If Only I Could Disappear - Chapter 26

“Not a chance.”

The moment Edmund said that, the minute amount of hope or anticipation that blossomed in Sotis’ mind vanished in an instant.

She hadn’t even started stating her request. In her opinion, it wasn’t anything unreasonable. If he pretended that he couldn’t win, similar to when she accepted the divorce, he would also benefit from it.

But Edmund refused with his signature cold expression. He didn’t even listen to her words.

“……Your Majesty, I haven’t even brought up my request yet.”

“I know what you’re going to say, so is there a need for me to listen?”

Her hand gripped her skirt tightly. Sotis lowered her head slightly to prevent her disappointed expression from being seen.

“This suggestion isn’t disadvantageous to Your Majesty either.”

“I should be the one to decide that.”

Sotis sighed as he continued to be uncompromising.

“This problem has to be solved by someone anyways. Comparatively, it’ll be better for me to travel to and from the Imperial Castle.”

“Is this really for Mendez’s sake?”

Edmund’s sarcastic remark caused Sotis’ face to turn white.

“……what does that mean?”

“Think about it. The former empress came forward and solved the problem that the emperor and imperial consort had given up on. After the divorce, not only are you taking care of state affairs, you’re also cozying up to the spirit wizard of Beatum, who doesn’t easily render assistance to anyone? If there’s a rumour that you both share a special relationship on top of that.”

“……”

“Isn’t it the perfect environment to make a mockery of the imperial family?”

Sotis’ face turned pale, and soon flushed red. Her thin shoulders trembled with shame.

“Why must you always think in such a manner?”

“I was just saying there’s a possibility. You can’t deny it, can you?”

“Lord Lehman and I aren’t in a relationship of that sort!”

She balled her hands into fists and shouted.

“He’s just someone that stays out of the goodness of his heart. Your Majesty should also be aware of how significant Beatum’s support is internationally, right?”

“…Who knows.”

Edmund added without much consideration.

“My mind could change if Lehman Periwinkle was removed from the equation.”

Sotis quickly understood what that meant.

Edmund was conscious of Lehman’s presence. She didn’t know why, but it’s clear that he’d secretly investigated Lehman and came to a conclusion that he didn’t like him very much.

He’d promised her that he wouldn’t kick Lehman Periwinkle out.

“……”

The next moment, to Sotis’ surprise, she noticed the fact that she was disappointed. She didn’t know if this was because she had truly held a modicum of expectation towards Edmund, or it’s because she hated the fact that Lehman was put in a difficult position due to Edmund’s fickleness.

As such, she quietly recited something that she wouldn’t normally say.

“……Your Majesty genuinely thinks nothing of your promises to me.”

Edmund was about to explain further, but he paused. Sotis’s placid rebuke seemed to strike him in the chest.

Come to think of it, her words weren’t even wrong. Edmund was well aware of that fact. He has always been dishonest to Sotis. He was also human, and it would be a lie if he had never felt guilty, but he had become dull in that sense due to the repetitive situations.

Therefore, it was natural that he’d find this disturbance new.

“……Your Majesty.”

Sotis lowered her head and took a deep breath to endure her sorrow.

She thought that she didn’t bear any sort of hope. She was willing to endure situations that could be insulting to her. Of course, she didn’t have the confidence to throw away her responsibilities, which she was expunged from, but she could conclude that Edmund is acting as he wished without suffering any loss.

It was nothing much for Edmund to permit her request for Lehman’s presence. Wasn’t it a good thing instead? He could gain a reputation for maintaining a favourable relationship with Beatum’s wizard, who doesn’t frequently interact with other countries, and he could also solve the troubling matters in one go. Although he was speaking maliciously, even if Lehman and Sotis got along well, they were already divorced, so it wouldn’t lower the imperial family’s prestige.

And yet.

He couldn’t even keep his promise about this, and he was even trying to kick Lehman out.

In this imperial castle, those that came to the empress’ palace were the few allies she had, as well as the maids.

“Your Majesty asked me if you’d given me a hard time.”

Edmund avoided eye contact and said.

“Yes.”

“You’re right.”

Sotis raised her head. Her eyes turned red because she was holding back her tears.

“Your Majesty has given me a hard time.”

In the end, the transparent tears that she couldn’t hold back dripped down. Perhaps because she felt saddened by the fact that she was crying, Sotis lowered her gaze as she attempted to hold back the tears, but eventually, she was unable to endure her sorrow and covered her face with both hands.

“…Even so, I will not hate Your Majesty.”

As he looked at her face, Edmund felt even more frustrated. Wouldn’t it be better if she screamed and flared her temper, saying that he was being dishonest and that she’d make him suffer no matter what?

However, Sotis wasn’t the kind of person that acted like the Sotis in Edmund’s impression would.

