If I Don’t Get Married I’ll Die - Chapter 39

“..…!”

 

I looked at Lhasa in surprise.

 

‘Does she know that I came back to life?’

 

Lhasa continued without explaining.

 

“You have to seize this opportunity with all your might. God wants His will realized through you.”

 

She wasn’t looking at me. Those eyes were looking at somewhere far distant.

 

Unlike her conversation with Brentian earlier, her voice was monotonous as if she was reciting a spell.

 

“You have to believe in yourself. Don’t hesitate to do what you think is right.”

 

After that, Lhasa’s eyes cleared.

 

She opened her eyes and said firmly, with a gaze that was clearly looking at me, unlike her gaze just now.

 

“Don’t keep relying on nothing. It may be sweet now, but it certainly will not benefit you. It will continue to make you weak. You have to cut it off—that thing hovering around you.”

 

“Nothing?”

 

I wanted to ask what it was.

 

I couldn’t quite understand what all this meant.

 

She took my hand and placed it on her chest.

 

“You have to find out for yourself what it is. No one can teach you.”

 

“I-I don’t know.”

 

Lhasa scolded as though she was telling me not to be weak.

 

“You have to find out. You have to figure it out. To survive, you need to be able to see everything clearly. To do that, you must become strong first.”

 

It was confusing.

 

Lhasa grabbed my shoulder and shook me—I seemed to have lost my confidence and dropped my gaze without even realizing it.

 

It was a touch that felt a bit harsh.

 

She made a terrible expression. Perhaps telling me to come to my senses.

 

“You are dying.”

 

“What does that…”

 

“You must not let death devour you.”

 

When people saw Lhasa and I talking seriously, they kept raising their heads up to look at us curiously.

 

Lhasa lowered her voice even more so that the others could not hear.

 

“I can’t tell you everything. But I can give you a clue. Remember my words well.”

 

Then she let out a deep sigh and patted my shoulder.

 

“You’ve suffered a lot. You’ve done well.”

 

Her eyes suddenly turned red. It looked like it was out of pity for me.

 

I didn’t even know what she was talking about but seeing her like that made me tear up too.

 

Lhasa squeezed my hand firmly and said, “Don’t forget the hint I will show you.” she emphasized, then got up and went to the chieftain’s side.

 

‘Hint?’

 

How in the world, and when are you going to show me?

 

I watched Lhasa’s behavior carefully.

 

Lamia whispered beside me.

 

“What did that person say?”

 

The other maid next to me also approached me inquisitively.

 

I shook my head.

 

“It’s nothing. She congratulated me on coming here and wished me well.”

 

At my words, the two straightened their bodies that had leaned toward me, finding it trivial.

 

I carefully observed Lhasa’s actions, but Lhasa, who said she wanted to show me something, busily chatted with Kalius next to the chieftain as if she had not told me so.

 

‘Did she forget?’

 

I thought it would be better to visit her secretly and ask her the details.

 

The chieftain asked his tribesmen to bring food to serve the guests.

 

Soon after, baskets full of raw goat meat, meat soup, cheese made from goat’s milk, and corn dough were ready.

 

The tribesmen hung a large pot of soup over the stove and boiled it while simultaneously cooking the pot.

 

The heat leaking out from the side sizzled the meat on the skewer.

 

Corn dough was spread out on a flat earthenware dish like a tray and cooked over charcoal from an oven.

 

While continuing to observe Lhasa’s behavior, I marveled at the people who were busy moving about and cooking.

 

‘That’s how food is made.’

 

I’ve never stepped foot in a kitchen from the moment I was born.

 

Far from knowing how to cook, it was my first time seeing the process of transforming food ingredients into dishes.

 

‘I thought you could make soup just by adding water to meat.’

 

There was a lot more in the soup than I thought.

 

‘What kind of powder are they adding?’

 

The cook kept putting different colored powders from cloth bags into the soup and sprinkled them over the meat.

 

They also added what looked like leaves or grass.

 

Every time that happened, the smell of food strangely changed into something different.

 

Before Lhasa and Kalius came, the chieftain had been telling us about the nomadic life.

 

He said that in order to lead a nomadic life, one must live without owning many things, hence the Uttar people did not have many utensils.

 

They took all kinds of containers from their respective Kerrs and distributed them to the people, but the number was far from sufficient.

 

I was able to get a proper soup bowl with the party’s concession, but not everyone was like that.

 

Some people used cups instead of bowls, while others used trays or pot lids as bowls.

 

The people who were cooking poured out plenty of meat soup in their own bowls.

 

‘They don’t have tableware.’

 

I waited for the utensils to be handed out, holding the soup bowl in my hand, as the Uttars did.

