If Only I Could Disappear - Chapter 15

Edmund Lez Setton Mendez looked at Sotis Marigold Mendez.

The one and only empress of the Mendez Empire and the daughter of Duke Marigold.

Edmund would always be immersed in a complex and unpleasant mood of sorts whenever he saw her. He disliked those water-coloured eyes that looked like tears were about to pour out, the composure that wouldn’t waver in spite of the taunts, and the composed and refined attitude and wise manner of speech. He recalled the past.

“I hate Sotis, Your Majesty. Why is it that Sotis must be the empress?”

“But it can’t be helped. In the first place, an emperor can’t only do as he pleases, Edmund. The Duke of Marigold’s condition was to make his daughter the empress. Sotis is smarter than Cheryl, the second child. If you aren’t left with many options anyways, wouldn’t it be better to preserve your dignity? “

Although Edmund was dissatisfied with everything, he agreed with the emperor that Sotis Marigold was much better than Cheryl Marigold. Desire wasn’t apparent within Sotis’ eyes at least.

However, he can’t tell the thoughts that people harbour with their outward appearances alone.

In Edmund’s perspective, the fact that Sotis didn’t have any shortcomings as an empress was akin to a double-edged sword. While a suitable woman being in that position would protect his dignity, the fact that the person that held his weakness will put down roots by his side instead of being kicked out made him uncomfortable.

Would Sotis truly love him? How long will her love for him last?

Edmund would always look at her composed face and try to gauge her emotions. Be it love at first sight or admiration, it would only last for a short while. Rather, such feelings were dangerous. As there was no such thing as feelings that remained the same eternally, and what was once hot with passion was bound to reveal a sharp reverse side when it cooled down.

“……Why do you hate me so much, Your Majesty?”

He remained silent, unable to answer that question immediately.

Whenever he saw Sotis, his pride was hurt. The more outstanding she became, the more he felt like his choice of pushing her away was akin to the whining of a child. Whenever Edmund pushed her away and treated her coldly, Sotis acted like she’d expected that, and even then she would endure it.

It was as though she was criticising him silently.

“You…”

It might have been a little better if Sotis was lacking as an empress. Despite this being a cowardly idea, Edmund always had that thought. If only he knew about her disgrace, just like how she was aware about his disgrace.

However, other than the fact that she became the empress due to a political marriage, Sotis didn’t possess any shortcomings. The aristocrats may look down on her secretly, but they kept their mouths shut at the policies she proposed. The commoners like the empress, who broke down the stereotype of aristocrats, and was genuinely considerate of them.

“Because there’s no reason to like you.”

Up till now, Sotis has remained an obedient empress that didn’t go against Edmund’s will, but… What if that wasn’t the case? What if she became vindictive due to the matter of the imperial consort, or due to how he treated her unkindly?

An empress that was intelligent and recalcitrant. Edmund wanted to kick her out before she became out of his control. Even if he cut her out heartlessly.

“Do you have to look at me so nonchalantly? If it weren’t for your father threatening the imperial family, we wouldn’t have gotten married, and I wouldn’t have to feel so discomforted. At this rate, how long can you, who have no offspring, continue to endure?”

“……”

“The imperial consort is pregnant. The imperial family’s first child. If I had known about that in advance, I wouldn’t have just placed her in the position of imperial consort. It’s about time for everything to return to their rightful places.”

“Rightful places…”

After picking up on the affectionless and inconsiderate words, Sotis looked up at Edmund’s face.

Sotis engraved that heartless face in her memory.

‘It’s better than I’d expected.’

Edmund’s sharp words didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. Perhaps it was because it was as she’d expected. After all, Edmund had never gone beyond her expectations. Be it in the good sense or the bad sense.

Maybe it’s because she felt much lighter after the long slumber. Since her body became lighter, her heart also felt lighter.

Sotis cut off the words that Edmund was going to add and asked.

“In that case, what will happen to me after I’m deposed?”

Edmund’s silence was a little longer than before.

If not at this moment, there wouldn’t be another chance to divorce Sotis. As such, it was the right thing to do, even if he was pushing it a little too hard.

However, divorce was much more complicated than he’d thought. Even after the divorce, the matters that followed wouldn’t be any easier.

While Finnier Rosewood inherited the Marquis’ name, her position in society is ambiguous as she’s an illegitimate child. It was unavoidable that Sotis’ assistance was required as she couldn’t even focus on state affairs.

Objectively speaking, if he put aside the full story, Sotis was a good empress. If she was cruelly kicked out, not only would it cause public resentment, the Duke of Marigold could also make revelations in retaliation.

How should he settle that?

While Edmund was troubled over that, Sotis spoke quietly.

“Your Majesty, I have something that I’d like to ask of you.”

“I’m listening.”

“In exchange for my acceptance of the divorce, please promise me two things. If you agree to do so, I will clarify that the divorce was agreed upon mutually when Your Majesty declares about it tomorrow. I will also do my best not to prevent my father from degrading the imperial family out of spite.”

Edmund was delighted and replied.

“If it’s reasonable, I’ll grant you your requests, Empress.”

Sotis was quite surprised at his calmer-than-expected appearance.

