If Only I Could Disappear - Chapter 23

The season has come for the impatient flower buds to show off its small leaves, which were hidden throughout the long winter.

After busily dealing with the endless stream of issues, Sotis Marigold ended up falling ill. It was because she focused on work rather than resting after losing consciousness when her soul left her body, which wasn’t that healthy in the first place, for a month.

“Please take the medicine that’s at the bedside in the mornings and evenings. I’ve checked with the doctor, and it’s fine to consume it with other drugs.”

“……Okay.”

“I’ve already given the medicinal herbs that should be added into the tea to the maids. I’ll pay a visit again when your fever goes down, and examine your condition again then.”

“Alright.”

Sotis pressed on her forehead gloomily and replied helplessly. The quick-witted maids sent out the vitality sorcerers.

“Let’s leave Lady Sotis to rest. We will take care of her.”

“Very well. Please don’t worry.”

“There are more than one or two doctors that are taking care of her, and even a vitality sorcerer…”

As the maids began grumbling, Marianne, who dashed into the empress’ palace, spoke pantingly.

“Lady Sotis!”

Her cheeks were red, perhaps because she came in such a hurry. Even Sotis, who was lying down weakly, was slightly surprised at the sight of Marianne’s face and sat up.

“Why are you still here? You’re clearly supposed to set off soon…”

“I’ve delayed the carriage a little.”

“Didn’t you also say that this morning…”

“I delayed it even further!”

Marianne quickly approached to touch the back of Sotis’ hand, and sighed while wiping her forehead with a handkerchief.

“Your fever hasn’t gone down yet. The sorcerers skilled in vitality that I’ve brought are the best in the continent. So even if it’s a hassle, you must take the medicine and let them examine your condition frequently.”

“You don’t have to do this…”

“I have to do that much! The vitality sorcerers had mentioned that the flow of your body changed after waking up. When I asked the wizard, he said that it could be because your soul had left the body for too long. Do you know how unsettled I was when I heard that? And you’re ill from overwork…”

As Marianne continued chattering, her face eased slightly.

“But that’s alright. The wizard will be here soon! Even when I’m not here, the lord wizard will take care of you considerately, right?”

Each sentence she said was surprising, and the last sentence was also the case. Sotis got up abruptly, and held her forehead as she turned around.

“You… told him……?”

“Of course, I did say this. If you overdo it one more time, I’ll inform the wizard.”

Of course she’d done so. To be exact, she’d mentioned it three times.

Whenever she saw the exhausted Sotis give the uneasy Marianne a helpless smile, Marianne would say, “Don’t smile! You’re doing it on purpose when you know I’m weak against Lady Sotis’ smile!”

“When I’ve returned from my trip, I’ll ask everyone if you took your medicine, if you took a walk, if you ate proper meals. I’ve already bribed a maid, just so you know.”

The maid added.

“Yes, that’s me, Lady Sotis. I’ve decided to inform Lady Marianne about what Lady Sotis has been up to.”

Marianne’s nagging continued without pause afterwards. Perhaps because she’d forced the carriage’s delay with sophistry, she kept glancing outside nervously.

Marianne nagging went on zealously that Sotis’ ears hurt. However, everyone could tell each word contained obvious concern and affection for her. Sotis eventually smiled while waving her hand, telling her to go quickly because she’s fine.

It’s for her sake. How many people meant it when they said it’s for her sake? Through such honeyed words, the maids in the empress’ palace and Marianne were sincerely considerate of Sotis.

“Even if you smile like that, I won’t let you off easily. Do you think I’ll cave in if you smile like that? Well, it’s true, but it’s of no use this time!”

“Yes, Mari.”

“Even if you torment the maids thoroughly, make sure to……!”

“Okay, I’m really fine.”

“……I’ll be back soon, Lady Sotis.”

“Even if you take a long time, it’s alright, so be careful.”

The maids still had smiles on their faces even though they knew that Marianne was grumbling to Sotis. As they knew Marianne’s nagging was to relieve her anxiety, while Sotis was happy that Marianne was truly concerned for her.

After Marianne left as hastily as she was when she arrived, the maids served lukewarm tea and placed a cold and damp towel on Sotis’ head.

“Please rest for a little while. I’ll prepare thin soup for dinner. If you need to change because there’s too much sweat, please shake the bell beside you.”

“Mm.”

They all left with the sound of the tide rushing out at once, like it was low tide.

The bedroom within the empress’ palace became rather quiet like nothing happened. The only sound came intermittently from the ice that’s floating in the basin as it collided against each other. That clinking sound was closer to a whisper, and it seemed like only Sotis, who was lying down quietly, could hear it.

She seemed to have fallen into a light slumber. Or did she fall asleep? Through her vague consciousness, she picked up on the white noise through her ears.

