If I Don’t Get Married I’ll Die - Chapter 42
We stared at each other for a long time.
I was caught in his golden eyes.
Surprisingly, the person I was looking at and my expression in his eyes were very similar.
Is he doing that as I look at him and myself at the same time?
In all the times I looked in the mirror, I never found myself beautiful.
All of my flaws—a scrawny body, dry lips, and pale skin—they were all visible.
However, my reflection in Kalius’ eyes was different. I was beautiful, unlike in the past.
I wasn’t wearing a fancy dress nor was I wearing stunning makeup, yet I looked cute and pretty even though my hair was disheveled.
‘Perhaps I am mistaken.’
For a while now, my heart had been beating like it was about to explode.
This must be the cause of the rapidly circulating blood that heated up from my fingertips to my toes.
The side of my face near the bonfire burned.
As I pondered over what to say in this lengthy silence, without realizing it, the word hot came out of my mouth.
“L-Lhasa’s Kerr is very hot.”
I was startled by my words.
‘Am I allowed to say this now? Was that rude?’
I observed Kalius’ eyes as I tried to remember if I had ever learned the right words to say in a situation like this.
I recall reading books on etiquette when I was young and memorizing appropriate expressions for all kinds of situations, but no matter how hard I try to think about it, I never learned what to say in times like this.
I fanned my face with my hands as it seemed to be getting hotter, but it was to no avail.
Kalius laughed as he looked at me in my embarrassment.
His eyes twinkled so exquisitely that I was stunned momentarily.
“Seeing that Lhasa is not coming, it seems that her outing will take a bit longer.”
Come to think of it, I had completely forgotten that I was here because I had something to ask Lhasa.
“Shouldn’t we go find Lhasa? It’s quite late. I’m worried.”
“Let’s talk to the chieftain. If Lhasa had planned to do something, she would have told the chieftain in advance.”
He stood up and held out his hand to me.
“You’ll have a chance to meet Lhasa before we depart, so shall we go to bed tonight?”
I grabbed his hand and raised myself.
I thought my body was hot, but his hand was even hotter. Hot enough to pass through the thick Nyak leather.
Kalius didn’t let go of my hand even after I had stood up.
We held hands tightly as we walked back to the chieftain’s Kerr.
The blizzard had calmed down before I knew it, and the surroundings were quiet.
Kalius pointed to the sky.
“Do you like stars?”
“Stars? Oh my……!”
I looked up and exclaimed.
Countless stars adorned the clear night sky, as if they were about to pour down.
“Incredible!”
Kalius laughed out loud as he watched me exclaim in delight.
I bent my neck as much as I could and tried to capture the whole sky from one end to the other.
Then I lost my balance and fell.
“Oh my……!”
Psssh!
My body was buried in the thick snow.
I was shocked, but it wasn’t painful.
Luckily, the piled up snow was as soft as a bed.
Kalius, who was holding my hand but didn’t catch me as I fell, smiled naughtily.
“Are you alright?”
Asking me if I’m alright when he intentionally let me fall…
But I wasn’t upset with him.
It felt pretty good to lie down on the snow that had piled up enough for my body to fit into.
I looked up at the night sky with my body stretched comfortably as if I were lying on a bed.
“There really are so many, many stars. It’s as though we’re covered with a starry blanket.”
I mumbled dreamily.
“Lonheim is truly a marvelous place.”
A proud expression spread across the face of Kalius who was kneeling next to me.
He couldn’t hide his delight whenever I said something nice about Lonheim.
“You said you lacked qualities as a leader, but I think you are a good enough king.”
“……Yes?”
He wore a rare puzzled expression.
“You love your kingdom so much. I can feel that in Kalius.”
“Is that so?”
“Lonheim has a good king. Unlike Arental.”
I tried not to needlessly think of my father in this good atmosphere.
Kalius said cautiously.
“You used the word king.”
“I didn’t think there was a more accurate word than that.”
I sat up and looked at him.
“I wish for you to get your country back. Sincerely.”
I just thought of exacting revenge and getting rid of my grudge.
But at this moment, my goal has changed a little.
I thought that I wanted to go further than my original goal and recover what this person lost through my revenge.
I wanted to see him sit on Lonheim’s throne, not as its viceroy, but as its king.
I thought of that with pure intentions for Kalius’ sake, but if that happened, it would be a very refreshing revenge on Andrea too, so I’d be killing two birds with one stone.
‘Andrea’s face will be worth seeing.’
Just the mere imagination made my heart swell.
‘Am I capable of doing such a tremendous thing?’
I was worried, but the expression on Kalius’ face gave me courage.
‘Wouldn’t it be possible if I was with this person instead of by myself?’
I clenched my fists.
‘I’ll try my best.’
Didn’t Lhasa also advise me to do my best?
‘I can do it. I think I can do it!’
I couldn’t resist the sudden overwhelming feeling and grabbed both of Kalius’ hands as I vowed.
“I will help you.”
His eyes shook slightly.
“I will help you reclaim your country.”
It was a promise and at the same time, my resolution.
* * *
When we returned to the chieftain’s Kerr, everyone was still asleep.
When we opened and closed the door, cold air came in and woke one of the knights sleeping near the entrance, but he quickly fell back asleep when he saw me with Kalius.
The Kerr without a single light was pitch dark, probably because there was no longer firewood in the brazier in the middle that was lighting the Kerr’s interior.
I fumbled around, not knowing where to step, but Kalius led me.
If it weren’t for him, I would have had to sleep sitting by the entryway.
Kalius took me to my spot then went to the chieftain and whispered about Lhasa.
I laid down but couldn’t sleep easily.
The long conversation I had with Kalius and the promise I made to him floated around in my head, keeping my mind awake.
‘I can’t sleep.’
My heart was beating so hard that I couldn’t stay still.
I had been suffering from insomnia from the moment I returned.
‘I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep any more today.’
While I was thinking about that, after talking with the chief, Kalius returned and lay down next to me.
“Lhasa decided to come back after dawn. Not far away from here is a memorial hut shared by nomadic tribes so you don’t have to worry about her going there.”
“I see.”
After that, Kalius seemed to have quietly fallen asleep.
I constantly fidgeted next to him.
But then Kalius, whom I thought was sleeping, suddenly patted me on the shoulder.
‘……?’
His touch was clumsy, but it was gentle.
It wasn’t just Kalius who was clumsy. I was also not good at being patted, so my body stiffened at his touch.
I couldn’t move as my mind focused on my shoulder and felt uncomfortable in my posture.
The patting hand would probably stop if I wriggled just a little, so I stayed as still as if I were dead.
I thought it would be nice if this kind of warm touch continued forever.
I held my breath and listened to Kalius’ regular breathing.
‘I think he’s a good man.’
I knew I couldn’t trust my eyes, but somehow I couldn’t stop thinking that.
‘I think I like this person.’
I was worried what Cal would think if he were to hear this.
‘I’m sure he’ll tell me to come to my senses. He’ll certainly tell me not to trust someone so quickly.’
I made up my mind while thinking of the nagging Cal.
‘Let’s keep it a secret.’
I had never kept a secret from Cal, but after returning, I now had a second secret. The first was, of course, the fact that I had regressed.
I still felt Kalius’ pats.
Every single hand movement filled me up one by one.
Tonight, I closed my eyes thinking that I would not be able to fall asleep.
But when I opened my eyes again, it was after dawn, and I had to go through unexpected shame.