It’s probably because he’d been anticipating this moment for a very long time. The cumulation of the worst-case scenarios that had surfaced in her mind numerous times, divorce.

That’s why she could face it easily. Because she’d practised that terrible moment multiple times.

“Please give me time.”

Sotis said.

“If I am deposed and expelled from the Imperial Castle overnight, my father will oppose it the most. Please show consideration for my position by allowing me to step down for the sake of the soon-to-be born baby. It’ll be better if you say that I’ll be conferred as an imperial consort again after the divorce, but the conferment ceremony will be postponed due to my unwell physical condition.”

“……Yes, it does seem to be effective in persuading the duke.”

“If you’ll allow me to remain here in the meantime, I will help you with Her Highness, Imperial Consort Fynn’s work.”

This method was also taken for the sake of her younger sister, Cheryl Marigold. It also contained Sotis’s regard, as she didn’t want to make Cheryl miserable again, considering how she’d became the laughingstock of society because of how her sister became the empress without undergoing proper procedures.

If she preserved some of Marigold Duchy’s dignity, the duke would calm down and Cheryl wouldn’t be miserable. Sotis didn’t want to bear the brunt of Cheryl’s complaints any further.

“Alright.”

He was overjoyed. In any case, she didn’t even commit any huge mistake. Since she was being cooperative, there’s no reason for him to kick her out unpleasantly. Additionally, she had even said that she’ll assist with the duties first, so he didn’t need to ask for a favour.

“What’s the second?”

“Please acknowledge Lehman Periwinkle, the wizard from the Southern Kingdom of Beatum, as my personal guest. He is a distinguished guest that I’d invited to handle state affairs. My qualification for that would disappear if I’m no longer the empress, so please give him the same treatment as before and ensure that he wouldn’t be kicked out first.”

The emperor retorted sulkily.

“Someone might think I’m being hostile towards him. I’m also aware of the great power of the soul wizard from Beatum, even though it’s a small country. I won’t do anything on my side if he doesn’t act absurdly, so relax.”

Lehman Periwinkle.

Edmund recalled the man that he saw at the wedding. He had long brown hair, and a prominent pair of foreign spiritual eyes. He’d heard from hearsay that he had a naturally friendly and considerate disposition, but he gave a rather composed and cold atmosphere when he saw him at the banquet hall.

He should be the first to notice the changes in Sotis. Apparently he could communicate with souls, so perhaps he had conversed with Sotis.

To think that she’d acted like she wouldn’t let anyone near her. Edmund tilted his head and looked downwards at Sotis.

“Is there anything else that you require?”

Sotis responded cautiously.

“When I am settling the empress’s duties in Her Highness Fynn’s stead, will you grant me authority equivalent to that of the empress’?”

Edmund nodded his head upon hearing that kind of simple request.

“It will be the case as far as state affairs are concerned. However, your position will be ambiguous in society…”

A faint smile appeared on Sotis’ face.

“That doesn’t matter. My position in society has always been about the same, so it can’t worsen any further. If Your Majesty doesn’t raise your voice at me or insult me in public in the future, I won’t have a harder time.”

Those words made it sound as though Edmund was Sotis’ tormentor.

“……Have I given the empress a hard time?”

Sotis’ water coloured eyes stared at Edmund silently. Although she hadn’t affirmed  or denied it, the emperor that stood before her felt like he was shrinking slightly.

Sotis Marigold Mendez’s gaze was so direct that it was discomforting. Despite his cold treatment, she’d never raised her voice at Edmund, and looked much more mature than he did.

As such, when he stood in front of her, Edmund felt like he’d become an ignorant person.

“You aren’t denying it.”

“I have always done my best for you, Your Majesty.”

Sotis spoke plainly.

“But Your Majesty had never done so.”

“……”

“I’m not trying to blame you for what has already happened. That’s precisely why I decided to accept your request for divorce, as I don’t hold any more expectations from you anymore, Your Majesty.”

Don’t tremble. Sotis whispered to himself quietly. Don’t be nervous, Sotis. You’re fine.

“I’m also going to stop looking at Your Majesty’s back.”

Her voice shook as she announced the end of a long love, but it wasn’t as bad as she’d thought.

“……I see. Then I’ll entrust tomorrow’s matters in your hands, Empress. No……”

“……”

“You’re no longer the empress, Sotis.”

Sotis replied with a slight smile to Edmund, who had stopped treating me as an empress.

“I thought that I’d be quite sad, but it’s more relieving than I’d thought. Now that the divorce has been decided, I’ll tell you that I used to like you, Your Majesty.”

Those words caused him to ask with slight bewilderment.

“……You liked me?”

“Then, why do you think I’ve endured this position all this time, Your Majesty?”

“Well…… but there’s no reason for you to like me, is there?”

Sotis replied warmly and firmly to those words.

“But there wasn’t any reason for me to dislike you.”

“…….”

“While Your Majesty was looking at me as ‘Marigold,’ I was looking at Your Majesty as ‘Edmund.’”

“……Sotis.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Your Majesty.”

Sotis lifted her skirt slightly and curtsied.

It meant for him to take his leave now.

* * *