If I Can’t Be Your Wife - Chapter 79

“How are you here…”

 

Her voice trembled. She had never heard of Grand Duke Walten staying around while coming here from Mullen, so she thought he must have returned to Meyer. It was hard to believe that he was standing right in front of her.

 

“I initially thought you might have gone to Osole.”

 

He said in a low, hoarse voice.

 

“But it was a place I already knew, so I didn’t think you would have chosen it. Furthermore…”

 

Kathleen looked at him approaching her and backed away. Alexis, seeing her moving away from him as he took each step, stopped approaching her with a somber expression on his face.

 

“If you leave me, there is only one reason. It’s because of him.”

 

“……”

 

“You couldn’t have arranged to meet in advance, so it wasn’t difficult for me to conclude that you would be here. Besides, this is the only outpost nearby.”

 

She suddenly remembered that the fire in the fireplace was still lit. Even the items in the outpost were too neatly organized for rough night watchmen who would have stayed over.

 

As if driving prey, he saw right through her and waited here.

 

“…It was you who lied.”

 

Her whole body trembled. She couldn’t tell if it was because of the cold, if it was because she felt it unfair to be betrayed by him, or if it was because she was pathetic for foolishly trusting him again.

 

“You promised. You’re not going to hurt Joseph. That you will trust me completely. But you didn’t.”

 

The strong wind ruffled her hair as it blew past her. Kathleen wiped her hot tears roughly as she moved away from him.

 

“You tricked me, tied my hands and feet with magic stones, and drove Joseph away. Am I wrong?”

 

“Yes. You’re right.”

 

Alexis answered quickly.

 

“I didn’t believe you.”

 

A tone that sounded like desperation.

 

“I was wrong, Kathleen. Even if I look back hundreds of times, it’s my fault. I was afraid. I couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving me at any time… That’s why.”

 

“It’s too late. Just go back.”

 

He has already lost the opportunity he was given. Once the re-established trust was broken, it cannot return to its original form.

 

“Because I never want to see you again.”

 

“Kathleen…!”

 

When she turned around with him behind her, the knights lined up in front of her. Laughter came out.

 

“Are you going to tie me up again and put me in a cage?”

 

Even if he pretended to be genuinely asking for forgiveness, his nature did not change. He will constantly doubt and distrust her. Now it was just Joseph, there was no guarantee that it won’t become someone else later.

 

Kathleen didn’t want to be trapped in distrust and become a puppet who had to live only as she was allowed.

 

“It’s not like that, Kathleen. I’ll explain everything. So please come this way. Come back with me, no, you don’t have to go back. Give me a moment and I’ll explain everything.”

 

“That’s who you really are.”

 

He should have told her a long time ago. It’s not about pretending not to know.

 

“Don’t use poison as an excuse, Alexis Walten. You are the kind of person who only thinks of yourself.”

 

“That’s… What.”

 

“I was foolish to believe you would change.”

 

She would rather die of starvation at the outpost than go back with him like this.

As soon as she picked up the fallen firewood, the gate opened and Emily and Luci walked out.

 

“Dad!”

 

Luci recognized him and shouted warmly. Startled, Emily looked at Kathleen, holding the child in her arms to prevent him from running towards him. She raised her voice and said.

 

“Go back inside, Emily.”

 

Kathleen had just taken one step towards the post. Suddenly, a strong vibration rang out from the ground.

 

“Your Highness! It’s an earthquake!”

 

At the same time as the knight commander hurriedly shouted, the trees began to shake violently. The piled-up snow fell and there was a heavy reverberating sound coming from over the mountain. Signs of an avalanche.

 

“You must avoid it!”

 

At the moment the Knight Commander shouted again, the ground on which Kathleen was standing split open and one of her feet fell off.

 

“Ah!”

 

The firewood dropped from her arms and her body fell down in an instant.

 

“Kathleen!”

 

Alexis shouted and started running. Kathleen looked at Luci reflexively. Fortunately, Emily had brought her child back into the cabin.

 

‘Thank God.’

 

Even when she slipped, that thought came to her first.

 

“Kathleen!”

 

Alexis extended his arm with a pale face. Slowly, his fingertips brushed past her arm. Then the rift grew wider and wider and Kathleen was slowly falling. She felt something like a tree root beneath her feet. Kathleen supported herself using that as a step and grabbed a stone hanging above her.

 

“Take my hand.”

 

He shook away his knights and once again reached out his hand to her. It was a distance where he could grab her if she just stood up and stretched out her arm as hard as she could.

 

“Your Highness, the avalanche!”

 

Kurreung. It sounded as if a huge pile of snow was approaching. All the knights were holding on to Alexis saying they had to evacuate.

 

“Please, Kathleen…”

 

After pushing three knights away at once, he stretched out his hand towards her. Hot dripped onto Kathleen’s cheeks and rolled down.

 

Alexis Walten was crying. With a face she had never seen before.

