought Joseph was dead and recalled dressing in black to protest in front of him.

 

Did that stay on his mind? She was dumbfounded and was about to laugh. He did something wrong to Joseph twice and he’s jealous…?

 

“I have to.”

 

Kathleen struggled to suppress her feelings and responded calmly.

 

“The Grand Duchess has to wear mourning clothes.”

“That’s a relief.”

 

He smiled faintly.

 

“I thought you’d probably throw a party.”

 

Her heart sank, and an uneasy feeling crept up.

 

“Why do you keep saying things like that?”

“It’s just. I gave you a hard time and didn’t even look back.”

“…..”

“I wish I hadn’t done that in the first place.”

 

He murmured like a sigh and kissed her silver hair.

 

“I won’t do that in the future.”

 

Kathleen bit her lip at his whisper. He sounded sincere, but he still hasn’t told her the truth.

 

Her heart was beating like it was going to explode. She couldn’t tell if the cause was resentment, hatred, or sadness.

 

In the end, he lost his chance.

 

“Please tell me you’ll stay by my side like this.”

“……I will.”

 

Kathleen did not resist the arms around her. For Alexis Walten, she had to be a bird trapped in a cage. Until they reach Mullen.

 

***

 

After a few weeks.

 

On the morning of their departure from the Grand Duke’s residence, Peter came to visit.

 

“I thought I should say goodbye to my nephew.”

 

She thought she wouldn’t be able to see her, but she was glad that she did. Kathleen carried Luci and walked over to Peter.

 

“I’m glad I got to see you before we leave.”

“I’m sorry. I should have come to see you earlier, but I could only come now because of some affairs.”

“It’s fine. I was also busy packing our things that I couldn’t ask for an audience.”

 

Peter laughed and shook her head.

 

“It’s okay. Come on, Luci. Don’t grow too big before we see each other again, okay?”

“Ung.”

 

Peter tried to carry him, but she couldn’t because it was still early in the morning and the child was still asleep. He was clutching onto Kathleen’s sleeve and seemed to be sleep talking.

 

“Luci. His Majesty is here. You have to say goodbye.”

“Just leave it. He’s still a child, so what does he know?”

 

Peter refused, but Kathleen felt sorry. If she leaves now, she may never see him again.

 

She grabbed the hem of Peter’s robe as she turned to say farewell to Alexis. She extended her hand out as if asking for a handshake.

 

“Take care, Peter.”

“Kathleen?”

“Thank you. I won’t forget.”

 

At that moment, her golden eyes trembled as if she had realized something. Kathleen quietly nodded her head, and Peter grabbed her hand. She then secretly delivered her hidden note to Peter.

 

“Kathleen.”

 

Alexis was calling from behind her and the horses pulling the carriage were whirring.

 

She bowed to Peter, who looked at her with sad eyes, with the imperial etiquette. She whispered into her ear as she grabbed her arm and helped her get up.

 

“Goodbye, Kathleen.”

 

Peter said, stroking Luci’s head once more.

 

“Thank you. For being my friend.”

 

Hearing footsteps, Alexis approached. Peter hurriedly spoke to him.

 

“You must not stay too long. You know, right? Meyer still needs brother.”

“I will be back within the deadline.”

 

After his short reply, Alexis said to Kathleen and wrapped his arms around her shoulder.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

They headed for the carriage and Peter stood there until they left the Grand Duke’s residence. As for Kathleen, she stared intently at the window until she was gone from the view.

 

It took two and a half more days to get to Mullen.

 

It would take less than a day to reach the border of the Carmine Mountains from the capital, Meyer, so she would have to be undetected for at least three days before her escape would be successful.

 

‘I might have to search for ten days to get to the center of the mountains.’

 

Watching the peaceful passing scenery through the window, Kathleen laid out her plans. They will start staying in Mullen this week, so she was thinking that they would need to provide food or dry blankets for the homeless there.

 

“Have you ever seen a harvest?”

 

Alexis asked just as the drawbridge to Mullen Castle descended and they were about to enter the castle.

 

Winston’s estates suffered from blizzards all year round and were therefore barren and incapable of farming. Neither the nobles nor the commoners in Meyer did any farming, so it was highly likely that Alexis was expecting the answer that she had never seen one before.

 

But Kathleen had more experience than he thought. When she hid in Osole, they harvested crops and picked fruits in the fall. By the time she started living with Joseph, she also worked in a small vegetable garden with the help of the locals.

 

“No, I’ve never seen one.”

 

But Kathleen lied. Alexis was happy with the answer.

 

“You will see it in Mullen.”

 

He explained while holding Luci, who had just woken up and looked out the window curiously.

 

“There is a large garden behind the castle. You can plant fruit trees and have a vegetable garden. If you plant the seeds now, you will be able to see the fruits by the time we come up from the other estates.”

“I am looking forward to it.”

 

I won’t be by your side then.

 

Kathleen said eagerly.

 

“Then let’s plant apple trees. Luci likes apples.”