Amidst them was a set of light and cautious footsteps.

“……”

In the beginning, Sotis thought that it was a maid that came to change her damp towel. But the hand that adjusted the blanket was large and warm, and Sotis’ lips curled upwards slightly in her sleep.

“Lehman.”

Maybe he had been in the vicinity of the empress’ palace ever since Marianne called him, but he continued staying as he wanted to let Sotis rest. Now that he was worried, he must have entered for a while.

“Please keep your eyes closed. If you’re really uncomfortable, I’ll turn around.”

Sotis replied to Lehman’s low voice with her eyes closed.

“You don’t have to turn around. If you can understand that I might fall asleep mid-conversation, please stay.”

“……”

The wizard hesitated before speaking.

“You’d mentioned that after the soul-related issues have been resolved, you’ll step down from your position and leave.”

“Yes.”

“Wouldn’t the Duke insist on going through the imperial consort’s conferment ceremony?”

“If I give a reason showing that it’s alright not to do so, he wouldn’t be as furious as he was previously. I’d resolved matters on my father’s behalf a number of times in the past, and I’ve also dealt with the multiple large and small scandals while managing the duchy’s assets. With that, even if Father is wielding that secret, I’ll be able to step down from that position.”

“……”

“Unlike me, my father is quite proficient at power struggles.”

Is it alright for you to do that, are you alright. He was unable to ask those kinds of questions.

She must have worked so hard to be able to say this. She, who’d struggled while bearing all the responsibilities, had to practise putting them down one by one for the first time in her life. For Sotis, this period of time must have been intense and difficult.

As such, Lehman decided to respect her choice, her pace and her feelings.

“Lady Sotis.”

He fell silent for a moment, and then asked in the softest voice possible

“When everything is over, and you’re free, where would you like to go?”

Sotis’ dry lips formed into a gentle smile and she replied.

“………Beatum.”

The words that left her mouth as she fell asleep was originally a sentence, but a few words disappeared before they reached his ear.

The single word that remained was enough to cause Lehman to waver.

Her voice, which was as faint as the wind, caused Lehman’s face to flush. The blush spreaded from the back of his neck to his cheeks, nose, forehead and ears.

Beatum, a small kingdom in the south. Lehman’s homeland.

Although it didn’t have a long history like Mendez did, nor was it that vast, in his eyes, Beatum was a rather comfortable and warm place without lacking in anything. The weather was clear all year round, the land was fertile, and the turquoise sea that surrounded the land in the form of a peninsula was beautiful.

He wanted to show Sotis the scattered sunlight ripple on the surface of the blue sea, and the clear, brilliant, and distant sea horizon.

No, truthfully, he wanted to stay beside Sotis as she watched that.

Not as the empress and her distinguished guest, nor as the deposed empress and his honoured guest…

“……That kind of place would be warm, right? I’m talking about the South. I’ve also been considering foreign countries these days. Crossing the border won’t be easy, but…”

“……Ah.”

Lehman smiled embarrassedly.

It wasn’t that she wanted to go to Beatum, but she liked a place that’s warm, like Beatum in the south. Even though she didn’t criticise him as she didn’t know what he was imagining, he felt rather ashamed of himself.

“Spring in Beatum is quite warm, Lady Sotis. In particular, there is a large flower garden surrounding the Periwinkle Magic Tower where I live, and it’s very beautiful when the butterflies gather there in spring. There’s also a lot of flowers that you can’t see here.”

As Sotis’ breathing gradually evened out, Lehman’s voice also became smaller.

“Lady Sotis would probably like it a lot when you see a small purple wild flower blooming on vines. It has a very beautiful colour. The name of that flower is…”

“……”

Instead of finishing his sentence, Lehman smiled slightly. It was because Sotis had fallen asleep, a relaxed expression on her face.

* * *

After confirming that Sotis was deeply asleep, Lehman went outside for a while. He went to the main palace, met with the garden’s caretaker, and it was fortunate that upon asking, the flowers that he knew of were brought in recently, and so Lehman was able to wrap a few flowers in a small paper bag.

He returned to the empress’ palace with brisk steps, and placed it down on Sotis’s bedside table.

“Lord wizard.”

Then, Sotis opened her eyes and looked up at him, like she’d heard his call.

Her water-coloured eyes were bright and clear as if it could be seen on the inside, but it’s depth was immeasurable. A plain smile appeared on her sad but affectionate face.

With a smile, Sotis asked Lehman, who was completely bewitched by her face.

“So, what’s the name of this flower?”

Lehman answered in a soft whisper.

“Periwinkle.”

“…….”

“In the language of flowers, it means ‘happy memories’. “

Actually, this was what he wanted to say.

If only I could become your periwinkle.

* * *