 

But they started eating without utensils; a meat skewer in one hand and a bowl of soup in the other.

 

‘With bare hands…?’

 

On the other side of me, I could see Kalius smiling at my bewilderment.

 

He performed a demonstration conveying that I should try it once, but when he saw me hesitating, he burst into laughter.

 

That teasing laugh made me try harder.

 

‘I can do it too.’

 

Showing off, I closed my eyes and bit a piece of meat off the skewer.

 

The meat covered with spices had a fragrance and taste that I had never tasted before.

 

In addition, the sensation in my hand was very strange.

 

It was hot and tender, and the powder sprinkled on it made it gritty.

 

‘Eating meat with bare hands.’

 

I, who had been forced to eat less food, was used to eating very little.

 

However, this strange new food and unconventional way of eating doubled my usual appetite.

 

Even though Lhasa’s words disturbed my heart, my appetite was strong. It was so strange.

 

While eating the meat wildly, the corn bread was done.

 

‘It looks too flat and tough to be called bread.’

 

Lhasa held the basket of bread on her arm and handed it out to the people herself.

 

“There is plenty of meat, but not much bread. Since we don’t farm, it’s not easy to get grain.”

 

Bread, broken into bite-sized pieces enough for one person, was given to most of those sitting in a circle, one at a time.

 

The bread in the basket quickly disappeared.

 

Sure enough, the bread was short and one person did not receive it.

 

It was Andrew, a knight sitting next to Alex.

 

“I have no bread for you.”

 

Lhasa showed him an empty basket.

 

A tribesman tried to give Andrew his bread.

 

However, Lhasa shook her head silently and prevented him from doing so.

 

“Each person has their own share.”

 

Then she spoke calmly to Andrew.

 

“Do not covet bread that is not for you.”

 

It seemed that she was telling Andrew, the only one who did not receive bread, not to feel wronged. It’s not like he was particularly greedy.

 

Andrew smiled shyly and said he didn’t want bread.

 

“I don’t mind not eating. The other dishes are good enough.”

 

“Indeed, that’s how it should be.”

 

Lhasa nodded and returned to her seat.

 

The mealtime went on leisurely.

 

Vanessa, who had run out of the Kerr earlier, sneaked back inside. Her nose was frozen red. It was only natural as she would have had nowhere to go.

 

The Uttar tribespeople were also willing to share their meat skewers and soup to her.

 

Vanessa pursed her lips seemingly displeased that she didn’t have a proper bowl.

 

She even frowned when she realized she had to eat with her bare hands.

 

But she did not forget that she had been humiliated for complaining just a moment ago, and this time she chewed her food and swallowed it without saying a word.

 

Then I clearly saw Lhasa asking one of her tribesmen to slip their own cornbread to Vanessa.

 

‘Huh?’

 

The others didn’t seem to notice because they were eating.

 

‘A while ago she forbade sharing it to Kalius’ knight.’

 

Lhasa’s words and actions were full of things I could not comprehend.

 

Then I met Lhasa’s eyes.

 

She glanced at the cornbread in Vanessa’s hand and smiled oddly.

 

As though she had shown everything she had to show.

 

***

 

Nighttime with the Uttars came quickly.

 

As soon as the sun went down, they assigned beds and laid down on blankets made of animal skins.

 

Surprisingly, everyone in the party, both male and female, had to sleep in the chieftain’s Kerr.

 

‘We’ll all sleep together?’

 

I somehow managed to eat with my bare hands, but this bit was a little uncomfortable for me.

 

I was restless when I saw the space that the chieftain’s wife had arranged for me.

 

Based on the setup, the spaces for Lamia and my maids were on the left, and the spaces for Kalius and his men were on the right.

 

Just like how we sat around a table during a meal, it was the same way when we lay down.

 

‘It’s uncomfortable……!’

 

I stood awkwardly and paced around, Kalius beckoned me to lie down, unaware of how I was feeling.

 

“The leather duvet is quite soft and warm.”

 

“Yes……”

 

I reluctantly sat down.

 

What can I do? I can’t ask for a solitary room and have them build another Kerr, and I can’t ask everyone out and occupy this wide Kerr alone.

 

When I sat down, the hesitant maids sat down as well.

 

We glanced at the knights who took off their armor and prepared for bed wearing only comfortable underwear.

 

It was not my first time seeing a man wearing only underwear, but seeing so many men doing it all at once made my face flush.

 

‘How can everyone be so nonchalant…’

 

Then Kalius lay on his side and looked up at me.

 

“Are you going to keep peeking at the naked bodies of other men when your new groom is lying right next to you?”