 

She heard the sound of the tree root breaking under her feet. Kathleen reached out one of her arms and took his hand. Then relief crept across Alexis’ face.

 

“Take my other hand. Hurry.”

 

She said slowly.

 

“I want to get away from you now.”

 

“What?”

 

As soon as he asked, the tree root completely broke. As Kathleen’s feet floated in the air, she let go of his hand.

 

“No!”

 

Alexis’ screaming voice quickly faded away. The clear blue sky was getting smaller and smaller and her vision became obscured. Soon after, her body slammed onto something blunt and pain flooded in.

 

Kathleen lost consciousness.

 

***

 

Alexis knelt down on his knees with his arms stretched through the cracks in the ground, stiff and motionless.

 

She disappeared from his sight. Letting go of his hand.

 

Looking down at the depths of the ground that had swallowed his wife, he thought he was dreaming, but he realized it was reality when the murmur in his ear gradually turned into speech.

 

“No.”

 

He muttered blankly in a cracked voice.

 

“No, Kathleen…”

 

You said you didn’t want to see me. You said you were going back to the outpost with Emily. Then you should have done that. Why did you let go of my hand…

 

-I want to get away from you now.

 

The words she had said suddenly flashed through his mind. Alexis just realized then.

She thought death was better than returning to him.

 

It must mean that he was so abominable that she chose to die by herself even after having a son whom she loved more than anything else in the world.

 

He remembered the light blue eyes that looked up at him while holding his outstretched hand. They had no feelings of relief at all.

 

He felt suffocated, filled with despair.

 

He wanted to follow her into the darkness she had vanished into. He really wanted to ask if it was wrong to have her completely. And when Alexis leaned towards the half-open gap.

 

“Hold His Highness!”

 

The knights grabbed his body and held him down.

 

“Let me go!”

 

“Your Highness, we need to get out of here before the avalanche hits us!”

 

“I told you to let me go!”

 

Alexis violently shoved them away and tried to jump into the gap several times, but the Knight Commander hurriedly ran over.

 

“I’m sorry, Your Highness!”

 

He struck Alexis, who was being held down by four knights, on the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. Alexis’ knee staggered and he soon collapsed.

 

“Hurry up, move the Grand Duke into the outpost!”

 

“Yes! But what about the Grand Duchess?”

 

The Knight Commander looked down between the gap with a sad face. There was no longer a sound in the gap.

 

“It’s already too late. Our goal now is to protect His Highness and the young master and return to Meyer.”

 

The ground shook again, and again an ominous sound was heard in the distance. The knights hurriedly lifted the Grand Duke of Walten and evacuated.

 

***

 

As soon as Alexis opened his eyes again, what he saw was a familiar ceiling. The Grand Duke of Walten’s bedroom.

 

‘Was it… a dream?’

 

I think I had a painful dream, but I can’t remember.

 

With a hazy mind, he raised his body and looked around him. It was a peaceful morning with sunlight shining through the window.

 

“Dad?”

 

When he looked down at the weak force pulling on the blanket, he saw a child looking up at him. The round, light blue eyes resembling Kathleen were wet with water.

 

As he picked up the child and laid him next to his side, he thought.

 

‘Where is Kathleen?’

 

She wouldn’t have left her young son wandering alone.

 

There was also no Emily or nanny. He wondered for a moment, then Luci cried and said.

 

“Where is mom?”

 

“… What?”

 

“I don’t see mom.”

 

The child burst out crying. The moment he raised his arm reflexively to pat him on the back, a brief afterimage passed by.

 

‘A dream… no.’

 

His breathing slowed and his heart felt like it was being squeezed.

 

Kathleen Walten left me.

She said she never wanted to see me again.

She was terrified to return to living with me, so she killed herself.

 

As everything came back to the vivid reality, a beast-like howl came from Alexis’ throat.

 

“Ah… Aaaaah…”

 

Alexis staggered out of bed. He immediately had to find his sword and cut off his hand, which could not hold her. He had to cut off his head, who foolishly thought he could bound her and thought that he would make her understand if he had bought time.

 

And just as when he lowered the long sword hanging from the wall and pulled the blade out of the scabbard. The door swung open and someone ran in and grabbed his arm.

 

“What are you doing now!”

 

“Let go.”

 

“The child is watching. Put it down now!”

 

The word “child” made him loosen his grip. Peter didn’t miss that moment, took the sword and threw it on the floor. Alexis muttered.

 

“I have to go back. I must find her.”

 

“It’s not possible.”

 

Peter replied sullenly.

 

“It was fortunate that the Knights of Walten came back with brother and Luci. You cannot go north until the earthquakes are over.”

 

“I have to go. Kathleen… Kathleen must have been hurt.”

 

“… It’s too late, brother.”

 

Peter grabbed his arm and held him back.

 

“It is best to find her corpse later and recover it.”

 

Corpse…

 

He was sure that she was dead. Her death, confirmed by the emperor’s words, made Alexis fall to his knees.