“Resentment is a double-edged sword, and it seems to be directed at the other party, but the person that harbours such feelings would also become devastated at the process. As such, even saying this is heartbreaking and hard for me…”

“……”

“I’m going to shake it all off and accept it. Just like how I’ve done for a long time. I will not be angry at Your Majesty, nor will I become unhappy because of Your Majesty.”

Edmund swallowed down the impulse to urge her to stop crying.

“Lord Lehman is extremely active in this matter. Even now, he’s worried about the people of the Mendez Empire that are still suffering. He’s different from Your Majesty, who’s swayed by personal feelings and can’t see the larger picture.”

“Lehman Periwinkle might be someone completely different from the person that you know!”

Sotis looked up at the emperor silently and responded.

“Even so, it wouldn’t change me, Your Majesty. Your Majesty keeps treating me coldly, and pays attention to a kind of danger rather than the hundred possibilities present in my opinions and plans.”

“So that foreign wizard is better than me?”

“Even if he’s different from the person I know, like Your Majesty had mentioned, it doesn’t change the fact that he came to visit me while I had fallen unconscious.”

“I…”

“At that time, you were having a great time preparing for the wedding with Her Highness Fynn.”

“…….”

“Your Majesty. We’ve spent a long time together as a married couple, but during then, I was just following behind you breathlessly. But I don’t intend to do that anymore, and one day, I’ll turn my back towards Your Majesty and leave for somewhere else. It’ll be better for you to avoid meaningless disputes, at least until Her Highness Fynn gives birth to the baby safely.”

After speaking resolutely, which she’d rarely done so, Sotis took a deep breath.

“We’re going to lead completely different lives from now onwards. As such, you definitely wouldn’t do that, but don’t think of my departure as something regretful, or try to hold on to me.”

Even so, Sotis would surely waver helplessly. She wouldn’t return back to Edmund’s side, but her heart might fall into a deep abyss of pain.

She didn’t want that.

Sotis no longer wanted to be hurt by Edmund Lez Setton Mendez. The amount that she’d already received was enough to make it overflow.

Now, it was time for her to walk out of that old swamp.

“Please don’t change.”

Grief washed over her like waves, filled Sotis, and soon left her in a perfectly orderly manner. In the end, only she remained, standing firm on her own two feet.

Sotis spoke in a calm voice.

“No matter how you change, I will not take pity on Your Majesty.”

“Do as you please.”

Edmund growled. His feelings of irritation rose as the frustration that made his chest throbbed intensified.

He’d planned to tell her to cooperate with him as he’ll make Lehman Periwinkle leave as soon as possible. No, if she wasn’t going to cooperate, he had planned on telling her that Lehman could become a Great Wizard.

He wasn’t able to do that. As those words were stuck in his throat and wouldn’t appear, he became even more annoyed.

He didn’t know why he became softhearted at the last minute.

Right now, she was nothing. That indistinct woman, who he’d finished the divorce procedures with completely, who was without child, Young Lady Marigold.

Why did it seem like she’s slowly becoming more and more distinct. Why was she growing larger and larger?

“Please rest assured.”

At that moment, a gentle voice could be heard from beside the window.

“Lord Lehman?”

“My apologies. As Lady Sotis had said that she wanted to get some fresh air earlier, the window was opened, and I heard your conversation. I feel bad as it seems like my benefactor has gone through something pointless because of me.”

“……Hoh?”

As Lehman mentioned that a faultless person was rebuked, his voice was both warm and sharp.

He pulled back his long hair and gave Sotis a kind smile. But when his gaze turned towards Edmund, his expression turned stiff and cold.

“Ignorance would often give rise to anxiety, but I swear on my name and honour that I have no intention of harming Mendez. So let’s leave it at that for the time being. Wouldn’t it be alright to kick me out if something happens?”

Edmund looked at his amber eyes, which sparkled strangely, and replied dryly.

“There’s a presumption that you might have met the conditions to be a Great Wizard.”

“Your Majesty!”

Sotis shouted in surprise.

“As the emperor of a nation, it is necessary for me to point this out. Isn’t that so?”

A chilly silence descended upon the empress’ palace, as if spring hadn’t arrived.

Lehman stared straight at Edmund without looking away.

That this moment, the truth wasn’t the thing that mattered.

“Well, this is my first time hearing about this. It’s a rather refreshing and amazing feeling to hear rumours that I haven’t even heard of in my home country in Mendez.”

A handsome smile appeared on Lehman’s face.

“Aren’t rumours always rife everywhere? My teacher would feel rather happy to hear such words about me, who is lacking. As such, please rest assured, Your Majesty.”

When the person in question spoke so firmly, there was nothing else that he could say.

Edmund turned around without responding. Before they requested for him to take his leave, he wanted to leave the empress’ palace on his own accord.

He didn’t travel too far when he heard the sound of laughter. Would Sotis laugh out loud? He’d never seen her smile like that before.

He felt frustrated. For some reason, the gravel that he’d swallowed was pressed against his chest, and it felt like it was piling up under his feet, causing his steps to become heavier.

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